The Last Days of Rabbit Hayes (24 page)

‘It’s Davey.’

‘I’ll be down in a minute.’

She sat in the car and he took off. ‘You look great,’ he said.

‘Neil knocked on my door this morning.’

‘I thought you two weren’t on speaking terms.’

‘He’d heard about Rabbit.’

‘And what?’

‘And he came to say he was sorry and hoped I was OK.’

‘That was good of him.’

‘Yeah, it was.’

‘Are you OK?’

‘No, I’m totally fucked up, Davey. Aren’t you?’

‘To be fair, I’ve always been fucked up.’

‘True . . . Are you sure it’s appropriate for me to be at this meeting?’

‘Rabbit would want you there.’

‘I wish I could take Juliet, Davey. If I hadn’t left Neil we could have.’

‘If “If” was a donkey we’d all have a ride.’

‘We
were
donkeys. We did have a ride. That’s why I live in a one-bed apartment.’

‘You couldn’t let it slide.’ He was amused.

‘You were wide open.’

He pulled up to his parents’ house. Grace’s car was already there. He parked and turned to Marjorie. ‘You are Rabbit’s advocate, OK?’

She nodded.

‘So if you have something to say, say it.’

‘I will.’

They got out of the car. Molly met them at the door. ‘Come in, come in. I’ve a roast on.’

Marjorie walked into the kitchen, where Grace, Lenny, Jack and Father Frank were all seated. The table was laid for a meal. Everyone except Father Frank and Molly seemed a little awkward.

‘Father Frank, I didn’t know you were coming,’ Davey said, glaring at his mother.

‘Oh, I just popped in for a visit and your mother invited me for dinner. I couldn’t say no to that. I love a roast.’

‘Right.’ Davey was still giving his mother dagger looks over the priest’s head. Molly cast him a glance.
Shut your face, Davey
.

‘You sit in there beside Father Frank, Marjorie. I hope you like a roast.’

Fucking Sundays.

The hospital corridor was pretty empty except for Johnny, Rabbit, Davey, Francie and Jay. Rabbit was sixteen, and Davey had turned twenty that week, the last of the lads to do so. Johnny was staring straight ahead and humming a melody just loud enough for Rabbit to hear and for it to stick in her head. She had grown up a lot in two years, but then they all had since Johnny’s diagnosis.

The first time he had said the words ‘multiple sclerosis’ nobody had known what he was talking about. It was during a band meeting in the Hayes kitchen. Molly and Jack had been invited. Everyone sat nervously, wondering what the hell was going on. Rabbit was the only one who knew Johnny had been having tests. What she didn’t know was that multiple sclerosis was incurable, that his was the worst kind and that it would steal him away from them. Johnny was strong and full of hope. He was going to fight it and imagined he would go into remission soon.

‘What does that mean?’ Francie had asked.

‘I stop falling, me eyesight gets a bit better or at least no worse . . . I don’t know, just things will stop falling apart, I suppose.’

‘Are you falling apart?’ Jay had wondered.

‘I’ll be OK.’

‘What’s it like?’ Francie said.

‘It’s like being under water.’

‘What about the record deal?’ Louis asked.

‘It’s not going to affect that,’ Johnny had promised. The four Hayes family members said nothing and Johnny noticed. ‘What do you say, Mrs H? I’m going to be OK, right?’

Molly was stunned. ‘Of course you are,’ she said, stammering a little.

‘Mr H?’

‘We’ll deal with it. We’re all in this together,’ Molly said.

‘She’s right. Nothing’s insurmountable,’ Jack added. Johnny, Rabbit and the lads visibly had relaxed and the mood lifted.
If Ma and Da Hayes say it’ll be OK then it will be.

Of course, nobody knew how bad Johnny’s case was, but despite every medical intervention, he never really had a chance. He couldn’t perform as often or as well as he used to; the band were forced to cancel one out of every three shows, and when rumour spread in the local industry they soon lost their small Irish record deal. The next day Louis announced he was leaving Kitchen Sink. After a week in bed, and when he was strong enough, Johnny returned to the garage to announce they would become a new band called the Sound. They got another guitarist instead of a replacement keyboard player, and Kev fitted in well with the lads. Everyone knew it was going to be an uphill battle, but their new music reflected a more mature songwriter, and his pain, anguish, hope and desperation seeped into every haunting lyric he wrote. They couldn’t play as many gigs, and they were right back down at the bottom of the pile, but the lads didn’t care: they were together, family, doing what they loved, and they were still determined to make it work. In the two years since the demise of Kitchen Sink and the birth of the Sound, Kev had become another brother and, after a slow start, in part due to Johnny’s health, they were beginning to gain a fan base. It was a new era.

