The Longest Holiday (31 page)

‘Oh, it’s okay …’ I reply unenthusiastically.

A few days ago, Becky and I went to the local coffee shop to have a meeting over lunch. She was keen to get on with organising our next fund-raiser, but we had a more pressing issue. One of the charities we work with in Zambia has offered us a chance to visit a school we had helped to fund.

‘I wondered if you would like to go,’ I said. Her face lit up.

‘Really? Don’t you want to?’

‘No.’ I smiled at her. ‘I’ve done enough travelling recently to last me a lifetime.’ But I’d get back on one more plane if only the goddamn man would call me. I’m quite happy to hand over the reins to Becky on this occasion. And maybe not just on this occasion.

I reply to my dad’s question. ‘Truth be told, I haven’t settled back into work as easily as I thought I would.’ Before I set up this charity, I used to work for another, and I was always very passionate about my work. It’s such a diverse job, and I used to love feeling like I was making a difference. I still do; I’ll never lose that. And I do want to continue to make a difference to the lives of underprivileged people, but something about my job at the moment is not fulfilling me like it used to. In fact, it’s doing the opposite. It’s dragging me down, wearing me down.

‘You’ve been back only a short while,’ he says.

‘I know,’ I reply. ‘But I’m starting to think that it might be time to move on, time to leave Will behind me.’

He nods thoughtfully.

‘It’s not to say I won’t come back to charity work, but I think I need a break. At least for the foreseeable future. Let someone else with fresh eyes and more passion have a go. Becky can move up into the director’s chair and hire a new assistant. She’s practically been doing my job, anyway. She’s more than capable of continuing.’

‘She did make a very good speech at the charity ball,’ Dad muses.

‘Really? Mum omitted to tell me that.’

‘She probably wasn’t sure you’d want to hear it.’

‘She’s wrong,’ I say. ‘I’m pleased for Becky’s sake.’

‘She was quite captivating,’ Dad adds.

I smile. ‘Good for her.’

We sit there in contemplative silence for a while. Mum comes back into the kitchen to pour the tea.

‘So …’ he says eventually, ‘how’s Matthew?’

‘He’s fine,’ I reply. ‘He’s arriving tomorrow afternoon.’

‘How did your visit go last weekend?’ Mum asks warily, placing a tea cup down in front of me and pulling up a chair.

‘It was okay. Not as bad as I was expecting,’ I admit, and her face lights up. ‘Not that that means anything,’ I tell them quickly. ‘I still want to go back to Florida.’

They flash each other looks.

It’s approximately three hours later when the inquisition begins. We’re in the living room sitting on my parents’ new cream-coloured sofas. The old ones from my childhood have finally given up the ghost.

‘Your mum mentioned you were seeing a man called Leo,’ my dad says, looking even more uncomfortable than I feel. As if I want to talk to my dad about my love life! He doesn’t appear to want to talk to me about it, either, but I’m gathering my mother has been egging him on.

‘That’s right,’ I reply evenly.

Dad frowns. ‘How does Matthew feel about this?’

‘Dad, I’ve been through this with Mum. Of course he doesn’t like it. But I’ve been honest. I have real feelings for Leo and Matthew knows that. I don’t really understand why he still thinks there’s a future for us.’

‘But of course there’s a future for you!’ Mum chips in.

I shake my head and stare out of the window at the sundrenched fields beyond the trimmed hedge at the edge of the kitchen garden.

‘How was little Evan?’ she asks with a hopeful smile.

‘He was … He was a baby, Mum. And you know what he’s like,’ I add poignantly.

‘Matthew said you might be able to bring him up to see us one weekend.’

‘When did Matthew say that?’ I ask crossly, and Dad unfolds his legs and looks shifty.

‘He called a couple of days ago,’ Mum admits.

‘So you already know how my visit went last weekend, then, if you’re so close to Matthew.’

‘Don’t be angry, Laura. It’s unbecoming of you,’ she says.

I cannot believe she just said that.

‘Hey, hey,’ Dad interjects, trying to restore the peace. ‘You know we like Matthew. Hell, we were as angry as you were about what he did on his stag do.’ I doubt it. ‘But he’s trying to make amends,’ Dad continues. ‘He’s a good lad at heart. Don’t be upset with your mother for having a relationship with him.’

‘I’m not upset,’ I fib. I’ve always liked the fact that my parents and Matthew get on. I’m just not liking it very much at the moment.

