The Legendary Playboy Surgeon (2 page)

‘I saw pathology as being the lynchpin in almost every critical case. Every doctor, no matter how skilled they are, can’t do their job unless they know what they’re dealing with. Sometimes they’re holding their breath for what we can tell them, like when they’re in Theatre, waiting for the result of a tumour analysis.’

Unbidden, her thoughts flashed up an image of Connor Matthews. Not in Theatre, with his scalpel poised waiting for word from the pathology department, though. Oh, no, she could picture him dressed in his leathers. Dark and disreputable and prepared to break any rule in the book to grant a wish for a dying child.

She sucked in a slightly ragged breath.

Lewis was nodding. ‘True enough. But you could stay in a laboratory to do all that. You could avoid being anywhere near the morgue and you’d never have to do an autopsy.’

Kate ‘s heart took a dive. ‘But that can be the most exciting part of this job. Finding out what went wrong...so...so it doesn’t happen again. It can be like putting together the most challenging jigsaw puzzle in the world. Finding the piece that maybe nobody even knew was missing.’

Lewis smiled, nodding. ‘Satisfying, isn’t it?’ He eyed Kate. ‘You do the neatest, most thorough autopsies I’ve ever seen and I’m including my own. You could have been a brilliant surgeon, you know.’

‘I’m happy where I am. I have my life exactly the way I want it.’

Lewis merely quirked an eyebrow. What was he thinking? That she was thirty-five years old and single? That she lived alone and had a passion for things in test tubes or on microscope slides or, worse, for dead bodies? That she was a freak? Someone to be pitied?

‘You need challenges, though, don’t you? Something to keep that sharp mind of yours intrigued? Isn’t that why you want to take over the forensic specialty?’

Kate had to nod but her teeth were worrying away at her bottom lip as she did so.

‘Coroners’ cases are often about an unexplained death that has a medical cause or trauma that’s come from an accident, but some of the most important cases are crime related and the detail we can give can make a difference to whether the perpetrator of a crime is punished. Our report can be essential for making sure a murderer or rapist or child abuser can’t do any more harm out there.’

Kate was still nodding. She knew that. She had also had a taste of the kind of excitement that came from unravelling the totally unexpected. Of not knowing what could come through the door, disguised in the heavy latex of a body bag. Sometimes the victims came directly from the scene of the crime. Often, though, they made it to hospital and lived for a short time. Occasionally, there was the added trauma of someone having to make the decision to turn off life support. Like today’s case.

Lewis was looking somewhere over the top of Kate’s head now. ‘You’re a clever woman, Kate. Do you know, it took me over a year to realise that you were actively avoiding any case that involved young children? You always had such a good reason for not being available but eventually I began to see the pattern and when you took the first sick day I’d ever known you to have, I understood what was going on. At least, I understood
what
. I have no idea
why
.’

He paused for moment as he met her gaze. ‘Is it something you want to talk about?’

Kate shook her head. Lewis nodded his, slowly, as if he hadn’t expected any other response.

‘The most vulnerable people out there are children,’ he said quietly. ‘Especially babies. It breaks my heart to have to deal with them in there.’ His hand waved in the direction of the adjacent morgue with its stainless-steel benches and buckets and the grim tools of this part of their trade.

‘But someone has to,’ Lewis continued. ‘And whether it’s medical or forensic, it has to be done. I’ve given you as long as I can to get used to the idea. I can be with you today if it would help, but this has to be make or break, Kate. If it’s something you can’t face then now’s the time to decide. If you can’t, that’s absolutely fine, but we’ll have to rethink the direction your career is taking.’

She’d known it was coming. She’d been stepping closer to the edge of the precipice for a long time. She had steeled herself for this day and she’d thought she was ready. Right up until she’d seen that desperate sadness in the depths of Connor Matthews’ already dark eyes. Until she’d felt the touch of emotions so painful they were impossible to block completely.

But if she stepped back from the edge, where would she go?

She would be trapped in a prison of her own making. Lewis was right. She had to have challenge. Something that gave real meaning to her life. Kate could almost feel the frustration now. See herself circling some vast laboratory, hemmed in by test tubes and specimen jars and thin glass slides. Ranks and ranks of them that looked like prison bars all of a sudden.

‘I’ll do it,’ she whispered.

‘Want me to stay?’

Kate raised her gaze to meet the concern in Lewis’s eyes directly. He was offering her a lifeline. A rope so that she could abseil down the precipice instead of stepping into the void alone.

‘Thanks, but I think it’s best if I do it by myself.’

* * *

She did do it.

By herself.

Hours later, Kate was driving herself home and she had never been so exhausted. Physically and emotionally. Her head was still full of it.

The procrastination before she’d entered the morgue. Reading the clinical notes on Peyton, the week-old baby girl who was waiting for her.

