The Lies Uncovered Trilogy (Books 4, 5, and 6 of The Dancing Moon Ranch Series) (43 page)

Kit nodded. "I know you're mad at him for leaving like he did, which is why I want to talk to you and try to explain how it was with him so you'll understand a little about him."

Maddy folded her arms and eyed Kit with misgiving. "Is he your boyfriend?" she asked.

"No." Kit replied. "He and I work together. I spent some time with him at the last dig and I got to know him pretty well. Do you understand why he left home?"

"Yeah," Maddy said. "He was mad at Mom and Dad because they lied to him."

"Do you know why your parents lied to him?" Kit asked.

"Yeah," Maddy replied. "Dad told me all about it, but Marc didn't have to leave like that. He never called Mom or anyone, and Mom's depressed and has to take medicine, and Dad's always worried about her, and Marc didn't even care enough to come home for Christmas. After he left, Mom thought he would, and she had everything ready for when he'd come home, and we all had presents for him, but he never came. That's when Mom started getting depressed. And Dad would get mad if we went in Marc's room and fooled with his things, and he told us we had to stay out and leave everything like Marc left it. But then Dad would go in there and read through all of Marc's notebooks about stuff he'd found at the Indian mound."

"Wait a minute," Kit said. "It was your father who kept Marc's room like it was."

Maddy nodded. "Mom was too upset to go in. But then, after a while Jeremy wanted his own room instead of sharing with Josh, and he asked Dad if he could have Marc's room, and Dad said no, that no one was to touch Marc's things and he didn't want to hear any more about it. Jeremy was mad at Dad and they had a big argument, but Dad took Jeremy off to the barn, and after Jeremy came back, he was upset because Dad told him more about Mom. That's when Dad talked to me and told me mom was taking medicine to keep from being sad, but it didn't seem to help. Mom's still depressed and it's all because of Marc."

"Marc didn't just leave because your parents lied," Kit said. "He left because he never felt like he belonged. He knew he looked different than the rest of you from the start, but he never knew why. Then when he learned about the mix up and realized he wasn't even a blood relation, he figured no one wanted him, and that your parents only raised him out of obligation. He never contacted your parents or any of you because he didn't think anyone cared he was gone. He still doesn't think anyone cares, but I'm trying to change that because I know everyone does."

Maddy said nothing, just stood looking down at the ground. Then tears started filling her eyes, and she said, "I said something terrible to him."

"I know," Kit replied. "But you can undo it. He'll understand. He's feeling a whole lot of guilt already because he left a mess behind, but he hasn't yet figured out that the only reason he left a mess is because he's loved. If he wasn't, no one would care. Men sometimes are a little dense about certain things."

Maddy swiped a finger beneath each eye, then looked up and said, "What should I do?"

"Go out there and talk to him some. Maybe he'll show you how to dig and you can help. We could use another digger, and it's fun to uncover stuff."

"But what do I say to him at first?"

"That you're sorry and you didn't mean what you said, and you're glad he's back. I think that will about do it."

"What if he's mad because of what I said?" Maddy asked.

"Trust me. He won't be," Kit replied. "Even though he's a complicated man, in some areas he's very easy to understand, one being that he loves his little sister, who was wrapped from head to toe in pink and wearing socks with lace around them when she came home from the hospital, and he couldn't possibly stay mad at her."

Maddy's eyes brightened with tears again, but different kinds of tears. "He talked about me when I was a baby?"

Kit nodded. "You're one of the main reasons he came back. So go on out there and tell him you're glad he's here. You can also tell him I'm through for today and we can talk about the dig later at my campsite. Meanwhile, I'm going to go soak in the hot springs."

A half-hour later, knowing the trail ride would take the guests in the opposite direction from the trail alongside her campsite, and that Marc was working at the Indian mound, Kit immersed herself in the hot springs pool and closed her eyes, and for the first few minutes, found herself questioning, from a scientific standpoint, what could possibly be producing the eerie sounds coming from the interior of the mountain. But soon, she began wondering how things were going with Marc and Maddy. She was reasonably sure it would go well. Marc might have a giant bone of his own making to pick with Adam, and he could get irritated with his other brothers out of sibling rivalry, and he still had issues with his father, but there was no question he had a soft spot for Maddy. But he also had a soft spot for Rick's little son. She still couldn't get the image of the two Marcs together out of her mind.

