The Loneliest Alpha (The MacKellen Alphas) (41 page)

He
picked her up and set her under the spray. He followed a second later. She didn’t
have to do anything but hold on to him as he soaped a washcloth and cleaned her
body. He stuck a toothbrush with toothpaste on it in her face and she gave him
a wobbly smile as she at least took care of that.

He
got down on one knee and washed her legs as she rinsed out her mouth. Her tears
had dried up but she still felt raw inside. Seeing the scarred alpha on his
knee before her, taking care of her and cleaning her, nearly set forth a burst
of fresh tears. She held it together though, barely.

She
ran her fingers through his wet hair. “You know…I love you.” Thank god she didn’t
stutter over the words. Because her heart was doing all the stuttering for her.

He
froze. She could feel him tense beneath her fingertips. “What?” he rasped.

“I-I
love you, Gavin. I want you to know that.” Her chest shuddered and it became
harder to hold back tears. Fuck it. They started falling and she bit her lip to
keep from succumbing to sobs. She’d had too many of them since she was rescued.

He
pressed his scarred forehead into her belly and wrapped his arms around her. “I
don’t deserve you.”

A
sudden laugh bubbled out of her, surprising them both. “I’d say it’s the other
way around.”

He
stood and kissed her. It was a fierce, consuming kiss that drugged the senses. “I
love you, too.” He held her close, giving her the comfort of his strength and
security.

“I
want to stay here with you, Gavin.” She buried her face in his shoulder to hide
her blush. It almost felt more revealing to say that than to admit her
feelings.

The
muscles in his back tensed. “I’d like you to stay here too.”

It
almost didn’t penetrate, what he said. Well, not what he said but
how
he
said it. The tense muscles in his back and that hesitant tone raised alarm. “What
do you mean? What’s wrong?”

She
pulled back to look in his face but he only smirked. “Come on, let’s get some
breakfast.”

She
let it go because, honestly, she didn’t want to face anymore problems. She just
wanted to feel better and lean on Gavin for a while.

They
dressed in silence. Gavin’s brow was crinkled, a frown marred his mouth, and he
looked distracted.

“Okay,
what’s wrong?” she asked.

He
wouldn’t look at her as he ran a hand through his hair. “You’re not gonna like
this.”

If
he said it then it must be true. “Probably not,” she agreed.

“Come
here.” He grabbed her hand and tugged her down the halfway back toward her old
room. Strange to think of it as her ‘old’ room.

Inside,
she found her clothes, the little gifts Gavin had bought her, except there were
two big boxes and her duffel on the floor and most of her stuff had been packed
in it.

A
cold knot grew inside her. “What is this?” Her voice croaked.

His
eye twitched and he wouldn’t look at her. “I was packin’ your things while you
took a shower. When I heard…I heard you crying, I came.” He cleared his throat.

It
hurt to breathe, each breath like a knife sawing her heart in half. Her face
crumpled. “What does this mean?”

He
wouldn’t look at her, that eye twitching and jaw flexing. “I’m sendin’ you back
home.”

Tears
fell freely. It was a wonder she didn’t stumble back because his words hit her
like a jackhammer to the solar plexus. “But you said you love me.”

He
faced her with frantic eyes and cupped her face. “I do, sweetheart. Never doubt
that. It’s temporary.”

“Temporary,”
she repeated, her words like talking through a mouthful of syrup.

“Fuck!”
In a move so fast she screamed, he spun around and threw a punch at the wall.
He made a hole through plaster. He pulled his fist out and shook off paint
chips. Beads of blood pooled around his knuckles.

She
shook. “I don’t understand, Gavin.”

“It’s
only until we capture Will and finally nail the Graham brothers. I’ve proven I
can’t keep you safe.”

“I’m
safer here than at home by myself,” she said quietly. He couldn’t send her
away, not now when she needed him the most.

“No,
you’re not. Since you’ve been here you’ve been in a car accident, poisoned, and
then kidnapped and dropped down a fucking sewer well in an abandoned building.
That’s been with extra guards protecting you. I’m not risking your life
anymore. I can’t protect you here so I’m doing it the only way I know how.”

“By
sending me home?”

He
paced across the room, anger in every movement. “It’s not like I want to. I
fuckin’ love you, sweetheart. But I won’t, no, I fuckin’
refuse
to take
any more chances. After what happened last time, what do you think will be
next? I’ll tell you what—a slit throat, a gunshot. All I know is I won’t be
fuckin’ burying my mate.”

She
trembled, tears falling fast down her hot face. “I see.”

He
looked at her and groaned. “No, you don’t see. I knew this was gonna happen.
You think I don’t want you. Baby, as soon as we land these bastards, I’m
bringing you back. First fuckin’ thing, I swear it.”

“I
don’t want to leave.”

His
shoulders sagged and he fell into a crouch with his face buried in his hands.
He looked like a man lost. “You have to go.”

“You
called me your mate.”

He
gazed up at her, tears swimming in his beautiful eyes. It made her sob, but she
caught sound before he could hear it. “Yes, you are. My
lumara
.”

Lumara,
the lykaen term for beloved mate.
She almost laughed, but all the humor had dried up days ago. “You haven’t even
asked me to mate with you.”

“I
know, but whether or not you say yes doesn’t change anything. There’ll never be
anyone else for me. You’re it, no matter what.”

Nodding,
numb, she said, “You’re it for me too.”

A
sound like a growl came from his throat and then he was striding toward her,
catching her up in his arms and kissing her, tears and all. She kissed him
back, letting her body do the talking.

Emotions
were high, driving them past the point of needy. His warm tongue brought a lick
of wetness between her legs and that was enough. She knew what she needed.

“Get
inside me,” she said, panting against his mouth.

