The Lost Hearts (12 page)

Showered and dressed comfortably in a calf-length burgundy crepe dress, Alexis sat frozen at her vanity table.  Resting her chin in palm, she closed her eyes and traced her lips.  She could still feel the fever of Philip’s mouth against hers, the all-consuming, totally blinding passion of the moment.  Her blood seemed to bubble and flood her brain.  How could she possibly leave now?  Fingering the diamond which sparkled loudly on her hand, Alexis stood and walked to her bedroom door. 
This is it,
she said to herself, casting one last look at a life no longer hers.

The drab industrial brick architecture of the port jutted upward conspicuously against the crisp mid-morning sky.  Seagulls swooped in covetous circles as they scavenged for scraps along the docks.  The Scott’s trusty gray Buick coughed to a stop in a row of gleaming cars lining State Street.  Lawrence pushed his brown Fedora cap firmly on his head and craned backward to Alexis.  Dressed up smartly in her khaki trench coat, she looked positively hopeless as she heard him pull the key from the ignition.  The finality of the sound wracked her, and each movement that carried her forward cost the greatest of effort. 

“Here we go,” he said, straining to inject his tone with enthusiasm. 

As she helped retrieved her baggage from the deep barrel of the trunk, Alexis suddenly understood her father’s warning the previous night.  Already her possessions seemed to weigh her down.  Marion and Lawrence exchanged wry looks, and the trio limped slowly toward the Long Wharf with the bags clumsily in tow. 

She noticed her father eyeing the diamond on her finger, and his mustache lifted at a peculiar angle.  He had remained inscrutably quiet when Alexis burst in the cottage wild with excitement of her sudden engagement.  “Why didn’t Philip come with us this morning?” he asked her sideways.

Alexis reached for the rock on her hand and pinched it between her fingers.  The thought of Philip smashed her heart.  “We both agreed it would be easier to say goodbye last night.”  Alexis could feel the hot sting of tears pooling against her vision.  Just now she felt desperate to touch him, just once more.  But she knew the desperation would chip at her courage, what little courage she had right now, and tempt her easily into chucking the luggage in the trunk and heading back home.  She swallowed the mounting trepidation in one gulp and lifted her gaze to the scene before her.

Hundreds of people were milling about the pier, a sea of couples, friends and family preparing to say farewell to loved ones.  Alexis found renewed strength in the solidarity of her fellow travelers and she felt a pinprick of excitement.  She watched them and wondered which of these faces she would come to know in the coming days. 

The crowd seemed miniature against the immense black hull of the ocean liner, the
Oceanic.
  Stretching seven hundred feet, its gargantuan body dominated the elements, the freeboard thrusting boldly toward the sea.  The ship was an iron wall and it rested solidly in the harbor, unfazed by the insistent undulation of the dense blue waves goring its side.  “What a beast of a boat,” she murmured.  The rows of circular cabin windows wrapping its immense exterior looked like nothing more than hundreds of neatly lined punch holes. 

Lawrence’s shadowed eyes took in the behemoth, and lifting up his cap he exclaimed, “My, you folks are traveling in style.”  Forgetting himself for a moment, Lawrence grinned and remembered the countless times he had boarded similar vessels, though none this sleek and modern.  He had never grown immune to the sense of wonder and adventure that gathered at the pit of his stomach each time he climbed the long, glinting black traction of the boarding ramp.  His gaze fell on Alexis, and he chuckled inwardly.  Her face was frozen into a familiar visage of thinly
veiled terror.  “Come now, dear,” he chuckled.  “You have plenty of time to feel terrified.  Enjoy this moment.”

Twisting through the mesh of stalling bystanders, Alexis spotted the luggage couriers, their young, able bodies swathed in starchy, navy blue uniforms.  An attractive young attendant examined Alexis’ baggage claim, his soft eyes twinkling flirtatiously.  “Are you traveling alone?”

