The Key (20 page)

She should be able to tell Evelina.

‘I’m together with Linnéa now.’

Evelina sits bolt upright on the bed.

‘What? You … what?’

‘Linnéa and I. We are together.’

Evelina still looks completely baffled.

‘Are you saying that … with Linnéa?’ she asks. ‘Like, you’re … an item?’

‘Yes.’

Vanessa smiles but the smile feels tense and odd and trembles on her lips. Evelina doesn’t smile back at her.

‘But, for heaven’s sake, how? What I mean is, when did it start? Was it, like, overnight?’ She sounds almost angry.

‘No. I’ve been in love with her for ages. But I didn’t understand what I felt until this Easter. And then, on May Day Eve, we kissed, but we hadn’t been together for real until—’

‘I
knew
it,’ Evelina interrupts and jumps off the bed. ‘I just
knew
there was something going on when you turned up to that May Day eve party!’

‘Nothing had actually happened by then.’

‘It didn’t stop you from lying to me, did it?’

Evelina is screaming and Vanessa becomes angry, too.

‘What’s your fucking problem?’ She gets up from the chair.

‘What’s
my
problem? What’s
your
fucking problem? What’s been the fucking matter with you for the last
two years
?’ Evelina is spitting with rage. ‘Like, “Oh, pleease, Evelina, say that I’m staying the night with you.” “No, I’m just tired, nothing special at all.” “No, nothing is wrong, it’s just that I’ve had a fight with Wille.” “No, I must go home ’cause my mum isn’t well
though actually I’m off to
snog
my ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend
!”’

Vanessa can’t think of anything to say. She is far too shocked.

‘I am so totally fed up with having to lie to cover for you and I am so totally fed up with you lying to me and
believing I don’t even see through it!
’ Evelina carries on.

Vanessa realises how long Evelina has been keeping all this bottled up. No wonder she’s erupted like this.

‘We used to tell each other everything. And then, suddenly, you’re keeping secrets from me. Any idea how that makes me feel? I told myself that we were best friends and you’d tell me about whatever it is when you were ready. But, oh no, you’re hanging out with your new mates and I can’t even figure out what it is you’re all
doing
together. You never ask me to come with you – it’s like you’re ashamed of me. I bet they already know about you and Linnéa. Am I right?’

Vanessa looks away, feeling so guilty she can hardly stand it. How could she have been taking Evelina for granted for so long?

‘And that’s not the only thing,’ Evelina continues. ‘As soon as something happens to
me
, in my life, and I try to tell you about it, I feel I’m just being a nuisance. You only took one look at Leo when you met. I’ve never been so in love with anyone and I want to tell you everything, but you never listen! And now you sit here and wonder why I haven’t told you about Örebro! It’s because you don’t seem to give a shit what goes on in my life!’

Evelina snivels a little. And falls silent.

Vanessa doesn’t know what to say. She has no defence. Guilty as charged. She has been lying and she has used Evelina; always expected her to back her up.

And Evelina
has
always backed her up. She has been the best friend you could ever wish for, while Vanessa has been the opposite.

Most people only see Evelina’s superficial self, the good-looking, feisty girl with loads of self-confidence. One of those people who always do well and never seem to need any help. Now, Vanessa realises, she has been guilty of doing the same thing.

Why did she? Because it was easier that way. Easier for herself, that is.

‘Please forgive me,’ Vanessa says.

Evelina doesn’t answer, but she bursts into tears when Vanessa puts her arms around her. They cry on each other’s shoulders.

‘Forgive me,’ Vanessa says again. ‘I’ve been a piss-awful friend.’

‘You have so.’

But Vanessa can sense that Evelina is smiling against her cheek.

We belong together, Vanessa thinks. The Chosen Ones and I may well be bound together by fate, but Evelina and I are as much tied together. Bound by friendship.

The spine of the photo album crackles when Grandpa puts it on the table and opens it. His arm moves stiffly as he turns the pages.

‘It was very kind of you to bring me this,’ he says.

Anna-Karin’s smile is a little forced. Just a week ago she had thrown it into a rubbish sack. She is glad now that Minoo made her think again.

