The Last Princess (36 page)

As she lay there, filled with desperate yearning, the image of Ellis flashed through her mind. She wanted nothing more than to hear his deep, calming voice. He was the rock she needed to cling to after this night of hideous revelation.

She sat up abruptly, turned on the bedside lamp, and took the telephone into her lap. A half-hour later, the operator rang her back. “You have a line open?” Lily nearly shouted. “Oh, thank you!”

It seemed like a miracle when, after two rings, Ellis’s familiar voice came over the line.

“Lily? My dear, where are you?”

“I’m in Tel Aviv, Ellis, but I’m coming back to New York today. I mean, tomorrow. As soon as possible.”

Her voice quavered slightly. Ellis had mixed feelings at hearing her so upset. Clearly she had discovered the truth about Harry and Valerie.

“When will you arrive? I’ll meet your plane.”

There was a long pause as Lily resisted the urge to tell him everything. If she could confide to anyone in the world, it was Ellis, and she wanted so much to talk to someone, to share the awful truth.

Still, something stopped her. Was it the old habit of loyalty to Harry? Or was it her own pride? She was so confused she didn’t know the answer. But she would be seeing Ellis in person in twenty-four hours. That would be soon enough.

She wasn’t sure of her arrival time, but she knew the flight number. “El Al number 343, Ellis. You’ll have to check about the time.”

He could hear the agony she felt, no matter how she tried to hide it. There was no doubt about it, she was devastated. Perhaps as desperate as when she’d learned about Jeremy. Ellis cursed himself for ever sending her on such a damnable mission. He would do his best to make it up to her in the future. For now he just said, “I’ll be waiting for you.”

“Oh, Ellis,” Lily couldn’t help but add, “I wish I were there now.”

After she hung up, she wondered what to do next. The sun was coming up outside her window, but its beauty was lost on her. She called room service to order black coffee, then paced the small room restlessly until it arrived.

But gradually, as she sat sipping her cup on the tiny balcony overlooking the sea, one thing became clear: She had to confront Harry. But how? A phone call? She could not make such an accusation over the telephone. A letter? Again, it seemed ludicrous.
Dear Harry, When I saw you and Valerie together
… But the more she thought about it, the more she realized she couldn’t simply slip away. If only to redeem her self-esteem, she was going to face the issue here and now. Lily had always shied away from unpleasant situations, but this was one time she could not let herself dodge. Harry was not going to get off so easily.

She picked up the phone and gave the operator the number of the house at Safed. She was strangely calm when Harry’s voice came over the phone. “Harry? It’s Lily. I’m here in Tel Aviv…. Yes, quite a surprise, I know…. You can be here in two hours? Fine, I’ll be waiting.”

With the same strange calm, she canceled her airplane reservation, then placed a second call to Ellis in New York. She was somewhat relieved that he wasn’t home. He must have thought she sounded so strange. She left a message with his housekeeper about her change in plans. At least Ellis wouldn’t have to wait for her in vain.

Lily began pacing again but coached herself with every step.
I must be calm when Harry gets here. Calm enough to tell him what I think of him and how much I loathe him.
She began to take deep breaths.

I
T WAS JUST OVER
two hours later when the knock sounded on the door. Lily’s heart began to beat faster. “Come in,” she called. Harry entered. The sight of him was as good as a physical blow. All she could think of was seeing his naked body entwined with Valerie’s.

She steeled herself as best she could as she examined him in the light of day. He was tanned and fit. The days of hiking and digging in the Israeli sun seemed to have made him more attractive. But however appealing his appearance, Lily couldn’t get beyond the treachery concealed in the blue eyes she’d always thought seemed so clear and candid.

“Lily, darling, what a wonderful surprise!” he said warmly as he put his arms around her. During the drive down from Safed, he’d not thought once how he was going from his mistress’s bed to meet his wife. All he knew was his sense of joy and relief: Lily had given up her ball for him after all. He did love her so. And he felt deeply touched that she had flown in as a surprise.

But just as he tried to embrace her, she pushed him away. “Don’t touch me!” she shouted.

Harry stared at her in genuine disbelief. For a moment he thought he hadn’t heard correctly. Recovering his self-possession, he dug his hands into his pockets, leaned back against the door frame, and asked in a cool, ironic voice, “What, may I ask, is the problem?”