Alexis nodded distractedly, oblivious to his body language and overly casual inquiry.  Free at last from the cumbersome leather suitcases, Alexis joined Lawrence and Marion, both battling their apprehension with jumbled, trivial conversation. 

Marion’s eyes darted back and forth, and finally she reached out her arms and patted Alexis’ face.  “My dear, we’re going to miss you.  You have a wonderful time.  Be safe.  And make sure you write us as often as you can!”  Alexis sank into her downy embrace.

Pulling back, she saw her father’s eyes were pools of calm.  The edge of anxiety dulled, and again she allowed herself to feel a ripple of excitement.  Alexis plunged forward, her lumbering arms encircling Lawrence’s shoulders.  When they finally separated, Lawrence fixed his gaze on her and said, “This is going to be an adventure of a lifetime.  You’ll do magnificently.   I know it.”  Pushing his spectacles high onto his nose, he added in a professional tone, “We’ll be expecting regular communication from you at the museum.  Keep us updated on your itinerary, and uh…that way we know where you are.” 

Alexis murmured in agreement, only half listening to her father’s instructions.  It was too much.  Her heart expanded in her chest and up into her throat.  If she didn’t leave them now, she never would.  “I love you both,” she howled, squeezing their hands in her sweaty palms.  Her lips quivered, and she squeaked, “I’ve got to go now.”   

Alexis turned abruptly toward the ship and swerved into the queue of passengers.  Her chest rose as she pulled a deep breath of air in her lungs.  She straightened her swooping cloche hat and climbed the gangplank.  Turning, she offered a solemn wave to her father and Marion, their faces tight with bittersweet smiles.

The band of travelers swarmed restlessly around the ship’s deck rail, and she claimed a spot high above the crowd lingering on the wide, concrete pier.  Her father and Marion were two specks in a sea of waving bodies.  The ship’s engine thundered with purpose.  A deep, low horn sounded and the vessel launched imperceptibly into the harbor. 
Alexis broke into a sweat.  Suddenly the collar of her coat was too tight against her throat. She was combing the masses on the pier with her eyes when they caught on a figure cutting a quick path through the stubborn throngs of waving hands.  He was small in the crowd, but she could make out every perfect line of his body.

Philip stood at the edge
of the dock, his hand reaching up.  She could see his mouth moving, and she knew he was calling to her.  She heard herself screaming out his name.  It was useless.  Every person, on boat and pier, was broadcasting last wishes and sentiments at maximum volume.  Gripping the rail furiously, she locked him with her gaze.  His eyes were sad and helpless.  He stopped waving and she saw him mouth,
I love you, Alexis.
 

Alexis felt her insides collapse.  How could she be on this boat?  Every atom of energy pulled her magnetically toward him, now growing smaller.  She could not wrench herself from that spot, and neither could he.  When all others had given up on last waves and glances and turned toward home, she could still make out his lonely silhouette.    Alexis buried her face in a gloved hand.  She saw the searing image of Philip then, and her father.  She thought of her mother.  She thought of every event in her life, minute and grand, which had added up in order to reach this very spot.

The
Oceanic
plowed ahead indifferently.

Chapter
Nine

Alexis swung her legs over the edge of the plush mattress.  The air was still and the morning light caught the fine, golden hair on her naked skin.  She grabbed the cream silk robe draped over a small dresser, and tied it with a knot below her breasts.  Yawning widely, she pressed her face close to the round window of her cabin.  The obscure belly of the ocean distended eternally beneath the raw blue of the unblemished sky.

Alexis sighed cheerfully and took in
her new abode. Though modest in size, it was cozy and distinctly nautical.  The narrow beige walls were embellished discreetly with decorative wooden helms and inky prints of framed antique maps.  The rustic wooden furniture was bolted to the floor, an idea which appealed to Alexis in this emotionally tumultuous moment.  Even the homey upholstered reading chair cramped low in the corner was rooted inextricably to the ground, and she imagined herself after a long day at sea, reading into the late hours with only the flame of a candle, burned low into the pit of the brass holder. 

