The Leaves 03 (Nico) (8 page)

We’d had a few shark sightings off the coast, but very few attacks. Whatever had been toying with me before now meant 122/510

fuckin’ business. My lungs burned, my arms burned, pain from the puncture of teeth was setting in when whatever it was let me go…

but only for a second. Tthis time, I felt the razor sharp teeth sink into my right thigh. It fucking killed.

I screamed out, pulled back with my right elbow to try to fight it off, which, luckily, must have stunned it. I was able to get to the shallow water and crawl to the damp sand.

Safe, but trailing blood behind me, I didn’t look at the wound. I knew I would need to get to a hospital, and quick. If I looked at it, I might not be able to keep going. I climbed the longest fucking set of stairs in Laguna Beach to get back to Pacific Coast Highway. I can’t imagine what I looked like, a man with shaggy blond hair, his dick swinging in the wind, and blood pouring from his thigh and ankle. Within minutes, a cop pulled up, shined that motherfucking spotlight on me, but then realized I was injured.

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A few hours later, my pop had me in his truck, and I had four small shark teeth as souvenirs, which I planned to have made in-to a necklace. Except for one. One, I was saving.

On our way home from the hospital, Pop let me know exactly how he felt.

“What the fuck were you thinking, taking a dip in Mother Nature’s buffet in the middle of the goddamn night? You got a screw loose?”

I had the great pleasure of morphine on board, which was a bit like truth serum, I discovered, and answered him honestly. “I wanted to feel alive.”

“Well, I hope it worked. Why don’t you find a woman to do that instead, you jack-ass.” He slapped his hand against the dash of the truck to really get his point across.

“I’ve been trying that for a while, Pop.

Doesn’t have the same appeal it used to.” 124/510

He said nothing until we were parked in front of my garage in the alley behind my house. Ever since I was a kid, this was usually the prelude to getting a stern talking to.

“Nicolas. When I met your mom, you know what that fucking woman did to me?” This was sure to be a story I would not forget; two in one day. “Please don’t say anything that is going to scar me emotinally. I’m all hopped up at the moment, and I’ve had a hell of a day.”

“Shut up and listen. She took the breath right outta me. I looked at her, didn’t know a thing about her, but my lungs burned from trying to catch my breath again. Then she smiled and that was it. I was fuckin’ gone.

Didn’t matter what movies she liked or music she listened to. Didn’t matter what she thought about politics or books. I couldn’t give a shit. All I knew was, when she smiled at me, nothing else mattered, and that was the point. She wasn’t a piece of ass to get my 125/510

dick wet. She was the woman that would carry my heart, and my balls, mind you, with her until my last day on this earth. That was when I knew I was alive, when I met your mom. Now get the fuck outta my truck and stop scaring the hell out of us.” Moira’s blood was dried in two large circles, plus a smaller one, on my wooden porch, bringing me right back to reality. I carefully limped through the front door of my house and checked my phone. Zack had left a message to let me know that Moira was going to be okay. She had a couple broken ribs, one of which had punctured a lung, and some bruising on her spine. The only good thing to come out of the entire night? Teensy had offered Moira a job as her assistant with full benefits. She even threw in the apartment behind the studio downtown.

I sat on the edge of my tub with the shower facing away from me so I could keep my wound dry.

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“What the fuck are you doing?” I asked no one.

I was bad. I was depressed, and I didn’t know what the fuck to do about it. The thing was, I actually had a great life. I was just…

lost. I thought about getting another tattoo.

Maybe I could do what the women I helped did, but it just didn’t seem right. My chest was a blank canvas, just waiting. I’d know it when I saw it, whatever “it” was. My back, though, was done by a guy named Steve up in Seattle. He was a photo-realism genius, and what I wanted, I wanted done by the best; my sleeved arms, both done like totem poles, were more artistic than meaningful, but I loved them. It was a bit of my heritage I wore with pride, even if I had no idea where my ancestors were from. It didn’t matter.

I’d left blank rings, four on each side. My arms were a carbon copy of each other. One ring would be for my pop, one would be for my

mom,

and

one—if

I

ever

got

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married—would be for my wife. The fourth would be if I ever had a kid. I wanted one kid… maybe. I didn’t fuckin’ know. But on my back was a place my pop had taken me as a kid, and it was exactly the place I wanted to take my own son if I had one. When I was nine, he had taken me on a father/son fish-ing trip up in the mountains.

