The Love Series Complete Box Set (70 page)

Last night, as they laid in bed, they settled on a short list of names that they each liked. Lucy was leaning toward more trendy names—Jessica, Ashley or Emily. James, on the other hand, wanted his daughter to have a less popular name; she was one of a kind, after all. Well, how could Lucy argue with that? From the moment she’d told her husband of less than a year that she was pregnant, he had absolutely radiated with love and joy. Conceding on his name preference was a small way that she could repay him for how he’s taken care of her through the entire pregnancy.

They’d been high school sweethearts and in the seven years that they’d been together, they’d shared a lifetime’s worth of love. When James would place his lips up against Lucy’s swollen belly, and talk to their child, she could swear that her heart would burst at the overly full feeling of love.

On a mission to finish her sorting all of the baby clothes, Lucy snaps out of her happy musings of her husband and their baby. But when she comes across a purple sequined outfit, she can’t help put place it across her belly and talk to her daughter once more. “This is going to look absolutely perfect on you . . . Melanie.”

The name rolls off her tongue and sings to her heart. It was one of Jimmy’s first suggestions, liking “M” names more than any other. Lucy had originally dismissed it, but now, sitting quietly in her soon-to-be-born daughter’s room, the name seems to fit perfectly. Smiling broadly, she says the name once more, “Melanie.” Rubbing her belly, Lucy talks to the kicking baby who is rolling around inside of her. “Do you like that name, little Miss Melanie.” Another kick and roll. “Well then, we’ll just have to ask Daddy what he thinks when he gets home.” Another kick widens Lucy’s bright smile. “Okay now, Melly Belly.” Lucy chuckles softly at the ridiculous nickname she’s just given her daughter. A smile spreads across her face because she knows that James will be pleased with her sudden turn around on his top name choice.

With numb and wobbly legs, Lucy stands to put the piles of clothes away when she hears a knock at the door. Checking her watch, she realizes that it’s past four in the afternoon. She’s been so lost in her baby daydreams that she didn’t realize that she hadn’t heard from James all day. Knowing that he is extremely busy trying to manage this massive project, she immediately dismisses her concerns. No phone calls during the day means that he is guaranteed to chew her ear off at dinner. The man loves his building, that’s for sure.

Brushing her hands over her trendy and modern dark-blue maternity shirt, Lucy flattens out the wrinkles that set in as she was draping onesie after onesie across her belly.

As she peeks through the curtain that hangs across the top window of the door, she smiles cheerfully at her husband’s best friend and co-owner of Crane Building Associates, Ray Richards.

“Hey, Ray. What’s going on?” Lucy steps to the side allowing Ray to enter into the small foyer. Closing the door behind him, she continues talking. “Jimmy isn’t home from work yet, but come on in. Can I get you a beer?” Lucy’s bright voice does nothing to lighten the darkness that is cast over Ray’s face.

Ray shakes his head, declining the beer. He looks into Lucy’s bright blue eyes, and says, “We need to talk, Lucy.” His voice is even and curt. Ignoring her stunned reaction to his cold demeanor, Ray walks past Lucy into the sunken den of his best friend’s new home—a home to which he’ll never return.

Ray sinks into the old, beat-up couch and memories flood his head and heart. This is the couch that they had in their first apartment. It was a rat-hole of a place, but somehow Ray and Jimmy managed to make it work. The couch is a hand-me-down from Jimmy’s parents and has survived remarkably well through their college years.

Burying his head into his hands, Ray can no longer contain the sobs that have been threatening to swallow him whole since he pulled in the freshly-paved driveway.

Lucy waddles over to the couch and, not-so-gracefully, lowers herself onto the cushions. Tenderly wrapping her arm around his broad shoulders, she says, “What’s wrong, Ray? I’m getting a little worried here.”

It’s not unusual for Ray to stop over, but usually Jimmy is there getting ready for a golf outing or a ball game. There’s something about
this
particular visit that just feels . . . wrong.

Her concern only makes him cry more. He’s crying for the loss of his best friend. He’s crying for Lucy, who he’s come to love as his own best friend through the years. He’s crying for the baby that Jimmy will never get to meet—for the baby that Lucy will now have to raise on her own.

Twisting in his seat, he faces Lucy and wipes the tears from his eyes. Lucy’s face pales as all of the blood rushes from it. She can tell that this is not a routine visit on Ray’s part.

“Lucy . . .” Ray’s words catch in his throat, stuck behind the ball of emotion that’s been lodged there since he witnessed his best friend being crushed by tons of steel.

Lucy covers her mouth with her hands, but her gasp is still audible. “No, no, no, no . . .” It’s the only syllable her brain can manage. She’s shaking her head wildly as if it will keep away the horrific news that is so clearly etched across Ray’s tanned and youthful face.

Ray wraps his arm around her slumped shoulders and pulls Lucy into a tight squeeze. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. There was an accident and . . . it’s Jimmy. He’s gone, Lucy.”

With those words, her world changes instantly. No longer able to contain her anguish, her chest heaves in sobs as tears pour from her eyes.

How? Why? What? All of these questions swarm her brain, but the bottom line is that none of it matters. Bits of Ray’s strained explanation filter into her consciousness, but she can’t make any sense of it. Something about a beam, about being in the wrong place at the wrong time, about wanting to come here to tell her himself, about not wanting her to have to drive to the coroner’s office alone, it’s all a garbled mess, because none of it is important. The only meaningful piece of information is that Jimmy, her Jimmy, the love of her life, is gone.

Visions that she will never be able to erase start filling her mind. In a vain attempt to escape them, Lucy shoots up from the couch and begins frantically pacing the room. But she’s too weak to stand for long. As pain, anguish and loss eat her alive, she crumples to the floor and wraps her arms around her round belly. Again, the only words she can form are, “No, no, no . . .”

