The Last Promise (25 page)

Ross looked up, breathing heavily. She looked troubled. “What?”

“Did you hear something?”

“No.”

“Wait.” She untangled herself from him and they were still. The valley was quiet except for the wind and their breathing. Ross leaned back from her. He saw her eyes light with comprehension.

“It’s Manuela. Wait here.”

Eliana slid from the wall. She took off her shoes; then carrying them in one hand and lifting her dress with the other, she ran back toward the winery. A minute later he heard Manuela’s voice echoing in the valley.

“Eliana! Eliana!”

Eliana was down the hill and up again as Ross watched her. Manuela suddenly appeared on the opposite hilltop. She ran toward Eliana, stopping at the ridge Eliana and Ross had just descended. Eliana shouted as she ran,
“Che c’è, Manuela?”

“Alessio’s having an attack.”

In the pink glow of the fading twilight Ross could see the crowd emerge from the winery, congregated around Alessio. He could see everyone but Eliana, who had vanished in the midst of the crowd. He saw the crowd part as Luca’s miniature Fiat pulled up, and then he caught a brief glance of Eliana as she climbed into the back of the car with Alessio in her arms, and his helplessness made Ross feel sick to his stomach. He could see Maurizio and his wild gestures. He watched Luca’s car lurch forward and drive away.

The group milled about for a while; then a few couples left for home, though most just went back inside. Maurizio was the last to go. He glanced around the vineyard, like an elk suddenly stopped to smell for danger; then he turned and walked back inside. Ross sat on the ground next to the wall until the sky turned dark. And when all was dark around him, dark and cold, he walked back to his apartment alone.

—Italian Proverb

 

 

 

 

 

E
liana didn’t come home the next day and Ross worried about her. Tuesday he led three groups and didn’t return from Florence until after dark. When he opened his door, he found a folded square of paper lying on the tile floor of his foyer.

He put the note in his pocket. From his doorway he could see the light from Eliana’s studio. He crossed the courtyard and let himself into her home.

Eliana looked up as he entered her studio. “Hi.”

“Hi. Got your note.”

She looked tired, he thought. And there was an unfamiliar look in her eyes. He noticed that his unfinished portrait leaned up against the wall and she was working on something new. He sat down in his chair, though he knew her request had nothing to do with his portrait.

“Did everything go well at the hospital?”

“Yes,” she said softly, then added sarcastically, “Just another race for life.”

Her hand pushed the pencil against the canvas. He noticed her eyes were suddenly moist.

“Eliana?”

She didn’t reply.

“Eliana?”

She exhaled. “I’m fine, Ross.”

“No, no, you’re not.”

She sighed, put her pencil down. She ran her hand through her hair. “No, I’m a mess.” There was a long pause. “We need to talk.”

“About . . . ?”

“About
it
. You know, the elephant in the room.”

“The elephant?”

“The one that we trip over, squeeze around and try to pretend isn’t there.”

Ross didn’t answer her right away, wondering where she was. “Why don’t I go first?”

She looked down at the floor for a moment; then her eyes leveled on him. Her face showed her weariness.

“I left America not knowing if I could ever love again. But I can. To me it’s a miracle. You’re a miracle. I think you are the most beautiful, kind and loving woman I have ever met. You’re all I think about.”

She closed her eyes.

“You have become my meridian, Eliana. I measure my time by when I’m with you or when I was last with you or when I will be with you again. I love you more than anyone or anything in this world. And I want you. That I am sure of.”

He looked at her carefully, hoping his words would evoke some response. Her eyes did not open immediately, and when they did they were only more wet. She tried to respond, but was overcome by emotion. Then she tried and failed a second time. Only in looking away from him could she speak. “But I’m married, Ross.”

Her words hung in the air.

“Eliana, this isn’t news.”

She raised her hand to her eyes. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t lie in bed every night thinking about you, wishing you were with me. It’s wrong. I try to tell myself that it’s not, but I’m lying. I made a promise to love and honor and obey Maurizio for better or for worse.”

Ross’s throat felt dry. “Maurizio doesn’t deserve you.”

“It’s not about Maurizio,” she said forcefully, then, in a weaker voice, “and it’s not about you.”

“Then who is it about?”

“It’s about God. It’s about promises I’ve made. I’m such a hypocrite. A couple weeks ago I told you how Maurizio cheats on me and how awful it is; then the next thing I know I’m kissing you.” She looked at him with love in her eyes. “Ross, you make me feel beautiful and alive, and so loved, but then there’s this guilt that paints gray over everything. I try to pretend it isn’t there, I try to rationalize my behavior, but the truth is I am tired of feeling guilty and bad all the time. I feel like I’m spending all my energy rationalizing my actions. I keep telling myself this is the last time I’ll do this, the last time I’ll hold your hand, or want you . . . then I see you and it all goes out the window. I can’t stop myself from being with you . . .”

