The Legend Mackinnon (46 page)

She started to tremble as she looked into his still impassive eyes. “When Duncan offered to take you with him, I thought I’d fall to the ground, and die right then.” When he said nothing, she doggedly pushed on. “When you refused him, the relief was so profound I almost passed out. You want terror?” she said fervently. “That was terror. Because I knew that you didn’t refuse Duncan because you wanted to stay here and make this work. You refused him because you don’t really believe your curse can be reversed.” She felt as if her whole life was slipping through her fingers and there was no way left for her to hold on. “I guess I had hoped that I was worth fighting for, too. That you would have faith in me, even when I don’t have any in myself.”

“I do have faith in you.” He spoke so quietly, so suddenly, she had to hold her breath for the words to reach past the sound of her pounding heart. “And that is precisely why I’ve done what I’ve done. Terror is a pale description of what my feelings for you do to me.”

Cailean’s chest began to burn and she trembled at the depth of pain and anguish in his eyes.

“It is not the continuation of my immortality that I fear. And it is precisely because I felt those very same things when I watched my brother and Maggie today that I knew I had to preserve and maintain what little was left of myself. It was both selfish and unselfish.” He dipped his chin and fell silent, then slowly, as if by force of great will, dragged his gaze back to hers. “I willna be able to bear our
end, Cailean. I knew the anguish you felt in watching them, I saw it in your eyes as you watched them and could no’ bear you lookin’ at me the same way when my time comes. And come it will. You were right in that.”

She cupped his cheek, held him there when he would have looked away. “What are you saying? You can’t mean—” She broke off on a gasp. “You can’t still mean to end your own life when the curse is lifted, not after all we’ve—”

“No, no.” He slid her hand to his mouth and kissed her palm deeply, then curled her fingers in his and held her hand to his chest. “But I’ll go anyway, Cailean. I know it to be true, though I can’t explain the how of it. Maybe I have some of your sight myself, or maybe it’s part of the knowledge that comes with living with this curse as long as I have. When the curse is lifted, my time on earth will be done and there will be no choice in the matter.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers, then rested his forehead against them. “There is no future to fight for beyond now.”

She knew he spoke the truth. This was the reason for the black chill she’d felt earlier. This was the impending doom she’d feared. But she’d also felt hope, felt that there was goodness to come. Had that changed? She was so jumbled now she didn’t know what she felt. “Then we simply won’t find the key.”

He pulled her into a tight embrace. “We have no choice there either, Cailean. Ye know that as well as I. Ye’ve been feeling its discovery and it will happen soon whether we choose it or no’.”

“No.” She wanted to shout it, defy what she knew was the truth. “We’ll stop looking.”

“I dinna think its discovery is in our hands. It will find us.”

He looked into her eyes again. “You have been the brave
one, while I wasted time runnin’. I’m sorry, Cailean. Yer right, I regret no’ usin’ the time we had to its fullest. I have been both fool and coward.”

“We’re just human. No matter how many years you spend on earth, you’re still human. But our time isn’t up yet and I refuse to believe there won’t be another choice. It can’t just end.”

And yet, hadn’t it done just that today for Maggie and Duncan?

He kissed her until her trembling stopped, until she relaxed enough to give in to what they had left together.

“I would fight for you,” he said against her lips. “I would spend all eternity fighting for you.”

She cried. And when the flow of tears finally started, they came in a great hot torrent and there was no stopping them. Rory held her and rocked her, his own tears streaming down his cheeks to mix with hers.

She felt desolate. “Wait for me.”

“Och, Cailean, ye dinna know what ye—”

“Promise me,” she demanded, needing to hear him say it.

He kissed her hard and fierce until she moaned with it. “I’ll wait for ye, always, ye know that. But dinna give up yer life waiting for it to end. There is much out there to see in this world and I want to discuss it all wi’ ye when we are reunited. That you must promise me, or I dinna think I will bear it. I want ye to fight for that like you fought for me, do ye understand?”

She could only nod as fresh tears washed over her again.

They clung to each other and time finally ceased to have meaning. What existed was each moment. He kissed her, stroked her, and held her until the moon was high in the sky. Then he laid her down on the furs and made slow, maddeningly, unbearably sweet love to her, their salty tears mixing with moans of pleasure.

He pulled her tightly to his chest, wrapping his body around her. He kissed her tenderly on the lips. “Forgive me for not saying these words sooner.” He held her face and looked into her eyes. “I love you, Cailean.”

And then it happened.

D
elaney found Alexander that night in what used to be his chambers. He’d cleared the rubble, but there was nothing else in the room. “Not very homey,” she said, leaning in the doorway.

He had been staring sightlessly into the centuries-cold fireplace, but didn’t seem startled by her presence. “No, it’s not.”

She frowned. There was a hollow, almost vacant tone in his voice. Perhaps Cailean had been more on target than she gave herself credit for. She wanted to go to him, console him on the loss of his brother. She couldn’t conceive what he was thinking or feeling or, worse yet, what he would do now because of it. For the first time in many years, she felt supremely inadequate.

So she took a different tack altogether. Maybe they would find the way together. “How do you have a fireplace inside of a mountain? Where does the smoke go?”

He answered in the same toneless voice. “There are fissures in the rocks that have been vented for such a purpose.”

“And the smoke that rises from the mountain, how is that explained?”

“I don’t imagine it much mattered back then since our mountain peaks couldn’t be scaled. I suppose Rory has had to deal with the modern problems of helicopters and such, but there are enough hot springs with steam vents on the surface that I doubt anyone would pay much mind, if they happened to see it.”

