The Lost Child (22 page)

‘I don’t know, where do you want me to go?’ she asked, still hugging herself, unable to look at him. She knew what she wanted to say, but didn’t think she had the gumption.

‘Wherever you are most comfortable, but I should tell you that the other half of my bed definitely comes with an agenda.’

Elaine turned to him and reached up, touching his face with hesitant fingers. ‘I don’t know who I am Dan’ she said, in a bid to warn him about what he might be taking on. She would be stupid to think that it would be a straightforward union. Many people came to things with excess baggage, but few with an entourage of scandal and a lost identity.

He took her hand and kissed it. Then he bent and kissed her. ‘I’ve wanted to do that since I was seventeen and I let that woman chase me off.’ He bent to kiss her again.

Elaine began to relax, all the tension that had racked her for what felt like an age started to ebb away, passing out of her body and seemingly into his as the kiss became more urgent. It would be easy to hide in what the kiss might mean, she could be fifteen again and pretend that the turmoil of emotions were simple teenage angst.

They were forced to break apart by Brodie’s voice from the hallway below, stridently demanding their attention. ‘Coffee’s ready when you two have finished snogging,’ her voice was laden with the tone of a militant chaperone.

Dan laughed, ‘Nearly forty years of age, in my own home, and I’m still being bested by a chopsy teenager.’

Elaine buried her blushing face in his shirt ‘Oh my God, what are we going to do with her?’ she mumbled from the depths of the fabric. She pulled away from him. ‘Duty calls.’

Dan bent to pick up the bags, ‘So where am I putting these?’

Elaine took her bag from him and walked into his bedroom. ‘Well, mine’s going in here, you’d better put Brodie’s in her room,’ she said with a shy smile.

Brodie bellowed up the stairs again, ‘Are you two coming down or what?’

‘My God, it’s like sharing the house with a mini Mary Whitehouse,’ Dan muttered as he started down the stairs.

Elaine took her bag into Dan’s bedroom and put it on the bed, wondering at the wisdom of her decision, and the fairness. Her conscience prodded at her, asking her to consider whether she was taking advantage of Dan as a convenient port in an unusually turbulent storm. Fate had put him in her path for a second time and she would like to believe that meant something, however the ghost of Jean was still looming inordinately large and, as usual, she was clouding everything.

*

Brodie announced that she was starving and it was mutually decided that Dan would go out and get them a takeaway. Tony had phoned a few minutes before to say that he was on his way, so they were hoping to have eaten by the time he arrived with whatever the next batch of news was going to bring.

While Dan was gone, Brodie and Elaine pottered in the kitchen, finding plates and cutlery and washing up their coffee cups.

‘He’s got a really nice house hasn’t he? I reckon he must be pretty minted,’ Brodie said as she carefully dried up one of the china mugs before passing it to Elaine to be put away.

‘Yes, it’s a lovely house, but I don’t think he’s rich, he just works hard.’

Brodie tipped her head to one side and studied the mug she was holding in her soapy hand. ‘You do know that relationships that start under traumatic circumstances rarely last don’t you?’ she said sagely.

Elaine peered at her, a look of bemusement on her face, ‘Where on earth do you come up with these things?’

‘I saw it on a film, Sandra Bullock said it to Keanu Reeves when they had just got off a bus that was going to blow up.’

Elaine laughed, ‘Well, remind me to thank Mr Reeves and Ms. Bullock for their relationship advice.’

Brodie shrugged, ‘Just saying.’

Elaine put the last of the mugs away and leaned on the worktop. ‘Brodie, why does me being with Dan bother you so much? I mean I’ve known him longer than I’ve known you. In fact I was about your age when I met him’

Brodie fiddled with the tea cloth, pulling at the loops of thread, and gave another of her habitual shrugs, ‘It’s just that with everything that’s happened I think you might be a bit vulnerable and all, I don’t want you to get hurt that’s all. He seems nice, but he’s a bloke and blokes are crap aren’t they?’ It was true, she did feel that, but she was also experiencing an unreasonable prod of jealousy. She had only just found her sister and she didn’t want to share her.

‘Not all of them, or did you learn that from films too?’

Brodie shook her head, ‘No, from my mum. It’s what she says.’ That was true too, but she also had her own experience to reinforce the assertion. Blokes were selfish shits and always left you with more than you had bargained for.