‘Have you spoken to Leo?’ Mum asks.

‘No.’ I hate to admit it. ‘I can’t get hold of him.’

Another shared glance between them. My stomach tightens.

Mum looks down at her fingers. ‘Maybe he’s accepted you should move on,’ she says with some difficulty.

I glare at her. ‘You don’t know that.’

She shrugs. ‘I’m just saying …’

I try calling him again that night, and, as before, it goes straight through to voicemail.

I help string up lights in the barn the following day, large coloured bulbs that hang across the vast space. We’ve stacked blocks of hay around the outside as make-shift seats, and a bar has been constructed in the corner, providing booze on tap all night. Matthew arrives just as the band is setting up. I see him to his room. I think it feels strange to both of us to be putting him in a guest bedroom on the other side of the house, when in the past we’ve always slept together in my room. Everything was so different the last time we were here. Mum, Dad, Matthew and I had a late night playing Monopoly and getting drunk on red wine – even Mum, who doesn’t drink much at all. Those days were easy. Well, they were for me, but then I was ignorant. Matthew, on the other hand, was carrying a dark secret, a secret he hoped would never rear its ugly head. He must have lived in fear with it for some time. I think of Tessa and wonder how she felt, being young, pregnant and on her own. She must have been terrified. For the first time, I feel sympathy for her.

Mum tries to convince Dad to make a grand entrance at eight o’clock after all the guests have arrived, but he’s having none of it, wanting to get into the party spirit pronto. I find him and Matthew in the barn, joking with one of the girls behind the bar. Matthew turns around and catches my eye. He was laughing, but now he looks more sombre. He smiles at me as I cross the room.

‘You look beautiful,’ he says softly.

I’m wearing a knee-length, fitted, navy-blue dress with heels and a chunky gold costume-jewellery necklace. My heels will get scuffed up on the always-dusty barn floor, but hey-ho.

‘Hello, darling!’ Dad booms, interrupting us.

‘What can I get you to drink?’ Matthew asks with a raised eyebrow.

‘I’ll go for some of the sparkling, thanks.’ I give Dad a kiss on his cheek.

‘Where’s your mother?’ he asks.

‘She’s coming.’

Actually, she’s running around like a nutcase, trying to get her hair out of rollers.

My dad’s mate Gerry bursts into the barn with a theatrical, ‘Hey, hey, hey!’

‘Gerry!’ Dad shouts, leaving us to it.

I turn to Matthew. ‘Thanks for coming,’ I say with a smile.

‘I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.’

‘He’s pleased you’re here.’

‘Are you pleased I’m here?’ he asks gently.

‘Of course,’ I reply.

‘But …’ he adds.

I give him an apologetic smile and chink his glass. ‘Let’s not talk about anything bad tonight, eh?’

‘Deal.’ He chinks my glass again.

We look across the barn to where more revellers have started to arrive. The band starts up and the air is immediately charged with a party atmosphere.

‘Is Marty still coming?’ Matthew asks.

‘She sure is!’

‘I didn’t think your parents were that keen on her,’ he says with a grin.

‘I think they’ve forgiven all her sins considering the efforts she went to, to make me come home.’

He laughs, and even though there’s that nervous feeling fluttering around my stomach, I do, too.

I called Leo again this evening, as I was getting ready. Again, voicemail. I’m trying not to freak out, but I really need some answers from him sooner rather than later. It’s been nearly two weeks since we spoke, and I feel incredibly uneasy every time I think about him saying he’d understand if I got back together with Matthew. Then there’s my mum, telling me maybe he’s letting me go, and my own overactive imagination wondering if I was just a holiday romance for him. But no. No. That’s not it. They’re wrong. I know what it was, and it was more than that. So why the hell isn’t he calling me back?

‘Speaking of the devil,’ Matthew says, breaking into my thoughts. I turn around to follow the line of his vision and see Marty, flanked by her parents, wander into the barn.

‘Marty!’ I shout. She grins as she separates from her parents and comes over. I give her a hug and she turns to Matthew, doing the same to him. It’s a bit odd – they’ve only ever politely kissed each other’s cheeks in the past. What’s with all this hugging business? It occurs to me that they’ve grown closer as a result of trying to bring me home. Hmm. Not too happy about that. I already feel like it’s them against me, as it is. I take a large swig of my champagne, the bubbles hitting the back of my throat before going straight to my head. I’m determined to have a good time tonight. It might be the last time we’re all together in one place. Because I am going back to Key West. He’ll ring me soon, I’m sure of it.