When she entered the cabin the previous night, her five suitcases had awaited her in a tidy stack alongside the bed.  Her mind still frayed from the task of letting go
of her former life, she had busied herself with unpacking a week’s worth of clothing and toiletries, and she was relieved at their effect in making her quarters feel more intimate.  The ship hummed pleasantly, and now Alexis simpered with pleasure as she looked around.  In all her fantasies of travel, she had imagined this very morning, waking in her cabin and exploring the titanic vessel which was to carry her to worlds unknown. 

Sitting at the edge of t
he bed, Alexis smoothed her camel-colored button-up dress, its soft feminine lines coquettishly revealing her statuesque figure.  The rich earth color darkened her auburn locks into a soft halo of smoky ringlets pinned to the nape of her neck.  In the mirror bolted just above the dress cabinet, Alexis fastened a matching Basque beret slightly off center with pearl-tipped pins, and applied a thin layer of burgundy gloss over her lips.  Slipping her hands into a pair of trim, chocolate-colored gloves, Alexis grabbed her leather satchel and flung open the door of her cabin, casting an excited glance back at her new home.

Alexis
practically skipped through the corridor, bounding up the stairs and sucked in a breath of wonder when she emerged through the arched doorway.  Men and women strolled leisurely about the open deck, lacy parasols catching in the breeze.  They draped themselves along the cushioned lounge chairs, ordering iced teas and cocktails with spiced rums.  Children dared themselves to the rail and tossed pennies overboard, their heads bobbing through cable to watch the copper discs disappear into the swelling surf. 
What a wonderfully bizarre community
, she thought. 

Though her second class ticket did not grant her admission to the ship’s more luxurious features, Alexis spent the afternoon climbing mysterious stairwells, exploring dark passageways, and scribbling furiously in her journal as she paused in the abundant nooks the vast ship offer
ed.  As the sun sank low into the orange haze of dusk, Alexis watched with quiet admiration from a cushioned bench against the rail. 

Just as her mind began to ebb toward Boston, a young woman dressed in a comely plaid tunic coat sat
down a few feet away. Her features were small and feminine but for her nose, which arched high and narrow at her brow.  Wheat-colored pin curls framed her heart-shaped face, and her small lips seemed to settle naturally into a child-like grin which she flashed at Alexis.  Rummaging through her purse, she retrieved a flat silver cigarette case.  She brought the cigarette to her mouth, and it dangled from her lips elegantly, as though she had rehearsed the art of smoking many hours before a mirror. 

Alexis gave a subdued smile and returned her gaze to the sun, now electric as it met the horizon.  The woman stood as if to leave, but she hesitated and turned to face Alexis.  She bent forward.  “Hello,” she said
, her voice a playful alto, and offered her hand. 

“Hi,” Alexis replied unce
rtainly. 

“My name is Tabitha.  Tabitha Lockley. You?”

“Alexis Scott.”

Tabitha smiled again.  “I saw you this morning at the café.  I was curious about you.  Are you traveling alone?” 

Alexis bowed her head.  “Yes, I am.  Are you?”  she asked, her brows rising hopefully.

Tabitha laughed.  “No, I’m with my family.  We’re on holiday together.  We usually travel somewhere in Europe, but we decided on something a little more adventurous.  So it’s Australia this year.
”  Tabitha took a deep drag from her cigarette.  “Why are you traveling alone?  If you don’t mind my asking.”

Alexis sho
ok her head, “No, I don’t.  I…um…I’m actually on my way to New Guinea.  I work in Boston at the Society of Natural History.  I’ll be doing some research while I’m there.”

Tabitha reeled back and let her jaw drop theatrically.  “Well, that’s the one answer I hadn’t even imagined.”  She laughed again, and Alexis relaxed with its good-natured timbre.  “So you’re doing all this by yourself?  Aren’t you scared?” 

