The Love Series Complete Box Set (31 page)

Watching Mel and Mrs. Crane holding on tightly to one another makes me think of Maddy. Everything makes me think of Maddy, but this scene makes me think of everything she said to me about my mother before she left. Sparks of realization and feelings of deep-seated remorse start to consume me as I think back over her words.

No, she’s not, Reid. She’s alive. My mom is dead. I’ll never have her back again, but you can help yours. I know if she dies, and you don’t help her, that you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.

The harsh reality is that if Maddy doesn’t wake up, if I lose her, I will never be able to hold her again, to tell her I love her. I’ll never get to wake up in her arms and feel her trace imaginary patterns on my chest.

Out of my peripheral vision, I register that a doctor is approaching us. “Are you Madeleine Becker’s family?”

We all stand to hear what he has to say.

Mrs. Crane speaks for the group. “Is she okay? When will she wake up, doctor?”

“The swelling is starting to decrease. Her vitals have been strong since we got her stabilized when she came in. The accident wasn’t a direct impact, so she looks worse than she is. If the swelling continues to diminish, there’s a chance she might wake up tomorrow or the day after.”

My heart begins beating again, and my lungs drag in an unsteady and shaking breath. “So she’ll be okay? She’s not going to die?” I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my chest. All of a sudden the light has returned to my life, and I can breathe again.

“No, son. It looks like she’s going to be just fine. She just needs to wake up. Why don’t you all go in and spend a few minutes with her before you head home for the night? We’ll call you if anything changes.”

Cammie and Jack go first, and they’re done quickly. When she comes back out to the waiting room, her eyes are puffy and red from crying. She’s shaking, so Jack tries to calm her. They walk outside, telling us they’ll be in the car.

Melanie goes next. She takes a little longer than Cammie, but her reaction is the same—puffy, red eyes, chest heaving through the sobs. Mrs. Crane holds her daughter through the pain, rubbing slow, calming circles on her back. She passes Mel off to me so she can say goodnight to the next closest thing she has in this world to the girl she just placed in my arms.

Mrs. Crane comes out a few minutes later and pulls Mel back into her arms. There are tears in her eyes, too, and her breathing is heavy. She’s trying to stifle her emotions, to be strong for Melanie, and I feel a pang of guilt that there’s no one there to comfort her.

“You guys go ahead. I gave Jack the information for the hotel. You can stay there tonight. I’m just going to sleep out here in the waiting room. I’m sure you could all use a hot shower and a meal after having to drive down here. I promise I’ll call if anything changes.”

Momma embraces me warmly and cups my cheek as she goes to leave. “She’ll be okay, Reid. She has to be.”

I hug her back and kiss the top of her head before releasing her.

They don’t argue; there’s no point, really. An army couldn’t drag me away from her. They walk through the ICU doors to a waiting elevator, and I’m alone.

I walk slowly to Maddy’s room, silently praying to a God that I don’t believe in for Maddy to wake up. And maybe if I’m lucky, she’ll forgive me when she does.

Chapter 20

I sit in the chair I sat in earlier and pull her hand into mine once more. I know I should say something, anything, but no words come. I just hold her hand and cry. I cry for the pain I’ve caused her, for the pain I’m causing her now, for the pain I’m feeling deep in my soul that I’ve been carrying around for far too long. Drawing on her inner strength, I think over everything she told me.

The thought of Maddy dying without me being able to tell her how sorry I am runs through my brain. For the first time since Shane died, I permit the idea of allowing my parents into my life again. What if my mom is having similar thoughts? What if she just wants to tell me one last time that she loves me? I know I would never forgive myself if couldn’t tell Maddy that I loved her one last time, hold her in my arms once more.

I’m not ready to come around completely, but for the first time since my parents turned their backs on me, I’m not completely closed off to the idea.

I spend the rest of the night wandering aimlessly between the coffee machine and the waiting room. Around two in the morning, the nurse gently shakes my shoulder to wake me. My neck and back are killing me from sleeping in the waiting room chair, but I’d sleep in a chair forever if it meant that Maddy would be okay. I suddenly panic, thinking that something must have gone wrong.

“What is it? Is she okay?” I’m immediately awake; my discomfort is forgotten.

“Yes, Reid. She’s just fine.” We’ve been on a first-name basis since her shift started and she saw that I wasn’t going to leave.

“I just thought you might be more comfortable in the recliner in her room.” She smiles and starts walking toward Maddy’s room. When we’re standing in front of the chair, she says, “I got you an extra pillow and a blanket. Now, I might have to kick you out when my shift is over, but I couldn’t watch you sleep out there.”

“Thank you, Carolyn. It’s really nice of you.” I pull the blanket up and try to settle in, but the relentless beeping from the machines is keeping me awake.

I slide the chair closer to Maddy and try talking to her.

“Maddy, baby. It’s me, Reid. I just wanted you to know that I’m here. I’m waiting for you to wake up, and I’m so sorry, baby. Please just wake up. I love you.” Pulling her hand up to my face, I kiss it lightly and rub her knuckles across my cheek.

And then it happens.

It’s slight, but I feel it; I feel her hand move in mine, so I start talking again.

“That’s right, sweetie—I’m here, and so is Momma Crane and Mel and Cammie and Jack, too. We’re all here for you, and we all love you so much. I love you, baby, I love you so much. Please wake up for us.”

