The It Girl (3 page)
Authors: Katy Birchall
That would really be bad news because the
other day I could have sworn that Sophie laughed at one of my jokes she overheard me telling Danny in the hall. I thought that maybe she might not think I was such a loser after all.
And, excuse me, but I don't even
care
that no one's asked me to the dance. I don't need a date. Last time I went to a dance I didn't have a date and I was totally fine. I just danced with a balloon. It made everyone laugh but in a “she's really funny” way not in a “laughing at me” way.
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Um . . . I'm sorry . . . what?
That e-mail was disturbing on so many levels.
You peed yourself? Dude, how old were you when this happened?
What do you mean you danced with a balloon?
You're making me nervous with all these weird stories from your past.
J x
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Um . . . I'm sorry . . . what?
It was two years ago. But only a little pee. It wasn't like I wet myself. She just came out of nowhere and it scared me.
Dancing with a balloon is a reasonable and funny thing to do. It's what Oscar Wilde would have done. It's a scathing comment on our society of dependent and irrational figures who consider themselves incomplete without a significant other.
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: It is confirmed, you actually are insane
Maybe don't ever tell anyone else about that pee story.
Ditto the balloon one.
J x
From: [email protected]
Subject: Quick question
Do you still want to be friends with me now that I've set Josie Graham's hair on fire? I completely understand if you don't.
Same for Danny. If I were you guys I wouldn't want to be friends with me.
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Quick question
Are you kidding? If we didn't have you as a friend, who would we laugh at?
We need you, if only for entertainment value.
J x
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Quick question
Who did you laugh at before I came into your lives?
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Quick question
The weirdo who used to live next door to Danny and sang songs from musicals while wearing a chicken suit.
I think the chicken suit was something to do with his job. Can't be sure.
Anyway, when he moved last summer, Danny and I were bummed. But then you totally filled that gap when you arrived in September.
J x
From: [email protected]
Subject: Now I'm really depressed
Wait. I replaced a guy in a chicken suit who sang songs from Broadway shows?
THAT's WHO I REPLACED IN YOUR LIFE?
I should have set
myself
on fire today.
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Now I'm really depressed
You know, if you really wanted to fill the gap left by the chicken-suit man, you could sing songs from musicals in lunch breaks.
My personal favorite is
Fame
because I'm fun and amazing. Danny's is
My Fair Lady
because he's basically an old man and apparently it's based on some play that no one cares about.
Just a tip if you really want to win us over.
J x
From: [email protected]
Subject: HA
My stage career started and ended when I was forced to be a shepherd in a nativity play. I walked onto the stage, saw everyone staring, burst into tears, and ran straight back off. Into a tree.
Why, I have to ask, was there even a tree involved in the production? Last time I checked,
there were no trees in stables in Bethlehem. Our drama teacher was clearly an idiot.
Also I can't sing. Not one note. Sorry to be a disappointment in comparison to chicken-suit man. So as much as I want to stay your friend for the rest of time, I can guarantee youânever going to happen.
I am, however, naturally gifted at setting people on fire.
Maybe my career lies in some kind of flame-inspired capacity. Ooh! Maybe I'll be really good at welding metal with blowtorches or something! THEN I COULD MAKE A SUIT JUST LIKE IRON MAN!
That would be so cool. I need to speak to our technology department. I'm guessing they'll have access to blowtorches? They need to take advantage of my skill set now while I'm young and malleable.
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: HA
What's Iron Man? Is it one of those Marvin comic book characters that you're obsessed with? Like that stretchy person?
J x
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: HA
Okay, firstly it's Marvel, not Marvin.
Secondly, please do not refer to Mr. Fantastic as “that stretchy person.”
And lastly, yes, Iron Man is a comic book character. Tony Stark develops an iron suit with repulsor beams and flight ability so he can take on bad guys.
Everyone would want to be my friend if I had one of those!
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: HA
Now, you see, it's times like this when I
genuinely worry that you're being serious.
J x
From: [email protected]
Subject: Trust me
I am being serious.
I've just sent Dog on a mission to find Dad's tool kit. He might have something in there I can experiment with.
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: You've lost it
You can't send dogs on missions. They can't understand what you're saying. They're DOGS.
Judging by today I think it might actually be best if you avoid any tools that produce flames.
What are you up to tonight, anyway? Let me guess . . . you've finished your homework already (geek) and you're going to watch
some film that was made before we were born (nerd).
Am I correct?
J x
From: [email protected]
Subject: You're right
Pretty much. Dog came back with a lampshade instead of a tool kit. No idea where that came from. Anyway we are now watching this movie Dad is always going on about by that famous guy called Hitchcock. Bit of a slow start but Dad's recommendations are usually good. This one's meant to be a classic.
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: IMPORTANT
What film have you put on, Anna? I mean itâthis is important!
