The Loves of Ruby Dee (29 page)

“It’s the same with me, Lon. My doin’ this doesn’t change how I feel about you. You’re my brother, and you always will be. I’ll always be there for you as much as I can...as much as I’ve ever been. Nothin’s gonna change that.

“I’d cut my arm off for you, Lon, if you needed it, and I’d stay at the ranch, if I thought you absolutely had to have it that way, but I can’t see that, not anymore."

Will gazed at Lonnie with a dogged, hopeful look. Lonnie felt a flicker of relief. Will was trying to explain, was trying to keep the connection between them. Lonnie wished he could explain the fears tearing at him, but he couldn’t. He barely understood them himself, and he couldn’t ever speak of them.

“How in the hell are you just gonna leave the ranch?” he asked. “The old man sure can’t run it, Will. And
why
are you leavin’? I know the old man ties your hands a lot, and that you want a place to run on your own. I guess I get that, but Will, the Starr’s gonna be yours in the not-too-distant future, when the old man’s gone. After all these years, why do this now? Why not just wait the old man out?”

“You think Dad will leave the ranch to me and not to the both of us?”

“I don’t think he’ll leave me a red cent.”

Will breathed deeply, looked downward and then back at Lonnie. “The old man, bein’ who he is, might be inclined not to leave either of us a red cent, although I happen to believe he’ll leave at least a major part of the ranch to both of us, because we are the continuation of the Starrs. No matter how you may think Dad feels about you, Lonnie, you are a male Starr, and he won’t cut you out.

“But inheriting the Starr won’t give me what I’m wanting now, Lonnie. I want to experiment with crossbreeding, just to see what I can do. And I don’t want to wait until the old man’s gone. I want to show him, I guess.”

Lonnie thought he could understand.

Then Will said, “I’m not plannin’ on just leavin’, Lon. Oh, that’s what I thought back when I was so mad, but now I figure I’ll be around. It’s not like I’m movin’ to another country, you know.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I could handle the Starr and my own operation, with some more help, but I guess how much I’m around will depend on the old man. He may just want to get another manager. I’ll still keep lookin’ in, though. That ranch is a part of me, Lon, and I’m not turnin’ my back on it. I’m just lookin’ for somethin’ more.”

For a long moment, he and Lonnie gazed at each other.

Then Will raised an eyebrow at his brother. “You know, the best thing would be for you to take over managing the Starr right now.”

Lonnie looked surprised and then shook his head. “Aw, Will, I can’t handle the ranch. Shit, I’d have us in the poorhouse in six months.”

“Now, why do you say that?” Will’s temper flared. “You know as much about the operation as I do.”

“I know about the operation. Keepin’ it runnin’ is another thing. I don’t have a head for that sort of thing.”

“I’d be right there, helpin’ you, whenever you wanted me to.”

Lonnie shook his head. “I’m not cut out for it, Will. The old man rides me hard enough as it is. I’m not gonna take on handling the ranch and give him somethin’ more to hound me about. I don’t even know if I can stay there without you, Will.”

That made Will feel caught like a rat in a trap. He pushed the guilt away. “Suit yourself, Lon. That’s your decision.” He headed for the driver’s door, saying, “Are you comin’?”

It was too long and hot a walk home, so Lonnie got back in the truck.

When Will turned the pickup up the drive, Lonnie said, “How much of your choosin’ to go over to Ambrose Bell’s place has to do with Ruby Dee?”

Will sighed heavily. “I’d go anyway...but now I’m considering her. I want a wife and family, Lon. I have for a long time.”

“Shit, Will. We just get things good here, and you’ve got to go screw it up.” He let that sit there, then he added, “The old man’s gonna fight you for Ruby Dee.”

Will gave a faint grunt. Then he said, “And what about you? Are you gonna get in the way, too?”

Lonnie didn’t know what to say, didn’t know if he would get in his brother’s way or not. He said, “I sure don’t like the idea of you maybe takin’ her off.”

When they pulled around the back of the house, Ruby Dee was just coming out the back door. At the sight of her, Lonnie’s heart gave a small jump. He said, “I sure never did feel about another woman the way I feel about Ruby Dee.”