“Can you hear that?” he’d asked me once.

“What? I don’t hear anything.” I answered, confused.

“You’re not listening. Shut your face and shut your mind and just… listen.” A few minutes of heavy concentration, I relaxed and heard it. Nature had so much to say. The ground was alive, the trees were alive, and I had never taken the time to sit back and listen. That’s what I wanted to give my child. The top of my shoulders and back were a star-filled sky, with the silhouettes of pine tree tops and a crescent moon, jutting 128/510

peaks of a mountain ridge, detailed branches of Jeffrey, Lodge pole pines, and white firs.

From the bottom were shiny branches of Manzanita that grew from the ground separately, but entwined to form the shape of a man and a woman embracing. The foreground was a campfire, and a hawk in front of that, its wings, outstretched, covered the width of my torso, and in the center of each wing was a bear paw to symbolize the last things that had brought me peace in my life; a bear named Georgie and little girl with dishwater-blonde hair.

The water grew cold while I contemplated my sorry ass, so I hopped carefully into the bedroom and got dressed. I’d never fucked a chick in my bed, not once. Floor, couch, shower, kitchen counter, dining table, bedroom floor, but not my bed. And not my chair. My chair was for me and me only. I drank there, I lived in my head there, and escaped there with music, and my hand.

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I missed smoking.

Then next morning, I put on sweats, no boxers, and a sweatshirt, grabbed my wallet and keys, which the cops were nice enough to grab from the beach for me, and slowly climbed the stairs to my garage. I hadn’t rented a movie in ages. I’d avoided going to the shop because Gina would probably be there and I didn’t want to face her. Then something clicked in me; I remembered what it was like to close my eyes and get lost in her, how, for the first time, I felt something more than pure carnal pleasure. Being with her had touched something deep inside me.

Maybe, and I was toying with the idea, maybe I could have feelings for Gina if I allowed myself.

By the time I got to the shop, I had made up my mind to ask her out. I was still trying to figure out how I was going to help my women, the broken birds, without breaking their confidence, but that was the least of my 130/510

worries right now. I would figure it out, but I knew I needed someone to talk to, and maybe Gina could be that person.

Sure enough, she was standing behind the counter. Her hair was just at her shoulders now, which made her look more feminine, and she was even prettier than I remembered. I tried to think about what movie I might ask her for as an opening for conversation as I limped up to her.

“Nico!” she exclaimed.

“Hey, Gina. How are you?”

“I think a better question is, how are you?” she asked, eyeing my leg. The bandage made one look much thicker than the other through my sweats.

“I had a little swimming… mishap.” I chuckled.

“No way!” She moved around the counter next to me. “Are you the Naked Shark Attack Guy?” Her eyes were huge waiting for my answer.

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“I didn’t start out naked. Fucker took my boxers.” I smirked.

“That is one lucky fish.” She sighed.

For a split second, I was thinking a shark was a mammal then remembered that was dolphins. “Uh, I know this is going to maybe catch you off guard, but I wondered if you might like to have dinner with me?” There. I fuckin’ did it. How hard was that?

I could do this. For sure. I needed to make some changes, but this was a start. I’d had plenty of random pussy, and obviously, that wasn’t working for me any more…

“Oh… wow, Nico. Wow,” she said awkwardly. In a louder voice she added, “Come over to action and I’ll show you those movies I suggested. Michelle? Can you watch the front? Thanks.”

I followed her, bouncing and full of smiles for the other two customers near us to “action” and leaned against a shelf of DVD’s. “I took your advice, Nico. I… I met someone. I 132/510

mean, I have you to thank for being a huge asshole, but you actually did me a favor.” She was being sweet. She didn’t seem to have any animosity, which was good. Still, she was giving me “the speech,” which was totally catching me off guard.

“Oh,” I said like an idiot. “Good for you, Gina.” I took a random DVD from the “S” shelf and limped back to the counter, dragging my giant, wounded ego behind me.

“Thanks, Michelle,” Gina said. “I think those kids are trying to steal the candy again.

