The Lonely Dominant (12 page)

"I know it's a Friday night," I said. "And, we usually stay in our roles, but under the circumstances, I'd like to make an exception tonight. I think we need to talk and I'll need you to speak freely."

"Okay, sir."

"You don't have to refer to me as sir, right now." I needed her to be honest with me and I didn't think having her speak to me as her Dom was the right approach, given the recent circumstances.

She nodded.

"Why did you allow me to punish you?"

"Because you needed to see how seriously I take our agreement," she said. "I failed you tonight, and we decided on certain terms, and the whipping bench was one of them. I agreed to your punishment. The limit wasn't hard for me, and if you had let me off tonight, we'd both have regrets."

"You're amazing, do you know that?"

"Is that a direct question?" I heard the amusement in her voice.

"You're taking this whole arrangement very seriously and I almost failed you tonight," I said. "But, I should have been more aware of what was going on with you before we played. It was my fault."

"We both made mistakes tonight," she said. "But we're still learning."

"We are, and I suppose we'll make mistakes. I simply had no idea how much harder this would become, now that we've upped the game."

"Do you still want this," she timidly said. "Us?"

More than you know.

"I do," I said. "We'll figure this out together."

It took her awhile to settle down and eventually fall asleep. When she finally did, she was restless, but after about an hour, she fell into a deep sleep and hardly moved.

My mind wouldn't shut down. Tonight was a necessary evil in this relationship, if we were ever going to progress. She was so strong and determined, and after watching her submit to me and endure my punishment, there was no doubt in my mind this was what she wanted. The problem I was having had more to do with the fact that she couldn't talk to me about her personal life.

I couldn't stay in bed and stare at the ceiling anymore, so I got up and went to my study. I poured a brandy and turned on the gas fireplace. I tried to make sense of what had happened in the playroom. I shouldn't have begun our weekend until I'd found out what was going on with her. I should've been more attentive. A boyfriend would have done that for his girlfriend, which made the mistake more my problem than hers.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I picked up the phone. I needed to talk through what had happened, and that was exactly why James was mentoring me. He'd help me clarify things.

"James," I said when he answered.

"Alec?" He seemed surprised that I was calling him during my and Clara's normal play time.

"I hope it isn't too late."

"No," he said. "Marlena and I just got in from a long evening. How are things with you?"

"Okay."

"Hmm."

"Well, obviously, I'm not entirely okay if I'm calling you on a Friday night." I sighed. "I had to use the leather strap tonight."

"I see," he said. "I'm sure it was warranted."

"I thought it was, but then I changed my mind."

"So, you didn't go through with it?"

"I did." I briefly explained what had taken place earlier. When I finished, he didn't say anything.

Great! I fucked it all up!

"Alec," he said after a few moments. "Do you realize you have a true submissive in your grasp?"

"I know she's submissive," I said. "That's why she's willing to do these things with me."

"Playing is one thing," he said. "But, actually submitting to your every whim is entirely another. You used the safe word, so she was completely off the hook, but she wanted to show you she could handle your punishment. She was strong enough to show you what had to be done."

"Maybe I'm not cut out to be a Dom," I said. "I just don't feel right about what transpired."

"You're human, are you not?" he said. "And, you have feelings for this girl, so of course you're going to feel some amount of guilt when you bring her pain. I'd be worried if you didn't."

"It's normal to feel bad? I'm not failing as her Dom?"

"No." He laughed. "You used your safe word because you were attuned to what she was feeling. You knew she was off, even if it took you awhile to figure it out. You stopped the scene, talked about what was bothering her, and figured out it had nothing to do with your role-playing. I think your problem tonight has more to do with the fact that she didn't share that phone call with her mother with you earlier in the week. That has nothing to do with you being her Dom. That's another issue entirely."

"I'm blurring the lines."

"Maybe a little," he said. "Have you discussed wanting to be more than her Dom with her?"

"I try, but she's distant. I can't tell if she's looking for a long-term relationship."