The cerebral scan demonstrates no apparent blood flow, indicative of brain death. While there could have been some residual brain-stem function and life could have been prolonged with mechanical ventilation, there would have been no recovery...

The wobble in her voice when she’d started her dictation.

...a full-term infant with no apparent external abnormalities...

The microscopic appearance of the slides made from tiny slivers of brain tissue.

The ends of the axons show shortening consistent with having been sheared off by violent shaking or rotational injury.

Clinical notes or dictation that had the undercurrent of such draining emotional involvement. Peyton’s mother was only seventeen and she’d hidden the pregnancy for as long as she could. Long enough to take termination out of the equation as a possibility. She lived with a large, dysfunctional extended family and nobody was talking now. Who had shaken this tiny baby and caused the fatal injuries? What kind of unbearable stress had been going on? It was so easy to judge in cases like this but Kate knew, more than most people, the damage that stress could cause.

She didn’t want to think about it. Not on a personal level. Because if she did, she would remember the pain of losing a tiny person that she could have loved so much. That could have loved
her
.

She didn’t have to think about it. She was heading towards her sanctuary. Her beautiful home where she could play the music she loved and cook the food that she was so good at creating, and she could even have a glass of wine tonight because she’d certainly earned it. She could soak in the peace and comfort of the world she’d created and it would heal her soul because she would be able to tap into the strength she knew she had.

Kate turned down the long driveway, overhung by the huge oak trees that made a leafy tunnel in summer. Her lovely old house nestled at the end of the driveway with its antique lion’s head knocker on the heavy wooden front door. There were brick steps leading from the crushed shell pathway and...

And on the top of the steps something large and human that launched itself towards Kate as she rounded the corner of the house from the garage.

‘Kate! Oh...thank God... I’ve been waiting for you for
ever
.’

CHAPTER TWO

‘
B
ELLA
.
What on earth are you doing here?’ Kate’s initial shock gave way to a mix of joy and dread. She knew her niece so well and she had just spotted the suitcase near her door. What was Bella running away from?

‘I tried to ring but you didn’t pick up and then I thought, Why don’t I just surprise you?’ Sheer happiness bubbled from Bella in the form of a giggle. ‘Are you surprised?’

‘Oh...yeah...’ The tight hug Kate had been locked in was loosened enough for her to step back a little. Good grief... Bella had become even more gorgeous in the months since she’d last seen her. Her hair was much longer. A tumble of shiny blonde waves. Legs that looked like they went on for ever, thanks to the super-short mini-skirt and the high, high heels. It was impossible not to smile back. ‘It’s been way too long, Bells. We’ve got some catching up to do.’

‘Well, we’ve got all the time in the world.’ Bella laughed and lunged for her suitcase. ‘Let’s go inside. Aren’t you going to ask me what I’m doing here?’

‘I already did.’ Kate fished for her key, shaking her head. It was spinning now. The plan to banish any lingering aftermath of her day’s work in peaceful solitude was blown away.

The world was a different place when Annabelle Graham was around.

Kate’s front door opened into an elegant, panelled hallway with a Persian runner adding warm crimson tones to all the dark woodwork. Like the rest of her home, the hallway was furnished with carefully chosen, beautiful antique furniture and ornaments, everything in exactly the right place and without a speck of dust to mar gleaming surfaces.

Bella’s case was missing a wheel. It bumped and swayed along the runner, bunching up the worn areas on the priceless carpet. Bella was just as out of synch with her surroundings but it didn’t bother her in the slightest.

‘Oh...look...you’ve still got that collection of old keys! Aren’t they gorgeous? D’you remember when you found the first one? In that junk shop you were hiding in when you ran away?’

‘I didn’t run away. I’d just gone for a walk.’

Bella gave her the same smile she had when she’d discovered Kate in that junk shop all those years ago. The one that said she understood and it was OK. Kate had never forgotten it. How could she? The bond between these two women had been forged right then, even though Bella had only been six years old at the time.

And maybe that smile was exactly what Kate needed right now. How could solitude and tapping into an inner strength, even in perfect surroundings, compete with that kind of acceptance and unconditional love? Even if Bella had never known, and hopefully never would know, the whole story, this feeling of not being so alone in the world was a precious thing.

So Kate simply smiled back. ‘I’ve missed you, Bells.’

‘Oh...me, too.’ Bella abandoned her overstuffed bag in favour of giving her aunt another tight hug. ‘And I’ve got
so
much to tell you.’ She swung away again, as light on her feet as a dancer. ‘Am I in this room again?’

The light was flicked on in a butter-yellow room that had a bay window and an antique brass bedstead with a patchwork quilt.

‘Of course. It’s the only guest room with an
en suite
. How long are you staying?’