Her new friend settled again on the bench, this time much closer to Alexis.  She couldn’t be more than twenty-five.  Her face emitted the eternal youth of curiosity and innocence, an effect negated by the willowy wisps of gray smoke spouting steadily from the tip of her cigarette.  She flicked it in the air and a crust of ash vanished from sight.

Alexis swallowed nervously, both happy and wary to make a friend.  “I’m traveling there alon
e, but once I get to the island I’ll be meeting another researcher, and of course we’ll have a guide to get around.”  She wondered if her voice betrayed the nonchalance of her words, but Tabitha looked enraptured.  “To be honest, I’m scared to death.”  Alexis braced herself as she pronounced the sentiment which had taunted her, as though to admit it would make her fear come alive.  Instead she felt the rush of relief, and Tabitha squeezed her arm and squealed with disbelief.

“God, I can’t imagine it.  You’re so brave.”  Tabitha stubbed out her cigarette against the rubber sole of her heeled sandal.  “What about your family?  Mine would never allow it.”  She shook her head, the golden curls bouncing tightly. 

When the conversation reached a peaceful lull, Alexis saw that the sky had opened into an infinite black chasm, the stars so ablaze and voluminous that they seemed to pull in close to the sea.  The women sat in silence, and Alexis felt a wave of gratitude sweep over her.  She felt completely at ease with Tabitha, as though they were childhood friends.  Unlike many of the acquaintances she’d made over the years, she sensed no need to defend herself, or her interests.  Tabitha listened to her stories with genuine and disarming interest, and she divulged the details of her own life with a heart free of fear.  Alexis learned that her family, while supportive, still obeyed the rigid rules of the Boston elite.  That she was being pushed to marry for economic convenience. 

“But I won’t do it,” Tabitha said matter-of-factly.  “They’re simply mad if they believe I would marry someone just to secure
their
financial interests.”  Tabitha relaxed against the rail and let out a whooping sigh.  She giggled and let her hand fall on her new friend’s arm.  She jerked with the spasm of a budding idea and squeezed Alexis. 

“Why don’t you have dinner with me and my family?
God, that would be entertainment. We’ll be in the stuffy first-class restaurant, but the food is unbeatable.”

Alexis wriggled her nose at the thought.  She had had her fill of Boston elite, but she held her tongue.  “Actually, I’m totally exhausted and there’s nothing I want more than to settle in my cabin.  Maybe I can find you tomorrow?” 

Tabitha let out a knowing laugh. “Yeah, I don’t blame you.”  She snapped her pocketbook shut and stood, her skirt falling neatly around her calves.  Looking toward the sky, she sighed wistfully.  “There’s nothing like this.  Sometimes I think I love the voyage more than the destination.”  Shrugging her shoulders, she turned back to Alexis.  “Anyway, we’ll be in the botanical café tomorrow playing cards.  Why don’t we meet there?  Say, three o’clock?”

Alexis nodded and rose from her spot.  “That sounds great.  I’ll see you there.” The two women embraced like old friends, and Alexis was sorry to see her go. 

In her cabin, Alexis relaxed in the reading chair, her legs drawn under her.  She had slipped into a long, white cotton gown, and her open robe cascaded over the curves of her body like the gossamer whorls of a waterfall.  On the table sat a wide-rimmed cocktail glass she’d requested from a passing ship attendant, now wet with her father’s brandy.  She inhaled its sharp odor and she toasted Lawrence as she brought the glass to her lips.  Clasping the worn spine of her favorite novel, Alexis smiled contentedly as she read into the late hours by the flame of the candle burning low in its glinting stem.

***

Tabitha’s face burst with warmth when she saw Alexis approach.  “Hello, hello!” she exclaimed eagerly, and Alexis loved her instantly for her unrestrained exuberance.  The two pressed their rosy cheeks, and squeezed each other’s hands.  “I’ve told my family all about you and they’re dying to meet the bold Alexis Scott.”