If Marc could bond to a one-year-old in a matter of minutes, he could understand how adoptive parents could bond with the infant they brought home from the hospital. She was sure Marc hadn't considered that, because he'd been so certain the bond between parents and a child was stronger when there was a blood tie. She'd eventually point it out if needed, but hoped Marc would come to the realization on his own. But for now, she was anxious to get back to her encampment and see how it went with Marc and Maddy.

After drying off and briskly rubbing her hair with the towel, she was in the process of wrapping the towel turban style around her hair when Marc appeared in the entrance. Hands still holding the turban in place, Kit said, "What are you doing here?"

Marc's eyes slowly drifted over her. "I came to bathe. I didn't know you were here," he said, in a distracted voice.

"Well, you have to leave."

Marc raised his eyes to meet her gaze. "Oh, yeah, see you at camp," he said, and left.

After he'd gone, Kit realized she was shaking, not because Marc had seen her standing naked, but because of the way he'd looked at her. More than just a man in his prime wanting a woman for sex. Marc looked distant, and troubled, like maybe he wanted her for more than just sex. Like maybe he... wanted her.

I've never been in a committed relationship... 

I know. It's kind of scary, isn't it...?

Although he'd been clearly troubled by the idea, Kit couldn't help thinking he was seriously considering it. From her standpoint he still had issues to resolve. A man who walked away from his family because he felt unloved could walk away from a wife for the same reason. If, what they had ever evolved into a commitment that brought them to the altar, Marc would first have to be convinced his family loved him unconditionally, then he might believe a wife could do the same. But how could she convince a man he was loved unconditionally, when the woman who gave birth to him, and the man who was his legal father, didn't even want him?

CHAPTER 9

On returning to her campsite, Kit found Marc standing under the canopy, looking off in the direction of his tent. When he heard her coming he turned, and said, "Look, I'm sorry about what happened. I didn't mean to stare. I just didn't expect to see you... like that."

Kit was surprised he was so serious. She'd expected him to make some kind of comment about sharing the hot springs pool or maybe pretending she was the long-fingered goddess and they were in a cenote. "Forget it," she said. "I don't have hang-ups about being seen under circumstances like that. But we do need to establish some kind of warning system, maybe a little sign to put near the entrance."

"I'll figure something out," Marc said. Again he looked at her, much like he had at the spring, except now he also looked lonely, like he needed both sex and companionship. Someone to hold during the night to make his world a little better. Worried that maybe it hadn't gone well with Maddy, she said, "How did it go? Is Maddy okay now?"

"I suppose. She said she was sorry," Marc replied, "but she's changed."

"I know," Kit said. "It happens between ages nine and fourteen. It's called puberty and it's very confusing. She's hit with that along with a lot of family issues. But you said she's changed. Did she change for the better?"

"I don't know," Marc replied. "What did you say to her?"

Kit removed the towel turban. "I just told her how it was with you," she said, while combing her fingers through her hair. "She's smart, and she understood."

"So, how is it with me, from your perspective?" Marc asked, while eyeing her steadily.

"It's not all that complicated," Kit replied. She picked up a wide-tooth comb and started working at the snarls. "I told her you thought your parents raised you out of obligation, and the reason you never contacted them was because you didn't think anyone cared that you left."

"You shouldn't have told her that," Marc said. "Now she feels guilty."

"She's almost fifteen. She can handle a little guilt," Kit replied, while working through the tangles, "but she's also old enough to understand what's going on with you, even if you don't."

"And you assume to know," Marc said, eyeing her hair, like he wanted to touch it.

Kit set the comb aside so he wouldn't be distracted. "I know you don't feel loved or lovable."

"Whether or not I feel either isn't an issue," Marc said. The hint of irritation creeping into his voice told Kit otherwise. In fact, she was beginning to realize that the whole issue with Marc was about not feeling loved, which could also be the basis for him avoiding a relationship where he could give it his all, only to be dumped because he wasn't lovable.

"What if I asked you to stay in my tent with me tonight," Kit said. "Would you feel loved?"

"No, I'd think you were in the mood for sex," Marc replied.

"If I just wanted sex I could ask one of your brothers—male plumbing's pretty much the same—but I'm talking about you staying with me. Why would I choose you over your brothers?"

