The Lost One (Lost Series Book 1) (10 page)

I feel as though it is my fault. I should have pushed her to talk to me, to let me help her, to let me get the help she needed to pull her out of her dark place.
Why didn’t she trust me?
We always had a great relationship and were always there for one another. But Jacob was a poison we couldn’t beat and he leached his way right into her skin and devoured every ounce of happiness she had.

My parents thought Jacob was the best. Always looked for the positives in people, they did. Boy, were they shocked when they learnt the truth. My dad wanted to do some serious damage to him. I had never seen him so mad. He left and was out in the garage smashing and punching things. That was the first time I was ever afraid of my dad. I never want to see my parents going through anything like that again. So I shut down from guys and never paid them attention.
Until I stumbled upon Corban.

I always think the worst of the male species. I’m so frightened.
I can’t help my feelings for him. I really am falling for him. I’m scared though. Scared of being pulled down or hurt in a way I can’t be picked back up again as Abby was. What if he has a hidden agenda or worse, what if he wants to harm me?

My stomach slowly tightens as if it’s in a vice that keeps getting twisted tighter and tighter. The anxiety settling in my chest is like an old enemy. My hands begin to shake and my legs feel weak as though they might give out from underneath me. I suffered many panic attacks after Abby’s death. It’s been eighteen months or longer since my last one. I thought I had passed this. I guess
Corban’s presence has stirred up those feelings, unsettling the dust from the past.

I clutch my chest, leaning against the counter top for support.
Breathe, just breathe
. Those words repeating in my head.

The world around me has gone quiet. My ears are blocked; all I can hear is my breath— ragged, short, and fast. I need to calm down or I will hyperventilate. My head is beginning to feel light and a haze is settling over my misty eyes. I can’t seem to pull myse
lf out of this downward spiral.

I am suddenly wrapped in strong arms from behind, causing me to react without thinking. I fight free, thrashing my arms around, wanting to be released from the masculine arms trying to comfort me. I spin around. My hand immediately strikes
Corban’s cheek. My hand covers my open mouth. I’m in shock. I can’t believe I hit him.

Someone who seems to genuinely care for me, I slapped him. My slap had such force behind it; it stung my hand, leaving a tingling sensation in my fingers. What hurts more is seeing the red handprin
t I left on his beautiful face.

He is just as shocked as me by my outburst. I see the hurt in his eyes. My hands cover my face and I’m unable to stop the tears falling uncontrollably. I hear sobs coming from someone; I soon realising they are mine. I fall to the ground, hugging my knees, trying to comfort myself, but
not succeeding.

“I…I am so, so sorry. I didn’t…” The sobs take over once again.
I hit him!
He takes a step toward me with his arms out ready to comfort me, as if he has completely forgotten what I just did. I shake my head hard. “Stop, please just stop. Don’t come near me.”

He hands me a handkerchief. Clean and crisp, it smells like him. Inhaling his scent as I put it to my face, I wipe away my salty tears. He looks torn and pained. He wants to help, but I am unable to let him near me. I
just want to do this on my own.

“Please, let me help you,” he pleads, sadness etched all over his beautiful face and laced within his words. His face is clearly tainted from my touch, like a red wine stain on beautiful cream carpet. “Talk to me please,
Melodi.”

He tries to come closer, and my heart rate acceler
ates into overdrive once again.

“Please stop,” I breathe, barely recognising my own voice, quiet and raw, an open wound. “You need to leave. I don’t want to talk about this right now, especially not with my boss.
”

“I’m not your boss right now. I’m a friend who cares for you, and it breaks me seeing you like this,” he says quietly, gesturing to me huddled in the corner like a scared child hiding from a bad person. The tears have slowed, but they still fall, sliding down my cheeks.

How do I feel about him?
I don’t know.
Can I trust him?
I don’t know.
Will he hurt me?
Well, that’s highly possible. He is a known ladies’ man. He may not hurt me in the way Abby was, but he could hurt me other ways. I’m not prepared to put myself out there and get hurt. I couldn’t take it.

“This is something I have to deal with on my own…just leave,” I say much more forcefully. It pains me to push him away. I need to show him I’m somewhat okay,
so he will leave.

Slapping a mental Band-Aid on my heart to hold it together until I’m alone, I untangle my arms from my legs, hold on to the bench top, and pull myself up. My legs are shaking, feeling a little like jelly. I walk around
Corban, who looks as if he wants to reach out and carry me to wherever it is I’m going.

“What are you doing?” He turns and follows me, panic fills
his voice.

“I’m calling Flick, so can you leave…please?” I plead.

“I’m not going anywhere until I know you’re all right. Call her while I’m here.” He is very persistent and caring enough, but is it all just a show?

I call Flick and tell her she needs to come back immediately. I don’t go into details. She doe
sn’t ask questions.

Within minutes, she is at the door, but doesn’t wait for an answer. Bursting through the door like a crazy mad woman with her horns showing, she’s
ready to lock into Corban.

She stops and takes in the scene before her and my red splotchy face with tears still escaping.
Corban is standing in the kitchen, his cheek still red, but not as bold. I want him gone. I don’t want him to see me like this; although, I know it’s too late. I’m sure he won’t let it go easily.

Flick storms up to
Corban, anger written all over her face. Stopping inches from him, she points her finger right in his face.

“What did you do?”
she says with such aggression, like a lioness mother protecting her young. I have never seen her like this. I’m sure she is thinking the worst of this situation.

Corban
looks a little lost for words.

