The Lies Uncovered Trilogy (Books 4, 5, and 6 of The Dancing Moon Ranch Series) (12 page)

Sophie looked at her mother, speechless. She had never imagined she'd been that important. It was more that she assumed her mother wanted a man who happened to come with a daughter.

"Don't doubt for a moment you are as important to me as your father," Justine said. "I couldn't imagine my life without either of you, and when you left the way you did, it made me realize even more how much I love you and have from the moment you called me Mommy and planted a tiny seed that gave me hope that maybe I could live up to that name. By then, I was worried your father wouldn't know how to raise an exceptionally beautiful child, and I knew the danger that comes with everyone telling you how beautiful you are. Then your beauty becomes who you are, and you start using it to get what you want, and nothing else matters. In my case, I learned that sex along with beauty got me even further. I had no aspirations of ever having a child because I knew who and what I was, but when you began to look at me as your mother, there was nothing I wanted more than to be just that." She patted Sophie's hand and added, "And now, you said things were troubling."

"I'm helping with Adam and Emily's wedding, even planning the cake and flowers, and I'm also helping Aunt Jayne with guests," Sophie said, not wanting to get into her feelings for Rick, at least not yet. "Actually, helping with guests was Aunt Jayne's idea, and it's really fun. I've always loved being here with the boys and Maddy."

"And Rick," Justine added.

"Well, him too," Sophie conceded.

"Grace told us about Susan. Of course we were shocked when we heard how it happened. I just feel so bad for Rick. How is he doing?"

"Not so good," Sophie replied. "It's a long, complicated story."

"I suppose he's pretty broken up."

"That's the problem," Sophie said. "He isn't and he feels guilty because he isn't and I can't seem to help him or at least he doesn't want me to and what we used to have is gone because I did something stupid when I first got here and everything between us has changed, that is it's changed from the way it was before, and what Rick felt is gone and I'm feeling different and—"

"Sophie?"

Sophie stopped short, realizing she'd been going on and on and making no sense, except that her mother knew exactly what she was trying to say. She was amazingly good at it. And maybe the time was right for a mother-daughter talk. She also sensed that a mother-daughter talk was exactly what her mother needed at the moment, to know she was very much wanted as a mother again. Maybe the mother she always wanted to be but never was because Sophie never talked to her about matters of the heart. But for the first time in her life, she wanted talk about Rick.

"How is Rick liking vet school?" Justine asked, and Sophie knew it was her mother's way of easing into whatever Sophie really wanted to talk about, which worked for her too.

"He likes it fine," Sophie replied. "He'll make a good large animal doctor since he doesn't mind mucking around in a muddy pasture with cows and horses."

"I've known that all along," Justine said, "and with Adam and Emily getting married, I imagine Rick will be thinking along those lines too as soon as he finishes school."

Hearing her mother state the obvious made Sophie despondent. For years, she'd taken Rick for granted, both his friendship and his love, and even though they'd never been in a romantic relationship, it was like she was always testing to see if she had him wrapped around her little finger, and she didn't doubt she had, until this visit. It was a sobering thought, Rick no longer feeling about her the way he had, no longer caring...

"Honey?"

"Oh... umm, yes. You said something about Rick."

"Sophie, are you alright?" Justine asked. "You sound very down, and twice you've avoided my question about what you found troubling here. Is something wrong with Rick?"

"On no," Sophie said quickly. "Rick's just good old Rick. You know how he's always been."

"You just said what you and Rick once had was gone because you did something stupid. Maybe that's where we should start. You can talk to me about Rick, honey. It's okay."

Sophie looked at her mother's beautiful face and saw the concern and compassion in her eyes, and felt as if a door had just opened for her to step through. "It's hard to talk about because I'm confused," she said, taking that first step.

"Sophie, honey, you're not confused, you're in love," Justine said, opening the door wider. "You've been in love with Rick for years, but you just never realized it."

"But it's never been like that with us," Sophie insisted. "We'll, maybe it was with Rick, but not with me. I always considered him like a big brother."

"Maybe in your mind you did, but the love between you two has been growing since you were children together. Rick came to the realization before you, but it's always been there."

"Not anymore," Sophie said, morosely. "Like I said, I did a really stupid thing when I first got here and he feels nothing for me now, and I can't convince him I'm not the way I was."