Grandpa has placed his wheelchair at the short end of the table, and she is seated on the wooden kitchen sofa that has been painted greyish-blue. She munches on a chocolate ball while they look at the pictures.

They are taken at the farm and look idyllic. The sun always seems to be shining. Grandma is sitting outside, in front of the big house, with a cigarette between her lips while she peels potatoes over a basin. A much younger Grandpa is mending a cattle fence.

Here and there, her father turns up. In one photo, he is holding a crayfish in one hand and a glass of schnapps in the other. In others, he leans on a rake in front of an enormous pile of fallen leaves. Or stands on a snow-covered field, laughing with his eyes screwed up against the sun and pretending to aim a snowball at the person holding the camera. Anna-Karin wonders if it is her mother. And if she, too, was laughing.

Inside her, something flickers. A twinge, just one breath away from tears. But then she sees that Grandpa’s eyes are shiny. The flicker dies down.

He turns a few pages.

‘I thought Mia looked so nice in this photo,’ he said in a choked voice.

The picture was taken at Midsummer and Mia is pregnant with Anna-Karin. Her hair has been curled and she is wearing make-up. It is one of only a few pictures of her mum smiling with her eyes as well as her lips. She looks so full of hope. As if she was looking forward to the future. Did she feel like that because of the child in her belly?

‘It really is a nice picture,’ Anna-Karin says.

‘It was Staffan who took it.’ Grandpa wipes his eyes.

They leaf through more of the album. Anna-Karin is born. She grows teeth. She learns to walk. Soon, Dad will be gone. Lost from the pictures.

In one photo, Mum is decorating the Christmas tree, turned away from the camera. She is wearing a flannel nightdress with a flower pattern. Suddenly, Anna-Karin remembers a night when she had a nightmare. She was four or five years old then. She woke and went into Mum’s bedroom. Mum let Anna-Karin crawl in under the covers and lie down close to her. She had felt so safe; Mum was warm and her nightdress, that nightdress, was soft. Mum had probably understood that, for weeks afterwards, Anna-Karin had only pretended to have nightmares every night so she could come to sleep in the big bed.

Until, one night, Mum said no.

Was Mum happier during that period? Was that why Anna-Karin was allowed to sleep in her bed? Could she still have been saved back then? Was it the last chance, before she was finally pulled down deep into a well of bitterness and self-pity?

Anna-Karin looks out through the window. It is a warm morning; the sun is shining over Engelsfors. She can hear a group of final-year students walking past on their way to school after a champagne breakfast on Olsson’s Hill.

* * *

‘Your turn next year,’ Dad says when he and Minoo stop outside the school gates.

Minoo looks out over the sea of friends and relatives, many holding up placards with pictures of the graduates as children. All are more or less embarrassing. A whiteish-blonde girl with red jam all over her face. A naked little boy on a potty.

Minoo reminds herself to hide all old photos of herself until her own finals are over and done with.

She has always aimed for top marks and she has got them, but never been able to decide what they are for. Both Mum and Dad quietly hope that she will follow in one of their footsteps. But Minoo has no idea what she wants to do as an adult. She doesn’t even know if she will be given the chance to become one.

‘It feels way in the distance,’ Minoo says.

‘Yes, of course, at your age time moves slowly. Later on, you’ll see, life whizzes past.’ Dad smiles at her. ‘I sound like a right oldie, don’t I? Well, say hello to Gustaf and congratulate him for me as well.’

Minoo watches him walk away towards the centre of town. He walks every day and has stopped working until late into the night. He has even been to see his doctor. But Minoo hasn’t dared to tell Mum yet, because she doesn’t want to give Mum false hope. This has only been going on for a week. His new regime might stop as quickly as it started.

She walks through the gates and scans the placards. The sun is heating her hair. She longs for a shady corner to wait in.

Rickard’s placard catches her eye. The picture shows a plump little boy with round glasses sitting on a red plastic tractor. Rickard hasn’t been in touch and she still doesn’t know what she should do for the best.

Finally, she spots Gustaf’s placard. It says
CONGRATS GUSTAF
! On the picture, Gustaf is perhaps three years old. He holds a black kitten in his arms and has a huge smile. Minoo suddenly aches inside in a way she can’t explain.

