The Joy of Less, a Minimalist Living Guide (27 page)

With that in mind, let’s consider a few categories of sentimental items that can trip us up while we’re decluttering.

Your wedding is one of the most important, and memorable, events of your life. However, it can seem like you married not only your spouse, but a whole pile of stuff. You might feel like you’ve made a lifelong commitment to preserve a dress, train, headpiece, veil, shoes, garter, favors, invitations, flowers, ribbons, cake toppers, serving pieces, centerpieces, guest books, photo albums, frames, cards, candles, decorations, and other keepsakes that entered your life that day. Remember, though: you promised “to have and to hold” your spouse—not boxes full of bridal-themed clutter.

Use limits to deal with such items. Select a container, and reduce your wedding keepsakes to what will fit inside; or, choose a handful of special pieces for preservation. Trust me, you won’t lose sleep over a few trinkets or baubles, and your marriage won’t suffer a bit. The biggest challenge is the dress; and as far as decluttering goes, this one’s a doozy! Most of us married women have wedding gowns stashed away—and though they’re fragile, they’re bulky, and they’re awkward to store, we can hardly imagine discarding them. But consider this: if you’re never going to wear it again, is there any point in keeping it? It’s probably well-documented in photos or videos; and when you share memories of your wedding, you’re far more likely to whip out the pictures than the actual dress.

Perhaps you envision passing it down to your daughter someday. It’s a lovely idea, but question how likely it is that she’ll actually want to wear it. (Did you wear
your
mother’s dress?) Most brides-to-be love shopping for the “perfect” gown, and pore over magazines and catalogs for months in the process; frankly, the chance of them selecting a thirty-year-old one from the attic is pretty slim. The sentiment may be more appreciated, however, in different form. Consider “miniaturizing” your dress by using the fabric or lace to create another item—like a purse, ring pillow, or jewelry case—that your daughter can use as “something old” on her wedding day. In fact, such an item can also make a wonderful, and more manageable, keepsake for yourself.

Furthermore, keep in mind that storage conditions can be particularly harsh on such a fragile garment. You may faithfully stow it for decades, only to discover damage or deterioration when you finally retrieve it. Therefore, consider giving it a second life while it’s still in good condition. For example: have it shortened, dyed, or otherwise altered into a top, skirt, or cocktail dress. Alternatively, spread the joy to other brides by selling it online, or in a consignment store. Or do some good with it, and donate it to a charity shop or Brides Against Breast Cancer (www.bridesagainstbreastcancer.org).

You could be decluttering like a pro, until you come across those pictures your son drew in kindergarten—your heart melts, and your resolve evaporates in an instant. You have such pride in your children, your instinct is to save every last item they’ve owned or created. However, if such items are taking up precious space in your home, it’s not fair to you or to them. Your children will benefit more by having a spacious, uncluttered environment, than a record of every homework assignment they’ve completed. Still—how can you possibly part with the evidence of their genius?

Again, limits to the rescue! Instead of saving every piece of your child’s schoolwork, select the most important, special, and unique. (Why let future presidential historians know he ever turned out anything mundane?) If your “baby” has already left the house, the decisions are up to you; it’s highly unlikely your grown son will have any interest in the project. If he’s still under your roof, though, enlist his help; by doing so, you can find out what he treasures most. At the end of each school year, have your child pick his favorite essays, projects, and drawings for his keepsake box. If you like, you can digitize the “rejects” for posterity, and pass the originals on to proud grandparents and relatives.

If you’re downsizing your empty nest, and would like to declutter these items entirely, offer them to your adult children. If they take them, wonderful! They can decide for themselves what to do with them. If they refuse, then realize this: if such things are of that little significance to them, you have no obligation to keep them either. Your success as a parent is evident in the men and women they are today, not the math homework they did in the third grade. Instead of reminiscing about the past, be part of their lives in the present—and celebrate their current achievements, rather than their former ones.