But Bella had opened her case and the contents seemed to explode in relief.

‘I’ve got something in here for you. Oh...where
is
it?’

Scraps of lacy underwear like nothing Kate had ever worn were tossed aside. Long black boots with heels that could double as lethal weapons followed. A battered teddy bear was snatched up, cuddled and then deposited tenderly on the bed to nestle between snowy-white, frilled pillowcases.

‘Good grief...you still have that bear?’

‘Are you kidding? You gave him to me. I couldn’t sleep without Red Ted.’

Within the space of sixty seconds the room looked like a bomb site, with clothing, cosmetics and even books strewn about. And then Bella triumphantly held up a small package, exquisitely wrapped in primrose-yellow tissue paper, with a ribbon that matched the tiny bouquet of dried wild flowers it held in place.

Kate’s chest felt tight as she accepted the gift. This was pure Bella. Disorganised, irresponsible and unbelievably messy, but amongst the chaos were moments that were simply perfect. The kind you stored in your memory bank for when you needed to remember that life was worth living.

‘Go on, open it, Kate.’ Bella was hugging herself with excitement.

Inside the lovingly wrapped package was a photograph in a beaten, silver frame. A small girl and a young woman sitting together on a swing seat, their arms around each other. They weren’t looking at the camera because they were smiling at each other.

‘D’you remember this? I found it in an old album and Dad said I could have it copied and framed.’

‘Oh...’ The tight feeling in Kate’s chest was making it difficult to draw in a breath. Her smile felt wobbly. ‘How old were you then?’

‘Dunno. Eight or nine? That tree blew down in a storm last year, did Dad tell you?’

‘No. That’s sad.’

Bella shrugged. ‘It was getting too big, anyway. It blocked half our sun. What is it with you and Dad and trees? You’re practically buried in a forest here. Doesn’t it feel like you’re walled off from the world or something?’

Kate mirrored the shrug. Maybe the world was walled off from her and that was the way she liked it.

‘It’s a gorgeous photo. Thank you. You shouldn’t be spending your money on me, though. I thought you were saving up to go overseas.’

‘I am. That’s why I’m here. Nurses get paid better in the big smoke.’ Bella did a little twirl. ‘I’ve got a job at St Pat’s. How cool is that?’

Kate’s jaw dropped. ‘A job?’

‘Yep. Not where I want to be to start with, mind you. I have to do a three-month rotation in Theatre and then in Geriatrics.’ Bella grimaced. ‘But if I can stand it, I get to be in my favourite place after that. With all the babies in Paeds.’

‘So this is a permanent position?’

Bella laughed. ‘Permanent? Me? Are you kidding? No. I just want to save enough to get offshore. A year or maybe six months if I save hard.’ She grinned. ‘And if my lovely, kind auntie will let me live with her.’

Kate still hadn’t closed her mouth. The whirlwind that was Bella was a joy in small doses but for the next six months to a year? Could she cope? Her head was still spinning. No, her whole world seemed to be spinning. Bella was the flip side of her own personality. Impulsive where she was cautious. Ready to drop anything for a better offer where Kate hated to change routines. Prepared to take risks to shake the maximum amount of joy out of life where Kate retreated to safety every time.

Inexplicably, the image of Connor Matthews came to mind. As if he was in the room with them, watching her. Comparing her with Kate. Nodding, as if to say,
Yeah...here’s a woman who has a life.

‘Can I stay? Please, please, please?’

‘Of...course you can.’

‘I won’t be any trouble, honest. I’ll help with the cooking and cleaning and everything. And I’ll probably be out heaps. You won’t even notice I’m here.’

Kate’s gaze took in the wild array of possessions scattered around the guest bedroom. She knew exactly what the kitchen would look like if Bella took a turn at cooking. Yes, she’d go out a lot because her niece was never without friends for long, but she’d be coming in at two or three a.m. Or not coming in at all and
she
would be left lying awake wondering where Bella was and whether she was safe. Yes, there were times when there was a definite downside of the vicarious living that could be done by being around Bella, but there was also an attraction. A buzz. Life became much more colourful.
Fun
.

She couldn’t banish that image of Connor from her head. She could imagine him smiling now. Approvingly but with an edge of smugness.

A smile that said,
Watch and learn, Dr Graham
.

Birds of a feather, her niece and the maverick surgeon? No. Bella didn’t set out to break rules. She either didn’t notice they were there or thought she could get away with anything by using a combination of contrition and charm. And it usually worked. If it didn’t, she sucked up any punishment because she had brought it on herself. Which was probably why she was unrepentant about the broken hearts she’d been leaving in her wake for years now. That was a game that had to be played according to Bella’s rules and she was always upfront about her plans for her future. She wasn’t going to consider a permanent relationship until she was thirty and then she was going to choose the perfect man and settle down to have a dozen kids.