She pushes on between the clusters of people, asking herself if she really has any business to be there. But he did ask her to come. He even said he
hoped
she would come. Presumably she had better believe him. Though it’s incredibly hard.

‘Ooops, someone’s in a tearing hurry,’ a woman’s voice says when Minoo’s bag bounces against a person in the crowd.

‘I’m sorry.’ Minoo turns towards the voice.

It belongs to a middle-aged woman who is chewing gum energetically, though no peppermint flavour in the world could hide the smell of alcohol that seems to exude from every pore of her body.

Robin is standing next to her. He holds a placard that says
CARRY ON ADDIE
! The boy in the picture is perched on the lap of a fat man in a Father Christmas mask. His hair is neatly combed and he looks terrified.

Robin seems barely conscious. His eyes are glazed over, as if he hasn’t slept for weeks.

‘Which of the students do you know then?’ The woman has exaggeratedly precise diction. ‘My eldest, that’s Andreas, is finishing today … My husband couldn’t come. He’s away on business.’

‘I’m so sorry,’ Minoo mumbles again before hurrying on.

‘
So sorry
,’ she hears Robin’s mother say, imitating Minoo behind her back. ‘Is that all she ever says?’

Minoo homes in on Gustaf’s parents, Lage and Anita. They stand together with two young women, both about twenty-five, one as blonde as Gustaf, the other with the same dark hair as their mother. Both wear flowery dresses and sunglasses, and look terrifically glamorous, without trying too hard. They must be Jossan and Vicky. One of them works in Berlin, the other is studying something at Lund University. Minoo has seen their pictures in Gustaf’s home but can’t remember which is which.

‘Hi, Minoo!’ Lage shouts and waves.

She joins them, hugs Lage and Anita. Then she says hello to Gustaf’s sisters, trying not to think about what they will make of her.

‘Oh, so
you’re
Minoo,’ the one with the dark hair says. She has just introduced herself as Vicky.

‘Stop it, you’re embarrassing her,’ admonishes the blonde, before she introduces herself as Jossan.

Minoo feels the blood rushing to her face. Luckily, she doesn’t have to think of anything to say. A distant shrieking noise is growing in volume and everyone turns towards the school building.

The front doors swing open and the third years run outside, yelling and whooping. They stop at the top of the steps and start to chant the immortal lines for the benefit of the expectant audience.

’
Cause we have graduated! ’Cause we have graduated! ’Cause we have gradua-a-ated!

Mobiles and cameras click. People are shouting and applauding. And Gustaf is standing in the middle, halfway up the steps, with the same smile on his face as the three year old holding his black kitten.

He is so unbelievably good-looking in his white cap and light suit. She feels as if small electric currents have been triggered in her wrists and spread along her arms, making them powerless.

She thinks of all those years when she knew who Gustaf Åhlander was but only at a distance. And of how it is hard to believe that she is standing here now with his family.

The graduates stream down the steps to mingle with the crowd in the schoolyard. Gustaf has to stop all the time to have his back slapped and to shake hands, but he finally reaches their small group. Suddenly, his arms are around her and he kisses her on the mouth.

He lets her go. They look at each other and he seems as surprised as she is.

The next moment, Vicky throws her arms around his neck, and he is surrounded by his family and friends who have managed to work their way through the throng.

Minoo stands fixed to the spot. She can still feel his lips against hers.

As soon as they arrive at the Åhlanders’ house, Minoo sneaks off to the upstairs bathroom and locks the door behind her. She lets cold water flow over her wrists. Mum has said it helps if one is overheating. But it doesn’t make any difference.

Gustaf was driven back in his aunt’s sports car and Minoo went in the car with his parents and sisters. She was almost too dazed to answer when they spoke to her; she must have seemed drugged.

But it wasn’t a
kiss
, was it? More a kissie-kiss, the kind you give a friend without meaning anything more. Maybe Gustaf had just aimed for her cheek but missed … or had she turned her mouth to meet his? Was that why he looked so astonished?

But he looked happy, too. He really did.

But why shouldn’t he look happy? He had just graduated.

‘
Oh, so
you’re
Minoo
.’

What did she mean by that? It might not have meant anything at all. Or it might have meant
Oh, so you’re Minoo, the chick who’s always running after our brother
.