"I can't imagine anything you could do that would turn off Rick's feelings for you," Justine said, "so tell me what happened and we'll work through it."

"I got drunk and smoked pot and tried to get Rick to have sex with me," Sophie said. "I still don't know how I could have done all that but I did, and I feel awful now and I know you're disappointed in me and I'm sorry."

"You'll never be a disappointment to me, sweetheart, but I feel like I let you down," Justine said. "I know it was a terrible shock for you to learn about my past, and we all handle things in our own way, sometimes not in a very rational way, but for now I suggest you put your feelings for Rick aside and help him get through this thing with his mother, as a friend. If he truly loves you, which I know he does, he'll come around." She looked beyond Sophie and smiled a bright glowing smile, and Sophie knew her father was there, and when she turned and saw him, she jumped up and rushed over and was caught up in his arms.

"I'm sorry, Daddy," she said against her father's broad chest.

"That's okay, honey," Brad said. He placed his hand on the back of Sophie's head and stroked her hair the way he'd done when she was a little girl, and for the first time since she left California, Sophie felt like her life was whole again. Almost.

There was still a vacancy Rick once filled.

She'd try to be the friend to him her mother suggested, and help him get through the anger and resentment and cynicism over his own mother so he could come to terms with it and her death, but that wouldn't change his feelings to what they were before she came to the ranch this time because now it wasn't so much about how she'd behaved when she first arrived that was a wedge between them, but Rick's cynical attitude about relationships. Earning his love and trust, and changing his mind set against marriage, would be an uphill battle, but she couldn't imagine fighting for any other man.

CHAPTER 10

Sophie couldn't help feeling that Rick was avoiding her. He'd spoken briefly to her parents while she was present, two days before, so he knew she'd made amends with them, but after that, he'd excused himself and she hadn't seen him since. For today, she was determined to put thoughts of him behind and enjoy an afternoon with her mother, so while her dad was scouting out potential pieces of property, Sophie suggested she and her mom go to the bakery and make arrangements for Adam and Emily's wedding cake, and then go to the florist to plan the flowers.

As they stood at the window of one of the bakeries in McMinnville, she said to her mother, while pointing to a three-tiered cake, "I love the way the flowers drape over the edge of each layer and down the cake. What do you think?"

"I think it's beautiful," Justine replied. "Let's go in and see what they can do."

Once inside, Sophie looked from one cake to another, and while imagining the kind of cake she'd want for her own wedding, she said, while pointing, "Along with these flowers, I think it should have little trails of ivy draping down the tiers. And I like the way the icing on the sides of the tiers is applied to make the tiers look like baskets, the way they've done here."

The woman behind the counter, catching Sophie's enthusiasm, said to her, "Butter cream baskets with crystallized flowers are our specialty. What are your colors?"

"Lavender," Sophie said quickly. "And I love pansies. Dark purple with yellow centers. Could you have them cascading down the cake, with trails of ivy intertwining with them?"

"Yes. Our decorator does beautiful crystallized pansies," the woman said.

"And maybe accent them with these," Sophie said, pointing to several tiny buttercups, "and a scattering of violets. They grow all along the trail where we ride horses."

"Then he's a rancher?" the woman asked.

"Well, actually he's going to be a veterinarian." Sophie stopped short, and when she looked at her mother, Justine rolled her eyes, and smiled.

The woman eyed Sophie with amusement, and said, "It's always helpful when the bride knows what she wants. How much have you budgeted for your cake?"

Sophie contemplated that. Jayne hadn't given her a figure, but the cake with pansies she just suggested was exactly what she wanted, and if it went over budget, she’d pay the difference, sort of a wedding gift. "I'm sure it would be within our budget," she said.

"How many guests?" the woman asked.

Sophie turned to Justine. "Do you have any idea, Mom?"

Justine thought for a few moments, and said, "I imagine around seventy-five. Actually, along with family and friends and the ranch staff, we'd also need to include any guests that would be staying there. Maybe we'd better plan on a hundred."

As the woman wrote up the order, Sophie made a mental note to talk to Jayne about including butter mints and mixed nuts and to find out what the kitchen staff would be putting together in the way of food. Since Emily's family would not be involved, Sophie had no idea how much Adam and his folks were willing to spend, but Adam was the first to get married, so she couldn't imagine Aunt Grace and Uncle Jack settling for anything short of a banquet, one that Aunt Grace would put together herself.

