The Loneliest Alpha (The MacKellen Alphas) (8 page)

But
what was wrong with his face?

“I’m
afraid you cemented my decision today, Alicia,” he said after a minute. “Fact
is, it was brave what you did jumping out of that window. I like that. Doesn’t
mean I like that you did it; you could have hurt yourself, but I appreciate it
anyway. You’re a strong woman and…I’m gonna need someone strong at my side, you
see.”

Air
sawed from between her lips in a breathy gasp. Her body trembled, blood
coursing wildly through her veins pumping fear and, strangely, excitement
through her. “You mean to keep me here?”

His
hands stopped turning the hat. He looked down at it and she cursed the gray
morning. Dark gray clouds covered the sky with the warning of a storm to come.
Heavy clouds billowed and rolled as they raced across the sky, blocking out the
sun. She wished the sun would break through and shine so she could really see
what his hair looked like, what his face looked like.

He
had chocolate colored hair, almost but not quite blond. It sat somewhere in the
middle of the color palette. The color wouldn’t draw her attention twice in a
normal situation. A few streaks of gray smeared near his temples and on top
giving him a mature appearance. His hair was short but she could run her
fingers through it if she wanted to. Alicia jerked in surprise.

Where
had that thought come from? I don’t want to touch his hair.

Shit,
she thought, staring at his hair. It stopped in a neat line at the bottom of
his neck. He had a strong looking neck, tanned from the sun, too. She cursed
herself again.

Stop
finding things to like about him, dumb girl.

He
continued on in that strange, almost hypnotic voice of his. “I want more than
that. I know I’m a bastard for wanting it, but I’d like you to stay here,
Alicia. Let you get to know me, then you can decide.”

Something
in his words made her breath accelerate and her lips part to suck in some much
needed air. How did he make her feel so much without even looking at her?
Without even touching her? “Decide what?” She had a feeling that she already
knew.

He
started spinning the hat again, his head still bowed. “Whether or not you want
to mate with me.”

Her
heart jumped, actually jumped. How did the man manage to charm her with his
shy, quiet way? She never knew until this moment how utterly endearing a shy
man could be. “You want me to stay here, of my own choice, and get to know you…”
she tried to wrap her mind around that one but couldn’t. “Wait, does that mean
you’ve already decided that you want to…mate with me?” She almost couldn’t say
the words. When she did, they came out soft and breathy. Surprised and
flattered.

“Yeah,
that’s what I want,” was all he said, his voice low and hoarse.

No
over-explaining what he wanted, because he’d already said everything he needed
to. No exaggeration. Just straight facts in their simplest form. Didn’t matter
that some men had trouble expressing their feelings. He simply said what he
wanted, what he liked, why he did and had no qualms about it.

She
was starting to understand him.

Her
face screwed in confusion. “Why me? I mean, because I jumped out of a window?
Isn’t that…” she shrugged thinking how to explain it, “lame? It’s just I don’t
think jumping out of a window should be the qualifier on whether or not you
want to mate with me. Doesn’t that seem too weird?”

He
shook his head once. “I know what I know and I know how I feel. I don’t care
whether it seems weird or not, Alicia. I’m leaving the decision up to you.”

“You’re
not going to lock me back up?”

The
hat stilled in his hands again as he contemplated her question. “I guess not.
Not now. I’ll let you have free run, but you can’t leave the pack. Not until
you give me your decision.”

She
straightened. “No need to wait around in suspense then. My answer is no. Now
let me leave.”

His
big shoulders lifted and sagged as he let out a deep breath. “I can’t let it
happen that way. All I ask is that you give me a chance. What if you’re the one?”

She
pressed a hand over her stomach to quell the nerves squirming there like snakes
in a bucket. “The one what?” The man flattered her, really he did. But this
wasn’t how things like this were supposed to happen. Even if, hypothetically,
she got with him, then what would she tell her grandkids some day? That her
mate practically kidnapped her and locked her up, coercing her into mating with
him? That wasn’t how relationships began. Not in her world.

A
moment of silence passed. He didn’t say a word and his meaning sank in.

“What
if I’m the one…as in your real mate? Not just a woman who can act the part but
who can really…” she struggled over the words, “love you? That’s a pretty tall
order.” And he already was wondering if she was it. Her cheeks colored at the
thought and she was thankful he wouldn’t turn around now.

“The
one woman who can stand to look me in the eye. The one who will give it a
chance. I need you to get to know me so you can see past my face. Give me a
month,” he said in that scratchy voice.

Alicia
shook her head at all this. It was crazy. An alpha wanted her to get to know
him, to give him a chance to see whether she’d like to mate with him or not.
Since Josiah had practically gift wrapped her into his care, Gavin could do
about anything with her under the law. He could force her to mate with him,
beat her, or any number of horrible things. But he did none of those.

That
may give her some reassurance to her safety and well-being in this pack, but
still. This is not how things like this happened. At all. He wanted a month
with her. For her to really give him a shot to see if they were compatible.

She
considered her choices. She could try to escape again but they’d probably
increase the guards now that she’d already tried that. Or she could listen to
him and give this a shot. All she’d have to do was stick it out here for a
month and politely tell him no thanks at the end of it. At the end of a month
she’d be free to go. In a way, it’d be like a strange vacation.

“Okay,
it’s a deal under one condition,” she said.

His
shoulders bunched hard, tension emanating from him. “What’s that?” he asked.

She
sucked in a deep breath for what she was about to ask. When she spoke, her
words were rushed together. “Show me your face right now in the light. Show me
or this ends now.” She held her breath, unsure whether he’d do it or not.

The
hat spun around in his hands. With one hand he lifted it and tucked it on his
head. It settled perfectly like an old friend. If possible, the tension in his
shoulders grew more intense. His coat creaked with it, jeans rustled as he
leaned on his other foot.

