The Lost Boy and The Gardener's Daughter (37 page)

Chapter Fifty Six

The Stalker wis jist aboot tae call McTavish o’er tae speak tae him as he wis passing the phone booth in the hotel lobby, when the phone rang, bang oan cue.

  “Billy?”

  “Aye,” Billy Liar acknowledged.

  “Whit’s happening?” The Stalker asked.

  “Well, the shite his well and truly hit the fan noo.  The Duke’s daughter is splashed aw o’er the front-page ae The Glesga Echo.  Ah’ve goat it in front ae me.  The headline is screaming ‘PREMIER DUKE’S DAUGHTER MISSING.’  They’ve put in a photo.  She’s quite a tasty wee thing, or at least, she is in the photo they’ve used here.  There’s also a photo ae The Duke and Duchess.  Ah’d gie the maw wan as well.  The looks must run in the family.”

  “Dis it say anything aboot McBride?”

  “Naw, no really.  It says her disappearance is a mystery, bit ye’ll like this bit...‘however, her disappearance coincides wae that ae a youth fae Glesga who his jist recently moved tae the area, hivving been released fae a mental institution and who his a history ae violence.’  It then goes oan tae say that ‘Glesga polis hiv sent up wan ae their tap investigating officers tae the Highlands, Sergeant Paddy McPhee, who his a reputation fur always getting his man, tae investigate any connection between the youth, who is well known tae the authorities as a Glesga thug, and the disappearance ae The Duke and Duchess’s daughter, Lady Saba MacDonald’…end ae quote.  Ye cannae get in the bloody front door here because ae aw the reporters hinging aboot.  Daddy’s in his element, saying ‘nae comment’ every time he goes in and oot ae the front door.  He’s goat them dangling, waiting fur a statement that he’s telt them he’ll gie them later.”

  “How the hell did they get ma name?”

  “We’ve hid Big Hamish Ross, the chief superintendent fae up there in Hicksville oan the blower.  Daddy held the phone aboot four feet away fae that lug ae his as Ross let fly.  Masel and Pat Curry could hear everything fae the other side ae the room.

  ‘Daddy, you two faced buggering shit!  You’ve set us up,’ Big Hamish howled.

  ‘Hamish, Hamish.  Calm doon,’ Daddy pleaded.

  ‘Don’t you bloody calm me down, you two-faced arsehole!  You bloody conned that idiot, Cotter, you fucking foxy-faced prick.’

  ‘Hamish, we asked Cotter if he wis okay wae us sending up wan ae oor boys tae hiv a wee sniff aroond aboot the place.  Ah don’t know why ye’re getting they knickers ae yers in a twist.  Oops, sorry, Hamish, Ah furgoat, youse Highlanders don’t wear any,’ Daddy said, trying tae inject a wee bit ae friendly humour tae calm The Super doon.

  ‘I hope you’re going to tell the papers that this is a joint operation and that one of our finest from the Highlands is also on the case with your man,’ Big Hamish demanded.

  ‘Fur Christ’s sake, Hamish, of course Ah am.  There’s a press conference later oan.  Don’t ye worry aboot a thing.’

  ‘I’ll fucking get you for this if it’s the last thing I do, Daddy, you two faced bastard.’

  ‘Well, haud oan a minute, Hamish.  We tried tae involve youse right fae the start. According tae your man, Cotter, youse wur treating
this as a missing person case and that there wisnae any cause fur concern.’

  ‘Aye, but you forgot to bloody mention that one of your well-known local maniacs was on the loose up here.  I’m being made to look like a bloody Highland cow.  I couldn’t get through the door this morning for journos.
I got one of my boys to arrest that Paterson from the Press and Journal for the cheek he gave me.’

   ‘Aye, Ah know how ye feel.  They’ve set up camp ootside the station doon here as well, bit Ah’d watch whit ye dae, Hamish.  Arresting the press isnae the best thing tae dae, no matter how much ye want tae split they baws ae theirs wae yer size elevens,’ Daddy said tae him, clearly enjoying himsel.

  ‘You better keep me posted, Daddy.  Tell that Stalker one that he’s to get my man McTavish to report in to Inspector Cotter every four hours.  Do I make myself clear?’