Hobbies are a wonderful outlet for our creativity; sometimes, however, our homes can get cluttered with our works of “art.” When we’re learning a craft, we find that practice makes perfect—and turn out all manner of drawings, paintings, scarves, socks, bowls, stained glass, origami, cards, candles, jewelry, and more while we master the techniques. The problem comes when we’re unable to discard these things, simply because
we made them by hand
. We need to realize that many of our efforts (especially our early ones) are not exactly masterpieces, and hence do not require preservation. Keep only your favorites, and give away the rest. If the results were less than stellar, recycle the materials into new projects: unravel that misshapen scarf and reuse the yarn, or remove the beads from those crooked earrings and incorporate them into a new piece.

On the flip side, you may be the recipient of someone else’s handmade stuff—like the socks your sister knitted, or the bowl your friend made in pottery class. Graciously accept the item, and wear (or use) it a few times in the giver’s presence (send a photo if they don’t live nearby). However, if it’s not to your taste, don’t feel obligated to keep it forever. Stash it in your donation box, and find a new home for it after some time—better for it to be loved and enjoyed than stuffed away in your closet. Don’t feel too guilty, as the giver may very well have been trying to clear out
her
clutter. When you receive such a gift, express your gratitude; but don’t overdo the enthusiasm, or you’ll likely end up with more “art” in the future!

Perhaps you’ve spent the last five years collecting vintage lunchboxes, Fiesta dinnerware, or first edition books, and have recently begun to question why. Maybe your enthusiasm for the item has waned, or the thrill of the hunt has disappeared. Whatever the reason, you’ve grown tired of the collection, and would love to reclaim the space it’s taking up in your home. The solution: unravel it. While you
may
be able to sell the collection in its entirety, you’ll likely have more success unloading it piece by piece. No, it’s not easy, and not half as fun as acquiring the stuff; but if you spent several years amassing the lot, you can’t expect to get rid of it overnight (unless, of course, you give it away). Take heart in the fact that you’re not stuck with it for good; online auction sites like eBay enable you to recoup your investment, and move on with your life.

If you’re not ready to part with the entire lot, consider downsizing it. Sometimes we get so caught up in the excitement of collecting, we’re not too discriminate about our purchases; we focus on quantity rather than quality, and simply add, and add, and add some more. In the past, our collections were limited by accessibility; we’d have to drive around to antique stores and flea markets to find new items. Today, however, we can acquire scores of new pieces with the click of a mouse, and can easily go overboard in our enthusiasm. Clear the clutter by retaining only the rarest, most beautiful, or most unique pieces, and selling off the rest. Alternatively, cap your collection at a certain number, and give up old pieces when you find something “better.” The end result will be a well-edited, high-quality selection that takes up much less space in your house.

Of course, you won’t have to deal with collections if you don’t start them in the first place. I sometimes wonder if the urge to collect is hard-wired in the human race. We start when we’re young, collecting dolls, stuffed animals, action figures, or baseball cards. In our teens, we accumulate comic books, t-shirts, or pop memorabilia. As our age (and budget) increases, we move on to pottery, glassware, jewelry, and watches. I don’t know whether this drive is innate, or simply encouraged by society, but I do know this: you don’t have to indulge it. If you’re tempted to start a new collection, first question why: are you truly passionate about the particular item, or simply seeking a new activity? If the latter, apply your energy to something more productive—like exercising, learning a new skill, or doing community service. It’ll save you money and space, and can be considerably more satisfying.

Visit any famous landmark or monument, and you’re sure to see it nearby: the ubiquitous souvenir shop. And more likely than not, it’ll be teeming with tourists. For some reason, we feel we haven’t really been someplace unless we bring home a tiny replica of it—or a mug, t-shirt, key chain, or tote bag emblazoned with its image. Snatching up some proof of our visit seems perfectly natural while sightseeing; after all, everybody else is doing it. It’s not until later—when we get home, unpack that miniature Mount Rushmore, and wonder where on earth to put it—that we begin to question our judgment. Too late! That item is now a symbol of our trip, and we feel stuck with it forever.

