The Lipstick Laws (15 page)

***

It takes Britney a few periods to respond to the new letter the next day. We all gather in the school library to read it before heading to lunch.

Dear Hoff,

Of course you should dump Jamie! I've never liked her. No one does! No offense, but she's an undercover scag. Guys like you shouldn't be stuck with charity cases like her. As for Kyle, I don't want to be with him anymore, anyway, ties starting to annoy me. He'll just have to get over it. I promise this is our secret until the time is right. Write back soon.

Love,
Brit

We all look at each other with our mouths hanging open.

"Wow!" I say. "She let it all out!"

Rachel cackles. "Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! The sea of evidence is building up around her ... Soon enough, she'll drown in it!"

"Kyle and Jamie are gonna be livid when they get their hands on this!" Mel squeals.

"We could probably close up shop right now with this letter," I say.

"And stop the fun?" Ashley grins. "No way!"

By mid-January, Britney and "Hoff" have exchanged twenty-five letters, give or take. She has completely word-butchered Jamie and Kyle like we had hoped, but we're getting worried, because she seems to be frustrated with Troy. This is especially evident in her most recent letter:

Hoff,

I'm waiting on Kyle untill you dump Jamie. Why haven't you gotten rid of her yet? Also, I don't know why you hardly acknowledge me when I try to talk to you. I'm not desperate, so stop acting like you have all the time in the world to make what we have together public! Vm sick of keeping this a secret. You need to figure things out soon, or I'll take your letters to Jamie myself. You have my number, so CALL me.!

—Brit

"Look, she didn't use the
L
word at the end this time," Ashley points out.

Shaking my head, I say, "Told you guys we should've stopped when she wrote the letter saying Jamie's fat and Kyle's boring."

Melanie paces around my room nervously. "Okay, guys, we can't let her go to Jamie before we do," she says. "We'll have to make copies of her letters tonight and give them to Jamie and Kyle tomorrow."

We all nod in agreement.

"Girls, it's time to enforce Operation Destroy Britney Taylor!" I say. "This is what we've been waiting for..."

***

The next day, we go to school with a couple important packages in tow. We skip the first half of lunch to deliver them. First, we slip fake Troy's last letter to Britney in her locker.

B
RITNEY
,

S
ORRY IT'S TAKEN ME SO LONG, BUT
I'
M READY TO GO
PUBLIC
WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP
. I
N FACT,
I
WANT TO PROFESS MY LOVE FOR YOU THIS AFTERNOON!
M
EET ME ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD AFTER SCHOOL.
I
DON'T CARE WHO SEES US—INVITE THE WHOLE SCHOOL IF YOU WANT.
I
CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU, BEAUTIFUL.

L
OVE
,
H
OFF

Next, we drop the manila envelopes containing copies of Britney's incriminating letters into Jamie's and Kyle's lockers. Along with her letters, the envelopes also include a detailed explanation, an invitation to confront Britney this afternoon on the football field, and instructions to avoid her until then. If all goes well, she'll be waiting for Troy to profess his love when in reality, Jamie and Kyle will be professing their wrath.

We're brimming with nerves and excitement once we've planted all of our evidence.

"Do you think Britney will fall for it?" Melanie asks, biting her lip.

"Of course she will; her arrogance won't allow her to think this is a prank," Rachel says confidently.

We all look at each other, smiling spitefully as we walk to the cafeteria to finish out the rest of lunch.

***

By ninth period, my palms are sweaty and my heart is racing like crazy. Ashley's seventh-period text had been really promising:

Brit is digging her own
grave. She's telling every 1 2 come 2 the
football field after
school! She's making it
sound like some big
event is gonna go
down. LOL!

But I'm still really nervous that things might go wrong. I prepare myself when the final bell rings. Fear sizzles in my throat as I make my way out into the jam-packed hallway. Everyone's bustling with gossip. Britney's random invites have erupted into curious rumors spreading rapidly throughout the halls.

"It's a surprise concert. I've seen them do that on MTV."

"I bet Mr. Stuart's having a satanic ritual out there."

"It's a fight. No doubt."

"It's probably just a senior prank."

"I heard someone's blowing up a junker car out there."

