The Lonely Whelk (9 page)

“
But... but... this room is
a legend!” Kaia exclaimed. “I took an entire class centered around
the theory that this room was propaganda created several centuries
ago by the Pomegranate City legislature to make themselves look
more powerful, but when it failed to work they instead covered it
up, which in essence achieved what they were going for in the first
place.”

“
Ah yes, the Phantom
Conspiracy. The theory that Doors are invisible and all around
us... that the government has the science and money to create them
at will... and simultaneously doesn’t.” John grinned. “It’s all a
load of hogswaggle, quite frankly, and I hope you didn’t take any
of it to heart or I’ll be offended.”

“
Of course not!” Kaia shook
her head. “There’s no evidence for anything!”

“
Good girl.” John patted
her on the shoulder. “The reason there is so much secrecy around
this room is that we don’t want people off and on different planets
without regulation. It’s a dangerous thing having these Doors
sitting here. Diseases, parasites, predators, airborne biological
contaminates, biological weapons, insane madmen, poisonous gases…
even weeds could cause huge issues for our planet. And not just our
planet, but all planets. It’s the ultimate opportunity for
cross-contamination.”

“
You mean like famine,
drought, plague, dead people,” Clyde offered. “People mutating and
creating new species.”

Kaia started. She had forgotten he was
there.

“
Precisely. And clearly we
want none of those.” John began to stride forward. Desks lined the
walls of the room, and there were regular doors at even intervals
along the curved walls. “The regular doors lead to rooms with more
Doors, but they are specialized locations that need extra security.
Don’t go in those rooms.”

A woman with glasses and her hair pulled
back in a tight bun strode up to them with an attitude of
impatience and focus. A scowl seemed to have taken up residence on
her face more or less permanently, according to the wrinkles around
her eyes. “John,” she stated bluntly. “Caverty is missing. Again.
We think he slipped through the Expialma Door and is hiding out
with that woman with the third arm. Unfortunately, she’s hiding
behind an army, which is currently fighting a war on either side of
our Door. So we can’t go and get him. He’s a liability. A missing
liability who might die. And if he doesn’t die there, he might not
survive here, once I get my hands on him.”

“
Oh, blast,” John said,
shaking his head and tightening his tie. “That is why we can’t have
people buying their way into this profession. Get his dad on the
line, and write up a report for Drake and Tom. If anything changes,
let me know immediately.”

Kaia’s eyes were wide as she listened to the
exchange.

“
Isn’t that something Rock
should be informed of?” Clyde asked. “Doesn’t that represent a huge
threat to the building and our government?”

“
This is not an unusual
thing,” John said, turning to face Clyde. “Employees become
overwhelmed with the immensity of their responsibilities, and
sometimes run off. As you can see, that is easy to do here. Caverty
was an employee for us a number of years ago, but we had to fire
him because he was having relations with, well, you heard, the
woman from Expialma. Caverty is a Ruthitan from the planet Planzge.
We like to have at least one of them on staff at all times, as they
are highly intelligent and have positive relations with many
different civilizations. Unfortunately, they have a particular
inclination to run away, looking for adventure or some nonsense.
Last time this happened, we revisited the policy, and this time
will probably push legislation change. If he takes action, he
becomes an immediate security liability and at that point we inform
Rock.”

Clyde nodded, understanding. “I understand,
but it seems it might be valuable for security purposes to have the
information sooner, so we can plan in advance of this gentleman
taking action.”

“
Kaia-kee, write that down
and I’ll bring it up with Rock.”

“
This is incredible,” Kaia
said, pulling a notepad from her bag to scribble a note to remind
John about security detail later. “How many places do you have
access to from this room?”