Chapter 22

For the following two nights and days, Will dealt with getting the hay cut, doctoring calves and beginning the preliminary selection of the steers, bred cows and cow-calf pairs the ranch would take to market in October. They would let go a few select bull calves, too. All told, the cattle sale would be small, as their major sale was always held in the spring, right on the ranch.

The whole time Will was doing these tasks, though, he was imagining how he was going to tell the old man he had a place and was moving out. He dreaded another confrontation.

It turned out, however, that Ruby Dee had more to say on the subject than the old man did.

Will told her early one morning, when he had a few minutes with her before the old man got up. He was excited to finally be telling her. He wanted her to see that he had a house for her.

But Ruby Dee said sharply, “I think you should have told your daddy about this place when you bought it.”

“I didn’t see any need to cause problems until my plans were certain.” Will wondered why she was so mad with him, because she clearly was.

“Problems? Is it a problem to let your own father into your life?”

“It has proved to be at times in the past,” Will said honestly, which only made her cheeks get more flushed.

“So now you’re just gonna tell him one minute and then fly right on out of here the next?” Her expression accused him of all types of wrongdoing.

“I’m not flyin’ anywhere. I’m only going about five miles northwest. I’m not plannin’ on deserting Dad,” he added, because he was beginning to get an inkling of why she was angry.

She frowned. “Well, I don’t know what his reaction will be, but don’t worry about his health. He’s stronger than when I first came by a long shot. Your daddy is not an invalid. He rolls around in that wheelchair because it suits him. He’s doing it because he chooses to, and one of the reasons he chooses to is to annoy you, which is a sign that he is in full possession of his mental faculties. If at limes he might seem to think slower than you do, it is only because he has eighty-five years stuffed into his brain. He’s going to be disappointed, I know, that his son has shut him out of his life.”

Then she stalked away, leaving Will thoroughly disappointed and confused. He didn’t know what he had done to infuriate her. She had somehow managed to make the fact of the old man rolling around in a wheelchair when he didn’t have to sound as if it made sense, and to make Will feel like a neglectful son.

The thought of Will moving out of the house upset Ruby Dee considerably. For her to move to her own home was one thing; for Will to move out was another. It didn’t matter that he was not moving far, or that no doubt he would still be coming to the ranch every day. He would no longer be a part of them, just down the hall from her at night, or making coffee in the early morning. Or out working his mustang, or simply walking around outside. And without him doing those things, nothing was going to be the same.

What she thought was: by heaven, I haven’t moved out, and you have no business doing it, either!

Ruby Dee liked things as they had been these long summer weeks. She did not want Will to move off and change things. She was afraid of losing what she had found with these men. She was afraid of losing Will. Though she doubted it quite accurate to say she even had him.

* * * *

That evening, over the after-supper coffee, Will told the old man about the house he had bought and the land he had leased.

The old man looked at him a long second. Will looked back. The old man had absolutely no expression. Then he asked, “When do you want to quit here?”

It took Will a second to answer. “I thought I could move over to the house tonight. I figure we can move my stock in the coming week. But I can continue to work here as long as I’m needed.”

The old man nodded thoughtfully. His eyes fell to his coffee cup.

Will glanced at Lonnie. Lonnie looked equally puzzled.

“You know as well as I do that it could take awhile to find someone to replace you. I’ll count on you until we do.” The old man’s tone was cold and distant.

“I’d planned on that,” Will said, with equal distance. And then he wasn’t looking at the old man but at the gray formica tabletop and wondering why he felt so let down. Felt like he was going to fall through the chair and keep on going.

Ruby Dee, sitting on the stairway, listening, knotted her hands into tight fists. “Just listen to them, Miss Edna,” she whispered. “They are so stubborn—hurting each other out of their stupid pride.”

Hardy asked Will if he knew any men who might be interested in the manager’s job, and Will mentioned a couple of names. Lonnie suggested someone, too.

Then Will said, “Lonnie could handle things. He knows as much as I do about the ranch.”

“That would keep Lonnie tied more than he’s able,” Hardy said. “I’d ‘preciate it if you’d contact those you’ve mentioned and see if they’d be interested. I’ll talk to any who are. And you’d better see to placin’ some ads for the job, too.”