Neither spoke for several minutes. Ross looked up. His forehead was wrinkled; his voice came low and deliberate. “Are you saying that you want me to leave?”

“Ross, this has nothing to do with what I want. What I want is to be with you. I’m just afraid of where this is leading.”

“And where is that?”

“You know where. We both do. When we kissed, I knew I had gotten in too deep. I kept telling myself that I could walk this line. That I could keep my marriage vows but still find love. But that line gets thinner and hazier every day. I’m afraid that I would do anything you ask.”

“I would never ask anything of you that would hurt you.”

“Really? And how about Alessio?”

Ross gazed at her silently. “Do you think that what we did had something to do with Alessio’s attack?”

She turned away from him. Ross suddenly understood. “You do. You think God was punishing you.”

“Maybe He was.”

“Maybe He wasn’t. What kind of God is that?” Ross’s voice turned bitter. “Don’t kiss another man or I’ll kill the boy. That’s not a God, that’s a thug.”

“It’s not for kissing you.”

“Then what was it for?”

“For falling in love with you. For loving you more than my husband. For all the thoughts I have of you that won’t go away.”

Ross lowered his head into his hands to think. “You make me sound like a sickness.”

His voice turned softer, his head rose. “I didn’t come to Italy to steal another man’s wife. It’s against everything I believe in, Eliana. If Maurizio was a good husband, if he was even trying to be, I would have already been out of here. I would have left in the night and I would ache every time I thought of you for the rest of my life, but I would do it for you and Alessio and your family.” He looked intensely into her eyes. “You deserve to be loved, Eliana. Everyone deserves love. Everyone
needs
love. And what I’ve learned of this world is that those who need it the most are usually those who feel the least worthy of it. And so they bend and stretch to please and miss the entire point that conditional love isn’t love at all. Conditional love is a means of manipulation and control.” His voice was direct. “At some point you need to choose love for yourself.”

Eliana closed her eyes. “And God?”

Ross stood. He walked to her. “If your God only loves you conditionally, then He isn’t much of a God.”

She covered her eyes, though tears still escaped beneath her hands, rolling down her cheeks to her chin. She began to tremble. “It was so close at the hospital. The steroids didn’t work. You know how when you’re so afraid you’ll promise God anything?”

Ross’s brow furrowed. “What did you promise?”

She began to cry harder.

“Eliana, what did you promise?”

“I promised that I wouldn’t break up this family.”

Ross lowered his head and groaned. “Oh, Eliana.” Then he looked at her, his eyes moist. “You can’t break something that’s already broken. Your marriage contract was broken the first time Maurizio cheated on you. Ethics 101, one party violates the contract, the contract is null and void.” His voice suddenly lost its force. “Please don’t make me go.”

For several minutes neither said anything. Then Eliana took his hand. “I need some time alone to think. I can’t be with you for a while.”

Ross felt a tremendous fear rise within him and with it the familiar walls he had relied on for so many years. He was retreating, he knew it, and though he feared it, he feared it not nearly as much as the possibility of losing her. He rubbed his hand across his face. “How long do you want me to go away for?”

“Maybe a week.” Her voice was apologetic.

He took a deep breath then slowly exhaled. “I’ll be waiting for your verdict.” He walked to the door.

Seeing him this way filled her with pain. “Where will you go?”

He shrugged. “I’ll know when I get there. I’m good at going nowhere.” Then he looked at her; his eyes were honest and clear. “I love you, Eliana. Nothing will ever change that.”

Then he walked out of the room. She heard him descend the stairs, heard her front door shut. The door echoed as if the home was empty: as empty as her heart. She looked at the unfinished portrait on the floor. She went to it; she touched his face. It had been a long time since anyone had told her that he loved her. It might never come again. Is this really what life exacted of her? To live without love. It seemed too great a price for any woman. A life without love seemed not only pointless, it seemed more than she could bear.

—Italian Proverb

—Ross Story’s diary

 

 

 

T
he sun had hours earlier fallen into the Tyrrhenian Sea and was displaced by a rising moon as the train squealed into the Pisa station, waking Ross from his thoughts. It was an odd, painful predicament to be in—to be hurting over the prospect of losing someone who was never his. Anna’s question of the other day still dangled before him.
Where are you going with this?
Eliana had somehow changed everything. He had been a fool to get close to someone he could never have.

Ross called Francesca from the train and apologetically told her that he would be gone for a while.

She sensed his anxiety and replied kindly, “Don’t concern yourself, my friend. Everything will be okay here. Just hurry back.”

Ross thanked her. As he hung up he wondered if he’d ever see her again.

Ross really didn’t know where he was going, as his only thought had been to leave Florence. At the train station he had noticed that there was a direct train traveling from Pisa to Switzerland. He had wanted to see the Chagall stained-glass windows of the Fraumunster Church in Zurich, and though it was as good a destination as any, he changed his mind. The idea of leaving Italy made him feel dark inside. It had been hard enough leaving Rendola.