“
We can currently travel to
three-hundred-twenty-seven other planets, and have access to
another six which are dangerous or not recommended for various
reasons. That allows us access to billions of people, millions of
races, and thousands of civilizations. The statistics are
mind-boggling.” John was waving his hands in circles as he became
more and more excited. “Not only that, but we provide a means for a
lot of merchants to sell their wares to other civilizations, so
naturally we charge a toll. We make more off our toll – which is
pretty small related to most of the income of those we work with –
in one year than we make in an entire decade from taxes here in
Pomegranate City.”

“
That’s incredible!” Kaia
was thrilled. All the science she had ever studied, all the math
that she had absorbed into her over-excitable brain, and all of the
most amazing surprises in the world could not have prepared her for
this room. Doors that led to hundreds of other planets, people from
thousands and tens of thousands of other cultures – babies, men and
women, animals, foods – so much to learn and see and…

“
What is that?” she gasped,
slapping one hand over her mouth and pointing with the
other.

John pulled her hand down and placed a
finger over his mouth. “Hush!” he exclaimed. “And don’t point. It’s
rude. His name is Deidrick and he is extremely kind – one of our
most influential ambassadors.”

“
But... but...”

The individual under scrutiny was none other
than a giant, snow-coloured, long-haired bear. In addition, he was
wearing boots and a hat, and walking on all fours – the boots were,
indeed, on all four of his… feet? Paws?

“
He is beautiful,” Kaia
conceded, still staring. Then, as she watched, a group of blue men
wandered through a Door. At once, her eyes started picking up
irregularities of all sorts within the people mingling in the
crowd. One man was twice as tall as everyone else in the room. A
group of oddly-clad women were actually covered with fur. Two young
women in lab coats appeared to be talking to lizards, and the
blackest man she had ever seen suddenly vanished into a puff of
smoke. That elicited a mild reaction from the workers nearby, as
they rushed to cluster around an ashy circle on the floor. After a
moment, one of them reached down and picked up what appeared to be
a very, very tiny version of the man who had been standing there at
full size only a minute before.

Kaia gasped. “Is that normal?” she
asked.

John laughed. “Yes. It’s an effect we’re
studying. It only happens to his species, as far as we know. When
they come through a Door, they engage this sort of… phoenix effect.
You know what a Phoenix is?”

“
It’s some kind of, um,
elephant, I think, on Earth that explodes when there’s a full moon.
And then a new elephant egg emerges from the ashes of the deceased
elephant. Some sort of… um, religious reincarnation theory, I
think.” Kaia clutched her notebook tightly to her chest. “Was that
close?”

John laughed. “It’s a bird, not an elephant,
but you get the gist. So this species – they’re called Steekards –
they turn into ash when they go through a Door. It’s a really weird
phenomenon. Then they reappear, really tiny, but they never really
disappeared in the first place. They got really small instead. And
over the next twenty-four hours they expand back to their normal
size. It’s a pretty painful process, I gather, so they try not to
do it too much. But they really want to understand it and possibly
learn to combat it, so we’ve had quite a few volunteer test
subjects.”

“
Is it like travel
sickness? Like, Door travel sickness?” Kaia asked.

“
No, Door sickness is an
entirely different thing, and altogether unpleasant,” John replied.
He clapped his hands once and then gestured to a cluster of young
men and women in lab coats. “But before we go much farther, let me
introduce you to a few people that you’ll be working with.” He
turned to Clyde. “I think your tour is done. Head up to the main
security office. Rock will likely be there.”

“
Yes, sir!” Clyde strode
confidently back towards the entrance.

Kaia turned towards the group of students
John had just pointed out, and watched as he strode up behind them
and stuck his head between the shoulders of two working
students.

“
Hi!” he said
cheerfully.

“
Whoa!” one of the students
called out. “You have got to stop doing that, Mr. John!”

John laughed. “No I don’t! It’s too fun!
Anyway, I’d like for you to meet my new intern, Kaia.”

“
Hi, Kaia,” the group
chimed.

Four young adults stood around a short desk,
examining a pile of papers and a series of images. Kaia tried to
see what they were working on, but one of the girls covered it
up.

