The Low Notes (24 page)

It was the first time Nina would be going to an infamous Hannah Bruckheimer party but James had been once last year when he was hanging around a senior named Andrew Furman. It was a mess Nina was sad to see James get mixed up in. Andrew wasn't out but he still wanted James around. They'd have their fun in secret but when Andrew's soccer buddies were around, James was the butt of every joke. Nina sometimes forgot James had had some rough times in school, too. She supposed everyone they knew had.

“
Is Nick coming to the party?” Nina asked.

“
How should I know?” he retorted.

She smirked to herself. James loved to pretend as though Nina couldn't see right through him. She didn't press him further. Letting him have a few secrets was one way to keep from feeling guilty about her own.

James turned onto 14th street and Nina felt a jump in her stomach. When The Black Jewel was in sight, she suddenly remembered where Hannah Bruckheimer lived. She whipped her head to the side to look down the street, his house just barely out of view. Then James turned just one street past The Black Jewel. Hannah's house was about two blocks down on the right.

Holy shit
, Nina thought. They practically shared a back yard. Her palms started to sweat as she thought of how close she was to Kevin at that moment. Of course James had no idea and Nina wasn't about to fill him in. He’d been keeping too close of an eye on her as it was.

Hannah's front yard was already swarming with teenagers. The music was loud but nothing Nina imagined would get the police called. Anxiety started to set in. She wondered if she'd have the will power to keep from heading to Kevin's house. James put the car in park a few houses down.

“
I see that look in your eye,” he said pointedly.

Nina tensed and gave him a worried sidelong glance from the passenger seat.

“
It's just a party. We aren't going to get
busted
and you don't have to do anything you don't wanna do. If it sucks, we leave. Now get the wrinkle out of your forehead or you’re going to need Botox,” James teased.

Nina tried not to smile, pursing her lips until the grin couldn’t be avoided. Glad he hadn't figured her out, she breathed out what remained of her anxiety and they climbed out of the car and headed toward Hannah’s house.

It was like all the other houses in that part of Wexley Falls, a medium sized Victorian that sat back off the street with a big, rounded front lawn. Sometimes a few steps took you from the sidewalk to a pathway to the front door, as it was in Hannah's case. Her house was a deep green with cream trim and a large dark oak door.

There was no need to knock or ring the bell. The door was standing wide open with a portion of the party happening on the front porch. Nina recognized most of the faces she saw but couldn't consider any of them friends. James and Nina headed inside with the masses and James immediately took Nina's hand, leading her to the kitchen.

Hip hop music was pounding through the house as Nina took in the sights of her fellow students dancing, or rather grinding on each other in the spacious living room. The kitchen was crowded but they managed to work their way in. The island was covered in various alcoholic drinks and mixers as well as soda and chips, snacks for everyone's taste. James filled a cup with soda for himself and looked at Nina for her choice. The bottles were too overwhelming and she really wasn't in the mood to drink.

“
I don't think I want to booze it up. I'll just have some of that punch,” she yelled over the music.

James grinned and seemed to chuckle to himself as he ladled the orange punch and its various bits of fresh fruit from the bowl into a red plastic cup before handing it to Nina.

She took a sip and tasted orange and pineapple juice with maybe a bit of cranberry splashed in. It would be the sugar rush she needed.

“
Let's find a spot,” James shouted near her ear.

She nodded and they snaked through the kitchen saying 'hi' to a few of their classmates along the way to the screened in porch where more people were hanging out.

“
Just the girl I wanted to see!” A voice rang out from behind Nina and she turned to see Todd with a beer in his hand. He threw his arm over her shoulder and tried to pull her close.

Nina glared at James with daggers in her eyes. She had no idea Todd would be there and to say he was the last person she wanted to see was an understatement. She shrugged out of Todd's hold and took a seat on the wicker loveseat James had claimed leaving Todd forced to sit across from her in a matching chair.

“
Doing a little drinking, Todd?” James asked sipping his soda, hiding a smirk.

Nina elbowed him in the rib evoking a huff.

“
Just loosening up a bit. Having fun. Nina, you used to have fun. What happened?” Todd's words were one long, slurred sentence she barely understood. She gulped the punch instead of answering.

“
Look at that, need a refill already,” she said hurriedly as she stood quickstepping toward the kitchen again.

Nina sighed when she was far enough away. Why did he have to be there? She could hardly stand seeing him in the halls, let alone want to socialize with him on a night when she was supposed to be having a good time. And what did he mean, she
used
to be fun? Nina filled her cup up to the brim with the citrus punch and took a few more gulps before topping it off again.

Nina was bobbing her head to the music as she walked back to the screened in patio. She searched with her eyes for James but she didn't see him anywhere.

“
Nick stole him away,” Todd slurred from the floor.

Nina looked down and saw him sitting cross-legged still nursing his beer. A heavy sigh rolled out of her as she plopped down on the floor next to him. She took the bottle from his hand and he let out a tiny groan of protest.

“
Nope, you're done dude,” she said firmly.

“
Sorry about the other night.” His voice was quiet and she glanced at him to see his head hanging low. She knew he was drunk but she felt bad for him. He looked pitiful sitting there like a kindergartener with a frown and his eyes lazily staring at the floor. She remembered the visceral response she’d had when he tried to kiss her the other night. Maybe Todd wasn't so bad. They’d had some fun together. He was good looking...for a guy her own age. It was hard to look past the summer and how he'd left her and never called. But she wondered if she had it in her to take him back. Maybe she'd be better off with him.