Elaine smiled at her, ‘I’m sure I’ll be fine Brodie, I have done this before you know. Anyway, right now, and I hate to admit this, but I think I need him. Can you understand that?’

If it was anything like how much she felt she needed Elaine, then she could, ‘Yeah, I get it.’ But it didn’t mean she had to like it.

They didn’t speak for a moment. Brodie watched Elaine wipe down the sides and make sure the room was how they’d found it.

It was Brodie who broke the silence, ‘I knew. When I met you. I knew.’

‘What do you mean?’ Elaine said as she folded the tea cloth and surveyed their handiwork.

‘That you were her. Mandy. What I mean is – I knew there was something special about you, I didn’t know you were Mandy then, but I knew there was something.’

Elaine walked over to the kitchen table and sat down, pushing a chair out for Brodie with her foot. She waited until the girl was seated before speaking, ‘This is important Brodie so I want to make sure you understand. I’m not Mandy, and I will never be Mandy. I accept that biologically there isn’t much doubt that my DNA would match hers – I don’t want to accept it, but I have to. But I’m Elaine, I was brought up as Elaine, however wrongly, but I am still Elaine. I can’t be that other girl because her life has been imagined by people in a thousand different ways. Like the ghosts we talked about, remember? Well, my life was real, I know the papers will say that I’ve lived a lie and that’s true to an extent. But I was there and it happened and it’s mine. I can’t change it. I can’t be Mandy, not for anyone. Whoever Mandy was going to be, she died on that day and everyone is stuck with me instead. Look, what I’m trying to explain is that this is not going to end up with roses round the door and everyone living happily ever after. I’m glad we found each other Brodie, but your mum is not my mum, Tony is not my brother and Fern is not my sister. You and I are friends, maybe even like sisters, and I love you like one, but I can’t be Mandy and I can’t make this turn out well. Do you get it?’

Brodie nodded unhappily, it was like Jack had said, everyone knew the truth deep down and sometimes you got rocks instead of diamonds, but you still had more than you had before, ‘But what if they don’t see it like that?’

‘Then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,’ Dan said from the doorway, making both of them jump. ‘But for now I have three tons of Chinese food, going cold. Brodie, go and light the fire in the lounge will you? It might be July but I’m bloody freezing. We’ll eat in there. I fetched it, so Elaine can dish it up.’

When Brodie was gone Elaine turned to him, ‘How long were you standing there?’

Dan shrugged out of his coat and began passing her the food containers. ‘Long enough to hear you speak a good deal of sense.’

‘I don’t think she realises how crap this thing is going to be.’ Elaine’s voice was heavy with worry as she turned away from him.

He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, dropping a kiss on the top of her head, ‘Your hair smells of fruit.’

Elaine smiled, ‘And this food smells of starvation. Get off and let me dish it up will you?’

He turned her round to face him, and cupped her face in his hands. ‘In a minute, it can wait. None of us realise how crap this thing might turn out to be, this is only the beginning, and it might get worse, it might get better, but we’ll do it together, OK? Me, you and that demented midget in there,’ he said nodding towards the lounge.

‘Thank you,’ she said, reaching up to kiss him.

‘Oh my God, will you two get a room please? You’re putting me off my food!’ Brodie groaned from the doorway.

‘More for me then’ Dan shouted, throwing a bag of prawn crackers at her as she ran off down the hall squealing like a small, black clad banshee. As she stretched up to catch them a look of concern flickered across Dan’s face, he had spotted something and it worried him.

***

After they had eaten Brodie asked if she could have a bath, leaving Dan and Elaine alone for a few precious minutes. Dan was pensive as Elaine cleared away their plates, wondering if now was the right time to bring up his concerns about Brodie. He was sure Elaine would be worried about it if she saw it for herself, but he felt odd about having noticed it at all. He was still contemplating broaching the subject when the doorbell rang. Tony had arrived, looking careworn and weary. Whatever concerns he had about Brodie would have to wait. Maybe they should wait anyway, Elaine already had enough to deal with.

The first few minutes of the meeting between the long lost brother and sister were tense and awkward. Elaine just couldn’t make eye contact, and Tony couldn’t take his eyes off Elaine. It was as if he was trying to find something that would identify her as the child he had known. Dan watched them both, fascinated by this strange reunion dance.

