The Islands (47 page)

Lester looked stricken. ‘So you'll be off then.' He shook his head. ‘Desk job. On the mainland. Not my cup of tea.'

‘Nor mine,' said Catherine. ‘I don't want to leave Hawaii.'

Lester gazed across the beach and said thoughtfully, ‘Things creep up on you. Before you know it you've made a decision that sets the path for the rest of your life. You gotta be pretty sure it's where you want to go. On the other hand, you don't always know what it is you want or where to go either.'

Catherine smiled wryly. ‘That's not very helpful, Lester.'

‘You askin' me? Askin' my advice?' He shook his head emphatically. ‘Don't. I made too many damn mistakes.'

Catherine was feeling a lot better when she reached Kiann'e's house later that afternoon. Kiann'e was watching for her and came straight out when Catherine pulled up and gave her a big hug.

‘Hi. Come inside. Those are your bags? Seems that you've packed more than for one night. It's lucky I don't have a show this evening and Willi is working late. We can do whatever we want.'

Catherine grabbed her suitcases and she and Kiann'e carried them into the house. ‘Do you feel like that? That you can do whatever you want? I mean, how do you and Willi work things out?' Catherine asked.

Kiann'e laughed. ‘He's so easygoing. I never interfere or ask much about his work . . . I mean, industrial engineering isn't my thing. And he has to put up with all my family and my mother's campaigning. He wasn't born in the Islands so he doesn't feel strongly about the issues as we do, but if I'm passionate about something he goes along with that. He's very good natured. Well, you'd have to be to put up with a mother-in-law like Beatrice, wouldn't you?'

‘I have hardly any contact with my mother-in-law and we have nothing in common. She's always charming, over-the-top complimentary and so on, but I feel that she really doesn't think that I do enough to further Bradley's career. I just don't fit in.'

‘To her ambitions or to Bradley's?' asked Kiann'e.

‘Seems to be one and the same. Honestly, Kiann'e, how could I have thought Bradley and I were on the same wavelength . . .' Catherine's voice trailed off.

‘Ah. Is that the problem? Are you going to put space between you two?'

Catherine sank onto the sofa. ‘I thought I knew him . . . The sad part is, he thinks that everything is fine and dandy. He can't see a problem when his dictatorial attitude has become a huge issue for me. And I can't see any way to change things.'

‘It can take a while to see what a person's really like, what their priorities and values are because, let's face it, in the beginning you're attracted to all the wrong things. Well, the surface things. You had a romantic whirlwind courtship and you two didn't do the hard yards.'

‘But we talked about things. Bradley can be so charming. But he was looking at me as being part of his life and doing what he wanted and I wanted to share things but still have some life of my own. It's the freedom to find out more about myself and know what I'm capable of doing,' said Catherine sounding exasperated. ‘Being with Bradley, I feel my life is over and the chance to do all these things has gone.'

‘You don't have to stop growing, exploring, experimenting because you're married,' said Kiann'e. ‘It's who you're married to that makes that still possible. Do you think I could be looking at the road my mother and a lot of loyal Hawaiians want me to travel if Willi didn't think it was a good thing? He knows I might end up in politics, or working as a lobbyist, or wherever I'm needed for my people. He's not Hawaiian but he understands how important my culture is to me.'

Catherine nodded. ‘Can't two people make a life together without one having to take the back seat? It's not fair.'

Kiann'e, seeing her friend was near tears, touched Catherine's hand. ‘That's what you have to decide together. Willi has a successful business. He quietly goes along doing his thing and because people see and know me and my family here, they don't realise he has a very full and interesting life outside of our life together. But while we have different interests, we respect what each other's doing.'

‘That's the difference, then,' said Catherine sadly.

‘At least you see that now.' When Catherine nodded, Kiann'e said, ‘This is a big step, a hard one. How have you left things with Bradley?'

‘I said I'd talk to him tomorrow. I tried to make him understand on the phone and we agreed to sleep on things. He's always so good at persuading me his way is best. I can never win an argument with him.'

‘But you've decided in your heart that this isn't going to work,' Kiann'e said sympathetically and Catherine nodded again. ‘You're afraid he'll talk you out of it?'

‘Am I being horrible? I'm a terrible person.' Catherine started to cry.

‘You didn't deliberately want this to happen. But the marriage isn't what you thought it would be and frankly, you guys didn't have enough time to find out how compatible you were. If you are sure, totally sure, that the marriage can't work then a clean break now is far better, I think, than letting things drag on.'

‘The sad thing is, I can't see any way we can try to make it work. His career is the most important issue to him and he won't give that up for me. And why should he? He says I knew what he did when we got married. But, well, it sounded different from how it turned out.'

‘And people don't change their personality easily, either,' said Kiann'e. ‘Let's have dinner. And if you are really sure, Bradley won't be able to talk you out of doing what you think is best. For both of you.'

Kiann'e let Catherine talk and work through her thoughts and feelings aloud, and then as they were getting ready for bed, she asked, ‘Have you thought through the next step? What you'll do? Go home?'

‘This is all so sudden, I haven't spoken to my parents. Anyway, I don't want to go home. I want to stay in the Islands. I was thinking of going to Kauai. Maybe stay with Eleanor, if she can give me a cheap rate, even do some work for her.'

‘You can stay with my mother,' said Kiann'e.

‘Thanks. I just need a bit of space. Be on my own a bit.'

‘Try to sleep. You've looked at this situation every which way and you keep coming back to the same result. See what transpires tomorrow.' Kiann'e hugged Catherine.

To her surprise, Catherine slept soundly. Perhaps talking with Kiann'e helped. At breakfast time she phoned Bradley.