"Well, it's very clear she is looking for your weekend relationship," he said. "So, that may just have to be enough for now."

"I suppose." I agreed, even though I didn't like it.

After a few more minutes of discussion and reassurance, I hung up, poured myself another drink and settled in on the couch by the fire. My mind was in overdrive.

Maybe I was expecting too much from her. She was young and experimenting with a different type of life, and she probably wasn't looking for a boyfriend. I was older and more experienced. She was already uncomfortable with my financial status and the things I could offer her. I had to stop letting this consume me. Our relationship was working out the way we had intended it to, and I'd just have to be satisfied with that.

I must have drifted off to sleep because when I opened my eyes, Clara was standing over me, completely naked, twirling a strand of her long locks between her fingers. She looked so shy and innocent, but I knew she was a vixen.

My vixen.

I stood up, but before I could speak, she pressed her fingers to my lips.

"Shh," she said as she reached for the waistband of my sweatpants. She pulled them down my legs. I stepped out of them and kicked them aside. She twisted her fingers in my hair and pressed her mouth against mine, placing a passionate, dominating kiss on my lips. I moved my hands up along the heated flesh of her stomach, making sure to caress her breasts with my fingertips before resting them on her shoulders.

"I want you to make love to me," she said. "I need to feel you."

I took her by the hand and pulled her down onto the couch, placing her on her back, so I could lie on top of her. I placed soft open-mouth kisses along her jaw and neck before making my way back up to her lips. I positioned my dick between her thighs, just waiting to get inside her.

"Alec."

"Yes, my sweet girl." I licked her bottom lip and then gently nipped at it as I moved my hand down between her legs. She was always so wet and ready for me.

"I need you to love me."

"What?" I spoke against her lips.

"I want you to love me."

"I do," I said, but she seemed to be fading away right before my eyes.

"Love me," she said in a distant, muffled voice.

"Clara!" I woke with a jolt. I sat straight up and looked around the room. I was still holding my empty brandy glass in my hand.

I shook my head and chuckled. Now I was dreaming about her asking me to love her. So much for not letting my feelings and needs consume me. They were going to drive me mad.

I got up, then headed back to my bedroom, where she was still asleep. She hadn't moved since I'd left her. I slipped back into bed and pulled her onto my chest, hugging her tightly. She whispered my name in her sleep. I couldn't help but wonder if she'd ever be able to accept me as more than her Dom. Would she ever be able to see me as a man first? Or, was it only my authoritative side she would ever truly need?

It appeared we'd seen our last snowfall of the season. The weather forecasters were predicting mild temperatures for the start of spring. A few weeks after what I'd originally thought was a total clusterfuck in the playroom, we were to celebrate Clara's birthday. What had happened in the playroom that night strengthened not only our weekend bond, but our weekday one as well. Our newly-found affirmation to one another gave me much hope for the future.

I was still traveling quite a bit, and she was very busy with her school work, but we spent as much free time together as we could. I wanted tonight to be special. We would try to enjoy her twenty-second birthday, the first one without her grandmother.

She'd told me her grandmother would always do something special to celebrate her day, and I hoped my gift would honor her grandmother and her childhood. Well, at least the pleasant parts of her childhood, anyway.

We went to a restaurant of her choice: a small, unpretentious, Italian place one block off campus, an old house that had been converted into a restaurant, quaint and cozy. The service was really good, and the homemade pasta was excellent. Clara made a nice choice. She was in her comfort zone and it suited her.

As we finished sharing a huge piece of raspberry cheesecake with dark chocolate drizzles, I decided to give her the gift I had gotten for her.

"I have something for you."

"Alec!" She shook her head. "I told you not to get me anything."

"And, you thought I'd listen to you?" I laughed.

She rolled her eyes and then smiled. "You've given me too much already, and I really don't need anything."

"Maybe you'll change your mind when you open this." I handed her an envelope.

"What is it?"

