The Lies We Tell (15 page)

“I don’t know. Angry. Confused. Worried. You’re sure that your father didn’t know mine?”

“If they knew each other, it was a relationship I knew nothing about. But they must have, otherwise why would my father take what he did?”

“Why indeed. And why was my father stealing that money? It wasn’t to help us, that’s for sure. Dad was always telling us that things weren’t going well at the company, that we were short of money. I had to give up soccer, Paul gave up piano lessons, Mum got a part-time job. The way we were living matched the financial mess that Mum found when Dad died.”

“That’s what’s worrying you, isn’t it? What your Dad could have been doing with that money?”

Todd squeezed her. “It’s my experience that people stealing money are either using it to live the high life, or covering for something. Dad’s life wasn’t high, so…” He sighed. “Drugs. Gambling. Fuck knows, and I’m not sure I want to.”

“But at the same time, you have to.”

“If something bad comes out, Mum would be devastated.”

“Would she have to know?”

“These sorts of things never stay secret forever.”

“Maybe she already knows, but she kept it secret from you and Paul.”

“I can’t ask her. She’s recovering from a stroke.” He shook his head, his cheek rubbing against her hair. “Fuck.”

“Maybe my dad knows something.” The words blurted out, drawn by his despair. Sia regretted them instantly — she couldn’t talk to her father about this without him finding out that she was seeing Todd.

Todd stilled and she waited for him to say yes and wondered what she would do. “I’m sure he does, but I bet if we confront him he’ll just deny everything. I’ve got to find this out myself.”

Sia sighed, releasing a small breath of relief, but then castigated herself for being concerned about her own problems and not Todd’s. She shifted, straddling his thighs so she could face him.

“We’ll find out together,” she said.

Todd put his hands on either side of her face, his eyes looking deep into hers. “All that time,” he whispered, “that I hated you, blamed you for what happened to us and you had nothing to do with any of it. Shit, even your father wasn’t responsible for the stress that finally killed Dad.”

“Fancy that.”

Todd laughed, then leant forward and kissed her. “You make me feel so good. Even when I should feel like shit.” He pulled her closer, sliding her hips up his thighs until her pelvis was pressed against his stomach.

Sia wound her arms around his neck. “If you let me, I’ll make you feel even better.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

His worries about his father and her worries about hers were overcome by the searing heat of not having seen each other for two days.

Todd couldn’t stay the whole night — he’d snuck away from his family as much as she had hers. So eventually they unwound and he left. Sia watched him disappear into the darkness then went into her studio.

The pink sunset canvas was staring at her and suddenly the vision of the form that would lie on it burnt into her brain.

Sia picked up her paints and lost herself in her work.

In order not to arouse suspicion, Sia went home after work on Tuesday. Wednesday, Mary called her at work and announced that night would be the first games night and Sia welcomed the opportunity to see Todd again.

Then at her afternoon break, she checked her phone to see a message from Todd. She called him back.

“Fuck.”

Sia blinked. “And hello to you too.”

“Sorry. Christ, I can’t wait to see you tonight. Sia, you’re not going to fucking believe what I’ve found.”

“What? No, don’t say it now. I’ll see you tonight and you can tell me everything.”

The last few hours of her shift seemed to drag by, but finally it was a few minutes to five and she was starting the final clean-up to help the others deal with the night rush when her father came in with Brock and Ebonny.

“Evening.” Frank sauntered over. “Sienna couldn’t stay to take me home after my visit to the cop shop so I thought I’d get a lift home with you.”

Over the past couple of days, there had been a definite change in tone in her father. He wasn’t warm and open, but he wasn’t snarling or insulting her either. Sia took it as a good sign.

“Sure,” she said. “I’ll get my purse.”

Walking out to the car, Frank said, “How about we grab a pizza for dinner?”

“Yay, pizza.” Brock clapped his hands.

“If you want, but I won’t be eating,” Sia said.

Frank stopped and frowned. “Why not?” His voice buzzed with distrust.

“Mary and Jim are having a games night at their place.”

“Games? What sort of games?”

“Not sure. Cards, I guess. We’re thinking of doing it weekly.”

“You know, that’s a good idea. I’ll come with you.” Frank started to the car again.

