The Loner (32 page)

Judy’s longing for Davie had lasted for eight long years, but there had to be an end to it someday. As she had matured, she had dreamed of giving him her virginity, of marrying him, but she realised now that this had been a childish fantasy. David Adams had disappeared into the wide blue yonder, without once contacting her, and for that she could not forgive him. Lenny would never do that to her in a thousand years. He was devoted to her – and she would soon be his wife. But if only it could have been Davie she was marrying …

Judy sighed at her own foolishness, a long withering sigh, and went to strip down to her stockings and bra in the fitting room.

Annie did as she was told; though she too, was hiding her real feelings. While her generous heart was happy for the bridal pair, she wished with all her heart that it could have been herself walking down the aisle with Lenny. However, after years of a different kind of hell, she too was adept at putting on a front.

‘I look like Princess Margaret!’ she exclaimed, admiring herself in the long mirror. ‘Ooh, their eyes are gonna pop out when they see
me
going down the aisle.’

‘Behave yourself!’ Evie reprimanded her. ‘It’s
Judy
who’s the bride, not you, and it isn’t likely to be you neither, until you decide to settle with one young man, instead of flitting from one to another like a demented blooming butterfly.’

Annie was mortified. ‘Oh, Jude, I’m sorry. I just got carried away there. O’ course I don’t want to stand out from
you
!’

‘That’s all right,’ the other girl assured her. ‘I’m so proud to have you as my bridesmaid. It means a lot to me, Annie.’

Annie was made up. ‘I’ll be the best bridesmaid you’ve ever had,’ she promised, and both girls burst out laughing like a pair of hyenas. Evie and Beth exchanged disapproving glances.

‘I’ve finished,’ the dressmaker announced briskly. She was immune to pre-wedding nerves. ‘So you’d best get out of these dresses, or they won’t be ready for Saturday.’

‘We’ll be off then.’ That was Beth. ‘We’ve promised ourselves a new hat apiece, and a cup of tea with a scone afterwards.’ She gave Judy a hug. ‘You look a picture in that dress,’ she told her with a beaming face. ‘You too, Annie my love,’ and then it was time to go.

Evie was having a quiet word with her daughter. ‘I’m so proud of you,’ she whispered fondly.

As she left, she glanced back, to see Annie gazing down at the floor, deep in thought. For some unknown reason, a sob rose in the back of Evie Need ham’s throat. The girl looked so lost and lonely. Was it because of the wedding? Seeing her best friends get married?

Lately, Evie had seen very little of her daughter. Out most nights and coming home in the early hours, she was causing her parents much distress, but nothing Evie or her husband Derek said, seemed to make any difference.

Annie had always been an unruly child, but these past few years, things had really got out of hand. Hardly a day went by without arguments and tantrums, and twice recently, Annie had packed her bags and stayed away overnight. The next evening, when she reappeared after work, she refused to discuss it.

There was something very wrong in the Need-ham household, but try as she might, Evie could not put her finger on what it was. Thank God for Philip, who was no trouble to them at all. He went to work, stumped up towards the housekeeping, and kept himself mainly to himself apart from one night a week at the pub, and one night out at his motor-cycle club. There were no surprises or tantrums with
him
.

Time and again she had pleaded with Annie to confide in her … to explain why she was so angry all the time. But Annie would have none of it. ‘Leave me alone!’ That was her stock answer, and unwilling to cause more trouble, Evie had given in and let it go at that.

‘Can you not stay until Saturday, and see young Judy wed?’

‘Now that I’ve made up my mind, the sooner I get away the better,’ Don said. ‘I’ve explained to Lenny, who in turn will explain to Judy. Lenny is fine about it. He wished me well, so he did.’

‘I know you’re right, son,’ Joseph conceded tiredly. ‘It’s just that I don’t want to lose you again.’

‘Aw sure, you’ll not lose me. Didn’t I always say I’d stay a few months, then I’d take off in search of my Davie? Well, now it’s time to pack a bag and hit the road. But I’ll be back.’

Joseph still wished it wasn’t so. ‘I hoped against hope that Davie would find his way home. But he hasn’t, and I fear if you don’t find him, we may never see him again.’

Don understood the old man’s feelings. ‘It was always in the back of my mind, too, that one fine day I might see Davie strolling down the street, as if he’d never been away. But like you say, Joseph, if he’s not coming home of his own accord, then it’s up to me, his father, to go out and find him.’

‘He’s not a child any more, lad,’ the old man cautioned. ‘He might not want to come home. He suffered a bad time here, and who of us could blame him, if he’s decided to leave it all behind once and for all?’