“
Don't worry about it. I...I'm sorry too,” she said.

Todd's eyes rose to meet hers and he cocked his head to the side, “Why?”

She sipped the juice and felt words churning from within her. She tried hard to hold them back but they rolled out anyway.

“
I haven't been very nice lately. You're not a bad guy. But sometimes people aren't meant to be. Sometimes even though you really care about someone you have to do the right thing and stay away from them. Stop fighting for it. There's a point where it's just too hard and too miserable and...” Her voice trailed off and suddenly she was stuck in her own mind. She wasn't talking about Todd at all. It was Kevin. Maybe it was time she let go. But Nina wasn't that easily convinced by her own words.

Nina patted Todd on the forearm as she stood up. “I need some fresh air.”

She walked across the room to the screen door that led to the back yard. No one was outside but her. She heard the music fade the further she walked into the grass. It was black outside, the stars shining overhead, the distant glow of street lamps giving the houses halos.

Her eyes were roaming the row of houses in front of her. Her head felt funny. Suddenly Nina realized she’d walked a diagonal line through Hannah's back yard. She stopped and a giggle escaped her lips as she tried to center herself and get a better sense of direction. Which way was
his
house? Steadying her toes in the ground she turned her head and saw it.

Nina's breath caught in her throat for an instant. His back porch light was on and he was standing just below it. She knew his silhouette even from the distance, even in the dark, even as her head spun.

Fear flew away, doubt was crushed and she marched toward him through their adjoining lawns. It was closer than she thought but by the time she was just feet from his deck, she could just barely make out the thumping dance music from Hannah's house.

He hadn't budged. As she boldly walked up the steps of his wooden deck, his face became clearer, his expression stone-like. Sasha, his Irish Setter, came to Nina immediately, her tail swishing. Bending down to pet her, another giggle came out of her and she internally chided herself for sounding dumb. Her lips were loose and she knew it. She warned herself to stay quiet.

“
Hello,” he finally said, breaking the stagnant air.

“
You look like a creep hanging out here alone,” she blurted.
Dammit
, she thought.

A dizzy feeling rolled through her and she felt herself trying hard to concentrate as she straightened from petting the dog.

Kevin laughed, nodding his head. “Fair. I'm just trying to keep an eye on the party. As a concerned citizen of Wexley.”

Nina scoffed, “No need. Nobody’s drinking the hard stuff you like. It's all wine coolers and cheap beer.”

His brows lifted in amusement and he nodded toward the red cup she still held in her hand. “And that?”

Yet another giggle rolled out of her mouth. “It's just punch, nothing to worry about here,
concerned citizen
.”

Kevin reached for the cup and took a quick whiff before sipping some. He chuckled and coughed a bit. “Yeah. That's rum.”

Nina was laughing with him for a second then her face fell. “Wait. What?”

“
How much of that have you had?” he asked, still chuckling a bit.

Nina tried to remember how many times she’d filled her cup. James did it once and then she went back for more, then... “It's really good,” she uttered exasperatedly. Kevin went on laughing at her before ducking into his house.

He came back in a flash with a bag of pretzels.

“
Here, eat something,” he said, offering her the bag.

Nina plopped down in one of his Adirondack chairs and started munching on the pretzels. Though fuzzy, her mind wandered. She felt pathetic sitting there drunk. She berated herself in silence. She couldn't even pick a decent beverage at a party. How could she possible be trusted to choose someone decent to be with?

If she had to choose someone though, wasn't Kevin the best choice? Sure he had flaws but she'd never known a sweeter man. Anger bubbled inside of her thinking about every day since the senior concert. She missed him. She missed everything they had. She'd take any small part of it over this painful silence.

“
I don't like this,” she exclaimed.

Kevin looked up. “You want me to get you something else to eat?”

Her face scrunched in annoyance. “No.
This
. I don't like
this,”
she said, gesturing back and forth between their two bodies.

“
I hate that we're just sitting here. We can't even talk anymore.”

“
What am I supposed to do?” He ran a hand through his dark brown hair and sighed.

“
You know exactly what I want.” Nina stood as she said the words pressingly. It was easy. She couldn't understand why he didn't see it. They cared about each other. What they had was real.

“
Nina...,” he objected, his brows knit together in unease.

“
No. Forget it. I know you... I know there's
something
here
. I just can't take the rejection again.” She handed him the bag of pretzels and turned to leave with a heavy heart.

“
Do you have someone to drive you home?” His words rushed out and she could feel him close behind her near the edge of the deck.

She glanced at him. “Of course I do. Why does it matter to you anyway?”

His eyes narrowed and she felt him taking in her face. Her heart started to flutter with his eyes so tight on her. She willed him to kiss her with her mind.
Just say the words and kiss me,
she thought.

“
You know why,” he whispered.

“
Say it,” Nina pleaded.

His eyes left her face and looked at the ground gravely. “Go back to your party Nina.”

She took off with a swift stride before she had time to think, to say something else. How could he lie like that? What was so bad about going back to the way it was before? She flung open the screen door to Hannah's house and nearly slammed into James.

“
I wanna go,” she said.

He put his hands on her shoulders lightly. “You okay? Where were you?” he asked, looking past her to the back yard. He squinted and she was sure he saw the same silhouette when he glared back at her.

“
What the hell, Nina?”

She shook her head and pushed out of his grip, charging through the house to get out front to James' car. He was chasing after her, Nick following close behind him. She made it to the passenger side as she felt the tears start to well up.