  ‘Ah, so ye’ve heard aboot The Stalker, eh?  Aye, he’s some boy is Paddy.  Always get’s his man, so he dis.  Don’t ye worry, Hamish, we’ll get The Duke’s daughter back hame tae the Highlands.’

   And wae that, Daddy put the phone doon.  Ye should’ve seen the grin oan that coupon ae his,” Billy gleefully telt The Stalker doon the line.

  “Ah don’t know if we’ll be near a phone box every four hours, Billy.  We’re in the middle ae Nowheresville and Ah hivnae goat a clue where the hell we ur maist ae the time.”

  “Paddy, furget the phones.  Don’t even tell that chookter bizzy that he’s tae report in.  Tell him the message back fae Inverness is that he’s daeing a grand job, he’s tae keep up the good work and that Inspector Cotter will get a full report when he returns.  You jist concentrate oan oor side ae the fence and we’ll feed the Highland boys wae a few wee morsels every noo and again.  Noo, tell me, whit’s the score wae you?”

  “We’ve no picked up any sign ae McBride or the lassie.  Ah wid’ve put money oan that he’d come doon through this way.  Ah wis so convinced last night, that Ah even thought fur a second that Ah heard his voice when we wur trying tae book a room.”

  “Listen, Paddy, Daddy picked yersel because he trusts ye and he knows ye’ll catch up wae him.  Whit’s yer plans the day?”

  “We’re jist aboot tae hiv oor breakfast and get oan the road.  We’ll probably heid fur Crianlarach.  Any sign ae the other Mankys, Gucci and McManus?”

  “Not a sausage.  They’ve disappeared and gone tae ground.  We’ve been the whole
toon upside doon, trying tae get oor hauns oan them.  Daddy thinks they’re gonnae rendezvous wae McBride.  If that happens, we’re goosed.  Ye need tae get yer skates oan and catch the basturt.  Pat Curry his jist came aff the phone tae the boys o’er in Dumbarton.  Daddy agrees wae yersel and believes the route he’ll take tae get intae the city is via Dumbarton.  We’re still no sure whit he’s up tae though.”

  “Aye, Ah know.  Ah’m still working oan that wan masel.  This chookter, McTavish, disnae seem too concerned fur the lassie.  He goat tae know McBride when he wis living wae the auld poacher and his wife.  It’s unbelievable…he disnae believe that McBride will dae her any harm.  He thinks we’ve goat it aw wrang when it comes tae oor wee Paul.”

  “Right, listen up Paddy, this is important.  Keep him in the dark and tell him nothing.  It’s well known that they chookter polis are aw as corrupt as fuck.  Ah heard that they actually go oot poaching wae the poachers.  Kin ye imagine?  It’s like us daeing a bank job wae the bank robbers.  Jist keep him behind the wheel and tell him sweet FA.  It’ll gie ye a wee chance tae hiv a wee kip if he’s daeing aw the driving.”

  “Aye, okay, Billy.  Right, Ah’ve goat tae go…ma breakfast’s getting cauld.  Ah’ll phone ye back later in the day when Ah get a chance.”

  “Righty-ho, Paddy.  If ye don’t get me in, Pat Curry will be here,” the inspector
said, hinging up the phone.

Chapter Fifty Seven

  “I’m starving,” Saba groaned, looking in a paper bag fae the day before, before discarding it.

  “Ye’re no starving…ye’re hungry.  There’s a big difference. Ye’ll jist hiv tae chew oan that bottom lip ae yours.  Unless we come across a shoap, ye’ll jist hiv tae hing oan.  And stoap yer moaning…that’s aw ye’ve done since ye goat in the Landy this morning.”

  “It’s not morning.  This is the middle of the night for me.   Why do you have to do everything in the middle of the night?”

  “Because everything Ah’ve done so far involving yersel his been illegal…that’s why…and Ah don’t want tae end up back in the jail,” Paul replied, as he took a right turn, following the A87, Kyle ae Lochalsh tae Fort William road, heiding fur Invergarry.

