The Jewel Box (15 page)

I didn’t know how to respond. The man had picked one helluva time for getting paternal instincts. Thankfully Gabriel walked in, giving me reason to end the call. “Gotta go, Mother. Please stall Kent a while longer.”

My lover barely kissed me before pitching a stack of bills on the table. “Astrid’s expenditures for the month.” He grabbed a beer from the fridge.

“Wow.” I sifted through receipts. Along with countless cosmetics, she had charged expensive shoes, purses, bras, girdles, panties and slips, by the gross. “Hell, if I were in her Ferragamo shoes, I’d probably do the same thing if my husband lost his mind over some fast talking, tiptoe walking, South Texas, topless club waitress/dancer.”

Instead of responding, Gabriel put a lip lock on the longneck. He was pissed.

“Maybe all the lingerie means she’s dating and your divorce will actually get finalized.” I kissed his neck.

“I hope so.” His mood brightened. “I’ll even throw in a bonus check if he’ll take her off my hands in thirty days or less.” A smile lit his eyes.

Maybe it had been too long between sharing lighthearted moments, but for some ungodly reason, this was the split second I chose to interrupt the love of my life mid-sentence. “I’m pregnant.”

His smile swiftly departed as his expression turned thunderstruck. “You sure?”

“Positive. I’ve seen a doctor and I’m seven weeks.”

“Christ,” he sharply interjected, a grimace falling across his face. He shook his head as though it might make me recant my statement. Almost inaudibly he asked, “What do
you
want to do about this?”

“What do
I
want to do about this?” I snapped. “Why don’t
I
get back to you after
I
make a decision?” I rushed into the bedroom and slammed the door.

He followed me and leaned against the door jamb. “I’m so sorry. I’m in a precarious situation already, and don’t want you named in this rancorous divorce.”

“I realize we’re in a big mess.” Tears rolled down my face, soaking my hair. “I’m sorry things happened this way. I’m sorry you met me and turned your life upside down.”

“Oh Cherie, I wish I’d met you years ago.” He walked over and gently brushed tears from my face with the back of his hand. “I wish I weren’t paying thousands in support, and I wish Astrid wasn’t threatening to take my daughters to Phoenix.”

“Well, on top of everything else Kent has moved back to Houston and wants to see Nikki. What if he tries to take her from me?”

“He can’t do that. You’re a good mother.”

“Good mother? I’m working in a topless club, for Heaven sakes! And not only am I pregnant out of wedlock, I’m living with a man engulfed in hostile divorce proceedings.”

“Let’s go to sleep and maybe tomorrow we’ll think more clearly.” He rubbed my tummy.

I don’t know when we fell asleep, but for the first time since May ninth, we did not make love. Funny how pregnancy, finances, and the threat of having your children taken away, dwindles sexual desires.

The following morning, I woke up to throw up. Other than my butt bulging out of my sexy bikini undies in unsexy fashion, it was my first sign of pregnancy. That night, Gabriel came home and displayed a side of himself I’d never seen. Totally inebriated, he waltzed into the apartment loudly singing lyrics to
My Cherie Amour
before walking over and snupping out my scented candle with his hand, spattering wax everywhere. “Why do you make this place smell so sickeningly sweet?” he asked as prelude to an argument. I responded by noisily raking his dinner into the trash. My moodiness and his drunkenness created tension, but we didn’t argue.
Keeping fragile temperaments and comments to ourselves, we went to bed and once again fell asleep without making love.

I was the one who made the decision and located the abortion doctor. When I told Gabriel about my appointment, his only question was “How much money do you need?” His only question. Then when the day rolled around, he benignly asked if he could take me. “It’s not like escorting me to mass, Choir Boy,” I snapped. His face went wounded child, but he transferred five hundred problem solving dollars from his hand to mine.

Too humiliated to tell my best friends, I kept the ugly secret from Kat, Beau, and even Rachel, who agreed to watch Nikki overnight and the following day. For some reason, I burdened Delilah with my guilt. Ever so accommodating, she took the day off work to oversee my dirty deed, and dropped me near the Gulf Building in downtown Houston. Chain smoking Winstons, Delilah got a tad preachy. “I’m worried about you having this illegal procedure without someone familiar nearby. Let me tag along.”

