The Legend (55 page)

After the
medical exams, they went down to the track and watched Jameson take about
twenty laps, had him do a pit stop and then he had to get out of the car within
the time limits they provided.

They went
back up to the office again, Jameson appeared relaxed and then he came out some
ten minutes later. He said nothing but grabbed me by the hand and took me back
down on the track to get his gear bag before we left.

Only we
didn’t leave right away. Instead he stood there leaning forward against the
counter, his head resting against the upper cabinets.

“What the
fuck do they know
anyway!
” Jameson shouted hurling his
helmet across the hauler. “Come on, let’s go.”

I waited
until we were back in his truck before I asked. “You didn’t pass?”

“No.” He
said flatly. “I failed the balance portion.”

The entire
way back to the house he never said a word. He knew the balance would be an
issue. Jameson had an injury to the Temporal lobe of his brain, that’s where
the fracture and the swelling were mostly at. But no one knew for sure what
other areas took a hit. It could have very well been that the cerebellum
portion of his brain had been injured as well. Either way, he was having
problems with balance which is why he had the cane for so long. It had been
fourteen weeks since the accident exactly.

And
truthfully, I blamed him failing the test on the number fourteen.

They
scheduled another test for the following week and said, if he passed, he could
race in the Coca-Cola 600 race at the end of the month.

After he
heard that news, he threw himself into his recovery. He knew that if he would
ever get back inside a race car professionally he needed seat time. Just like
our summer when he set out to win that Triple Crown title, he got as much seat
time as he could and did everything the doctors said to do.

25.
          
Sipe
a Tire – Sway

Sipe
a Tire – A
process of using a razor blade to cut a tires thread causing the rubber to
break off. Grooving or cutting a tire means to use a tool to add additional
grooves to a tire for the purpose of adjusting its handling.

After the
accident it took some time for Jameson to be released for sexual activity. Even
then, it took some time for him to be into it. That first time when our bodies
finally came together, after his failed exam with NASCAR, I wondered if I had
done something wrong. It felt like motions to satisfy an urge and nothing like
the connection we had.

I
understood that he wasn’t feeling like himself yet but I’m not gonna lie, it
bothered me.

Had the
Mama Wizard lost her touch?

Alley came
over not long after Jameson left for the sprint car shop that morning after we
got back from Charlotte to meet Tommy and Willie before they took off to
Eldora.

Alley seemed
to notice my distraction immediately. “What’s wrong with you lately? I
understand why Jameson is moody, he’s always moody but you’re not. Are you
okay?”

“Just some
things on my mind today,” That was my attempt to divert the conversation
elsewhere but it didn’t work. Never did with Alley or Emma.

“Spill the
beans.” Alley pushed cookies my direction.

Staring
down at the cookies, I burst into tears. It must have been all that pent up
emotion but it was like a fucking flood gate opened. We had a dozen cookies
gone before I was finally able to speak.

“Sex just
hasn’t been the same. We’ve only done it twice and both times it wasn’t us. It
felt like both of us were trying too hard and then when it was over, I felt
guilty like I hadn’t given it everything I had. I even faked an orgasm so he
wouldn’t feel like he couldn’t satisfy me! Who does that?”

“I have
before.” Rosa raised her hand coming into the room.

Alley gave
her a funny look and then turned back to me. Rosa sat next to us and opened a
beer she pulled from her bra.

We both
gave her a funny look after that. She shrugged. “In my country it’s five
o’clock.”

“You’re
from America.” I said to her. “You know that right?”

“No
comprender
?” Rosa replied with gauging our reactions.

“Sway,” Alley
gave me a confused expression focusing on the situation at hand.
My sex life.
“Not every time is mind-blowing.”

“I know
that. But it’s never been like this for us.”

“You do
realize that he nearly died earlier this year. Maybe his gear isn’t working properly.”

“Alley!”
I shoved
against her shoulder as she laughed and Emma walked into the kitchen and sat
next to Rosa eyeing her beer and then us. She too ate what was left of the
cookies. “His gear works just fine.”

“Yuck.
Don’t take about my brother’s gear.” Emma gagged spitting her cookie out.
“Let’s talk about prom. Can I take Arie and
Lex
to
New York next week?”

“No.”
Alley answered with no reservations.

“Why would
Arie go to prom? She already got her GED.”

“Every
girl needs to go prom.”

“Sway,”
Alley turned to me again. “Have you tried changing it up, maybe getting a
little freaky or something?”

“Oh my
god,” Emma shivered and gave us this disgusted snort, “stop talking about
this!”

“Hey,” I
reached over the counter and smacked the back of Emma’s head. “I’m having a
meltdown today, be supportive or leave.”

Emma left
but Rosa and Alley were all ears.

“What do
you mean by freaky?” My eyes dropped to my hands avoiding eye contact.

Alley went
on to explain that Spencer and
her
had watched porn at
one time. So she gave me a few DVD’s and Rosa handed me an erotica book. I’d
read those before and skimmed through the one she had given me only to quickly
find that I had never read something like that before. It was like bondage and
whips and chains and shit I had never considered.
Ever.
But needless to say, I was intrigued by it and that scared the shit out of me
but then some of it made me blush at the thought. Frankly, the idea of some of
that stuff resembled something out of a horror movie.