Now she was getting angry. She’d never heard him so emotionless, so empty. She wanted her passionate, opinionated man back. She wanted him to be angry, she wanted him to fight.

“I’m surprised to see you just give in like this.”

That got his attention. His gaze fixed on hers. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you’re a man with a mission. A man who is willing to do whatever he must to return to his clan and fight for their continued existence. No matter the cost.” She sidled into the room, moving closer to him despite the fire now brewing in his eyes. Good. Fire was good. “I know you lost Duncan today. But I didn’t expect you to take his leaving so hard.”

“That is a harsh thing to say, even for you.”

She took that arrow in stride. “These are harsh times. You were willing to lose your brother on the field of battle. I would think you’d be happy that he is reunited with his clan right now, with your father. Or are you just upset that you’ve lost a capable warrior?”

He spun on her so fast she gasped even though she was hoping he’d react.

He took her arms and shook her. “How dare you speak of Duncan that way? Have you no real soul in that body of yours? For a self-proclaimed romantic, your heart is a cold place indeed.”

She made no attempt to break free. “I am not heartless
and the last thing I am is cold. Especially when it comes to you, Alexander.”

“We’ll see about that, indeed we will.” He spun her to the nearest wall and pinned her against it. Had she wanted to, she could not have fought her way free, so securely did his body pin hers.

“Kiss me, Alex.”

He growled something beneath his breath, but take her mouth he did. It was a punishing kiss that had more to do with control than with passion, but she could withstand the assault and would do that and more if it would reach him.

She kept her mouth soft and gentle, her responding kisses coaxing and reassuring. She had no idea that she was capable of such softness. Her assault was far less brutal and far more devastating to his defenses than his assault was to hers. His anger was spent quickly as she kept her mouth as pliant under his as she was able.

And then he was kissing her as if his life depended on it. Taking from her, feeding from her mouth as if his life force emanated from there. He groaned and leaned into her and she thought her heart might actually break so anguished was the sound that issued from deep inside him.

“It’s okay,” she whispered against his cheek when his lips moved from her mouth to her jaw and on to her neck. He still had her hands pinned to the wall and she slowly slipped them free and wove her fingers into his hair. His hands curled into fists by her head as she continued to stroke him, to rain sweet, soft kisses along his cheek. “It’s okay to grieve, Alex. You don’t have to be in control all the time. Not with me. Never with me.”

He slipped his arms around her and pulled her tight against him as he reversed their positions. He slid down the wall enough to pull her between his legs and angle her head so that he could take her mouth again. He did not speak but let his kisses communicate his torment for him.

She found herself moaning as well. “I want you, Alex. Tonight.”

He was devouring her. And she reveled in the taking.

“If you cannot cry, cannot let it go, then spend it on me.” She looked into his eyes when he lifted his head. “Spend it inside me.”

“Dear God, Delaney you have bewitched me for certain.”

“Then we have both been bewitched. I have never wanted a man like I want you. This is no sacrifice I make. It’s a pledge.”

“I canno’ take yer pledge, lass. No’ when I’m questioning everythin’ I’ve been about for seven years.”

“You don’t have to decide tonight. Come to me and leave the rest of the world and all the decisions. They will be there in the morning.”

He looked as if he was going to speak, but after a long, searing look into her eyes, he merely pulled her against his chest and tucked her head beneath his chin.

She felt small and protected. And strong. Stronger than ever before. He may have had the bigger frame, the more powerful body, but they had equal strength where it mattered. She protected him as well.

Together they found sanctuary.

“I fear the morning will be too late.” He pressed his lips against her hair. “It has begun. I know it, I felt it the moment Duncan disappeared. I need to be decisive about this now, yet I find I canno’ be. This is no’ the mark of a true chief, Delaney.”

“No. It is the mark of a great one. You care, Alex.” The torment in his eyes tore at her. “You care about the people you are sworn to protect. In this century and in your own.”

“I canno’ hide in your arms.”

“Seeking solace isn’t hiding. You are not a better laird, or even a better man, because you shoulder every burden alone.”

“Aye, you are one to speak of shoulderin’ burdens alone. Have ye not done that all yer life?”

“More than I realized. But because of my new family, because of you, I’m realizing how lonely an existence that has been. I’ve spent my life helping others and I’m proud of that. But somewhere along the way I began to use that as an escape. I was afraid to risk failing in something I’ve always wanted so badly for myself. Maybe I was right to protect myself until it mattered enough, when I couldn’t protect myself any longer.”

She faltered, but pushed on through the knot that was tightening in her stomach. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life questioning what we might have had, might have shared. Even for this one night. You matter enough, Alexander. Take me to your bed. We’ll face the morning together.”

Alexander looked into her eyes and knew the answer had already been decided for him. She had bewitched him, but the magic had been purely her own. “Yer heart is a warm, generous place. Glad I am to be held within it. Even for this one night.” He lifted her into his arms and carried her from the room, stepping over the piles of rubble, then ducking into his own chamber.

He laid her gently on the thick furs he’d borrowed from Rory. “Leave your troubles at the door with my own. This night is to be ours.”

A
lexander smoothed the short, tangled hair from her brow. Even in sleep, Delaney looked capable and ready to do battle. There was energy vibrating from within her, as if she could spring to action, at a moment’s notice, ready for anything.

He wasn’t ready for her.

He pressed his lips into her hair, then felt his heart squeeze when this slumbering warrior snuggled closer to
him, tucking herself into him, instinctively knowing that she could sleep peacefully in his arms.