Sia stared at him, her heart thudding. She helped Brock and Ebonny into their seats in the back, then slid in behind the wheel and looked at her father. “Are you sure? It’s just going to be some silliness. And don’t forget your curfew.”

“Get me home before eight and it will be fine. I could do with some fun. Been stuck in the house too long. Can’t go out that much cause I can’t stand being in the pub and not being able to drink. Brock and Ebonny get on with Mary’s kids, right?” Sia nodded. “Sounds a plan then.”

“I’ll need to call Mary, check it’s all right with her.”

“Sure it will be, particularly if we bring pizza.”

They drove down to the pizza place and while Frank was inside placing the order, Sia called Todd.

“We’ve got a problem. My father’s just invited himself along tonight.”

Todd swore. “Can’t you talk him out of it?”

“I’ve tried, he won’t budge.”

“I need to see you, Sia.”

“You will.” She thought quickly. “Dad’s curfew is eight. I’ll get inspired and need to dash down to the studio to work on a painting and I’ll get Mary or Jim to take him home. I’ll call you when he’s gone, so you can come see me.”

“The moment he’s gone,” Todd said. “I need you.”

Happier, Sia drove her family to Mary’s.

If it weren’t for the fact she wanted to see Todd, it would have been a pleasant evening. Frank was his old, charming self and the couple of hands of canasta went smoothly. Mary and Sia put Ebonny and Brock to bed with Mary’s children and then it was time for Sia to put on her show.

After just a few rounds of the third game, Sia gasped and threw her cards onto the table. She jumped up and ran to the internal staircase that led down to the studio.

The door at the bottom was locked from the inside, but Sia had the key. She opened it, stood in her studio for a few minutes, then went back upstairs.

“Sorry,” she said. “Inspiration has struck. I need to love you and leave you.”

“What a surprise,” Jim murmured.

“If you need to paint, you need to paint,” Frank said. He leant over toward Jim. “She’s got talent, you know. Going to make a fortune.”

“Well, she’ll want to be at it all night,” Jim said. “Frank, how about I take you home? The kids can stay here and go to school in the morning with ours.”

“Sounds fine to me,” Frank said.

Within minutes, he was gone. Sia kissed Mary, thanked her for her assistance, then went downstairs and called Todd.

He arrived ten minutes later, sliding the unlocked glass doors across behind him. In his hand, he carried a picture frame.

“Sorry, but we’ve managed to get rid of Dad so you can stay as long as you want.”

“Good, because you’ve got some explaining to do.” His voice tight, his hand shook as he laid the photo down in front of her.

Sia picked it up, gasped and then smiled. “Sienna’s eighth birthday party.” She wiped a finger across the face of the little girl at the front of the group, smearing dust. Sia stood next to her sister, arm around the younger girl. A few weeks later, she’d turn sixteen. A month after that — life would change forever.

“Where did you get this?”

“You know everyone there?”

“Sure.” She started to name them all. Frank stood behind her and Sienna in the middle of the picture. A hand on each of his daughters’ shoulders, his face beamed with pride.

“And at the end there, Bubba and his boyfriend David.” She noted that Bubba and David’s faces were already cleared of dust. Then she looked closer. She hadn’t seen David for ten years, but there was something familiar about him.

The pieces all slammed into place and she looked up at Todd, staring down at her with a shuttered gaze. His silver-blue eyes the same as the man in the picture. “David’s your father?”

“David?”

“That’s what he called himself. Bubba introduced him about eighteen months earlier. He was kinda quiet at first, but then he loosened up a little bit. He and Bubba were so much —” her voice choked on the words ‘in love’ and she left them to say what was really bothering Todd right now. “You found out your father was gay.”

Todd slumped down on the chair opposite. “Last night, I found records in Dad’s office relating to a storage facility in Bathurst. Went this morning, talked the guy into letting me in. It was this whole other life. A motorbike. Leathers. And all over the walls, pictures of him with this guy. Smiling. Laughing. Kissing.”

Sia’s heart slowed. Was Todd homophobic? “What do you think of that?”