Unable to let her suffer alone, Ray moves next to her on the floor and pulls her into his arms. Cooing softly to her, he tries to calm her. It’s a vain attempt at peace that will never come.

It’s always been Jimmy. He was her first friend, her first love, and now he’s her first true loss.

Calling on an inner strength that she doesn’t truly feel, Lucy tries to stand, but her body rejects the attempt. All she can do is let the sadness swallow her whole, and hope that when it spits her back out, she’ll be alive and whole enough to take care of Melanie.

Chapter 1

Thursday, January 24, 2013

A vast empire of evergreens flashes past my window. A light dusting of snow coats the road, leaving only two clearly defined, black tire tracks in the wake of the passing cars. The sunlight barely breaks through the hazy greyness of the clouds. There’s a dull, lifelessness pervading not only the scenery, but my mood as well, and I know it’s because so much has changed in my life in the last few months.

Chipper as ever, Mom’s voice breaks my silent sadness. “Hey, sweetie pie. Are you awake over there?” She playfully nudges my shoulder to try and rouse me from my feigned sleep. I’ve been turned away from her, staring blankly out of the window for most of the short trip back to Ithaca.

Twisting in my seat to face her, I respond, much more dully than her happy tone. “Yeah, I’m awake, just tired, I guess.” My flat voice and lame shoulder shrug mirror the oppressive feel of the grey sky hanging above us.

She doesn’t say anything more; she just offers up a half smile and then returns her attention to the road. Mom knows I’m in a funk. There’s no way she can’t know. It’s creepy sometimes how she’s so attuned to what I’m feeling or thinking. It’s like she’s in my brain or something. Kind of freaks me out a bit, but she’s my mom and it’s always been just us, so I guess it’s understandable.

My dad died before I was born—some freak accident. I try not to think of it and most days I succeed on that front. I won’t lie, though. The stress of being the only person of real importance in my mom’s life has taken its toll on me. I hide it well, or at least I think I do.

Seeking more distraction from an inevitable line of questioning from Mom, I fidget with the radio and leave it on some current top 40 hit. Mom taps away on the steering wheel while she sings, off-key, to the music playing through the speakers. I just let it drown out the thoughts racing through my mind. Turning away from her again, I return to my post at the window and watch the world pass me by.

Alone. Empty. Sad. That’s how I’m feeling. Knowing that Maddy’s not here and she’s not going to be coming back, makes my eyes burn with unshed tears. Maddy and I have been best friends since middle school; I met her a few years after her parents died. Hell, we even ended up living together for a few months in our senior year when her aunt passed away suddenly. For the last five years, Maddy and I were inseparable. We even had to beg the housing department to let us dorm together when we started college last semester.

Her world shifted when she met Reid and they both fell head over heels in love with each other. After she found out she was pregnant, yeah, that was a shocker for everyone, she decided to withdraw from Ithaca and go to a school closer to home. I can’t blame her for choosing to move in with Reid. She’s got her own life now—one of which I’m no longer a part. Even though I’m happy for her, my heart still hurts that she’s not going to be with me every day.

Cammie and Lia, my other two roommates, aren’t here either. They won’t be here until at least Saturday morning—great grandma’s birthday party or something like that. Honestly, with everything that’s been going on, I haven’t paid much attention to everyone else’s life. I mean, I couldn’t be happier that Maddy and Reid are back together and that things worked out for them, but I can’t help but focus, almost to the point of making myself sick, on what’s going to happen with me and Bryan.

Our relationship, or lack thereof for the last month, has been a huge source of distress and emptiness. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that when he gets back to school, Bryan is going to break up with me. He’s seeing Courtney again; I know it. Well, okay, I don’t
know
it, but I have my suspicions. He barely called me over the entire winter break. Come to think of it, he hardly ever texted or emailed me either.

Except for that one text.

I mean, come on, Bryan is always on the computer. Being a computer science major should mean that you’re permanently attached to the thing, right? Or that you’re at least part robot or something like that. He couldn’t get in touch with me once? We talked, don’t get me wrong, but I was always the one who initiated it.

I was supposed to go visit him for New Year’s Eve, but when I told him about my plans, he said it wouldn’t be a good idea for me to come. Then I got
the text.
Bryan and Courtney lip-locked at some party. It was pretty clear at that point that he had moved on.

Thinking back over everything, I’m suddenly more pissed than sad. What kind of boyfriend pushes his girlfriend away to the point that she no longer feels wanted? And then to push me away just to have your biggest fears thrown in your face. I know it’s not an excuse for what I did, but I won’t deny that feeling hurt was definitely a huge reason behind the actions I took.

My brain is seriously scrambled over all of this. By telling me not to come visit him, was he breaking up with me? Or was he just trying to conceal his cheating? Then there’s the part of me that refuses to believe that he actually cheated. From the moment I met her, Courtney hated me and did everything in her power to keep me and Bryan apart.

But then again, maybe he thought we were broken up while we were apart? Before winter break, our relationship was perfect, really, until he started pulling away from me right before he left. Was he just trying to create some distance so he could let me down easier? Oh, who the hell knows? We hadn’t dropped the “L” bomb yet, but I know he had to feel it; I know I did. He is my first—my first boyfriend, my first love, my first, well, you know—my first, like ever. Now, I’m just so scared to lose him, but I’m more afraid of knowing that I’m going to hurt him. That much is unavoidable.

The inevitability of us being separated over break and his distance from me over said break was just too much for me to handle, I guess. I turned into
that girl.
You know the one who lets her insecurities get the best of her, yeah,
that
one. I was weak and foolish and talked myself into believing that Bryan, sweet, funny, amazingly perfect, Bryan, was cheating on me.