Marc shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe you're tired of hearing about bulls."

"Okay then," Kit said. "What if I asked you to stay with me tonight but told you I didn't want to have sex with you, but just wanted you to sleep with me and hold me?"

"I'd tell you you'd better not ask me into your tent," Marc replied.

"Do you equate sex with love?" Kit asked.

"No. Sex is basic physiology. The sex drive guarantees continuation of the species."

"What about when people are married. Do you think love and sex are two separate compartments in their life together?" Kit asked.

Marc eyed her warily. "Where are you going with this?"

Kit walked up to him and put her arms around his neck, and said, "I'm trying to make you understand that you're a lovable man and you don't see it, and you have a family who loves you."

Marc pulled her arms from around his neck, and said, while holding her hands away from him, "I also had a mother who didn't give a shit about me, and a legal father who wanted one son but not the other."

Kit pulled her hands from his grip and put them around his neck again and kissed him, and said, "I give shit about you." She kissed him again. "And I'm not even related to you by blood." She kissed him again. "How do you figure that?"

"I don't know," Marc said. "You don't make much sense half the time."

"Which half of the time do I make sense?" Kit asked. "The half when I'm messing with your head or the half when I'm out digging in the dirt with you?"

Marc reached back and wrapped his hands around her wrists, like he was about to drag them away again, but instead of doing that, he glided his palms along the length of her arms, and when he got to her shoulders, continued around them and down her sides, allowing his thumbs to trail over the outside curves of her breasts, and said, "Are you asking me to stay with you tonight?"

"I'm asking something," Kit said, holding his gaze, "but I don't really know what it is."

Marc looked at her intently. "Is that a yes or a no?"

"If you stayed, would you be having sex with me because of basic physiology, or would there be more to it than that, maybe something deeper, and a little bit scary?"

"I'm not going to be dishonest with you," Marc said. "If I stay here tonight there will be a whole lot of basic physiology going on. If that puts me on the same level with my brothers, then that's the way it is right now."

"At least you're honest," Kit said. She turned out of his arms. "I don't feel much like having dinner with your folks again tonight, mainly because it's nice and quiet here and I still have a block of ice in my cooler, along with all the makings for ham sandwiches, and I want to update my log book, so will you pass that on to your mom for me?"

"That's it?" Marc said, brows gathered in a frown. "You were just talking about me staying with you and I was being honest. Would you rather I tell you something you want to hear just so I can have sex with you?"

"No, I appreciate your honesty," Kit replied, "but sex for the sake of sex doesn't do it for me. There has to be more."

"Love?"

"That's a start."

"So, if I convinced you I loved you, it would be okay?"

"Not unless you convinced me you loved you first then convinced me you loved me. But I'd still have to love you in return or we'd be back to sex for the sake of sex, and I don't do that. But even loving each other doesn't necessarily include commitment, but for sex to be meaningful there has to be commitment. But I still like the way you kiss."

"You know what, Korban. You're sending me a hell of a lot of signals and they're all crisscrossing in a big untidy knot in front of me." He took her hands and put them around his neck again, and this time he kissed her long and hard, and after they'd finished exploring each other's mouths, he looked at her intensely, and said, "Do you feel anything for me?"

Kit pulled one arm from around him and held her thumb and forefinger about an inch apart, and said, "I'm about this close to falling in love with you, but you're the one who has to fill in the gap. Meanwhile, you originally went to the spring to bathe and you still haven't done that, so when you're finished soaking, you can have dinner with your family, and after that we can sit on my bed and try to sort through things. Does that make sense?"

"No," Marc said, "but I'll go for the bath."

***

As Marc sat in the hot springs pool, his mind was a cache of contradictions. He had no idea where he stood with Kit. She was all over the place.

I'm about this close to falling in love with you...

For some reason her words just hit him. When she'd said them, he'd still been hung up on the fact that it was like she was offering him a bargain. Sex for commitment...

It's pretty scary, isn't it...

Maybe not as scary as it was. Rick and Sophie had been committed to each other since they were kids and still were. And his parents—total commitment. They'd end up being the old couple who died hours apart because life wasn't worth living without each other.

Sex for the sake of sex doesn't do it for me. There has to be more...

Maybe there was, and he just needed time.