‘Bradley? When do you want to meet?'

His voice was cool. ‘Later. I have things to do this morning. I'll meet you for coffee at three p.m. At the Plantation House on Kamehameha Drive.'

There was no discussion. He'd chosen a large rambling restaurant that was a tourist showcase of how a plantation once looked. There were shops, a little museum, rides, a formal reception area for weddings, a patio restaurant and coffee house. She'd been there once for a function with the Wives' Club and guessed that he'd chosen the out-of-the-way place because it would be unlikely anyone they knew would see them.

Catherine thanked Kiann'e who told her she was welcome to stay as long as she wanted.

Before she met Bradley she thought she would go back to their apartment to pick up a couple of things that, in her haste to leave, she had forgotten. She drove into the Base and was glad that neither Julia Bensen nor any of their other neighbours were around. But when she tried her key in the door it wouldn't open. Catherine jiggled and then to her shock realised it was a new lock. Bradley had changed the lock on the door! She was stunned, angry and then felt like laughing. How childish.

When she got to the coffee house Bradley was sitting in a far corner. The restaurant was empty save for an older couple who looked like tourists. The lunch crowd had gone. He half rose out of his seat as she pulled out a chair and sat down. The waitress handed them a menu but Bradley waved her away. ‘Just bring us coffee, thanks.'

‘Could I have a juice, please? Pineapple is fine,' said Catherine as the waitress moved away.

They stared at each other.

‘Why did you change the lock?' said Catherine.

‘There's no reason for you to be there. You've taken your things and moved out. I'll arrange for whatever else you want out of the apartment to be sent to Kiann'e's.'

‘I thought we were here to discuss things.'

‘You've obviously made up your mind,' he said bitterly.

‘I guess I have. It's not how I wanted things to work out.'

‘I'm very disappointed in you, Catherine. This is all very difficult for me. Embarrassing. Though I don't imagine people will be too surprised.'

‘Oh? What people? Though I can guess,' she sighed.

‘We could talk to the padre, to see if you will change your mind, but you seem very determined,' he said.

‘Do you see a solution?' Catherine asked.

‘Other than your joining me in Washington and starting afresh and agreeing to do the right thing?' he countered.

‘That's not exactly an option. Nor meeting halfway,' said Catherine. ‘It's your way or nothing, Bradley. Can't you see that?'

It was a repeat of the previous conversations they'd had. Bradley remained stony-faced, cold-voiced and unmoved, refusing to accept, understand or acknowledge her point of view.

‘Just tell me this,' he finally asked, a slight crack in his voice for the first time. ‘Is it me? Was there anything wrong with how I treated you? Was I a bad husband, a bad lover?'

Catherine didn't want to hurt Bradley's feelings any more than she had. She shook her head. ‘No, Bradley, you were a perfect husband. For someone else. Not me. We made a mistake,' she said softly.

‘I didn't make a mistake. I thought we'd be very happy. You will have to live with the consequences of this . . . madness,' he finished. He pushed his coffee cup to one side.

‘So what happens now?' asked Catherine. Then caught herself. She was letting Bradley make the decisions again. ‘I plan to go to Kauai for a while.'

‘There is the question of money. And the car. I've made arrangements to sell the car to someone in my office. So I'd appreciate your leaving the car in the parking spot and giving the keys to the guard at the gate. I'll leave some money in our joint account to tide you over for a few weeks. If you want your freedom, Catherine, you'll have to support yourself.'

‘I guess I can buy a secondhand car,' she said, determined to show Bradley that she could look after herself.

Bradley stood up. ‘I'm going back to the mainland tomorrow or the next day. I will break this news to my parents.'

‘Do you want me to speak to them?'

‘Of course not. They're no longer your family, Catherine.'

‘You make it sound like we're divorced.'

‘Isn't that what you want?'

‘I hadn't thought it through,' said Catherine, realising she hadn't looked that far ahead.

‘Seems to me you've done a lot of thinking and this is the result.' Bradley dropped some money on the table.

So it's my fault, Catherine thought to herself. Bradley can be virtuous, the injured one. As he stood up Catherine felt a moment of panic – so was this really the end of her marriage, was this how she would remember him, striding out of a dark empty coffee shop? ‘Bradley . . . I don't know what to say . . .' Tears sprang to her eyes.

‘You've said enough. We both have. Goodbye, Catherine.' He turned and walked out the door. He did not look back and she didn't follow him. She slumped in her seat as the waitress picked up the money and wiped the table.

‘Can I get you something?'

Catherine shook her head and reached for the glass of water. ‘No. Thank you.'

She didn't want to see anyone, speak to anyone. She drove out to windswept Makaha and tramped along the empty stretch of beach. Sand whipped and stung her legs. The surf was choppy, no-one was around. She was on her own.

14

I
T WAS ONLY AT
the beach that Catherine found a sense of tranquility during this upheaval in her life. She moved in with Kiann'e and Willi and they were considerate and left her to her own devices during the day. She asked Kiann'e if she'd mind cancelling their morning walk and swim for a little while as she wanted an early surf instead. The challenge and the beauty of being with the gold-tipped waves at sunrise gave her a feeling of equilibrium and helped her cope with her decision.

She felt very lost, especially after a phone call from Julia Bensen. Julia was quite cool and official, saying that she was calling on behalf of the Wives' Club and asking Catherine please to notify Mrs Goodwin in writing of her resignation.

Catherine felt betrayed. Bradley had made it clear that she was not to tell any of their naval friends about their problems, but obviously he felt no need to do likewise. Now the navy wives would only hear his side of the story.