While Elaine loaded the dishwasher, Dan offered Tony a beer and led him through to the lounge, ‘So, did you manage to see your mother today?’ he asked, settling onto the sofa while the other man took the chair.

Tony took a long swig of his beer, followed by a groan of satisfaction and relief. ‘Yep. Not good, she doesn’t believe it, thinks that Elaine is an impostor. She was pretty hysterical by the time I left, no doubt they will have jammed her full of sedatives by now,’ he paused and took another long pull of beer. ‘I had a chat with the Charge Nurse, she thinks it will take time for it to sink in. I don’t think it’s a good idea that they meet yet.’

Elaine had slipped into the room, she sat down on the arm of the sofa next to Dan. ‘That’s good, I’m not sure I’m ready to meet her yet either.’ she said.

Dan placed his hand on the small of her back, just so that she would know that he was there, in her corner.

‘Aye, it’s a strange business, and to be honest with you I’m well out of my depth,’ Tony said. He looked at Elaine. ‘I hate to say it but I think we were all convinced you were dead. I just can’t get over it. The Mandy I remember was a tiny dot of a thing.’

‘I’m not her. Think of me as Elaine. It helps.’

Under his hand Dan was aware of the tension building in her body.

‘Thanks for having Brodie by the way, I really appreciate it. I’m in the Navy see and I’m not really best placed to look after her,’ Tony said, draining the bottle in two gulps.

‘Oh, I thought you lived with your girlfriend. Kerry isn’t it? I didn’t realise you were in quarters,’ Elaine forced her words through a gritted smile.

Dan gave her a little squeeze, whether as a warning or reassurance he didn’t know. But Tony must be pretty dense if he didn’t recognise that she was getting more and more wound up.

‘Oh no I’m not in quarters, me and Kelly have a house. It’s just that, well, she works a lot – she’s a hairdresser, got her own business – and well, she doesn’t really have time to look after a kid. Besides, she’s only nineteen and hardly older than Brodie herself. I didn’t feel I could ask her to take it on to be honest.’

Elaine launched herself to her feet before Dan could restrain her. For a moment he thought she was going to explode with all the things he too wanted to say. He found himself catching his breath in anticipation of a coming storm.

‘Just going to get myself a drink, back in a moment,’ she said with the most forced smile Dan had ever seen on a human being. As she walked away he breathed a subtle sigh of relief.

‘Any chance of another mate?’ Tony asked, waving the empty bottle at him. Dan had barely sipped his own drink and was surprised at the speed with which Tony had downed his.

‘Sure, back in a minute.’

In the kitchen he found Elaine leaning against the table, gripping its edge with knuckles so white they looked like bone.

He fetched another beer from the fridge, and poured a large glass of whisky for Elaine, ‘Knock it back, it will taste like shit, but it’ll help.’ He forced the glass into her hand.

She did as he said, swallowed and grimaced, looking as if she was going to bring it straight back up. Fortunately she kept it down.

‘You can do this.’ he said.

She nodded, still fighting the acrid heat of the alcohol. ‘Give me a minute,’ she gasped, grimacing at the potency of her own breath.

Back in the lounge Tony accepted his second drink gratefully and polished half of it off in two mouthfuls. ‘God, I needed that. You have no idea how stressful this shit has been.’

Dan smiled at him, remembering the day before, and recalling how he’d thought that Elaine was dead or dying. He thought about being stuck in a pitch-black tunnel and Elaine’s devastation as she’d listened to the revelation… ‘I can imagine,’ he said mildly as Elaine came back into the room. She was looking a bit more composed as she sat next to him on the sofa. For good measure he took her hand and squeezed it.

‘Listen mate I know this is a bit of a cheek, but is there any chance I can beg a kip for the night? I’m knackered and I can’t exactly drive your van to a hotel after drinking can I?’ Tony waved the half empty bottle at them.

Dan felt Elaine’s hand squirm in his, so he held it tighter, ‘Sure, there’s a spare room. I can drive you to the station in the morning if you like?’ Dan made the offer calmly because even though he didn’t really want to accommodate Tony, he wanted to do something for Brodie.

‘You’re a star mate, cheers,’ Tony said, draining the rest of his drink. ‘Where’s our Brodie then?’

Elaine jumped in, ‘She’s upstairs, she was having a bath. I’ll go and see if she’s out, and I’ll check that the room’s made up for you.’ Her words were filtered through another tight smile.