“I’m
afraid I can’t do that,” he said.

Alicia
flexed her jaw as she planted her hands on her hips. “And why not? Don’t you
think you should just show me so this stupid suspense is over and we can move
on? I mean, what do you think’s going to happen when we get to the end of the
month? Let’s say, hypothetically, I like you. So you go and show me your face,
but I think you’re ugly as sin. Hell, I even vomit when I see it. You think
that just because we shared a few conversations in the past few weeks is going
to change that?” She was breathing hard when she finished her little rant.
Anger had gotten the better of her and when she saw his body stiffen. She
instantly regretted her words. She hadn’t just said ‘ugly as sin,’ had she? And
she really hadn’t said she might vomit if she saw his face, right?

Fuck.

“Listen,
I’m sorry. That came out more harshly than I intended---”

“Don’t,”
he said, his voice sharp for the first time. Recoiling, she took an automatic
step back as fear leaped in her throat. “Just don’t,” he said, shaking his
head. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about. You think I wouldn’t just
turn the fuck around if I could and get it over with? Do you know how easy that
sounds? But it’s not that easy. I see how everyone looks at me, especially the
women. I don’t want you to be like that too.”

“I-I
wouldn’t.” She wouldn’t judge him like that. At the thought, she flinched,
unsure. She wouldn’t, right? What if it really was terrible like the character
in the Hannibal movie who’d had his face skinned off by Doctor Lector? Even she
wasn’t so sure in herself.

He
laughed, the sound bitter and she winced as guilt reared its ugly head. “Right.
Aren’t so sure of yourself, are you now? No, I think we’ll stick to doing
things my way, Ms. Clarkson.” He started striding forward, his long-legged
steps eating up the distance back to the house.

Ah
fuck, now she felt like the worse kind of ass. One that was sinking into a
steaming pile of shit.

She
followed him, shaking her head. “Listen, I’m sorry. I’m normally not so…mean,
but cut me a break will you? I have been sent here and not because I wanted an
Oregon vacation.”

He
didn’t say anything and the quiet moment gave her eyes a second to roam down
over his deerskin jacket to a particular body part she probably shouldn’t stare
at. Damn, she thought. He had a nice ass. No, nice didn’t begin to describe it.
He had an ass she could hold on to, that filled out his jeans, and that looked
hard and firm.

Heat
grew in her chest and she flushed as she jerked her gaze away.

“You’re
going back upstairs while I go to work. No free rein, and if I were you, I
wouldn’t try to escape again.”

Alicia
stopped, both feet planting into the ground like roots to a tree. She stared at
his retreating back, with her teeth bared and eyes narrowed. The man did not
know who he was dealing with. She might be more skilled with needle and thread
with a dash of creativity, but when she got pissed off, shit got real.

And
she was pissed off. How dare he revoke her newly received privilege.

She stalked
after him in hard angry steps that dug into the soft ground and tore chunks of
grass out from beneath her shoes. Her elbows jabbed backward, punching the air
as she moved faster and faster.

His
head cocked the side as he heard her approach. The stupid brim of his hat
blocked out his face only giving her the shadows of profile.

She
full on ran the last ten feet as a war cry bellowed from her throat. He didn’t
duck away as he could have. No, he took the hit. She wasn’t even sure why he
did, though she didn’t care. Not one bit. All she knew was this man was the
cause of her problems and she was going to let it all out.

She
slammed into his back like a flying monkey. Arms and legs crashing into him and
curling around him as he fell forward, unable to hold them both up at her
momentum. He fell to his knees first, one hand catching the fall before fully
crashing to the grass. His hat sailed away and she saw his hair was about two
inches longer than she’d originally thought. His hat kept it pressed down.

“What
do you think you’re doing?” he asked, breathing hard.

“What
does it look like? I’m getting my answer now.”

He
kept his face forward much as she’d done when they were across the land. Their
roles had quite literally reversed. Only she wasn’t about to get up and back
away. Hell fucking no. She was pissed right the fuck off.

“Get
off of me, Alicia. Now.” An alpha’s command, said with every bit of power he
held.

Yet,
she was the one in the dominant position staring at the back of his head.

“No.
Now you listen to me, Gavin MacKellen. I’m through playing your games. Turn
around and show me your damn face.” She cocked her jaw, mentally digging her
feet in. She would not budge on this.

Suddenly,
he started laughing. Her stomach tingled. He had a raspy, deep laugh that
reminded her a bit of a smoker coughing. It had a nice timber to it, almost
melodic.

That’s
it. He was not going to sit here and laugh at her.

Snapping,
she thrust her hands into his hair, gripping a handful of tresses. She got low,
completely straddling his body and got down to his ear to peer at the side of
his face. But he jerked away, burying the cheek into the grass. She quickly
changed routes and pulled him the other way but he only turned his head again.
Then she caught it—the barest of glimpses. A check covered in jagged scars,
pink, puckered flesh. But it vanished so quickly she couldn’t call back the
memory.

Tightening
her hand in his hair as a warning, she hissed. “Stop that! What are you, a
child?”

That
laughter came again from deep within his chest, jolting her on his body like
she was riding a horse.

“You’re
the one straddling me, darlin’. What say you let me up now? Because, Alicia,
you’re not going to win this.”

“I’m
not going to win this? Fuck that! I am going to win this.”

Changing
her grip one more time, she tried to yank his head to the side and force him to
show her the side of his face. Only, he moved with the motion, his entire body
rolling and throwing her completely off balance.

Then
she was being handled. That’s the only way she could describe it. He moved too
fast for her brain to even process it until after it was over. Limbs tangled
and touch, moved and jerked by his manipulative, quick hands. When it was over,
her face was once again in the ground and he was spread out on top of her body.