  He wis feeling a wee bit peckish himsel.  The rush oot ae The Lochcarron Inn hid taken mair than the two minutes that he’d allotted tae Saba.  Efter mair than ten minutes, she’d
finally
stumbled oot ae the building and jumped in beside him, before dashing back tae grab her Tranny, which she’d left sitting oan the windae sill.  She hidnae even managed tae shut the passenger door before he’d sped aff alang the road.  He’d turned right at the junction where the sign pointed towards the Kyle ae Lochalsh and hid heided alang the same road that PC Shiny Buttons hid taken a quarter ae an hour earlier.  Jist before The Strathcarron Hotel, he’d pulled o’er and telt Saba tae get intae the driver’s seat.

  “Why?”

  “Because Ah said so,” he’d snarled, walking roond tae her side ae the Landy and wrenched open her door, motioning her tae move across.

  “I’ve never driven one of these.”

  “Saba, it’s the same as any other car, noo hurry up before they bizzies come back,” he’d said, wincing as she crunched the gears and the Landy leap-frogged alang the road and past the hotel.

  “It must be kangaroo petrol instead of a Tiger in the tank,” she’d said in the way ae an apology, crunching intae third gear.

  “Fur Christ’s sakes, Ah feel car-sick awready and ye hivnae even gone fifty feet,” he’d moaned, haudin oan tae his seat and checking the mirror tae make sure The Dignity wis still fastened securely.

  Paul hid noticed the bizzy car sitting in the hotel car park where he’d seen it turning in.  He’d looked up at the windaes as he passed the building.  Efter a hauf mile ae him continually looking oot ae the back windae, watching fur any movement at the hotel, he’d instructed her tae pull in.

  “Right, shift back across again before Ah throw up,” he’d said, as he opened the door and hauf ran roond tae the driver’s door, efter she’d stalled the engine fur the third time.

  “What was all that about?” she’d asked as he moved aff, looking in his rear-view mirror.

  “Whit?”

  “You making me drive for a couple of hundred feet.”

  “It wisnae a couple ae hundred feet, it wis mair like hauf a mile, even though it felt like ten miles ae grief.”

  “Alright, whatever, but why?”

  “Because Ah wis expecting a trap and Ah needed ye tae be in the driver’s seat, jist in case they tried tae block us aff.”

  “And it would give you a chance to run off, I suppose?”

  “Run?  Where the hell wid Ah be able tae run tae aboot here?”

  “Then why?”

  “Because the deal wis if we goat stoapped by the bizzies, Ah widnae be caught sitting in the driver’s seat.  Ye’d be gieing me a lift…remember?”

  “Hmm, I don’t know if I like that.”

  “Well, tough shit.  That wis the deal and Ah’m no in the mood tae re-negotiate anything, so don’t even think aboot gaun there.”

  “I’m hungry,” she moaned again.

  Paul’s brain wis in meltdoon as he tackled the first big hill ae the day.  Where the hell hid McTavish come fae?  How the fuck hid he found them so soon?  Where wis he noo and whit wis he up tae?  He knew he shouldnae hiv kipped in the hotel last night.  He should’ve stuck tae his gut instinct.  He’d warned Innes that McTavish wisnae tae be trusted.

  “You could have at least stopped at Eilean Donan Castle for a few minutes.  I’ve seen pictures of it in magazines, but have never visited it before,” Saba whinged, breaking intae his thoughts.

  “Saba, Ah know ye think ye’re oan a wee holiday, bit if Ah’m caught by the bizzies, driving this stolen Landy, wae a missing Duke’s daughter sitting in it, Ah swear tae God, they’ll throw away the key.  Ah’ll be locked up before Ah’ve hid a chance ae tasting freedom and there’s nae way Ah’m gonnae let that happen.  Ah’ve goat Innes and Whitey tae think ae.  Ye kin dae whit the fuck ye want, wance we get shot ae the boat.”

  “And what about me?”

  “Whit aboot ye?”

  “You just said that you’ve got Innes and Whitey to think about. What about me? I’m a person too.”

  “Well, Ah’m glad ye brought that up, because ye’re gonnae hiv tae start daeing whit ye’re telt withoot questioning everything Ah’m telling ye tae dae.”

  “I’m not your prisoner and you’re certainly not my jailer,” she stiffened, getting ready fur a fight.

  “Naw, bit Ah’m the captain ae this boat and whit Ah say goes.”

  “Why?”

  “Because Ah bloody well said so, that’s why!”

  “You mean because you’re a man.”

  “Naw, because Ah’m the boss aboot here.”