Go get ‘em.” She shooed her lowly high school age employee away. “So, Spacejam, huh?” She teased, looking at the DVD.

I gave her a genuine smile and lied, “I’ve heard great things.”

“Nico—” she began as I took the movie and left a five dollar bill on the counter.

I spoke quietly so no one would hear our exchange. “Gina, you did me a favor, too. It’s all good. I’m happy you found someone.” I 133/510

turned and slowly made my way toward to the door.

I was just lifting my leg into the truck when the passenger side door opened and Gina jumped in. “Hey, what are you—” She thrust her tongue in my mouth, and I, in turn, took her face in my hands, pulling her closer for that kiss I hadn’t forgotten.

“Fuck,” I said on a breath.

“Yeah,” she agreed, both of us panting.

Then she gave me a light peck on the lips, sweet and chaste, and moved to open the door.

“Why did you do that?” I asked. I wasn’t pissed or anything, far from it.

“Because of your heart, Nico. It’s beautiful.

You’re a good man who lost his way. I’ve thought about it, about you, a lot. I wish we could be what each of us is looking for, but I knew we weren’t that night, and I had to be sure. That’s why I kissed you again. I had to be sure.”

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I put my hands on the steering wheel and looked out the windshield. “I’m fucked.”

“I was, too. For three years, I was just going through the motions. The mindless sex isn’t working like it used to?” she asked.

“How’d you know?” I turned to look at her.

“I drank. I’m sure it doesn’t look like it, but it was easier to hide behind a few drinks every night, and then day and night, than it was to feel the pain of that hole left behind by Andy. I was sure you only get one.”

“One?”

She stared out the window, the peachy colored stucco building in front of us the only thing in her line of vision.

“Soul mate, true love, whatever you want to call it. So I waited for a sign, and that night, with you, at Roscoe’s… it just snapped me out of it. I’m still here. I’m alive. And when I met this man,” she said as she turned a ring around her finger, “I was waiting for another sign because I thought, ‘No way 135/510

could this happen twice in my lifetime.’ So when you walked in today, I thought you were my sign, and your kiss, as fairy tale as it sounds, your beautiful kiss woke me up the first time. I wanted to be sure, and I am.” She opened the door and hopped down.

“You’ll find it, Nico, whatever it is you’re looking for, and when you do, you’ll be happy.”

She rounded the truck, and just like that night at my place, she never looked back.

Chapter 6

Independence Day

The heat brought more than the usual holiday crowd to the beach. The air conditioner was working overtime in our little shop, and I was adding the last mane of the last horse that covered my mother’s chest. Her vision of a dream catcher had turned out to be even better than the sketches Zack and I had done.

The hoop in the middle had the traditional eight points, representing the eight legs of a spider. It was meant to signify wisdom and female creative energy, perfect for where it was on her body. She wanted a few clouds scattered above with a lone hawk. I assumed 137/510

this was because of the hawk on my back, but I didn’t ask. Spotted Owll feathers hung in the foreground, and, starting from her lower back, a herd of Mustangs ran to the front with the leader in mid-stride in the center of her chest. She said, for her, that one horse would protect her body from going through hell again.

I wiped the last residue of ink, and pushed myself away on the rolling stool, turned off the machine, and laid it on the table beside me. I put the last bit of tape on the plastic and looked down at my legs. Zack and Becca had been there the entire time, through the entire process. Becca always made sure every customer was taken care of so neither one of us was disturbed when mom was there. But today, the shop went quiet. I heard no one, and I knew Zack and Becca were gone. They had left Mom and me alone, sharing this landmark moment in our lives as mother and 138/510

son, the woman who had given me life and come so close to losing her own.

She took the rubber gloves off of me and brought my hands to her chest holding them there in a tight grip.

“You did great, baby.”

Her voice was thick with the same emotion I was feeling. I felt that heat hit the back of my eyes, and fuck me, the last thing I wanted to do was fucking cry. Her soft voice soothed away my worry about looking macho in that moment.

“My job as a mother is to dry my baby’s tears, so don’t you hold back.” She paused for a moment and I prepared myself, not knowing what to expect. All these years, I still felt like my parents were kind of a mystery. They were their own people with their own lives, their own dreams, but it wasn’t something I really ever thought about, not until mom got sick.