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: IMPORTANT
Chill outâit's called
Psycho
. Gotta go, it's starting.
Love, me xxx
From: [email protected]
Subject: ABORT MISSION. MAYDAY. ABORT MISSION!
Annaâyou do not want to watch that movie! I know what you're like with scary movies! It's a horror film!!! TURN IT OFF NOW.
You've turned it off, right?
From: [email protected]
Subject: (no subject)
Anna? ANNA? Did you get my last e-mail???
That's it. I'm coming over. Don't build any forts this time.
J x
Hi, you have reached Nick Huntley's phone. Please leave your name, number, and any message, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you.
*BEEP*
“Hi, Dad! Yeah, it's me. I know you're out and about, but I thought I'd call and say hi! And also tell you that I've decided to watch that
Psycho
movie you're always talking about. You know, the one by that director Hitchcock you're always giving long and boring speeches about. It was in the DVD player already, and Dog has settled right down so I know he approves. I hope this is entertaining. Enjoy your evening. Okay, bye.”
Hi, you have reached Nick Huntley's phone. Please leave your name, number, and any message, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you.
*BEEP*
“DAD! Dad, it's me. Dad, something awful has happened! Dad, she got stabbed. IN THE SHOWER. I can't BELIEVE that you let me watch something like that, that you actually ENCOURAGED me to watch that film. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? I hope you know what this means. I WILL NEVER SHOWER AGAIN.”
Hi, you have reached Nick Huntley's phone. Please leave your name, number, and any message, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you.
*BEEP*
“Hey, Dad, so I was thinking. Maybe you could come home soon? Just quickly, you wouldn't have to miss anything. You could just come home, check the house for murderers, and then go back on out. Think about it. Okay, bye. OH MY GOD. THE DOORBELL JUST RANG. DAD, DAD, YOU HAVE TO COME HOME.”
Hi, you have reached Nick Huntley's phone. Please leave your name, number, and any message, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you.
*BEEP*
“Um, Mr. Huntley? Uh yeah, hi, this is Jess. You know, Anna's friend from school. Just to let you know that you can ignore all those messages she left you. I came over and found her in the closet, hiding behind the vacuum, holding your golf club. She's a bit better now though, so you don't need to worry. Lucky I know where your spare key is, hey? Anyway, hope you enjoy your evening. Uh yeah, bye.”
JESS WAS WAITING BY MY
locker when I came into school the next day.
“Morning, sunshine. How are you feeling?”
“Um,” I replied, trying to ignore the glares of everyone passing us. “Not brilliant.”
“I thought you might say that, which is why I bought you some of these.” She reached into her bag and pulled out some gummy bears.
“Thanks, but I'm not sure even gummy bears can help this time.”
“Look, don't worry about these guys,” she said, gesturing to a group of sixth graders who giggled as they walked past. It looked like the whole school knew. “It will all blow over.”
“I don't think it will somehow. I'm destined to be the girl who set Josie Graham on fire for the rest of my school career.”
“Don't be silly. It was an accident; everyone knows that.” Jess shrugged.
“Really?”
“Of course. Danny said he overheard Brendan Dakers saying it was an accident.”
“What?” I said in utter shock. “Brendan Dakers said that? Are you sure?”
“Yes. Try not to swoon too much. It'll probably work in your favor, considering for some unknown reason people in this school tend to hang on his every word.” She rolled her eyes. “Apparently he also said it was hilarious to watch.”
“Something tells me that Josie won't have found it so funny.” The first bell rang, and I sighed. “I wish I didn't have to go to class.”
“Just laugh about itâno one was hurt.” Jess gave me a friendly nudge. “It's like I said last night.”
“Speaking of which, Dad wanted me to thank you again for coming over and rescuing me. Who knows how long I would have been in that closet for.”
“No worries. Right, I better go, otherwise I'm going to be late, and I've already been given a warning about my tardiness.” Jess swung her bag over her shoulder.
“Jess, you can't leave me. Sophie Parker is in this class.
She's going to kill me. You don't get away with setting fire to her best friend lightly.”
“How could she kill you? She doesn't have any weapons.”
“I'm not sure that would stop her.”
“I think her sister had a black belt. She used to go to school here. She might have taught Sophie how to karate-chop you.”
“A lot of saliva is building up in my mouth right now.”
“Calm down. Sophie is not going to kill you. And if she was, then she would definitely wait until after school so as not to make it look suspicious.”
“Great. Thanks for that.”
“I hope she doesn't kill you.”
“You're a good friend.”
Jess gave me a cheerful wave and walked off into the direction of her class.
I stood there wishing I could be more like Jess. She's beautiful, super cool and confident, and never seems to worry about anything. She has long, blond dip-dyed hair and always paints her nails loads of different colors. She's good at every sport she plays and captain of the volleyball team, which made Sophie Parker really mad.