She squeezes my hand again, and she begins to stir in the bed. I can’t hold back the tears of joy and relief that spring from my eyes.

“Can you hear me, baby? Please open your eyes. Please, Maddy, wake up please.”

She stops what little movement she was just making, and my heart sinks. I plant my face on the bed next to her hand and sob like a baby.

When her hand reaches out and her fingers trace over my cheek, I stop breathing completely.

“Hey, why all the tears?” Even though her voice is cracked and raw, it’s still the most beautiful thing I have ever heard in my life.

She coughs at the effort she exerted over those simple words.

“Shh. It’s okay. They’re happy tears now. God, I’m so happy you’re okay. I love you so much, Maddy.” I’m kissing her fingers and whatever part of her hand and arm that isn’t covered in the cold, hard cast. “Let me go get the nurse for you, sweetheart.”

“No, don’t go. Please. Just stay with me. Tell me what happened.”

For a moment, I selfishly hope that maybe she won’t remember our fight. Maybe she won’t remember all of the hateful things I said to her.

“You were in an accident, baby. You were at an intersection about to make a left turn when someone blew the red light on the other side. They swerved to miss you and almost did. It wasn’t a direct impact, but it was still bad. You’ve been out cold for almost an entire day.”

Maddy tries to adjust her position in the bed, but I hear her gasp in pain.

“Please, Maddy, let me get you the nurse. She’ll get you something for the pain. I’ll be right back in.”

Carolyn returns with me and checks Maddy’s vitals. When the doctor comes in to examine her, I leave the room with Carolyn, feeling lighter and more hopeful than I ever have in my whole life.

As the doctor exits, he lets me know that he’s given her something for the pain and that she’ll probably be drifting in and out of sleep for a little while. Before returning to her, I call Melanie and let her know that Maddy is awake, that she’ll be okay. Mel tells me they’ll be there as soon as they can.

After I hang up with Mel, I’m back at Maddy’s side in less than a minute, holding her hand once again. I’ll hold her hand forever if she’ll let me.

She goes to speak, but I quiet her immediately. She needs her rest.

“It’s okay, Maddy. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. Sleep, baby. I’ll be here when you wake up. I love you.” I want to smooth my knuckles across her cheek tenderly. I want to kiss her soft sweet lips, but I don’t want her to hurt. I never want her to hurt again. Instead, I just lay my head next to her hand and let the beep of the machines lull me to sleep beside my love.

Chapter 21

The knock on my door wakes me from my light sleep. I straighten myself up in bed and tell whoever it is to come in.

“How are you feeling this morning, Ms. Becker?” Dr. McNamara is hopeful that I can go home today, and so I am. I’ve been recovering quickly, but since I had a few broken bones in my face and nose, I had to have some minor surgery after I regained consciousness to reset them. My face is still swollen and sore, but I’ve been reassured that the scars will barely be noticeable.

“I’m still a little sore, but I’m definitely ready to get out of here. A week in the hospital is not exactly what I had in mind.” I muster up an insincere laugh. It’s the best I can do at this point. I really just want to go home.

Out of all the doctors I’ve seen here, I like Dr. McNamara the most. She’s young—can’t be more than her mid-thirties. Her kind brown eyes crinkle in the corners when she talks to me, and I can hear her genuine concern in every word she says.

When she sits down in the chair next to my bed to review my discharge papers, I see a look of worry work its way across her face. She reaches out to hold my hand, the part that’s not in a cast, anyway.

“Your final blood work came back from the lab this morning.” She pauses a beat as she reads over the paperwork in my chart, as if she’s verifying something.

“Great. Does that mean I actually get to go home today?” I feel like a little kid at Christmas or on the last day of school.

“It looks that way. You’re all cleared to go.” She goes over all the medications I need to take when I leave here—antibiotics to stave off possible infection, anti-inflammatories for the swelling, scar prevention cream for my stitches.

“Thanks, I’ll get these filled as soon as I get home.” Despite my lingering aches and pains, I’m practically leaping from the bed to pack up my things.

“You’ll also want to fill this prescription and call your gynecologist when you get settled in at home.”

In all the chaos of the accident and then the surgery afterward, I had completely forgotten about my birth control pills. I glance down at the slip of paper in my hand, expecting to see one thing, and the world falls away from beneath me when I see something completely different.

“I think you gave me the wrong prescription, Dr. McNamara. This says pre-natal vitamins. I need one for birth control pills.” My hand is shaking as I reach my arm out to give it back to her.

She looks back over her paperwork and then shuffles her chair closer to the bed.

“I’m afraid not, Ms. Becker. As part of the normal blood work-up, we do a pregnancy test, and yours came back positive. Since your numbers are still relatively low, I would assume that you aren’t very far along at all—a few weeks at the most. And considering your reaction, I’ll also assume that you didn’t already know.”

“But I can’t be. I’m on the pill. I was on the pill. I got it from the campus clinic, and I was religious about taking it every day. How? I don’t understand?” I’m freaking out. Pregnant! How the hell did this happen?

“How long have you been taking them?”

“About a month or so—I think. I was supposed to start a new pack the morning after the accident.”

“And when was your last period?” She pulls her smart phone out of her lab coat pocket and opens up what I assume is the calendar function.

“Um, I think it was in the beginning of finals week, but it was really light. The doctor at the campus clinic said that it’s possible for my periods to be light or to not come at all, so I didn’t think much of it when it only lasted a day or so.”