Ruby Dee listened to Will volunteer to stay on until the sale of the fall cattle, even should they find a manager in the coming weeks. But Hardy said that he wouldn’t want to hold Will up.

“I ain’t never cared much for the fall sellin’ anyway. Spring’s always better.”

Hardy spoke in a grating tone. Ruby Dee imagined Will choking back a retort, no doubt afraid of provoking Hardy into a stroke.

Will said he would need to go over the records with Hardy and make certain the cattle were split correctly.

“I trust you to divide ‘em up as you see fit,” Hardy said. Those words, flatly spoken, were the only trace of emotion that Hardy gave.

Then Ruby Dee heard the chair legs scrape and boots thump heavily on the floor; the back door opened and closed. A few minutes later, she heard Hardy’s footsteps and the thump of his cane as he came through the dining room.

Then he was looking at her. Out of his wheelchair, standing.

“You could have stayed in the kitchen to hear better,” he said.

“Why did you do that?” she asked, holding on to her fury.

“What’d I do?” he said, eyebrows raised, as if he didn’t know.

Ruby Dee pressed her fists against her lap. “Why didn’t you ask him to keep on managing the ranch? He wanted you to give him that, at least.”

His eyes got hard as quartz. “He wants to leave. Let him go."

“No, he doesn’t want to leave. So he wants something of his own! That doesn’t mean he wants to leave behind what he has with you.” She stood and grasped the stair rail. “He wants you to ask him to stay. He wants you to give him that small thing.”

But Hardy’s face was set. “I never asked him to leave—he decided that for hisself. He can decide to stay for hisself, if he wants.”

Suddenly something struck Ruby Dee. “Are you doin’ this because of me?” She knew it suddenly, even as she watched his eyes give a little jump. He knew what was happening between her and Will, and he wanted to stop it.

Hardy said, “I ain’t doin’ nothin’. The boy has said he wants to go. Let him go give it a try.”

“He’s not a boy, Hardy. He’s a man, and he’s your son. They both are.” She shut her mouth tight for an instant, and then erupted again, leaning toward him and shaking with emotion. “Will wants you to acknowledge that he has done a good job here, that you are proud of him. One little sign that he has proven himself to you. And Lonnie...would it have hurt you to ask him to manage
the place? Maybe he wouldn’t want to, but he would like you to acknowledge that he could do it—that you think he could do it. They need your approval, Hardy. They need you to show them you are proud of the men they have become.’’

Of course, even as she said all this, she knew no one ever got anywhere by criticizing Hardy Starr. He got all tight, shuttering his eyes and ears and heart, so that the words just bounced off him.

“If they’re men, they don’t need any of that,” he said.

“Oh, Hardy, is that what you really think?” She gazed at
him, pressed her fist across her stomach. “People need to know they are valued, Hardy. Sons need that. Need isn’t a weakness. It’s the necessary ingredient to understanding. It’s the shining tie that binds, Hardy.”

“Are you finished?” he asked, his face still hard as stone.

“I guess I’ll add one more thing, which is that you owe Will a lot. One of the things you owe him for is bringing me here in the first place.”

Hardy’s eyes glittered for a silent moment. “I’m not so certain of that right this minute,” he said, and stalked into his bedroom.

Whirling, Ruby Dee raced up to her bedroom, slammed the door and threw herself across the bed, crying out her anger and her sorrow. At one point, in Miss Edna’s voice, the question came,
“What are you crying about, Ruby Dee?”

Well. That gave her pause, because she wasn’t certain. She only knew that her heart hurt, that she felt she was losing something precious. Some bright, shining tie of need that was now stretched near to breaking.

She never should have gotten so involved. She knew that. She had begun to feel like these men were her family, that she had a place here, but that was foolish. She was a caregiver, paid for her services. This house was not hers and these people were not hers, no matter how much she cared for them.

* * * *

From the shade of the tractor barn, where he was smoking a cigarette, Will saw the old man come out the back door and go to his shop.

Walking to the edge of the barn, Lonnie spit a stream of tobacco and then said, “It looks like the old man has finally decided to get out of that chair."

“Yep,” Will said.

The old man doing that was like one more stab at him. One more little joke, he thought. And for some reason he experienced a strange twinge of pride—that man was his father, and there really wasn’t another man on God’s green earth like Hardy Starr.