"Open it."

She carefully opened the envelope and pulled out the paper. She read through it, but I could see she didn't quite understand what it meant. She looked up and me.

"It's the deed to your grandmother's house," I said. "I bought it from the bank."

"You bought my grandmother's house? The house I grew up in?"

I nodded.

She read through the paper again, and this time, when she looked up at me, she had tears in her eyes.

"Alec, why?"

"Because it's important to you," I said. "I wanted you to have it."

"I don't believe this. When my mother called a few weeks ago, I thought the house would be lost to me forever." She ran her fingers through her hair and chewed on her trembling bottom lip. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything." I reached across the table and took her hand. "I know it's been on your mind. I could see how much that house meant to you." I also wanted to add that it had been the reason I had to take a leather strap to her behind, but I didn't think tonight was an appropriate time to mention that.

"The house is mine?"

"Free and clear," I said. "You just have to come in and sign some paperwork to make it official, but yes, it's your house."

"Thank you." She squeezed my hand and smiled. "I've always dreamed of living in that house my whole life."

"Well, that might put a kink in our relationship, with you being in Georgia and all," I said, trying to make light of the fact that I had just given her a reason to leave me, and New Jersey, when she graduated.

"Yeah." She half smiled. "I guess it would."

"Do you want to go back?"

"I always thought I did," she said. "But, now I'm not so sure."

"You have some time to think about it," I said. "You don't graduate for another couple of months."

But, who's counting?

"Do you think it would be okay if—" She stopped mid-sentence and fidgeted in her seat.

"What is it?" I reached for her hand.

"Can my mother stay there?"

I thought that to be an odd request, after what her mother had put her through, but I also knew Clara had a big heart, and she wouldn't put her mother out on the street.

"It's your house." I reminded her. "Whatever you want."

She thought about my words for a few seconds and then smiled the way she always did just before she asked me to have sex.

"Can we go home now? I want to thank you properly for my gift." I felt her foot rub against my calf.

Do I know my girl, or what?

I immediately motioned for the waiter to bring us the check.

Once we arrived home, I took her sweater and hung it in the hall closet, because she would have just thrown it on the living room couch. She was such a messy little thing. I turned and smiled before pulling her into a kiss. She ran her hands inside my suit jacket and over my chest.

"I love the way your body feels against mine," she said. "You're strong and hard, but you can be soft and gentle too. You always know what I need."

I ran my fingers through her hair and continued to kiss her plump lips, sucking the bottom one into my mouth. "Did you have a good birthday?"

"Yes, but it's not over."

"No, it isn't." I moved my hands down her back and over her firm ass. "Shall we finish the evening in bed?"

"No."

"No?" I was a little surprised. "Perhaps the hot tub, then?"

She shook her head and then slowly dropped to her knees, lowering her gaze to the floor.

"Clara?" I tried to guide her back up. "What are you doing?"

"I want to submit to you tonight, sir."

"But, it's Tuesday night, and it's your birthday." I wasn't exactly sure why I was trying to stop her. Seeing her there on her knees, willing to submit to my every command, had me rock hard.

"I can't think of a more perfect way to end my special day," she said. "I want to please you."

I thought for a few seconds, trying to decide whether or not I should grant this request. We'd had a pretty rigorous weekend, and I'd pushed her limits further than I'd had before. She did amazingly well, and when Sunday rolled around, I was disappointed our weekend play was over, but I could see that she was physically and mentally exhausted. We hadn't had sex in the two days since leaving the playroom because I wanted to give her time to regroup, but now she was asking to go back into that room.

"Very well," I said in a stern tone. "I'll meet you in the playroom in fifteen minutes."

I needed time to prepare and get into my role. We had never played seriously during the week, and she'd never requested we go into the playroom. I didn't see a problem, because we were both agreeing to it. The one thing I was learning about our situation was there were no hard and fast rules. We were learning as we went, and we were trying to figure out what worked best for us both.