I quickly pass through all the rumors and meet the girls at Melanie's locker. The four of us file out the parking lot doors with a bunch of anxious schoolmates. The cold winter air takes my breath away as we walk toward the football field. Our shoes leave trails through the thin dust of snow covering the parking lot. There's already a large group of people gathered on the sideline. Britney's big mouth has made the prospect of spying easy for us. We merge into the middle of the students, crossing our fingers for a fantastic show.

"I don't see her." My warm breath dawdles through the chilly air.

"There she is!" Melanie points to a blonde in the middle of the endless stream of curious students making their way to the field.

"She's armored with the Lipstick Lawlords," Rachel says as Britney reaches the field surrounded by Erin, Brianna, and Jessica. Britney shoos her loyal followers to join the mob of onlookers and walks to the center of the field. The girls and I creep farther into the mix, to ensure that we won't be spotted by Brit or her Lawlord crew.

Looking eager, Britney tugs her Burberry scarf back and forth while scanning the mob for her Prince Charming. She smiles at the crowd, seemingly pleased with the large turnout.

"Aw—how sweet! You're all here for me?" She giggles, waving like a princess acknowledging peons.

"If things go as planned, she won't be smiling for too much longer," Ashley whispers to us.

The swarm of observers chatters.

"What's Britney Taylor doing out there?"

"Is she the show?"

"Maybe she's gonna
strip!
"

A group of meatheads begin to cheer, "Take it off! Take it off!"

Britney shoots them a dirty look. "Settle down, boys; Troy's not going to like that."

Within minutes, I spot Kyle and Jamie making their way to the field, camouflaged by straggling students.

"Look!" I point excitedly. "They're coming! And it looks like they're holding the letters!"

I can hardly contain myself when Britney notices them approaching. Her wide smile slowly disintegrates as they march closer and closer, looking furious.

Kyle strides up to her with his body rigid with anger and his eyebrows furrowed.

"I'm boring?" he growls. "Not as hot as Troy? The only good thing I have going for me is my parents' money?"

Britney stares at him like a deer in headlights.

The girls and I try to hold back laughter. The rest of the audience grows silent, anticipating the drama.

He moves closer to her. "You think I'm annoying, do you?"

She rolls her eyes and looks away.

"You want Troy?" he shouts, throwing the letters above her like confetti.

She brushes her hair off and snaps, "God, Kyle! You're such a girl. Get over it!"

He cringes with rage. "You can have Troy, Brit! You wanna know why?"

"Um... 'cause you can't stop me?"

He scoffs. "Nope! More like because I don't want your flat ass anymore! You're not half as great as you think you are!"

"Flat ass is right!" someone from the crowd jeers.

Rachel, Mel, Ashley, and I cover our mouths to choke back the giggles.

Kyle shakes his head and continues, "You're in for a big surprise! And don't come runnin' back to me when Troy disses you!"

"You wish," Brit mumbles conceitedly.

He turns to storm off and bellows, "She's all yours, Bradshaw, give 'er hell!"

Britney's eyes grow wide with dread when confronted with Jamie's death stare.

"Do these look familiar, Brit-brat?" Jamie points to the letters. Laughter at Britney's new nickname radiates through the crowd.

"Bradshaw is pissed!" a guy on the sideline yells with surprise. Jamie Bradshaw was voted friendliest in last year's yearbook. Everyone is shocked to see her looking so mad.

Britney backs up uncomfortably.

"So Britney, I'm fat, ugly, and an undercover scag? I'm a charity case, am I?"

Looking around nervously for support, Britney stutters, "I—I—I just—"

Jamie cuts her off mockingly. "You—you—you're just better than me, right?"

Brit, annoyed with Jamie's sarcasm, resumes her usual cocky stance and mutters, "Glad you're admitting it."

The mob absorbs the drama with quiet gasps and whispers. Melanie grabs my hand, squeezing it firmly.

"You bitch!" Jamie explodes.

"Jamie, don't hate me because your boyfriend wants me," Britney taunts, curling her long locks around her manicured finger.

"Troy wants you? It's more like you want him!" Jamie circles around her, irate. "And, news flash, you're not gonna get him."

"Just deal with it, Jamie! He wants to dump you. I'm surprised he hasn't already," Britney says.

