The Last Thing He Needs (31 page)

Tommy knew that. He cleared his throat and said carefully, “I want you to be
it
for me, okay?” Bobby only looked at him. “I want a partner too, but,” Tommy paused there and then said softly, “I need you to teach me how.”

He didn’t actually say the word “help,” but it was close enough, and Tommy could feel the sting of fear rise up with his words.

Bobby tightened his fingers in Tommy’s hair and pulled him closer. “I can do that,” he whispered.

The kiss they shared then was long, almost painfully tender. When Tommy pulled back, he could feel his blood flushing over the surface of his skin. He was breathless and suddenly needy, and he hoped the conversation was over.

Bobby seemed to agree. He rolled himself over Tommy and spread his legs so they could grind their hips together. Tommy’s breath caught on a gasp when Bobby slipped his hands under his shirt and started to push it up over his head. They were moving roughly, trying to get through the layers of clothes, shed their jeans, and nothing was going quick enough for Tommy. He wanted Bobby like he wanted air. It wasn’t a question, it was a demand, an instinct running so deep inside him it felt primal.

Once they discarded their clothes and Tommy could finally touch Bobby’s skin, he spent long minutes trailing his fingers over every inch. He kissed Bobby’s arm where the small scar still looked pink and livid after more than five months. He traced every curve, every sharp angle of Bobby’s body, like he was memorizing him, mapping out every muscle.

Tommy let his eyes slide shut as they explored each other, gasping when Bobby scraped his teeth against Tommy’s throat.

Bobby interrupted the greedy touches and small whimpers. “Have you been tested lately?”

Tommy nearly told him his entire life was a test, but he knew what Bobby meant. “About a month ago.” HIV tests were one of the few things that were actually free at the clinic. “You?”

“Every three months, like clockwork.” That didn’t surprise Tommy at all.

Bobby was quiet for another moment. Tommy’s blood was thrumming through his veins at the speed of light. He wanted to stop talking again. Bobby looked like he was about to ask a question he didn’t want to know the answer to. Tommy nearly stopped him, but instead he let Bobby ask, “Been with anyone else?”

Tommy searched his eyes for a beat. He wanted to tell Bobby what a stupid question that was, but he knew Bobby was asking for more than the obvious reasons. Tommy whispered, “I haven’t touched anyone else since the first time I touched you.”

“Good.” Bobby’s lips were tender as they brushed against Tommy’s with the word.

He didn’t say anything else, but Tommy didn’t care. He knew it was the same for Bobby, and he didn’t need to hear the words to be sure.

When Bobby pulled away and reached into the nightstand, he didn’t get a condom, only the bottle of lube. He moved closer, kissed Tommy again, and simply asked, “Okay?”

That seemed like a bigger commitment than anything else they’d done. Moving in together, putting up with each other’s bullshit, even Bobby helping him raise the kids didn’t seem as big of a commitment comparatively. Bobby was ready to trust Tommy with his life and his health and his future, and he wanted to make sure Tommy was ready to do the same.

“Okay,” Tommy whispered in response. One question, one answer, one word from each of them, and it was settled.

There was no going back.

They took their time with tender strokes and slick fingers. Tommy’s erection was aching, precome glistening against the head, as Bobby straddled his hips again. He lowered himself slowly and looked intently into Tommy’s face as he gasped and groaned and rocked his way down on Tommy’s cock.

It always felt amazing with Bobby. Even a quick hand job in the bathroom at four in the morning felt amazing with him. But that night, looking up into Bobby’s flushed face, looking into his eyes for maybe the first time when they were together, Tommy understood in one fraction of a heartbeat every love song he’d ever heard, every dream he was afraid to have, every memory of anything good that had ever happened to him. It was all wrapped up in Bobby. He was the music, he was the dream, he was the love, and… he was the hope.

Tommy O’Shea finally understood.

They moved together slowly at first, almost silently, as if they were both having their own revelations. Tommy ran his hand up Bobby’s chest, wrapped his fingers around the back of Bobby’s neck, and pulled him down close, wanting to taste him. When Bobby followed for him and leaned down, he brushed his lips against Tommy’s and whispered, “I love you, Tom.”

Some new space opened up inside Tommy then. They’d said those words to each other dozens of times, but then, in that moment, it felt like someone turned on a light inside of him. “I love you too, Bobby.”

He grinned, and Bobby laughed before he kissed Tommy again and sat up. He started to ride Tommy like he meant it, like he couldn’t do anything else.

Tommy gripped Bobby’s hip with fingertips biting in against the muscles and ran his other hand down Bobby’s body. He wrapped his fingers around Bobby’s cock and started to stroke him with a firm, sure grip. They knew how to drive each other to the edge, and after a few moments, it felt like they were racing each other. Bobby fell harder and faster, slamming down on Tommy, taking him deep inside with every motion, and Tommy’s hand slicked with more urgency over Bobby’s cock.

Before long Tommy was lifting his hips in sharp thrusts, meeting every move Bobby made. When Bobby groaned in the back of his throat and his hips started to jerk, Tommy knew how close he was. Bobby spilled hot across Tommy’s chest, up his neck. Tommy let out a ragged cry then, muttering Bobby’s name as he came hard, buried deep inside Bobby.