Now Kev appeared beside them, holding his motorcycle helmet. ‘Traffic’s a nightmare,’ he said, sitting down beside Francie. ‘Did yous eat?’

‘Had some sandwiches from the canteen,’ Jay said.

‘Have they worked out why he’s pissing himself yet?’ Kev asked.

Johnny threw a magazine at him. Kev ducked.

‘Nah, although he’s been drinking shite and filling bottles all day,’ Francie said.

‘Do you think we’ll make the gig?’

‘If we have to leave before they’re done with me, we’ll just go,’ Johnny said.

‘We will not,’ Rabbit contradicted him.

‘We will,’ Johnny said. ‘Conversation over.’

‘This is bullshit,’ Rabbit said.

‘It’s an important gig for us,’ Davey reminded her.

‘His health is even more important, Davey Hayes, and well you know it.’

‘He’ll get done and we’ll make the gig, so, everyone, chill the fuck out,’ Jay said.

‘And Rabbit’s right. We’re not leaving till whatever they’re shoving in comes out,’ Francie said.

‘Stop talking about me like I’m not here,’ Johnny said.

‘Well, stop acting like a thick,’ Francie replied.

‘This is my band, my life and my say.’ Johnny got up and moved slowly away, hand on the wall to steady himself as he walked.

‘Nice one, Davey.’ Rabbit was clearly pissed off.

‘What did I do?’ Davey said.

Kev stretched his legs and shouted after Johnny, ‘Get us a Twix, will ya?’

Rabbit found Johnny at the vending machine. ‘They’re ready for you.’

‘Don’t want to be here.’

‘Me neither.’

‘I’m so sick of this.’ He leaned his back against the wall.

‘It’s shit.’

‘I just feel worse. Shouldn’t I feel better by now?’

‘With the amount of stuff they have you on, I would have thought so, but sometimes things take time.’

‘My voice isn’t going, is it?’ he asked.

She saw the fear in his eyes. ‘No way. Your voice has never sounded better.’

‘Promise?’

‘I promise.’

‘If I can’t do it any more, you’ll tell me, won’t you?’

‘If you can’t do it any more, you’ll know. Now, come on, you’ve a date with a tube.’

He transferred his weight from the wall to her shoulder. When they returned to the waiting area, Francie and Kev were flirting with a pretty nurse, Jay seemed to be asleep with the magazine over his face, and Davey appeared from the toilet, ashen-faced.

‘What’s wrong with you?’ Johnny asked.

‘Me guts are at me.’

‘Your guts are always at you – it’s his arse you should be shoving a pipe into,’ Francie told the nurse.

‘It’s just this place, the bleedin’ smell of it. No offence,’ Davey said.

‘We need to go in now,’ the nurse said to Johnny.

Johnny let go of Rabbit and walked slowly behind the woman. When he had disappeared, Rabbit turned to the band. ‘If he’s not out in an hour we’re cancelling.’

‘Since when have you become the boss of all things Johnny?’ Davey asked.

‘Since I told her she was,’ Francie said.

‘No, you didn’t.’

‘Rabbit, will you be the boss of all things Johnny?’

‘Yeah.’

‘There. Done.’

‘Are yous listening to this?’ Davey said to Kev and Jay.

‘I’m trying to snooze over here, man,’ Jay grunted.

‘She’s the only one he listens to,’ Kev said to Davey.

‘For fuck’s sake, she’s sixteen years old. Next you’ll be telling me she’s taking over as manager.’ He walked off in a huff.

They got to the gig just in time to sound check. Since he’d become ill, Johnny had spent more time playing piano than guitar. He could sit at the piano and it suited their new sound. He had slept on the table during the test at the hospital and in the van on the way to the venue. After sound check he slept for another hour in the dressing room. By stage time, he had recovered sufficiently to walk onto the stage unaided, and when he sang, he lifted the roof off the place. The venue was small but packed to the rafters. Grace and Lenny were at the front waving. Jack was by the bar and Rabbit sat by the sound desk. The house guy was working it, but he had no problem with her input: it made his life easier and she was nice to look at.

The gig ended and the crowd cried out for more. The lads put down their instruments and the crowd booed.