“Devastated.” Her heart stopped. “I kept seeing how happy he was and wondered why he couldn’t be that happy with us. Then I thought about what it must be like, to be living a lie and I realised I wouldn’t be happy either.” He reached out and pulled the picture from Sia’s grasp. He looked down and his finger moved gently over his father and Bubba’s faces.

“Being gay in the country isn’t an easy thing,” he said softly. “I wonder how long Dad fought it before he found a man he couldn’t resist. I wonder how hard it was to be scared to be who you are, to marry and have children so you appease society when it makes you utterly miserable.”

“It must have been an awful life for him,” Sia whispered.

“I was so scared for Paul, when he came out, for what it might mean for him. He was so brave, so determined.” Todd shook his head. “I guess Dad wasn’t able to be that brave.”

Of course he wasn’t homophobic. There was no doubting he loved his brother, had always been supportive.

“It makes me sad,” he continued, “that someone could find a life, a person that makes them so happy and they have to hide it.” His eyes flicked to hers and the warmth there curled her toes. Then he looked back at the picture. “So sad.”

“Bubba didn’t know who he was.” Sia looked up at him. “I didn’t pay much attention at first, I was so caught up in what was happening to me, but I remember that eventually I became aware that David had disappeared and Bubba was devastated. He said David was trying to come out, but that he didn’t want to hurt his family and he kept that life hidden from Bubba. Poor thing thought David had left him, didn’t love him any more, when in fact he’d died and no one knew.”

“Your father did.”

It felt like the bottom of her world disappeared and Sia was teetering in the wind, trying desperately to hold on. How could the father she’d thought so wonderful allow one of his best friends to suffer, when he could have saved him? “Yes, he did.”

“I’m guessing my father went to yours to help him cover up the embezzling, rather than have Bubba help.”

“Only it went wrong — Dad was caught, the papers were returned to your father.”

“He decided to brazen it out, thinking he’d panicked, that he’d never get caught. Only, he was.”

“And before he could tell Bubba, he had the heart attack and died.”

“A week after the robbery, a week before he died, Dad went and paid up for the storage unit for twenty years,” Todd said. “Probably used up the last of the money he’d stolen to do it. He was determined to keep his life with Bubba.”

“Your poor dad.”

“Poor Bubba.” Todd put the picture down. “I want to tell him the truth. Give him the storage unit. He was the one who made Dad happy, he deserves that.”

Sia stood, walked around the table and then settled herself on Todd’s lap. “You are remarkable.”

He shifted her closer to him. “And then we confront your father. Tell him that we know everything. He’s got nothing to be scared of any more, so he can’t possibly object to us seeing each other.”

Sia clung to Todd, suddenly the only truly certain thing in her world. “Yes,” she said.

The next morning, as she did her weekly clean of the house, Sia was struck with inspiration. She made a phone call to check it was doable, then she called Todd.

“Meet me at this address in an hour,” she said.

“If I don’t want to?”

“Oh, you want to.” She smiled. “It’s a sunny day. Perfect to be outside and naked.”

“Sweet merciful heaven.”

Stone Hedge was a holiday house a few kilometres out of town. To reach it, you drove down a winding track, through a couple of gates, past bush with kangaroos hopping and steep paddocks with cows grazing.

The house was set on a flat plateau above the river. Beautifully laid out gardens sat on one side, while on the other a fenced yard was the home to half a dozen deer.

Sia knew the manager, and when it wasn’t being hired out she came out here to paint. He’d leave a key for her to access the house and otherwise, she could work undisturbed in peaceful serenity.

Today, however, painting wasn’t on her mind.

She was leaning against her car when Todd pulled into the car park next to the deer enclosure. She straightened and sauntered over, swinging her hips as he flung the door open and got out.

“Thought we deserved an afternoon off.” She thrust out her hip and smiled at him.

Todd pulled her to him, lifting her and slamming her against his chest. Sia squealed and wrapped herself around him.

“You are without a doubt the sexiest woman I’ve ever known,” he said as he strode onto the lawn, over to where Sia had laid a blanket on the neatly mown grass.

“Easy to be when you’re so inspired.” She nibbled on his ear, laughing at his deep moan.

Todd laid her down gently, and looked over his shoulder at the sprawling house. “Is this just my fantasy, or is someone going to come out of there half way through and make your fantasy come true too?”