  “Says who?”

  “Me and Wan-eye.”

  “You’re pathetic.”

  “So am Ah.”

  “Don’t try and be clever with me.  I’m a lot smarter than you think.”

  “Aye, well, if ye say so.”

  “I do.  The problem with you is you’ve been brainwashed into thinking women are stupid, but we’re not.”

  “The trouble wae whit ye’ve jist come oot wae, is that ye think Ah’ve hung aboot long enough tae be brainwashed by whoever ye think brainwashes guys against wummin.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means ye’re putting me intae the same pool ae brainwashed wankers that ye believe hiv treated ye like shite aw yer life which Ah find bang oot ae order.”

  “It’s not just me, it’s all women.  We all feel like that.”

  “So, whit ur ye gonnae dae aboot it then?”

  “That’s my point.  You’re saying that you’re the boss, which means, according to you, nothing happens on this road trip without your approval.  Who decided that rule?  We never spoke about it…at least not that I can remember.”

  “Ah think ye’ll find that if ye cast yer rich spoiled brain back, we discussed, as equals, whit the score wid be when we hit the road.  Ah never heard ye bleating then, so why the hell ur ye bleating noo?” he snarled, drapping doon intae second as he took a steep right haun bend.

  “It’s your manner, the way you talk to me, the disrespectful way you speak to me and that’s not to mention your foul language.”

  “And ye think that’s because ye’re a wummin?”

  “What I’m saying is that you just assume that you’re in charge and the rest of us...”

  “Us?”

  “...One-eye and I will jump at your every command.”

  “Well, fur a start, he’s a bloody dug, so he’s supposed tae jump at ma command.  As fur yersel, ye’re getting yer knickers in a twist because Ah won’t stoap at a poncie fucking castle so ye kin hiv a gander at it and compare it wae the wan ye’ve jist ran away fae.  Ah’ve telt ye, stoap acting as if ye’re oan yer school holidays.  Ah thought ye wur sick ae castles anyway?  Why the
hell did ye run away fae wan, only tae whinge at me tae stoap at another wan tae see whose auld man his the maist windaes between them?”

  “Don’t change the subject,” she snarled at him.  “Stop treating me as if I’m your maid.”

  “Aye, well ye’d know mair aboot how tae treat maids than Ah ever wid,” he hit her wae, as Wan-eye’s heid swivelled roond fur the response tae that wan.

  “You’ve never had a girlfriend, have you?”

  “A girlfriend?  Noo, whit the hell’s that goat tae dae wae anything?” he snapped back at her, totally bamboozled aboot where she wis coming fae.

  “You just don’t know how to treat the opposite sex…like an equal…with equal respect…do you?  You’re culturally and emotionally destitute.”

  “And you’re a bloody pain in the arse.”

  “There you go.  Insulting people is just your way of avoiding responsibility for your actions.  You’re permanently in denial.  You’ll never be able to settle down because you’re too busy avoiding who you are.”

  “That’s rich coming fae the likes ae you.  Who ur you running away fae, eh?  Daddy, who gied ye everything then goat it slung back in his face?  Mammy, who’s running aboot shagging aw the guys that ye fancy yersel?  Ye’re mair fucked-up than Ah’ll ever be,” he sneered.

  “How dare you!” Saba howled, slapping Paul oan the side ae his face.

  “Right, that’s it.  Ah’ve hid enough ae this shite,” Paul snarled, slamming oan the brakes.

  “I’m sorry, Paul, I shouldn’t have done that,” Saba wailed, covering her mooth wae her offensive weapon.

  “Too fucking true, ye shouldnae hiv.  Oot!” he barked, haudin open her door efter storming roond tae her side ae the Landy. “And you jist sit where ye ur, Wan-eye!” he commanded, as the dug sat back doon oan his seat.

  “But, I, er...”

   “Never mind apologising, Ah’ve hid enough ae you.  Get oot, and take yer baggage wae ye,” he shouted, yanking open the back door ae the Landy and grabbing her bag.

“But, you can’t leave me here…in the middle of nowhere,” Saba pleaded, looking aboot, appalled.

  “Fucking watch me,” he sneered at her, throwing her bag as far as he could intae the field beside the road, before getting back intae the Landy and driving aff.