‘Come on, lads, just one more,’ Johnny said, from his seat at the piano. The lads pretended to concede, then put their instruments back on, and Davey sat behind his kit. The audience roared. Johnny began the song with just his voice and the piano. Everyone hushed. Rabbit looked over to the bar and shared a smile with her da. The band kicked in on the chorus and they bounced up and down to the beat. Rabbit left the desk before the song ended. She went back to the dressing room to sort out water and a few beers for the lads. After that she went to the toilet and queued for ten minutes in the main venue because Davey had blocked the backstage ones with his dodgy guts. When she got out she found the band celebrating at the bar.

‘I have beers backstage,’ she said.

‘We wanted to be out here,’ Francie said.

‘What about Johnny?’

‘What about him?’ Jay asked.

‘Where is he?’

Jay asked Davey, but he was surrounded by girls and not in the frame of mind to engage. He raised his hands in the air.

Kev was kissing the face off a tall blonde. Rabbit grabbed his shoulder. ‘Kev, where’s Johnny?’ As she spoke, the crowd parted and she saw him still sitting behind his piano on stage. She looked from Kev to Francie. ‘You left him on stage?’

‘Oh, fuck.’

Rabbit walked onto the stage. She could see Johnny was in a temper. ‘I couldn’t walk off by meself – there’s too many dangerous wires. Davey’s effing gaffer-taped them everywhere. And it’s so dark I can’t see.’

‘They just were high, full of adrenalin,’ Rabbit said.

‘They left me.’

‘They just forgot.’

‘I’ve been sitting here like a spare prick with drunk dickheads coming up to me.’

‘We’ll go.’

‘I need your shoulder, Rabbit.’

‘I’ve got you.’ She helped him stand. He was exhausted now and his hands were shaking. He leaned on her and she negotiated their way back to the dressing room. She left him there and found her da sitting in the front bar with Grace and Lenny.

‘Da, we need to go.’

‘OK, kiddo. I’ll bring the car around.’ He finished his glass of orange. ‘I’ll leave yous to it. Don’t wake your mammy when you stumble in, Grace.’

‘I was thinking of staying at Lenny’s,’ she said coyly.

‘Over my dead body.’ He stood up to leave. ‘Don’t get on the wrong side of my wife, Lenny. She’ll hunt you down.’

‘I won’t, sir.’

Johnny didn’t want to see the lads. He was too annoyed. Instead he left by the side door, Rabbit holding him tightly. He fell asleep as soon as he got into the car.

Jack was worried. ‘How long can this go on?’

‘He could still go into remission, Da. I’ve been reading about it and it could still happen.’

‘Of course it could. He’s only a young fella.’

Rabbit helped Johnny out of the car and up to his front door. Johnny’s ma called his da, who took him inside and upstairs. Johnny’s ma thanked Rabbit and waved at Jack in the car, then closed the door. Rabbit got into the front seat of the car.

‘If he doesn’t go into remission, how long has he got?’ Jack said to his youngest child.

‘Not much longer, Da.’

They drove away.

BY THE TIME
Father Frank had left, it was well after six when the meeting finally kicked off. The dishes were washed and everyone had the obligatory cup of tea. Molly was anxious that it was wrapped up quickly so that she could visit Rabbit. She’d been keeping tabs on her over the phone. Jay had spent an hour with her but she’d slept the rest of the afternoon away. Molly wanted to be there when she woke up and, with that in mind, she felt it unnecessary to beat about the bush. She sat down at the table and looked at everyone sitting around it.

‘Obviously Jack and I will be taking Juliet,’ Molly said.

‘There’s nothing obvious about it, Ma,’ Davey replied.

‘We’d like to take her,’ Grace said, raising her finger.

‘Don’t be ridiculous, Grace. You haven’t got the room for her,’ Molly said dismissively.

‘We’ll make room.’

‘You did. It was called your sofa, and we already have a room,’ Molly said.

‘It’s not just about a room, Ma,’ Grace said.

‘Then what’s it about?’ Molly asked.

‘It’s about what’s best for Juliet,’ Davey said.

Molly stood up and placed her hands on the table. ‘And we’re not? We raised you, didn’t we?’

‘Exactly. You’ve done your raising,’ Davey told her.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Molly said, straightening herself.

‘It means you’re seventy-two, and Da is seventy-seven,’ Davey said.

‘And we’re fit as fleas.’

‘You’re not being realistic, Ma,’ Grace said.

‘I bloody am.’

‘She can’t have another parent die on her,’ Davey said.

His statement had sounded harsh and he hadn’t meant it to. He could see that it had taken his mother by surprise. Of course she knew what age she was and of course she had worried about it, but still it hurt. She sat down heavily and looked at her husband. ‘Jack?’