Alexis blushed violently, arrested in her tracks.  “Um…” she stammered.

Tabitha laughed and swatted away Alexis’ worry with a dismissive hand.  “Oh, don’t worry!  They won’t bite.”

They passed through the glass dome, a maze of exotic greens stretching upward in wors
hip of the sun.  Beautifully worked wrought iron chairs and tables were tucked in coves of flowered vines, which dangled lazily from the beams of an arching trellis.  Tabitha took Alexis’ hand and led her further into the mystical labyrinth.  A ring of perfectly dressed and coifed Bostonians sat around a wide, circular table, their hands clutching crisp playing cards.  Alexis could feel her heels grinding counter to Tabitha’s pull.  She had the familiar sensation of walking into a lion’s den.

“Everyone,” Tabitha announced loudly, “this is the friend I told you about.  Alexis, this is my family.” 

The Lockleys lowered their cards, and the solemn lines of their faces opened into pleasant smiles and chirps of welcome.  The mother and father eyed her curiously, and the family rose to offer Alexis their hands.  As they settled back into their chairs, a stern-faced man stood slowly and extended his open palm to Alexis.

“William,” he said, his voice irritatingly aloof.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Alexis replied mechanically.  She took his hand, and his fingers closed around hers firmly.

A young cousin set off in search of another chair, and Alexis shifted anxiously as a chorus of innocent but inquisitive questions assailed her.  Wasn’t she concerned for her safety?  What about her family?  How was she qualified for such a trip in the first place?  Each answer seemed only to spur another round of questions, their engrossed faces never hinting at the disapproval with which these kinds of interviews had frequently met.  She might have felt unnerved by their harmless bewilderment, but she was distracted by the unwavering shadow on William’s face as he watched her across the din of the friendly interrogation.

His tepid voice was soft, but the group silenced as he spoke.  “You don’t think it’s a little excessive?” 

Alexis jumped slightly in her seat at the undisguised accusation.  Immediately put off, she didn’t bother with more than a cock of her eyebrow.

“Well,” he said, his voice touched with condescension.  “You don’t see many women crossing the ocean alone to explore dangerous lands.  Perhaps it’s whimsical, is all.”  He frowned conclusively, as though the material point had been made, and there was nothing left to say.  Alexis rolled her eyes unconsciously and William twitched at her response. 

The secluded enclave fell quiet, and Alexis suddenly regretted her decision to meet Tabitha.  Now that her experience with the Talbots was behind her by hundreds of miles, she had grown impatient of these stale conversations and predictable confrontations. 

She considered politely excusing herself when Tabitha’s commanding voice piped up.  “Oh, be quiet, William.  Who asked you anyway?” 

William narrowed his eyes at his sister, the exchange evidence that the two had likely butted heads the whole of their lives.  Alexis heard a stifled giggle, and finally Tabitha’s father slapped the table comically, seizing the group’s attention.  “That does it.  I think what we need now is a round of cocktails.”

As the family toasted, their bodies warming with spirits, Tabitha pulled Alexis from her seat.  Whispering sideways at her hoarsely, she said, “I’m so sorry about my brother.  I can’t believe he said that.”  She snorted and rolled her eyes.  “He likes to keep the women of my family in check, too.  It’s just his stuffy nature.”

Alexis arched an ey
ebrow.  “It’s alright. I’m well acquainted with that kind of thinking,” she grumbled, trying her best to keep her tone light.

Tabitha grinned sheepishly, her cheeks an apologetic rouge.  “
Don’t pay him any attention.  Most of us don’t.  We tolerate him as best we can,” Tabitha looked back over her shoulder at her brother and raised her voice, “because he’s family and we love him.” 

Alexis squeezed her
new friend’s hand, and savored the luck of finding such an outspoken, rambunctious spirit.  “You want to get tipsy with me later on?” Alexis proposed.