Mum eventually makes an appearance, swanning around like it’s her birthday, bless her. Waitresses bring out canapés and start to circulate. Matthew goes to the bar for more drinks.

‘I’m so glad you could come,’ I say to Marty.

‘Me too,’ she replies with a grin.

‘I kind of wish Bridget were here,’ I confide.

She laughs. ‘I never thought I’d hear you say that.’

‘What? Why?’ I’m confused.

‘I didn’t think you were that keen on her.’

‘Whatever made you think that?’ Was I really that obvious?

‘No reason.’ She brushes me off with a smile.

‘Anyway, you’re wrong. I really like her,’ I try to convince her.

‘Only because she gets the Leo thing,’ she says shrewdly.

‘That helps,’ I admit. ‘I wish you could get it, too.’

‘I get why you think he’s so hot,’ she tells me. ‘Anyone in their right mind could get that. I just don’t get the longevity part of it. I think you’re throwing away a beautiful future here with Matthew.’

‘I know that’s what you think,’ I say, wishing we’d never got onto the subject.

‘Sorry,’ she says quietly. ‘I don’t mean to dampen your mood.’

‘It’s okay. I just wish he’d call me, that’s all.’

‘Has he still not?’ she asks.

‘No,’ I reply disconsolately.

I stare past her to Matthew, who’s being served by the prettiest girl behind the bar. She raises her eyebrow flirtatiously, but Matthew appears to ignore her, looking around to give me such a genuine, lovely smile that it makes my heart soften.

He would never be unfaithful to me again, I honestly believe that. If I stayed here, let go of my American dreams, we could move on, have that family that I’ve always wanted. Would I one day stop thinking about Leo? Stop fantasising about him?

Suddenly I see him so clearly in my mind. He’s looking down at me, his dark eyes flashing, his chin tilted away from me, his expression torn. I remember kissing him for the first time and his lips being firm and unrelenting. He tried so hard not to give in to me. He didn’t want to have an affair with a married woman. I gave him very little choice. I should feel guilty, but instead I feel feverish as I remember how he gave in and kissed me with such passion that I had to gasp for air. I shudder and try to drag my attention back to the present. Matthew crosses the room and hands us each a glass of champagne.

‘How are you three getting on?’ My mum joins us.

‘Good!’ we all respond.

‘You look lovely tonight,’ Matthew says warmly. My mum is wearing a capped-sleeve black dress, which is knee-length, like mine. She’s always had great legs.

‘Beautiful,’ Marty agrees.

‘Thank you, darlings,’ Mum says with a big smile. ‘You all look very beautiful, too. And Matthew, you look dashing,’ she quickly corrects herself.

‘You do look dashing,’ I say with a grin. He’s wearing a well-fitted suit with a crisp white shirt underneath. He rarely wears a suit for work, so when he does he always looks fit.

Tessa will definitely want to get her claws into him if I let him go …

Stop it. My mind is my worst enemy. I wish I didn’t think things like that. I wonder if Ashlee is getting her claws into Leo. The sickness that hits my stomach is really quite incredible, a far more violent reaction than anything involving Matthew and Tessa.

Doesn’t that tell me everything I need to know?

Oh God, Leo, why won’t you call me? I’ll have to think of some other way of getting hold of him if this goes on for much longer. There has to be some explanation. But what if it is as everyone else is saying? What would I do?

The band starts to play ‘5 Years Time’ by Noah and The Whale. It’s one of Matthew’s favourite songs of the moment. He takes my hand.

‘Dance with me?’

‘Oh, um …’

‘Go on,’ Mum urges.

‘Alright, then.’

He leads me onto the dance floor, where a few people have already gathered. He takes my hands and pushes me out and away from him, bringing me back in. We laugh at each other and start to spin around in a comedy circle. It’s such a chirpy, fun song, I can’t help but giggle and be swept up in the moment.

There are two singers, a guy and a girl. Matthew hums along to the male bit, singing ‘ … the happiest I’ve ever been …’ and I glance over to see Marty and my mum looking on fondly. I can’t feel anything but amusement as we continue to dance, though, all the anxiety of the last couple of weeks – what am I saying, I mean the last three and a half months – vanishing.

The song finishes and I start to walk off the dance floor, but Matthew pulls me back.