“I-I didn’t do anything,” he stumbles on his words, gently trying to defuse the situation. He proceeds to fill her in on the events that passed after she left, thankfully, leaving out my moment of weakness when I kissed him and threw
myself at him.

After he finishes, she turns, looking at me with a questioning look in her eyes. I nod. She knows full well about Abby and my issue with males in general. I don’t need to speak or explain myself. She can see it in my eyes.

“Look, Corban, I’m sorry I jumped the gun. I have her from here.” Her voice has done a flip from her aggressive tone now to gentle and understanding.

He looks to me and our eyes meet, causing more tears to fall. The look he has is one of so much hurt, yet it’s filled with a million questions he is itching to ask. Working together is going to be hard now, but I’m just going to go in, do my job, and come home. He doesn’t need to know the intimate details of my life. I walk out, leaving Flick to show him out. I can’t bring myself to looking
into his swimming blue, questioning, pain-filled eyes. The look just crushes the tiny shards of my heart.

“
Melodi! Wait!” he yells, but I ignore him. I’m scared and embarrassed. One minute I want to make out with him, the next I’m having a panic attack and lashing out at him.

I’m sure he isn’t like Jacob. I think that’s what I need to stop doing, thinking every guy I mee
t is going to be like that pig.

I hear Flick and
Corban talking in hushed voices.

“What was that all about?” he fires the
question at her in frustration.

“Look, there are things she has told me, but it’s not my place to tell you. I don
’t plan on breaking her trust.”

“Will she be okay?” he probes her.

“I’m not sure. I’ve never been around her when she has gone through something like this, but I won’t leave her tonight and will do everything I can to help her,” she assures him.

I hear the door open. “Please, let her know I’m here for her. Anything she needs, she just needs to ask.” I don’t hear Flick’s
reply, my mind tunes them out.

The door finally closes and she is beside me before I know it. She wraps me in her warm embrace, comforting me in my time of need. I wish my mum was here, but I would hate for her to see me like this. It would bring back so many memories for her, which I would hate
to unearth. My salty tears are falling once again. We don’t talk as she knows she just needs to be here and that’s enough for me.

She helps me to bed. I feel so helpless and undone. I’ve exposed a part of me tonight I thought I had long ago pushed to the back of my mind, never wanting
it to show its ugly face again.

I suffered panic attacks after everything with Abby happened. Not having her with me is a constant reminder that I let her down. I should have done more, been there for her and been a bit more confronting with her, and told her she would
be loved again no matter what.

Flick hands me a sleeping pill and a glass of water, which I take. I lay down in my comfy bed, curled up, hugging a pillow. The memories of tonight’s events flicking though my mind like a horror movie. Flick lies down beside me, and before long, the blackness engulfs my world into a restless sleep.

My eyes struggle to open; they are sore and puffy from my endless tears. My stomach flips as I think about what happened. I’m so mortified and humiliated; I think I might just hide away in my bed under the blankets and shut out the rest of the world. But I know I can’t do that since I only started my new job yesterday, the new job where my current love interest happens to be my boss. Now this situation is g
oing to be hard to get around.

I need to suck up how I’m feeling and move on. It happened and there is no way I can change it. As much as I wish it was a dream,
it wasn’t.

Someone stirs beside me. I remember Flick crawling in with me at some stage through the night. It was a restless sleep; even the sleeping pills didn’t help much.

Today is going to be interesting. I wonder how Corban is. He probably thinks I’m a crazy woman and doesn’t want anything more to do with me. Just what I need.
Is he going to fire me?
Surely he can’t. It has nothing to do with the work place so long as I leave my home issues at home.

I reach for my phone to check the time, only to find I have three messages from
Corban. My heart sinks, but at the same time, my stomach flutters. I close my eyes, willing myself to ignore them, and lay here for about five minutes, hoping they will vanish. I sigh in frustration, kicking my blankets off, maybe a little too forcefully as Flick darts up right, looking around a little dazed.

“Ugh! What’s your problem?” She groggily scowls at me before f
alling back down on the pillow.

“Sorry…I have messages from
Corban. I don’t particularly want to deal with them right now.” I wonder if she is mad at me.

“Oh, well, deal with it when you’re ready. So, how are you today?” she queries, her voice soft and full of concern. She shuffles onto her side to look at me. Her eyes have questions burning in them, but she just watches
and waits for my answer.

“Yeah, I’m okay. I just freaked out when he told me how he got my address and showed up unannounced. I got to thinking about Abby and how Jacob treated her. He was nice at the start…what if he is like that?”

She looks at me, trying to think of the correct thing to say. She reaches her hand out and rests it on my arm. I know it’s only a little gesture, but it means more to me, knowing I can trust her no matter what.

“Look, Mel, you need to start to trust or you’re never going to let down those walls you have built up over the years. I know you’ve been hurt and it’s hard to let go, but I trust him. He cares for you; I can tell by his look last night. He was frightened of what you might do to yourself,” she says softly. Little does she know that
Corban has already shattered those walls; he took a sledgehammer to them in such a short amount of time.

“I know. I carried on silly. You have no idea how nervous I am right now. How am I supposed to go to work and face him?” Worry begins to settle in the pit of my stomach. Perhaps I should call in sick; facing him
is the last thing I want to do.

She sits up, determination set in her face. She turns and points
at me.

“You go and carry on as if nothing happened. Be your happy-self who I know you are. If not, I will come kick your butt.” We both laugh at her threat. She has lightened my mood, knowing the correct buttons to push. It’s what I need sometimes, e
specially in moments like this.