The Last Testament: A Memoir (63 page)

devil:

Jesus tempted by,
183
–85

unlisted number of,
185

in violin competition,
184

Diamond, Neil,
300

Dianetics
(Hubbard),
253

Dick, Andy, wagon sexually assaulted by,
108

dietary laws,
86
–87

dinosaur,
292

Dion, Celine, as displeasing to
Titanic
victims,
338

Disneyworld,
338

Disputation of Doctor Martin Luther on the Power and Efficacy of Indulgences,
276

Divine Comedy, The
(Dante),
267

Dixon, Jeane, as Zodiac Killer,
144
–45

DNA,
9

Doctors Without Borders, name changed by,
350

dogs,
229

Dome of the Rock,
336

Dow Jones, ominous market drop of,
333

Downey, Robert, Jr., as part of Gervais’s opening act,
332

drunkenness,
274

Duchovny, David, masturbation habits of,
110

Duke University,
157

E=mc2, new formula for,
355

Ecclesiastes,
125

eclipses,
7

Edison, Thomas, God’s paraphrase of,
209

Edomites,
29

Efron, Zac, as emotionless,
110

egg, as preceding chicken,
147

Egyptians,
294

Jews’ flight from,
67
–82,
97
,
131
,
264

Eiffel Tower,
292

Einstein, Albert, wrong about God’s dice-playing,
6

Elah, Valley of,
122

El Chupacabra, existence of,
146

Eldaach,
61

El Dorado,
147

Election Day, suicides on,
353

Electra, Carmen, transformation of boob job by,
111

Elihu,
130

Elizabeth II, Queen of England, in surprise Mardi Gras appearance,
334

Elon,
120

Emancipation Proclamation,
292

Eminem, rhymes of,
113

entourages,
285

Epcot,
332

Ephah,
61

Epher,
61

Ephesam,
176

Ephraim,
92

Esau,
40
–41,
45

Jacob’s tricks on,
41
,
42
,
43

Ethan,
97

“Eve” (formerly Steve),
14
,
87

evolution,
8
–9,
88

Exodus,
61
,
67
,
72
,
82
,
85
,
92
,
94
,
97

exorcisms,
193
–94

Explanation of the Seven Penitential Psalms,
278

exploding cow disease,
357

Ezekial,
126

Ezra,
25

Facebook:

God’s privacy concerns over,
304

ominous member count of,
356

Fall of Man,
13

fasting,
244

fatwa,
236

Favre, Brett,
328

Feeding of the Five Thousand,
193

FIFA,
158

50 Cent,
337

finch beaks,
8

First Amendment,
217

First Book of Esdras, The,
25

firstborn sons, killing of,
76
–78,
357

Fitzgerald, F. Scott,
255

flash mob hit,
353

flesh,
170
–71

Flood,
19
–20,
23
–24,
26
,
29
,
51
,
61

Florida:

Gore’s failed campaign in,
128

resemblance to penis,
6

football,
155
–57

Ford, Harrison, poor career choice of,
109

Ford, Henry,
230

foreplay,
320

fornicators,
172
,
274
,
319
–20

40 (number),
302

“40” (song),
124

Founding Fathers,
136

Four Noble Truths,
252

Fox,
332

Fox News,
337

Foxx, Jamie,
113

Franklin, Benjamin,
138

free will,
291

Freewinds,
253

French Revolution,
290

Freud, Sigmund,
74

Frigg,
267

frogs,
75
,
356

Fukushima Daiichi Power Plant,
339

Fulbert,
321

Gabriel,
26
,
74
,
75
,
80
,
296

God made fun of by,
205

Mary’s pregnancy and,
177

Muhammad visited by,
238
,
239
–40

on Sistine Chapel ceiling,
273

Zach given nickname by,
167

Gabuthelon,
169

Galápagos Mega-Mall,
331

Galileo,
284

Garbo, Greta, God’s similarity to,
266

Garden of Gethsemane,
199

gas prices,
331

gatherhunting,
16

gathering,
16

Gauguin, Paul,
45

Gaza, destruction of gates of,
120

Genesis,
47
,
51

revisionism of,
322

Genghis Khan,
267

Genuine
Angel’s Food Cake,
315

Gere, Richard,
252

Germany, unification of,
292

Germany Pavilion,
332

Gervais, Ricky, opening act of,
332

Giancana, Sam,
146

Gibson, Mel,
112
,
163

Gideon,
120

Gilgamesh,
88

Gitmo,
242
,
349

gnats,
75

God:

absence of,
290
–92,
297
–303,
306

address to self by,
297
–98

attributes of,
3
,
4
–5,
237
,
300

cookbook of,
311
–16

in covenant with Jacob,
42
–43,
44

details of Armageddon worked out by,
329

as doer,
251

errors by,
4
–5

favorite stuff of,
229
–32

Gabriel’s insults to,
205

Googling self by,
143

hobbies of,
3

humanity as threat to,
289
,
291
–92

humanity’s questions about,
301

Israel supported by,
99
–100

Israel visited by,
101
–2

as jealous,
27

Jesus and H.G. as one substance with,
289

Jesus granted religion by,
203
–5

Jesus’s humanity aided by,
170
–73

Jesus threatened with iceberg by,
295
–96

as Jesus-whipped,
205

Job tortured by,
295

managements style of,
53

in return to the office,
303
–4

Ruth courted by,
165
–66