“No thanks.” I gave her a smile.

“I like Gabriel, but he’s a damn jerk for not being here. A school chum went through the Big A, and then went bonkers. Still don’t know where she wound up. So if you wanna back out, I’ll help however I can. Either way, I’m always here if you need to talk.” My eyes filled with tears as I bounced out of her Camaro before she could shift into PARK. I vanished before she saw which direction I flew.

I was fuzzy headed when Delilah picked me up on the corner four hours later, and pushed away her customary offer of Pepsi before wailing about aborting Gabriel’s child. She listened and attempted to console, burping between comments.

When I got home, I felt irritated with Gabriel for what I considered obsequious behavior—him acting like the innocent partner in an unspeakable crime.

Days after my abortion, the vacuuming sound heard through my grogginess that afternoon became a relentless noise in my head. I suffered such self-reproach I constantly invented scenarios in my mind, taking me back to that room and somehow allowing me to save the tiny shred of life they
sucked from me. And although I loved him dearly, I could barely stifle my bitterness toward Gabriel for never once attempting to stop me from that horrid procedure.

Gabriel’s divorce was taking an emotional toll on him, and I couldn’t count the number of times I found him looking in his wallet at photos of his girls.

Beau intuitively sensed problems between Gabriel and me. “There’s a Shakespeare quote about lust bringing glorious pleasure that’s often followed by agonizing torment,” Beau said, attempting to soothe me one night as we were closing shop.

“It seems Gabriel and I are teetering into the bard’s agonizing torment segment.”

“I know. That’s why I’ve hired a part time waitress. You and Gabe can use time together. Go see
The Last Picture Show
or take a little road trip.”

“Thank you, Beau,” I leaned across the bar to kiss his cheek. “Gabriel mentioned wanting to travel around Texas.”

“Then don’t come back here for several days, baby. I want to see that smile back on your face. Now go!”

Ellen kept Nikki while Gabriel and I travelled west to Palo Duro Canyon. Our noon arrival offered a spectacular view of primal red-orange ridges surrounded by mother-nature inspired lighting. No wonder Georgia O’Keefe loved it. Gabriel wanted to see the canyon the way cowboys once did, meaning our second day was a guided horseback tour. I would’ve been a pitiful pioneer chick. When we got back inside Houston city limits Gabriel bummed me out by driving past his former Braeswood neighborhood and pointing out the house where Astrid still lived. “Why?” I foolishly asked while frowning. The upscale area was impressive and the elegant house was enormous, but all I could think about were the two innocent young girls inside. Then it hit me. That’s all he was thinking about.

On Christmas Day, Kent and his straight-laced wife came and took Nikki to their home. Gabriel and I went to the Tower Theater’s encore presentation of
Doctor Zhivago—
a tear jerking melodrama too similar to our situation—and Gabriel never let go of my hand throughout the movie. I was his Lara and he was my Yurii. Fortunately we lived in a warmer climate than Russia, but unfortunately a wife and children were involved.

Soon an ominous cloud began lingering overhead as I tried to suppress guilt over Gabriel’s divorce and my abortion.

Calls from Sean helped me stay sane, somewhat alleviating the awful vacuuming sound inside my head. Our verbal and written conversations were always filled with excitement over his anticipated return to Texas. I answered his letters immediately, but could never fill as many pages as he had penned to me. We were sharing so much of ourselves, there were times I felt a kinship with him even stronger than mine with Gabriel. I relished his letters and waited with bated breath for his weekly calls. He usually called on Sundays, so when Nikki and Gabriel were both visiting family, I got the entire hour to myself.

“Hey big sister,” Sean enthusiastically boomed into the phone. “I’ve got a surprise for you and it’s pretty special.”

“Yea. I love surprises.”

“Guess what I found at the book store yesterday?”

“Books?” I teased.

“A special one. But you’ve gotta guess the author.”

“McMurtry or Updike,” I said. We shared mutual admiration for both authors.

