The Jane Austen Handbook (15 page)
Read The Jane Austen Handbook Online
Authors: Margaret C. Sullivan
“I made the best excuses I could for not having been able to wait on him and Mrs. Elton on this happy occasion; I said that I hoped I should in the course of the summer. But I ought to have gone before. Not to wait upon a bride is very remiss. Ah! it shews what a sad invalid I am! But I do not like the corner into Vicarage Lane.”
—M
R
. W
OODHOUSE IN
E
MMA
Morning calls are actually paid between eleven in the morning and three in the afternoon, “morning” being the term used for the time between rising and eating dinner. Do not call any earlier, for a lady might be eating breakfast or busy with household duties; any later than three might make her think you are trying to cadge a dinner invitation.
•
Provide yourself with
calling cards
. If no one is at home, you can leave your card to show your regard and attention to the person on whom you called, even if you did not get to see her.
•
Determine if the person on whom you wish to call is “at home” on that day
. Most people do not stand upon such ceremony, but there are some snobs who like to make others dance attendance on their schedule. If it is not her “at home” day, and you pay a call and leave your card, it looks as though you did not wish to actually meet with that person. It would be better to wait for the proper day.
•
Present your card to the butler
. He will ascertain if Madam is at home, or admit you immediately if she is receiving.
•
Make pleasant conversation
. If you are not well acquainted with this person, you might not have much to talk about. If this is the case, confine your subjects to the weather and the state of the roads. If the person on whom you are calling has children, they provide an excellent subject. Everyone likes to have their children admired.
•
Accept tea or food if it is offered
. A good hostess will offer tea or food such as fruit, cake, or sandwiches to her guests. If conversation is lacking, such an offer can be a godsend: Even if one cannot talk, one can eat.
•
Bring something to keep your hands busy
. If you are paying a call on one of your particular friends, bring along your workbag. An hour or two of chatter and fancy work is a very pleasant way to spend an afternoon. Do not initiate such activity if you are not well-acquainted with the person, but if she pulls out her work, feel free to bring out your own. Your respective projects might be a good subject to bond over.
•
Stay for the proper time
. A formal morning call lasts from a quarter of an hour to half an hour. You may stay longer if you are particular friends with the person upon whom you are calling.
•
Prepare to receive the return call
. Politeness demands that the person upon whom you called will return the call, so expect to see her within a few days. If she does not call, assume that she does not wish to continue the acquaintance.
•
Keep your card simple
. Calling cards are useful items, for they provide a way to identify oneself and provide vital information to one’s acquaintances. Your cards will have your name and, if applicable, the days that you are “at home” to receive callers. Plain black script on a fine white card, perhaps with a simple border, is proper and elegant.
•
When you arrive in town, leave cards at the homes of each of your acquaintances
. Your card will act as an announcement of your arrival and your readiness for receiving callers.
•
Do not leave your card for a gentleman
. A gentleman may leave his card for a lady, or more properly, for her parents or chaperones, but it is improper for an unmarried woman to leave her card for an unmarried man.
•
Pay calls when they are required
. Leave your card or pay a formal call after you are invited to dinner or a party at someone’s house, when someone is new to the neighborhood, to visit a newly married bride, and when there is a death in someone’s family. Gentlemen should call on their dancing partners the day after a ball.
•
When you pay a call, present your card to the butler
. He will admit you and place the card in a dish or bowl near the door.
•
If you are arriving for a dinner party or ball, place the card in the bowl yourself
.
•
If a person of high rank calls upon you, subtly leave their card where it may be seen by others
. Do not make it seem as though you are displaying the card on purpose. Looking through the cards at other people’s houses is somewhat unbecoming, but everyone does it—that’s why you leave them out!
Mr. Collins was carefully instructing them in what they were to expect, that the sight of such rooms, so many servants, and so splendid a dinner might not wholly overpower them
. —
P
RIDE AND
P
REJUDICE
Family meals generally consist of only a few dishes, but formal dinner parties tend to be elaborate affairs, with at least two courses plus dessert. The table will be laid with a tremendous amount of food; the cuisine offered might include several cuts of meat, poultry, fish, pies, vegetables, puddings, “made dishes” or ragouts (dishes combining several foods, baked or stewed with sauce), and even sweet fare such as custards or trifle. And you can eat with your fingers!
1. The host and hostess will escort the highest-ranking guest of the opposite sex into the
dining room.
2. Allow those of higher rank to go in ahead of you. New brides are also given precedence for a few months after their marriage. Truly genteel persons will not insist on the observance of strict precedence, but there always will be a pill who will make a fuss over having his or her rank respected. Surreptitiously complain about him or her to the other guests.