“
This is Kenton,” John
introduced the first young man on the left. “He’s the lead on the
project they are working on currently – my new Door theory. I think
I’ll call it…” He put his finger on his lip. “Triple Bridge
Theory... or no, no, maybe One Door Cubed Theory.”

“
You can’t attach a number
to it,” Kaia reminded him. “Not if in one direction you can go to
everywhere.”

“
Ah, good point.” John
gazed at the ceiling for a moment, and then raised one finger
dramatically in the air. “I’ve got it!” he announced. The students
leaned in slightly. “Infinite Bridge Theory!”

One of the students sighed loudly. It was
Boris, from class. “Everything doesn’t have to have a dramatic
name,” he grumbled. “Door Theory 2 would do just fine.”

“
Quit being boring,” John
said, one eyebrow bouncing up his forehead in irritation. “I can
fire you for being boring.”

Boris scowled.

“
Anyway,” John continued.
“Obviously you know Boris. These other two lovely ladies are Olivia
and Naytiri. Kenton is an expert in physics, Boris—”

“
I can tell her myself,”
Boris interrupted. “I’m a whiz at biology, specifically Walton’s
Theory of Regenerative Mitosis and the Campbelly and Restafudd
Theorem.”

Kaia nodded politely. She had aced those
theories in secondary school. She hoped Boris knew more than just
that.

“
Thank you, Boris,” John
said. One of his eyebrows twitched. “Olivia is our primeval
biologist—”

“
Do these Doors travel in
time, too?” Kaia gasped. She cleared her mind and pictured a white
board, and then began to frantically calculate in her head; her
hand began to flap against her leg in a frenzied rhythm, like an
interestingly-coloured fish that suddenly found itself transported
from its warm and soothing habitat to an awful, dry place where
there was no water, no food, and definitely nothing to breathe. In
fact, due to the unfortunate location of one Door, this had
actually happened to many fish. The fish called it Fish
Hell.

“
Stop!” John slapped her
gently on the side of the head. “No calculating. Don’t you dare
figure it out before me. Besides, I need you to focus on what
you’ll be working on. I have geniuses (not as genius as me, of
course) working on time theory and I don’t need your brain to
explode.”

“
Okay!” Kaia scowled. Her
hand stopped smacking her leg. “I was just doing a little math, is
all.”

“
You are not allowed to do
math without my permission.”

Kaia’s frown deepened.

“
Okay, well, not extreme
math, anyway.” John put his hands on his hips. “We won’t go any
further until you promise.”

“
Just extreme math?” Kaia
asked. “Up to my discretion?”

John sighed loudly. “I suppose. But I have a
say, too.”

“
Hey, are you going to
finish introducing us?” Kenton interrupted. “Because we actually
have a deadline, here.”

“
Oh, my apologies.” John
shook his head once as if to clear it and turned back to the group.
“Great. Um, this here is Naytiri and she’s…” John glanced at Kaia
and hesitated. “I probably shouldn’t tell you what she does or you
might start calculating again.”

“
I’m a primordial
biologist,” Naytiri interjected. “We study plants and geologic
formations from our respective eras in order to learn more about
how different planets evolved or were created.”

Kaia gave John a look which said, “I’m not
going to do the same math twice,” smiled at Naytiri, and said,
“Nice to meet you.”

Naytiri smiled and began to skim one of her
documents.

“
So here’s what’s going to
happen,” John said. “Kenton, you especially pay attention. I’m
going to take Kaia-kee to show her everything else, introduce her
to other people, etc., and then she will be shadowing your group
tomorrow. Which is good because, assuming you’re all on schedule…”
he paused and gave them a piercing look. No one met his eyes.
“...you’ll be doing a lot of math tomorrow and she can help with
that. You will answer all her questions and explain everything
you’re doing. Understand?”

“
Yessir,” Kenton
replied.

“
Great.” John gave a little
hop, spun around, and took off towards the center of the
melee.