That’s not true, of course. On the contrary, our travel experiences have
nothing
to do with tacky trinkets. Tossing that Hawaiian lei, or Eiffel Tower paperweight, won’t erase your honeymoon or that romantic weekend in Paris. Your memories are far more valuable than mass-produced tchotchkes, so purge the tourist clutter without regret. In the future, resist the urge to commemorate your trips with material items; don’t feel obligated to buy beer steins in Germany, kimonos in Japan, nesting dolls in Russia, or commemorative key chains from anywhere. If you must bring something home, make it something small: postcards or foreign coins afford ample “evidence” of your travels. Digital photos are even better: they take up no space at all, and provide wonderful documentation of your trip. That said, don’t let keepsake-hunting or picture-taking distract you from fully experiencing the places you visit. Your memories make the best souvenirs!

Now that we’ve streamlined our homes, let’s take our minimalist philosophy beyond our four walls! We’ll declutter our schedules as we did our rooms, and learn some wonderful techniques to reclaim our time. Then we’ll discuss how a “lighter” lifestyle benefits the Earth, its inhabitants, and future generations—providing us with even more incentive to reduce our consumption, and live joyfully with less.

In our quest to become minimalists, we typically focus first on the stuff that clutters our homes. We want to purge the excess and reclaim our space, so that we have ample
room
to live, play, learn, and grow. However, we also need ample
time
for such pursuits, and therefore must streamline our schedules as well. In this chapter, we’ll discuss ten techniques to minimize our to-do’s, and maximize our efficiency—and thereby gain a little more serenity in our daily lives.

Unfortunately, we can’t do everything, please everyone, and be everywhere at the same time. Of course, that won’t stop others from asking us to do so! But we only have so many hours in each day, and so many days in each week; and unless we develop some superhuman powers to work at the speed of light, or transcend the physics of time, there comes a point when we have to say “no.”

It sounds easy—but for many of us, it’s one of the most difficult things to do. (If you’re a born people pleaser, you know what I’m talking about!) If someone asks for help on a project, assistance with a fundraiser, volunteers for a school event, or companionship for the afternoon, your mouth just refuses to form that tiny, two-letter word—no matter how overscheduled you may already be. You may be motivated by a sense of guilt, duty, responsibility, obligation, or simply a desire to help people; but in the end, your “do-gooder” instinct may do more harm than good.

How can that be? Well, just as every object takes away space in your home, every task takes away space in your schedule—space that could be devoted to more important, productive, or fulfilling activities. Accepting additional responsibilities at work may mean later hours, and less time with your spouse. Playing on your company’s softball team may mean missing your son’s baseball games. Baking cookies for the PTA may mean cutting back on volunteer work. Taking on extra carpool runs may mean skipping yoga sessions or art class. Chances are, your schedule is tight as it is; and if you can’t say “no,” something has to give.

It may help to look at it this way: saying “no” to a less important activity means saying “yes” to a more important one. All right! We like to say “yes!” Saying “no” to new duties ensures that your current ones aren’t neglected, and that the people who deserve your time most aren’t cheated out of it; in essence, it’s saying “yes” to your present responsibilities and your loved ones. Furthermore, it’s also saying “yes” to yourself: scheduling a little “me time” is essential to your personal development, spiritual growth, and mental health. Nurturing yourself leaves you more energetic, more willing, and more capable to nurture others.

So if you’d like to say “no,” how exactly do you do it? As simply as possible. When the request is made, respond with “I’m sorry, but I just can’t do it at this time.” Don’t feel the need to provide detailed excuses, or long-winded explanations. The quicker you get it over with, and the less you hem and haw, the better. Don’t leave it open for negotiation, or promise to think it over; that’ll only make it harder to refuse in the end. Above all, don’t say “yes” to avoid feeling guilty; you’ll get over it in short order. In fact, dealing with a little guilt can be a lot easier than squeezing another obligation into your schedule!