After completing the order for the cake, they went to the florist. On paging through one of their bridal books, Sophie found the exact bouquet she wanted. "This one," she said to the florist. "But instead of purple anemones, I'd like to have purple and yellow pansies to match the cake, and trails of ivy. Can you do that?"

"That's not a problem," the woman said.

"And wild chicory," Sophie added, reflecting on the time she and Rick had taken the horses to the mountains, and in a meadow covered in wildflowers she'd made a garland out of chicory and put it around Rick's head, claiming he looked like an emperor.

The woman looked at her curiously, and said, "Chicory isn't a flower we keep on hand since it's a weed, but if you bring some in and we'll work it into the bouquet, since is seems to be important to you."

"It is kind of special," Sophie said. "And maidenhair ferns. They grow at the high meadows above the ranch where the wedding will be."

Justine placed her hand on Sophie's arm. "Honey, keep in mind what this is all about."

Sophie realized the wedding had literally morphed into her own, and there was no question who the groom was. "I guess I got a little carried away," she said. "Now, back to reality."

At the hotel later, Sophie and her mother addressed the rest of the invitations, but when her dad suggested Sophie stay with them at the hotel instead going back to the ranch, Sophie explained that she was staying with Maureen Hansen, matriarch of the family, who'd been like a grandmother over the years. But mainly, she wanted to be at the ranch because she hoped Rick would come around, which wouldn't happen unless she spent time with him.

Two hours after returning to the ranch, she still had no idea where Rick was. He hadn't been at his house when she'd stopped in to see Becca and the baby, and when she poked her head in at Aunt Grace and Uncle Jack's, he wasn't there either, and no one had seen him, nor was he at the lodge. She had just returned to Maureen's house, after having had dinner at the lodge with the kitchen staff, and was surprised that Maureen wasn't there.

But while she was walking to the back bedroom where she was staying, she noticed, in the middle bedroom, a wedding dress draped across the bed. It was a high-necked dress with long tapered sleeves and a pinched waist ending in a point, and with a spray of lace across the bodice, she knew it had to have been the gown Maureen wore when she married her Adam, and she wondered why it was spread out on the bed. Her question was answered a few minutes later, when Maureen entered through the mudroom, and walked in stocking feet down the hallway to find Sophie sitting on the bed, while tracing a finger along the lace at the high collar.

"It's so elegant," Sophie said. "You must have been a beautiful bride."

"I guess to Adam I was," Maureen replied. "He told me enough over the years."

Sophie knew that whenever Maureen spoke of Adam, she was referring to her husband. The man was an icon, whose presence was almost palpable, even though he died several years before Rick was born. But to Maureen, as long as she held one last breath, Adam would still be alive to her. "Why is the dress out?" Sophie asked.

Maureen ran her fingers over the bodice while looking reflectively at the dress, and said, "I thought Emily might want to wear it. She has no support from her family, and she was uncertain about what to wear, so I offered it to her, but she thanked me and said she was borrowing a dress from a friend. It is a little outdated."

"Outdated or not, if it's still available when my time comes I'd love to wear it."

Sophie realized at once that she couldn't wear the dress unless she married one of Maureen's grandsons, but Maureen quickly set that notion aside when she said, "Honey, I'd be honored if you wore the dress, no matter who you marry."

Sophie turned from the dress and looked at Maureen's worn jeans and tall socks, and said, "You look like you've just come back from riding."

Maureen nodded. "I love a late afternoon ride, especially on the trail above the winery where there's such a beautiful view of the valley at sundown. Adam and I used to ride there often."

"It is beautiful up there," Sophie agreed, "but I hope you don't ride alone. I know you're a capable horsewoman but something could happen."

"Don't worry, honey," Maureen said, "my boys, young and old, never let me ride alone anymore, although sometimes I'd like to, but they mean well, and because of that I'm blessed. Rick went with me this evening. I'm surprised he didn't come get you since the two of you usually spend time together when you're here."

"Rick and I had a kind of disagreement over how he should handle the whole thing with Marc and Adam," Sophie said.

"Praise the Lord that's finally out in the open," Maureen replied. "I never liked the idea of hiding things, but that's the way Grace and Jack wanted it so I just kept quiet. It's done now, so we can all breathe a giant sigh."

"Except Marc hasn't been back to the ranch since he learned about it," Sophie said.