Tommy’s breath was rushing out in hard pants when Bobby fell down over him. Bobby pressed his face against Tommy’s neck, and Tommy could feel the quick, out-of-rhythm beat of Bobby’s heart against his own. He trailed his fingers down Bobby’s spine, traced the pattern of each vertebra as they recovered together.

“I just realized something,” Tommy whispered, his voice rough, husky. When Bobby lifted his head, he looked curious. “I get to sleep a whole night with you. Beginning to end.” He added with a laugh, “Hell, I get to sleep all my nights with you now.”

Bobby grinned. He leaned close, caught Tommy’s bottom lip in his teeth, and then kissed him. “Well, I’m on first shift tomorrow. Gotta leave pretty early.”

Tommy considered that for a minute. He liked the idea of watching Bobby get ready for work in the early morning, maybe getting up and having a cup of coffee with him. “You’ll have to get ready early.”

“Why?”

“So you’ll have time to get dressed again after I undress you,” Tommy told him with a smirk and a pat on Bobby’s bare ass.

T
HE
STADIUM
was crowded and hot, and the twins were getting restless. They were almost four years old, and they’d run out of Goldfish crackers and had gotten tired of playing with Bobby’s phone. Thankfully, the graduating seniors were walking in and taking their seats.

They’d landed pretty good spots, considering the size of the place, but Tommy was still searching for Mike amid the sea of dark blue gowns and red tassels.

“Do you see him?” Zoe asked. She rose up on her knees between him and Bobby to get a better look. Max did the same. He leaned his little arm on Bobby’s shoulder and peered out at the crowd.

Cal was sitting on the other side of Tommy, and he said, “I think that’s him, Zoe. He’s in the fourth row from the front.”

Judy was next to Gene. She was taking pictures like a mad photographer while Carrie, Colleen, Davey, and Collin talked quietly among themselves.

Their family had been through hell and back, and days like today reminded Tommy of how lucky they really were. They never had made the big decision about what to do with the kids, but they were all still in Judy’s care, on paper at least. Tommy still acted like their father and so did Bobby, for that matter. They’d tied the knot the year before. Tommy had never figured himself for marriage, but he’d never figured on anyone like Bobby either, so that was okay.

Cal had turned up on their doorstep, almost exactly one year after Tommy had visited him in rehab. He had the letters with him. It wasn’t a magical cure. It didn’t wipe away the years of pain and frustration Cal had created, but even at the time, Tommy had to give him credit for showing up at all.

He still didn’t trust his father and probably never would, but he let Cal have supervised visits with the kids just about any time he wanted. He even invited Cal over for family barbeques and holidays. Though the first time had been mostly Judy’s idea.

Colleen was working on her Associate’s Degree at the community college, and Mike surprised the hell out of them all when he earned himself a scholarship to Berkeley. It was out of state, and just getting him there was going to be a very expensive pain in the ass. Tommy hated to see him go so far from home, but when Mike had said he was going to turn it down so he could stay with the family, Tommy had nearly kicked him out the door. It was only four years. They could take it.

Carrie and Davey were both taking AP classes in high school. Tommy was so proud of them it hurt.

Collin was doing just as well in junior high. He stayed after school two days a week to help tutor kids with learning disabilities. Who knew?

With Max and Zoe starting preschool in the fall, Tommy was trying to decide what to do with himself. Gene had told him if he took a few business classes, he’d offer Tommy the manager job, maybe take him on as a partner. Gene said he was getting old and he had no one to pass his baby to. Tommy didn’t know if he wanted to work at Smarty’s the rest of his life, but he knew part of him would always belong to that place, just like part of him would always belong to the kids and Bobby. When he thought about it, he kind of liked the idea of being there, maybe doing for someone what Gene had done for him. He’d talk it over with Bobby sometime soon and see what he thought.

Their lives weren’t perfect. Their family wasn’t perfect. Just like Max and Zoe’s winter clothes, not so long ago, their family was a tapestry of patches and cheap thread. Parts of the pattern were too ugly to look at, and some parts were so beautiful they could bring tears to your eyes. They were all wading through the rocky waters of life and forgiveness and
hope
together, with only a few bumps and scrapes along the way.

Tommy figured that was exactly how it should be.

J.H. K
NIGHT
has been writing love stories since the second grade. When she’s not catering to the whims of her imaginary friends (whom she sometimes refers to as “characters”), she’s usually found driving her four children all over the planet, working on a school project, or saying things like “Not until your homework is done!”

A Pacific Northwest native, she loves the outdoors in every season whether she’s in the city, in the mountains, or building sloppy sandcastles with her kids on the beach. On her best days, she’s cuddled up with a good book, and on her worst days she’s tearing her hair out as she tries to decide if her sentence needs a comma or a semicolon. She gratefully bows down in awe of editors, since she usually gets it wrong.

You can visit J.H. Knight at http://knightwylde.blogspot.com, or http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6474818.J_H_Knight, or find her on Twitter at https://twitter.com/Knightwylde.

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