He
groaned and kissed her harder, hands pulling down her pants. Their hands fought
against each other to remove their clothes fast enough. She tugged his sweats
down and grabbed his cock. It was hard and hot in her palm and she stroked him
with ruthless tugs.

Cursing,
he reached under her shirt and grabbed her tits. Her nipples puckered into
points under his touch and he tugged at them as his tongue dove inside her
mouth, thrusting.

What
had begun as a lick of wetness soon turned into a surge between her legs. The
head of his cock leaked and she squeezed it, working his natural wetness over
his shaft.

Her
sex throbbed in time to his touch, his kiss.

“I
love you,” he said.

He
kept saying it as he pulled down her pants, her underwear, wrapped one leg
around his waist and pressed his cock head against her opening. Their eyes
locked as he entered her. He filled her slowly, in a thrust meant to mark more
than her body.

When
he fit inside her all the way, spasms clenched around him. Her clit throbbed
and as he withdrew and slammed back inside she struggled not to cry. It all
felt too good—being in his arms, feeling him loving her, seeing the love in his
eyes. It hurt and amazed her at the same time.

He
moved and her hips rolled into his touch. Their lips met and locked, breaths
trembled.

She
became frantic. Her heart felt as though it’d been burned alive and put back in
her chest. All the pain and frustration inside her seemed to coil into one
point. That point was between her legs and with each thrust he struck it,
pushing her closer and closer.

“Gavin!”
she gasped.

Heat
twisted inside her becoming tighter and hotter. It needed a place to go.

His
thrusts became savage, an unconscious gesture of his desperation. They kissed
hard, teeth clanging, lips meshing without any rhythm, only pure passion. Her
bottom bounced against the wall with each thrust, forming a continuous pattern.

It
was closing in on her. That ultimate pleasure. The little death that would
steal all thoughts from her for those few precious moments. He fisted her hair
and tugged and that did it. That lick of pain sent a spark of pleasure between
her legs. She flew apart on a cry that sounded more pained than pleasured and
he groaned with her, hammering into her and using her tight pussy’s spasms to
milk him. He pressed deep and erupted inside of her, hot and wet jets.

The
numbness came back or maybe it was never really gone. Because her arms and legs
felt heavy, her head difficult to hold up. He helped her to dress for which she
was thankful because she didn’t think she could bend over and lift her own
pants. She had no energy for that. Any energy she’d had left just went into the
physical moment they shared.

He
righted both their clothes, kissing her meanwhile, then tugged her hand. “Let’s
go eat breakfast now.”

She
shook her head but he still tried to pull her. He forced her to use her voice. “No,”
she croaked.

He
looked back at her, confused.

“No,
I want to go now.”

Alarm
flickered across his face. “Not now. We can spend the day together, eat, talk,
be together.”

Oh
god, that hurt like something heavy taking up space in her chest cavity. “No,
let’s do this the Band-Aid way. Fast.”

He
looked ready to hit a wall again. “No; at least let me feed you first. This is
hard for me too.”

She
just looked at him. “Then don’t do it.” When he didn’t say anything, didn’t
shout that he’d changed his mind, her shoulders sagged. “I’ll be outside.
Please don’t make me wait long. Don’t bother packing my stuff. I don’t care
about it.”

She
left and he let her go. She sat on the stoop of the stairs out front and gazed
out at the mountains in the distance. Such a beautiful place. She’d never seen
anything like it. And now she couldn’t stand to be here a minute longer.

* * * * *

Who
would have thought one of the hardest things in his life would be packing his
mate’s belongings? Not him.

Becoming
alpha of the pack had been difficult, learning to live with a destroyed face
and deal with the stares by his packmates had been real fucking hard. But this?
Packing up her sweet smelling clothes was pure torture. Like acid being poured
down his throat. He felt raw and cut open from his gut to his jugular.

Fuck,
he didn’t want to do this, but it wasn’t permanent. He’d tried to explain that.
Couldn’t she see how much danger she was in? Until he caught Will, she couldn’t
stay here. She’d been attacked in his home. His own home.

If
she wasn’t safe in his house then she wasn’t safe in his pack.

As
soon as they caught Will and brought him to justice, he’d retrieve her himself.

Then
why did it feel like he was leaving her forever?

Dammit
all to hell, he wasn’t!

He
taped up the boxes, slung her duffel over his shoulder and placed them at the
front door. He saw her through the window, sitting on the stoop looking like
all her dreams had been crushed. Fuck. It would be okay. He’d find Will, the
boy would face the harshest of punishments for what he’d done to his mate and
to the MacKellen family.

He
went down the basement and tossed all her work items into another box. That’s
when he spotted the mess in the trashcan. A grimace came over him. He
recognized the piece; he’d seen her wearing it and they’d shared their first
kiss in it. Now it looked like a bird had been hacked to pieces. This wasn’t an
accident. She’d ruined it on purpose. He could see the cut and tear marks.

“Dammit
all to hell.”

He’d
really fucked this up, but it was necessary. He’d already talk to Hart and Jo
about it. They agreed it was for the best. After stuffing the feather pieces
into the box, he taped it and headed upstairs, his steps as slow as a snails.

This
was bad. He hadn’t hurt like this since…he found Alicia in the bottom of that
hole. She didn’t look up at him as he started stacking boxes outside. He dialed
up Jo and told him it was time. Jo didn’t have to say a word, he understood.
Gavin sat next to her.

“You
know, we don’t have to do this now. Let’s go eat and relax, sweetheart. It’s
not like you won’t be coming’ back.”

“We’ll
see.”

“What
does that mean?”

She
shrugged, her eyes red from crying. “It means, how long will it take to clear
all this up? One month, two, or maybe six? And then you’ll forget about me. You
won’t want me like you do now.” She swiped a tear away. “Maybe you don’t want
me that much anyway since you’re sending me away.”