"Dump me for you?" Jamie laughs. "Troy thinks you're a whining, stuck-up little brat!"

Britney looks at her nail beds nonchalantly. "Right, Jamie, don't you wish?"

"Wish it? I know it! Who's the one that's dated him for two years?"

Britney rolls her eyes. "Not for much longer. He'd rather be with me."

"Who here would rather date Brit-brat Taylor over me?" Jamie asks the mobbed audience.

Silence.

Britney glares at her Lipstick Law followers with disapproval. "Thanks for the
support,
guys!" she shrieks, sending them into a panicked frenzy. She turns back to Jamie, pointing at the pack of letters she's gripping. "Don't ask the crowd, ask Troy! It shouldn't be a surprise to you ... Obviously you read our letters!"

Jamie shoves the letters in her face. "Don't you realize this isn't even Troy's handwriting? You're such an idiot! Someone made a fool of you!"

The crowd laughs.

"Yes, it is!" Britney insists, grabbing the letters.

"Read them all you want," Jamie hisses while pulling out a water bottle from her bag. "You wouldn't know what his handwriting looks like because you've never seen it!"

The color drains from Britney's face as she begins to doubt the authenticity of the letters. While she inspects them feverishly, Jamie inches closer to her, twisting the cap off of the bottle of water.

"Since you think you're so hot ... I'd like to help you cool down," she announces, dumping the water over Britney's head.

Brit lets out a bloodcurdling scream. She immediately throws a toddler tantrum in the middle of the field, ripping the letters into shreds and screeching like a maniac. Her loyal followers run to console her while Jamie struts away victoriously. Ironically, the large crowd Britney enticed to the field has turned on her, heckling hysterically.

My mouth drops open; the girls and I jump up and down excitedly—trying not to miss the action over the riled-up crowd around us. This has gone better than any of us could have ever imagined.

"I'm soaking wet! Get me a towel!" Britney screams, spitting water from her lips. Brianna takes off her Fendi scarf and surrenders it to wipe off Brit's dripping wet hair and jacket. She immediately stains it with the dark eye makeup that's running down her face.

Britney's attention quickly pans to the once welcome crowd watching her embarrassing display from the side of the field. "What are you jackasses looking at?"

"A wet rat!" someone calls out from the middle of the group.

Someone else yells, "An ugly, wet Brit-brat rat!"

The crowd bursts into laughter. Britney's big brown eyes swell with wrath. The girls and I laugh so hard, we have to huddle together to keep each other from falling down.

Seething, Britney stomps up to the parking lot, with her trusty followers scrambling behind her. Her mouth drops in horror as she watches Jamie climb into Troy's truck.

Troy rolls down the window and yells, "In your dreams, Taylor!"

Britney kicks a small patch of snow at the truck as it speeds away. "I never wanted you anyway! You'll be bald by thirty!" She then turns to Erin and yells, "Don't just stand there like an orange dolt! Get your car, and let's get the hell out of here!"

Even though the fake Troy sting couldn't have gone any better on the football field a couple weeks ago, and half the school is shunning Brit-brat Taylor like the plague, the girls and I are just a tad let down that no one's figured out that it was our genius plan behind the chaos.

"I can't believe she doesn't even suspect us," I say, disappointed as we browse at Eastview Mall.

"Why are you surprised? She has the brain of a marshmallow," Ashley says.

"A melted marshmallow," Rachel adds.

"Speaking of marshmallows, look! It's five-for-three at Mrs. Fields!" Melanie points to the cookie nook.

"Craving sugar again, Mel?" I say, referring to Mel's undying sweet tooth.

She joins the short line of fellow cookie-cravers and smiles back at me. "What can I say? TOM is in town."

We follow her to the sugar haven.

"That creeper drives you to sugar rampages every month," Ashley says.

"Periods suck ... period," Mel says, inspecting the delicious morsels behind the glass counter.

I change the subject. "Hey, Ashley, does Britney still think it was Brandon Smith?"

"As far as I can tell. She thinks Brandon didn't want Kyle dating her anymore. I guess she and Brandon got in an argument shortly before the first fake Troy letter appeared. I overheard her telling Erin that she'd like to strangle him in his sleep."