“Updike.
Rabbit Redux
,” he boasted. “It just came out and it’s amazing. I can’t describe it well enough to try. I’m dropping it in the mail tomorrow. Believe it or not, it’s better than
Rabbit Run
.”

“For real?” I looked into my fridge. “How so?”

“Ways I can’t define, but it’s full of social situations that struck a chord with me. I read it fast, but you’ll likely savor it. Just keep it aside and I’ll read it again when I get back to Texas.”

“It’s that good, eh? Must have lots of sex.”

“It’s got its fair share, but it’s mostly about changes in attitudes about Vietnam, minorities, and other things important to family structure. I’m not good at critiquing, but just know you’ll love its eloquent rhythm. You’re the most unprejudiced person I’ve ever met. It’ll touch your heart.”

“Sean, I’m lucky to know you.” I took a deep breath, absorbing my affection for him. “How the heck did I find a guy with similar taste in novels?”

“My brother,” he responded with a chuckle. “Speaking of Gabe, I’d better chat with Nikki for a few minutes then talk to him. I don’t want
him thinking I’m pressuring him to put me on his payroll again, but I do want to say hello.”

“He doesn’t think that, he’s just overwhelmed by his divorce predicament. He’s over visiting the girls now and Nikki is visiting her dad. My first Sunday alone in eons.”

“So, whatcha been doing with all that free time?”

“I’m almost embarrassed to admit I was curled up on the sofa reading
Cosmopolitan
when you rang. Now I’m grabbing a Tab to curb my appetite. Gabriel promised to take Nikki and me out for dinner tonight.”

“Well, have fun. I guess I’d better get off this long distance call. Tell Gabe I said hello and tell him to give Nikki two piggyback rides for me tonight.”

“Oh, she’s going to love you for that.” I took a sip of cola.

“Okay. I’ll call next week to discuss
Rabbit
. Stay safe until we talk again. I love you, big sister.”

“Nikki and I can hardly wait till you’re back in Texas, so
you
take care. I love you too little brother.” I hung up.

“I was afraid of that,” Gabriel said dryly. I hadn’t heard the key jingle and almost dropped my drink on the floor when I saw him standing inside the door. “Now my kid brother is in love with you.”

“He’s not in love with me, he just loves me.” I walked up to him. “And I love him.”

“Yeah, I know.” He frowned.

“There’s a big difference in the two.” I kissed him. “I love you and I’m
in
love with you.”

“I second that emotion.” He sat on the sofa and pulled me onto his lap. “Just be careful. Sean’s young and impressionable, and we’ve got the same blood running through our veins.”

“Well, please do everything in your power to get him back here soon. Otherwise Nikki and I are making a trip to Boston.”

“Chill your heels, Blondie. You Southern girls could never survive the cold. I’ll get him back quick as I can. Try to live without him a few more months.”

“Okay.” I pouted, put my Tab on the end table, and pressed my lips against his.

Kent lived in Houston, yet sporadically saw Nikki after the holidays and began sending support checks; things settled down between Gabriel and Astrid with their divorce only weeks from being finalized; Sean and I planned his move back to Texas, and I took a typing course to increase job prospects. Topless go-go girl wouldn’t exactly enhance my resume. Always talking in song lyrics, Gabriel said true love travels on a gravel road, but things were finally on a smooth course. It had been eight months since that night in May and I was madly in love with the man who had surpassed the number of wonderful things any man might do just for a piece of ass.

10

After an evening of restless tossing and turning, Gabriel and I had finally fallen asleep when my phone rang. Half asleep, I barely recall his brother Ben asking to speak with him, but vividly remember Gabriel’s side of the conversation. His first comment: “Oh God.” His second: “How’s Gloria holding up?” Third: “Guess it’s a blessing it was instant.” After that, Gabriel’s responses were somber grunts until he ended by saying, “I’ll be there soon.” He placed my phone back in its cradle, laid flat on his back, and wordlessly stared at the ceiling. My heart pinging in my chest, I reached over and touched his shoulder knowing something horrible had happened. In a glacial, matter-of-fact tone, Gabriel said, “Sean’s dead.”