3. Sit at the table according to rank. The host and hostess will sit together at the higher end of the table, or one at either
end, and will invite the highest-ranking guests to sit next to them. The other guests will take their places accordingly. With a little luck and contrivance, you might be seated next to the object of your desire.
1. Help yourself to the dishes within easy reach, and offer to serve some to your neighbors. The food will be served
à la française
, with the dishes placed on the table for guests to serve themselves. You are not expected to try every dish. If you want soup, ask for it right away, as it will be served and then immediately removed and replaced with another dish.
2. If you would like to try something out of your reach, pass your plate to the person sitting nearest that dish, or send the servant round with your plate. You might be eating with your fingers, but the “boardinghouse reach” is still considered inappropriate.
3. Gentlemen will carve meat placed near them and offer to help their neighbors to a slice. This is an excellent opportunity for flirtation. An “accidental” touch of the hand can say volumes.
4. Use your fingers to help cut and eat your food, particularly for tearing apart meat and fowl. This is perfectly polite behavior. To clean your fingers, dip them into your finger bowl and wipe them discreetly on your napkin or on the part of the tablecloth in your lap. Don’t worry about dirtying the cloth, as it will be replaced before the second course and is meant to catch spills and dirt rather than as a decorative item. Don’t drink the water in your fingerbowl, but you
can
use it to rinse out your mouth.
5. Do not overeat! Try a little bit of several things, and pace yourself for the second course and dessert. Those who show too much interest in their food or are overly finicky about it open themselves to contempt.
6. Converse brilliantly. (The men notice that, you know.) Depending on the size of the party, conversation might be general or confined to the persons seated nearest to you. Do not gossip or discuss private business when the servants are present and might overhear and carry gossip below stairs.
7. Sit quietly while the table is cleared and the second course is laid out. Do not attempt to converse, as it will be an awkward business with the servants ducking around you. A good hostess will ensure that her servants perform this task quickly so that guests are not unduly inconvenienced. The second course will consist of lighter dishes, though still a great variety. The same guidelines explained above for serving yourself and eating apply.
8. Save room for syllabub. The tablecloth will be removed entirely after the second course and the servants will withdraw once the dessert is laid out, permitting more private conversation. The dessert selection might include fruit, jellies, creams, cakes, custards, trifle, syllabub (a sort of Georgian smoothie), cheese and nuts, as well as sweet dessert wine. Candied or jellied fruit is likely to be served, but chocolate candy will not be invented for several decades, so do not expect bon-bons—
quel dommage!
1. Follow the hostess to the dining room. When the guests are finished with their dessert, the hostess will rise. The ladies will retire to the drawing room for conversation, reading,
gossip, and needlework until the gentlemen deign to join them, usually thirty minutes to an hour later. If you are hoping to spend time with a particular gentleman, this time will pass very slowly, so read Shakespeare’s sonnets or Byron’s poetry to properly reflect your tortured state of mind.
2. When all the gentlemen have returned to the
drawing room, offer to help the young ladies of the house pour out the coffee and tea. Pouring beverages offers an excellent opportunity for a bit of conversation with a certain gentleman. If he brings back his cup for more, assume he is interested.
3. Upon their arrival, greet the guests who were invited only to “drink tea” rather than to dine. Try to not act superior to those considered by the hostess as good enough company while drinking tea but not while eating dinner.
4. If you are asked to play the pianoforte, do not linger at the instrument. Play one or two songs, modestly disclaim your talent, mention something about a sore throat, and let the other young ladies have time to exhibit.
5. Assist the hostess in making up a card table.
Whist requires four players per game, so if a table is short, offer to sit in—especially if the gentleman in whom you are interested is sitting there.
6. If you would like to gamble, determine if you can afford the game before sitting down. Ascertain if they will be “playing high,” or for high stakes. Gambling debts are called “debts of honor” and failure to repay them might render one unwelcome in polite society.
7. Drop a hint in the hostess’s ear to roll back the carpet for an impromptu dance. If you are asked to dance by an undesirable partner, remember that if you decline, you cannot dance with any other gentleman that evening. However, there will most likely be only a few dances, so you will be stuck with the undesirable partner all night anyway. It is perfectly polite to say, “Thank you, I do not care to dance tonight,” and spend the night conversing, reading, creating fancy needlework, or pining romantically for the true object of your affection. Try not to get roped into playing for others to dance, as this will mark you as a spinster past all hope.