I wasn’t
sure how to react to it but I knew that Jameson wouldn’t be home until later
that night so I thought that I could get some ideas before he came home.

After
making sure the kids weren’t home, I inserted the DVD into the player and then
sat in the middle of our bed, watching.

Five
minutes into it, I was regretting my decision.

As I sat
there, dressed my drive-by-clothes which consisted of a black hoodie, with the
hood over my head, strings drew tight, and black sweatpants. I was sweating.

Viewing
the movie through the small opening in my hood, my reaction was both denial and
disagreement that I was actually watching it.

And then I
started to sweat. Like really sweating and my breathing was increasing. And
then my crankcase started to have a reaction I wasn’t expecting.

I knew
exactly what was happening. My crankcase was thinking some align boring was
about to happen based solely on what I was seeing. It was like the time Jameson
and I had heard my neighbors in college having sex.

Holy
shit, I’m a porn freak
. And
there was no argument from my head.

Did I
mention I was sweating? All that sweating had me basically gasping because I
still had my hood on and it felt like a thousand degrees. So I peeled that off
and continued watching. I was amazed at some of the angels they show too. I
mean, sorry, but I don’t want to look at a view of a man’s asshole.

I just
don’t.

They were
really getting into on the movie, grunts and screaming, all that shit so I
decided to try fast forward and see how it ended when the door to our bedroom
opened and Jameson came inside.

My first
thought, you fucking idiot! Why didn’t you lock that shit? My second coherent
thought was that I should play dead.

He closed
the door with his foot, eyes on his phone in his hand, the sound made me jump
about two fucking feet and scramble for the remote which I couldn’t find.

I had been
caught.

There was
no way around it.

Pulling
the hood back over my head, I contemplated acting like I was asleep or
something equally ridiculous like I’d passed out and someone had put it in the
DVD player without my knowledge. A lot of shit ran through my head. There were
all kinds of lies going through me but no responses from my body. I just sat
there like a goddamn idiot.

I’ve had
some really embarrassing shit happen to me in my life but getting caught
watching porn was probably the cake topper.

Jameson
must have noticed the sounds coming from the television and stopped mid stride,
back tracked, and cocked his head at the screen. “Is that
...
are you
...
?” his eyes squinted as his head slowly turned to me and then back at
the screen just as slowly. “What’s going on?”

He turned
back to me with a sly grin.

“Uh
...
” I stuttered out as if the fact that it was on
the screen would have been self-evident.

I’m pretty
confident that I had lost all self-respect right there.

He stood
there, his left hand that was holding his phone pointed at the screen as if he
was going to ask a question and then he stopped, looked at me with just a
slight tilt of his head, eyebrows raised and then licked his bottom lip but
dragged his slowly teeth like he was trying to decide what to do.

My breath
started increasing anticipating him doing what was happening on the screen to
me.

Kicking
off his shoes first, he reached for the hem of his t-shirt, ripped that over
his head and then started working on the buckle of his jeans as he walked
toward me. He got to the end of our bed, his knees hit the headboard.

It didn’t
take me long and I was shredding my drive-by-clothes faster than the screamers
jack rabbiting each other on the screen.

“It’s
pretty hot seeing you watch this…but,” his eyes caught mine. “What brought this
on?”

I didn’t
answer. I couldn’t. What was I going to tell him?

Alley and
Rosa convinced me to watch porn and become a whore. I don’t think so. Not
admitting that.

He let out
a sharp breath when my hand slipped inside his pants.

His voice
was husky and strained as he started to climb on the bed. “Fuck Sway, that
feels so goddamn good.”

I was
literally reeling with excitement. Somehow the movie got turned off and frankly
I was okay with that because I had some concerns about Alley and Spencer’s
taste in porn after watching that.

Jameson
didn’t seem to mind. He gave me the impression he was more interested in me.

Clothes
seemed to disappear easily, my frantic fingers fumbled with his jeans trying to
get them down. Soon he was hovering over me and moving against me but I knew
what was happening. The same thing that
happened
the
last two times seemed to be happening. We would get into it and then something
happened, both of us trying to avoid that there was a change. Still frantic, we
tried to hold onto something that wasn’t there.

The noises
that escaped his mouth were almost as good as the words he wouldn’t say these
days.

My needy
hands roamed over his skin searching for the connection.

My body
was underneath him, calling to him, begging him to show me we still had the
connection.

We
switched positions and he seemed into it, so I kept up everything I was doing.
He responded to all the ways I was touching him until I said. “Tie me up.”

“Come
again?” His eyes were unfocused but he watched me move from straddling him to
putting my hands over my head.

“Tie me
up.” I repeated feeling something similar to a shy child.

A smile
tugged at his lips. “You wanna get dirty honey?”

That gave
me that courage I needed and I grinned too. “Yeah,”

So he tied
me up with ratchet tie downs he used at the shop. It was perfect in my mind
because car parts were our thing.

Moving
between my legs, he slowly entered me again, groaning when he was in all the
way, his mouth hot against my skin as he panted.

Then I
thought about all the possibilities of what that sprint car shop held for us.
We hadn’t done it in the new shop and the thought had me getting into it.

“Hit me!”
I was in the moment and said what came to mind.

He stopped
and propped himself up on his elbows and looked down at me. Said nothing but
looked at me like I had just asked him if I could shove something up his ass.