Don sighed with all the strength of the loss within him. ‘Don’t I know it, for wasn’t it me who walked out on him and his mammy … and may the Good Lord for give me.’ He cast his mind back to that night, and the way Davie had stood his ground like a man. ‘He’ll have had his twentieth birthday now – be a young man, grown and changed – and who knows? He may even have a wife and child of his own!’

Joseph was not convinced. ‘Somehow, deep down I don’t think so,’ he murmured. ‘I’ve all us believed his future is here, with family and friends.’ In the deeper recesses of his mind, the old man had always known that Davie belonged to Judy, and she to him. Sadly, he had been proved wrong, because now Davie was long gone, and Judy was promised to another. So if he was wrong in that, he could also be wrong in assuming that Davie’s future was here.

With that in mind, he wondered if Don was right after all – and whether, in the years gone by since the family was split – Davie had set down permanent roots elsewhere.

His old heart sank at the thought.

Evie entered the room and sat on the edge of the bed. ‘O’ course it’s me,’ she said. ‘Who else would it be?’

Annie evaded the question. ‘I was just thinking about the wedding, and everything.’

‘There’s time enough during the day to think about that.’ Evie glanced at the bedside clock. ‘It’s going on midnight -I thought you’d be fast asleep by now. Come Saturday you’ll have bags under your eyes the size of balloons. You’ve not slept properly these past few weeks. What’s wrong, luv? If there’s something playing on your mind, I’d like to know, so’s we can put it to rest.’

Annie brightened her smile. ‘There’s nothing wrong, except I’m a bit nervous about being a bridesmaid. I’ve never done it before, and I want to look my best for Judy’

‘I expect it is a bit daunting,’ her mother conceded. ‘First-time bridesmaid … walking down the aisle, tummy a-fluttering and all eyes on the bride and you.’

Annie laughed out loud. ‘Well, that’s made me feel much better, I must say!’

Her mother laughed with her. ‘Oh, I’m sorry, luv,’ she chuckled, ‘I didn’t mean to worry you. But look, it’ll be fine… wonderful! So long as you’re properly organised. Are you?’

‘Far as I know, yes.’

‘Have you hung up your dress to keep the creases out?’

‘Yes. Look for yourself if you like.’

‘And are your new shoes polished?’

‘Till you can see your face in them, yes.’

‘And have you walked about the bedroom in them, so’s they’re not uncomfortable on the day?’

‘Yes, Mam.’ Annie showed her the red rubs on her big toe. ‘They were a bit tight at first, but they’re all right now.’

‘Good! Oh, and where’s that little cloth flower I made for the shoulder of your dress? Did you put it in the drawer with your long white gloves, like I told you?’

‘Yes, Mam.’

‘And have you checked your appointment with the hairdresser, and don’t forget you need your nails done. They’ll happen organise that to be done, while you’re under the dryer.’

‘Oh, Mam!’ Annie gave her a kiss to shut her up. ‘Will you please stop fussing?’ Much as she loved her mother, Annie wanted her gone. She had so much to think about, and right now she didn’t know which way to turn. She desperately needed to confide in someone. But who? She couldn’t tell her mam, because it would break her heart if she knew the truth – and on top of that, she might not believe her, and then what?

She had almost told Lenny in the shop the other day, but then a customer came in and she lost her nerve. Deep down though, she was relieved not to have told him; the shame of it all was too crippling. She couldn’t tell Judy either, not with the wedding day so close. And even if she were to pluck up courage and confide in her friend, what could Judy do?
What could anyone do?

No! It was her problem, and it was up to her to find a solution. The whole thing had gone on far too long. One way or another she must find the courage to put an end to it, once and for all, whatever the consequences.

With her mind racing on, she didn’t hear her mother talking to her, until Evie gave her a shake. ‘Annie! Are you listening to me?’

‘Sorry, Mam.’ Pushing the frightening thoughts to the back of her mind, she focused on her mother.

‘No, lass,
I’m
the one who’s sorry. You look dead beat.’ Evie gave her a hug, before standing up to leave. ‘Come on. Get into bed, now. Try and sleep.’

‘I will, Mam, thanks.’

‘There you are…’ Drawing back the covers, Evie waited until the girl had slithered into bed. ‘Good night then, luv, see you in the morning. We’ll talk then, eh?’

Annie nodded gratefully, yawning until her eyes watered. ‘Good night, Mam.’

With her mother gone, Annie closed her eyes and let the sleep wash over her.

But, as usual, she slept lightly, on the alert, and it wasn’t long before the dreams came, and with them, the descent into true darkness
.