Another facet of the flip side. Watching Bella grow up was the closest Kate would ever get to having a child of her own.

‘I’m
starving
,’ Bella announced. ‘Ooh...I’ve got a bottle of wine for you in my handbag. A red. The man in the shop said it was a very good one.’

Kate recognised the label. A nice New Zealand Shiraz. ‘Good choice. I’ve got lamb shanks in the slow cooker. Well done, you.’

Bella laughed. ‘Pure luck. I said it came in a bottle so it had to be good.’ She held the bottle aloft like a trophy. ‘Shall we? You can tell me all about St Pat’s while we eat. Like who the hottest doctors are.’

Kate was laughing as she led the way to her kitchen. She could be quite sure that Bella was more than capable of discovering that kind of information for herself in no time at all. In fact, she wouldn’t be at all surprised if her niece arrived home on the back of Connor’s motorbike within a fortnight.

* * *

The new nurse in Theatre was cute.

Tall and blonde. Blue-eyed and smiley. Just the way Connor Matthews liked his women. The absolute opposite of grim-faced, dark-haired, disapproving females who clearly had no fun in life at all.

So why hadn’t he been able to expunge the image of Kate Graham from his mind over the last few days?

Because he felt bad, that’s why. It had been a mean thing to say, telling her that she needed to get a life. Adding that her white coat looked ridiculous had been nothing more than childish. And also mean. Connor was not a mean person. The only justification for the way he’d attacked her was that he had been in the middle of a fairly devastating emotional experience.

Connor scrubbed harder at his hands with the soap-impregnated brush. Under his nails. Between his fingers. Hard enough to hurt.

He’d been to young Liam’s funeral only yesterday and even during the service he’d been thinking about Kate. A distraction, maybe, from memories that had the potential to wreak havoc in his life even now.

He’d thought about the way her face had changed when she’d realised what had actually been going on. The reason he’d done something as outrageous as taking a huge, dirty motorbike into a children’s ward. She’d gone
so
pale. Been so lost for words and...when he’d thought about it later there’d been something in her eyes that had suggested she was all too familiar with the kind of pain life could dish out sometimes.

How did she know that? What had happened to
her
?

Something big enough to make her the way she was? As if she didn’t want to connect with people. Almost as though she was afraid of the good things life could offer.

Why?

It wasn’t as if she was a wimp. It took guts to see a medical degree through. And brain power. And...she wasn’t
that
bad looking. If she undid those buttons and took off those glasses and let her hair do something remotely natural, she could be a different
person.

Connor found himself grinning as he angled his reddened but virtually sterile hands under the stream of warm water that he activated with the foot control. He was fantasising about a scene where Kate was the cliché librarian or secretary who loosens her clothing, sheds the spectacles and then shakes out a magnificent mane of hair to transform from a prude into a total vamp for some bemused but appreciative guy.

Like him.

The grin became a grimace. What
was
he thinking?

Just as well the cute new nurse was there to tie the strings of his gown. She could line up with at least half a dozen of his previous girlfriends and be like a pea in a pod. Great looking and great fun to be with, at least until they got ideas about it meaning more than it did.

This afternoon’s case was a long and complicated one. A pillion passenger on his big brother’s bike, fourteen-year-old Dillon had such badly broken bones in both his legs and one arm it was going to be a considerable challenge to restore normal function for the teenager. The bones needed precise alignment, using external fixation, and there were tendons and ligaments to patch together. There were also quite long periods when Connor had to step back to allow other specialist surgeons to work their magic with the nerves and blood vessels that needed major repair.

Just the kind of opportunity he knew how to take advantage of. The new nurse was being used as a gofer as she got used to her new working environment and there were times when she wasn’t required to fetch or carry anything so she was standing around watching as well.

Connor stood beside her.

‘Hey... You’re a new face.’

A bit of a new face anyway but Connor had seen her disappearing into the female changing room so he’d seen the long blonde hair that was now covered by a disposable hat. The lower half of her face was covered by a mask now too but he’d already seen her smiling at the nursing staff she’d arrived with. Having only her eyes visible made them even more appealing. Very blue they were. Reminded him of...hell, any number of women probably.

‘I’m Bella,’ she whispered. ‘This is my third day at St Pat’s.’

‘Connor,’ he murmured back. ‘Delighted to meet you, Bella.’

Her eyes crinkled at the corners. ‘I’ve heard about you.’

He raised an eyebrow. ‘All good things, I hope.’

‘Depends on your definition of “good”.’ Bella giggled and earned a disapproving glance from a senior nurse.

The anaesthetist glanced up with a resigned sigh. ‘Give it a rest, Matthews. You’re not actually obliged to pick up every new nurse, you know.’