Lily thought she might scream. Her anger was too great to be suppressed. “The problem? I’ll tell you, Harry. I didn’t just get here. I arrived last night around ten o’clock and drove up to Safed.” She took a deep breath, trying to maintain a civil tone. “I went into the house, to your bedroom, in fact.” Lily looked at him coolly. “It seems I wasn’t the first to get there.”

Harry tried to speak but Lily could contain herself no longer. “Do you have any idea how I felt, seeing you lying there with your arms around her? God, Harry—Valerie! My best friend!”

“Lily, it’s not what you think—”

“What was it, then? What else could it possibly be?” The tears began streaming down her cheeks. “My God, Harry, how could you do this? I thought you loved me!”

His philandering finally had caught up with him. This affair—so meaningless, so stupid—had suddenly assumed unthinkable proportions. There was no way he could justify himself to Lily. Seeing her cry so hopelessly was even worse than her recriminations.

Awkwardly, he put his hand on her shoulder. “Please, Lily, don’t cry.”

But Lily shook off his hand and eyed him sternly through tear-filled eyes. “Don’t lie to me, Harry. How long has this been going on?”

Harry knew that he couldn’t admit that he had slept with Valerie while Lily was up at the farm still mourning Jeremy’s death. Yet, in all conscience, he could not pretend that last night had been the first time. At first, he tried to evade the issue of time.

“What’s the difference, Lily? The point is, she doesn’t mean a damn to me.”

“But last night was not the first time?”

“No, it wasn’t.” He could not lie.

In her heart of hearts, Lily had hoped that last night had been the first time he had ever succumbed to temptation.

“I think it started a few weeks after we arrived here. I was lonely, and she was there. It really didn’t mean anything, Lily.”

“So you were just like a pair of animals in heat? And I’m supposed to understand? God, it’s so degrading! To think of the two of you doing the same things that we do … another woman, touching my husband—”

She broke off, unable to go on.

As she spoke, Harry felt increasingly defensive. It sounded so bestial, the way she put it. Guilt began to wear heavily upon him. He could not bear it. Though he thought to check himself, he lashed out, assigning blame to her. “Listen, Lily! You’re not exactly blameless in all this, you know! I’m a man, with normal physical needs. You must admit we’ve been pretty distant lately. And I’m not just talking about my being in Israel and your staying on in New York. Why, ever since—” Harry broke off.

“Since Jeremy’s death? Is that what you were about to say? When I’m mourning for our child, I’m supposed to be worrying about your needs?”

“No, Lily, of course not! But it’s been a while since that time. All I’m saying is that I’d like some affection—”

“Anywhere you can get it? Come on, Harry. I’ve never denied you!”

“There’s a difference between not denying it and wanting it! This has been going on for years. So many times I’ve felt pushed aside—times when the children were little and you spent all your time with them, and very little with me.”

“That only happened because you got so involved with your work!” Lily stormed.

“I don’t think so, Lily,” Harry returned coldly. “I’ll never forget, years ago, how I tried to share my work with you but you were always so busy with the children … always the children!”

“That’s a lie, Harry. The children became my substitute for the affection and companionship that you didn’t give me! You shut me out of your life, out of that room—I always felt like an intruder.”

“Let me refresh your memory. I remember wanting to read an article, the first meaningful thing I had done—and God, I wanted to share it with you. But you weren’t there, Lily; you were busy being Jeremy’s mother. You always made me feel as if I didn’t count, as though I came second, and I did resent it—I admit it.”

“The children left home a long time ago, Harry. I didn’t see you try to bring me into your confidence then.”

“Patterns that have been established over years aren’t changed overnight. What was I supposed to do, get on my knees and thank you for finally having time for me?”

Lily was stunned by the rage and bitterness in his voice. Had he been suppressing these thoughts all these years? Didn’t he realize what work it was raising children? How much time they took from your day? Didn’t he suspect how isolated she’d felt in their marriage? Harry had always had other outlets—his career, his fame. Who else did she have to turn to besides him? And now, she found, she didn’t even have that. But Harry was still ranting.