After he got out of the pool and dressed, his mind was a little clearer. But instead of returning to Kit's camp after having dinner with his folks, he spent a little time with Maddy, then went in his room to look for an old picture book. It took him some time, and while he searched, he realized someone had been going through his notebooks, but nothing was missing, just things a little out of order, so he didn't care. Finding the picture book, he told the family good night and headed for Rick and Sophie's house and hoped little Marc would still be awake.

Sophie met him at the door. "I'm glad you're here," she said. "Rick's been wanting to spend some time with you. If you can wait around, he's rocking little Marc. The girls are almost asleep, but little Marc's a night owl. Takes after his dad. Honey," Sophie called to Rick, "Marc's here."

Rick emerged from the hallway with his son in the curve of his arm, and said, "Your namesake's trying to put me to bed instead of the other way around. Here, you can take over."

"Good, I intended to." Marc took little Marc and sat on the couch. Looking down at him, he said, "You're going to get your second lesson in dinosaurs."

Sophie rolled her eyes. "Kindred spirits. I suppose we'll be finding old bones and little tin buckets of dirt from the mound hidden under his bed in a couple of years."

"Could be," Marc said. He situated little Marc on his lap, but before he could reach for the book he'd set on the coffee table, the toddler tipped his head back, reached up and patted Marc's mouth, and said, "Dada."

Marc laughed. "You're gonna get me in trouble, buddy, especially since we have the same hair and eyes." But he kind of liked the sound of the word dada.

Grabbing the Giant Book of Dinosaurs, he turned to the opening page. Little Marc slapped his hand against the picture of a large, colorful dinosaur, and looked up at Marc.

"That's a brontosaurus," Marc said, knowing little Marc had no idea what he was talking about, but amused that the kid seemed interested. He wondered now where he'd gotten the book. It just one day appeared. But he also remembered, even before he started kindergarten, enunciating the names of the dinosaurs to anyone who'd listen, because the adults always made a big fuss over him when he did.

"Dada," little Marc repeated, while shoving the page to push it aside for the next page.

"Don't worry," Rick said, "he calls everyone Dada, even Mama."

After Sophie excused herself to make sure the girls were still in their cribs, Marc said to Rick, "So, tell me something. How is it here with a wife and three kids? Do you ever feel like you want a little space sometime?"

"I think you already know the answer to that," Rick said. "I used to be the ranch joke because I was so obsessed with Sophie even though she didn't know I existed, at least not in that way. Well, she did, but she didn't. It was kind of complicated back then."

"Then you don't have any regrets?" Marc asked, not sure where he was going with this but feeling a need to get some answers. He was becoming increasingly preoccupied with the idea of commitment and that didn't fit with the long-term scheme of things.

"Look around me, little brother," Rick said. "Do you see anything here I should regret?"

Marc smiled. "Was the little brother bit because you're bigger than me or older than me?"

Rick eyed him, guardedly. "Is it going to be a problem, you being my little brother?"

Marc laughed. "Not unless you try to throw your weight around," he said, realizing this was the first time in their lives he'd sat with Rick and talked about personal things. To be talking with Rick the way brothers would talk was also a little strange, but gratifying. Something he'd never done with Adam. Then he felt a little twinge of guilt that maybe it would bother Adam that Rick had aligned himself with a different brother. But then, maybe it was different with Rick and Adam now because they had wives and children to fill their lives, and brothers would not be so important. Which bothered him too, knowing Rick was a brother he might relate to, but maybe the time had come and gone, and it was time for a wife to fill that spot for him too.

Dismissing the idea of a wife, while exploring that of being Rick's brother, he said, "Then it doesn't bother you to be here on the ranch? I'd be afraid everyone would try to run my life."

"They don't," Rick said. "They're all trying to run their own lives. The adults are getting older, and their focus is on the grandkids, which works fine, and your brothers are so involved in bull riding and chasing girls they barely know Sophie and I are here. It's great, and a good place for the kids to grow up. I know it was for me."

"What about Adam and Emily?" Marc asked, and tried to sound neutral.

"If you mean, are they interfering in our lives, no. They'll be just up the road from us, but they don't want to be in our bedroom any more than we want to be in theirs. It's different when you're married. You want to be to yourselves. Maybe if the sex and the hot-tubbing wears off someday when we're around ninety-five it'll be different, but right now we all like our privacy."