"Marc still needs to find his way," Maureen replied. "He knew something was missing from his life. Guests can pick out every Hansen boy on the place except Marc and he's felt it all his life. I suspect he'll be leaving soon to find out who he is. He has a lot of gaps to fill."

"Like grandparents," Sophie offered.

Maureen nodded. "I love Grace as if she were my own daughter, but this whole idea was hers, even though Jack reluctantly went along with it, and I knew someday it would come back to bite us all. Rick's also made it known he wanted a brother like Jack's bunch, and all along he's had one and never knew it, and that's bothering him now, not only that his father kept it from him, but because he's never been close to Marc and he probably feels bad about it."

"Then you and Rick had a chance to talk while you were riding?" Sophie asked, wondering if Rick might have talked about what was going on between them.

"We talked some," Maureen said, "but you can't get anything out of Rick when he doesn't want to talk, so it was a pretty quiet ride."

"Where is he now?" Sophie asked, and hoped Maureen wouldn't read anything into it. In the past, no one questioned if she and Rick went off together, but now she had the feeling that all adult eyes were watching them. Things were definitely different.

"Rick's in the office at the stable," Maureen replied. "He said he'd be there a while. He seemed very down and I got the impression it wasn't the loss of his mother that was bothering him. You might walk over there and poke your head in."

Sophie was uneasy about disturbing Rick, especially after the less than eager welcome he'd given her when she arrived unannounced at the cabin at a time when he'd wanted to be alone. But in the past, her wanting to be alone had never stopped Rick from tracking her down and pressing to learn what was bothering her. He'd done it the morning after Buzz's party and found her at the spring. It had always been that way, until now.

"Sophie, honey," Maureen said, "you and Rick have been friends for years. Just because you had a disagreement over Marc and Adam, that's a side issue. I think he needs you right now."

"I guess you're right," Sophie said. "He could be sitting and sulking and that's not good."

Sophie left through the mudroom and headed down the gravel road that cut between Sam and Jack's houses and walked toward the stable. Because it was Saturday, the weekly guests were gone and the next crop of guests wouldn't arrive until noon the following day, and all of the other boys were gone for the evening, including Adam, who she assumed was with Emily, so the place was quiet. It was also getting dark, but was still light enough to see the silhouettes of horses grazing in a pasture that stretched alongside the stable. As she approached, she noted that there seemed to be no light inside, but when she started toward the door to the office, she saw it was closed, but a sliver of light shown on the plank flooring at the bottom of the door. She opened the door slowly and peeked inside and spotted Rick slumped against a leather couch, one arm draped along the armrest, the other in a fist against his knee.

Seeing her, he folded his arms, and said, "Your coming here isn't a good idea."

Sophie closed the door and crossed the room and sat beside him. "I know, but your sitting here alone and moping isn't a good idea either." She ran the her knuckles along his jaw. "Have you given up shaving again? That seems to be a pattern of late." Instead of removing her hand, she turned it over and placed her palm against Rick's face, turning it so he'd have to look at her, and said, while holding his troubled gaze, "What can I do to make things better for you?"

Rick curved his hand around hers to remove it, but instead, held it against his chest and replied, "I don't know. Well I do, but it's not going to happen."

"Would that make things better for you?" Sophie asked, laying it all out on the table.

"Yeah," Rick said. "It would discharge a whole lot of tension, but it's not going to happen." He released her hand and curved his fist into a knot like it had been when she came in, and dropped it against his knee.

Sophie wanted to lift his hand and uncurl those big fingers and hold his hand against her face and maybe kiss his palm—an odd urge to have, but a strong one—and let him know she cared enough to do whatever it took to help him come to terms with things, whether it was with their relationship, or with his mother's death, or the revelation about Marc. Instead, she rested her hand on his arm and said, "Am I so different from the women you were talking about who you'd spent evenings with, when you had mutual needs? Maybe I have needs too."

"Like I said, humans are sexual creatures, so what you're feeling is pretty elemental, but if I did it with you tonight I'd get rid of a whole lot of tension, but I'd also be using you like my  mom was using that kid," he said, in a brooding voice.

"You've got to put the seedy side of your mother behind," Sophie said. "I've done that with my mom. She has a past she regrets and can't change, but she and my dad did the best they could to make sure I didn't fall into the trap of using sex to get ahead, and because of my impulsive behavior, I have a past I can't change."