“And worst of all, you abandoned me when I needed you most! Do you realize what I was reduced to when you made me feel that I was responsible for Jeremy’s death? Can you understand how that made me feel? It was bad enough hearing it from Drew, but from you, Lily? You clung to your grief, building such a wall around yourself even I couldn’t get through. So now I’ve gone outside our marriage for affection. Can you blame me?”

There was complete silence in the room. Lily stared at him coldly. “No, Harry. How could I ever blame you?” But for all the sarcasm in her tone, she had to admit there was some truth in what he was telling her.

Maybe Harry sensed her softening. He pushed on. “Can you honestly say I’m totally to blame for this thing with Valerie?” He drew a deep breath. Before she could answer, he said, “Don’t get me wrong, Lily. I’m not trying to blame you. This has been a hard time for both of us. But the fact is, in the last few years, I haven’t felt that you’ve been a wife to me.”

In a low voice, Lily asked, “So where do we go from here, Harry? I suppose you want a divorce.”

“Divorce?” He stared back at her. “What do you mean, I want a divorce?”

“Well, if you’ve been so unhappy with me …”

Harry shook his head. “Lily … darling, look at me. I’ve said a lot of things today that have been bottled up inside me for a long time. But I don’t want to lose sight of something far more important.” He paused. “Lily, I still love you. I have since the moment I met you, and I will until the day I die. I know I’ve hurt you, probably too much to ask that you forgive me, but is there any way we could make a fresh start? I—I just can’t face the thought of life without you.”

His voice trembled slightly as he uttered the last words. In spite of her grief and disillusionment, Lily felt a sudden rush of hope. Perhaps they would survive this storm.

“Lily?” Harry persisted. “Do you—still love me?”

Her look gave him answer.

Gently framing her face with his hands, he looked at her longingly for a moment, then kissed her.

It was a moment fraught with the hope of reconciliation and renewal.

After a long while, Harry spoke again. “Darling, when do you have to be back?”

“Soon. I was only going to be here for two days.”

“Well, I know that you have an obligation. I never should have asked you to give it up, but could you just take one or two more days?”

Eyes bright, she nodded.

“Wonderful. We’re going to Paris, darling.” Kissing her again, he murmured softly. “Paris is for lovers.”

It was a glorious three days. They stayed at the Ritz, and Lily discovered a whole new Harry—or, rather, one who had been lost for a long time.

By night, they went to Maxim’s and the Tour d’Argent, the Folies-Bergère and the Club Américain. By day, they shopped at Dior and Chanel and at all the elegant little salons of the Rue du Faubourg-St.-Honoré.

Harry insisted on buying Lily an entire wardrobe, down to new hats and new shoes. On their last day there, he took her to Cartier and bought her a magnificent emerald necklace.

By some unspoken agreement, they avoided discussing Israel and Valerie, but as they stood at the airport waiting for their respective planes, Harry brought up the awkward subject.

“Lily, the minute I get back to Safed I’m going to tell Valerie that she has to go.”

“Immediately?”

“Yes—of course, darling.”

Taking her into his arms, he whispered, “It was a mistake, Lily. A huge mistake, and I’m sorry. Am I forgiven?”

“Yes,” she whispered back. “I love you, Harry.”

When they heard Lily’s boarding call come over the loudspeaker, Harry took her into his arms and held her very close. There was a gentleness in the gesture which left Lily feeling that this was the beginning of a new life—a new love—for both of them. She no longer needed words to reassure her.

“I’ll call every day, Lily. I can hardly wait until you can come and join me. I want you back in my arms.”

Their flights were scheduled closely together. No sooner was Lily airborne than Harry heard his own boarding call.

Half an hour later, the silver TWA plane was winging its way over the Mediterranean toward Tel Aviv. Harry sat rehearsing what he would say to Valerie once he arrived.

Discarding a mistress wasn’t easy. And Harry did have some fondness for Valerie. That he could not deny. She had given so generously of herself—in and out of bed. She had provided such solace to him just when Lily was neglecting him most. He owed her much for these last few months.

Harry felt a twinge of guilt when he recalled Valerie’s frank declaration of love at Caesarea. To ease his sense of culpability, he reminded himself that she had known from the outset that there was no hope of anything permanent between them. He’d been up front from the start. And in truth, she’d be better off without him. After the breakup she would be free to move on to a relationship with a real future.