The Iron Knight (32 page)

“H
ERE YOU ARE
.”

I raised my head as the voice slipped out of the darkness, different from the others surrounding me that were whispering their vengeance and hate. It was nearly pitch-black in the crypt, and I could barely move more than a few feet from where I sat. But I recognized the voice, as the gleam of golden eyes, appearing out of the darkness, floated closer to me.

“Grimalkin.” My voice sounded raspy in my ears, as if I hadn’t used it for months, though I didn’t know how much time had passed down here. Perhaps it
had
been several months. “What are you doing here?”

“I think,” Grimalkin said, blinking solemnly as he came into view, “that is what I should be asking
you.
Why are you hiding out with the dead when you should be preparing for the final test?”

I hunched my shoulders, closing my eyes as the voices started again, angry and painful. “Leave me, cait sith.”

“You cannot stay down here,” the cat went on as if I hadn’t spoken. “What good is it to sit here and do nothing? You help no one if you remain here and bemoan the past.”

Anger flickered, and I raised my head to glare at him. “What would you know about it?” I whispered. “You have no conscience. You think of everything in terms of bargains and favors, caring nothing for those you have manipulated. I simply can’t forget … what I’ve done.”

“No one is asking you to forget.” Grimalkin sat down and curled his tail around himself, gazing at me. “That is the whole point of a conscience, after all—that you do not forget those you have wronged. But answer me this—how do you
expect to atone for the crimes of your past if you do nothing? Do you think your victims care now, whether you live or die?”

I had no answer for him. Grimalkin sniffed and stood up, waving his tail. His yellow eyes regarded me knowingly.

“They do not. And there is no point in obsessing about what cannot be. They are dead, and you live. And if you fail this test, nothing changes. The only way to ensure that you do not become that which you despise is to finish the quest you have started.”

The voices hissed at me, sounding desperate, reminding me of my crimes, the blood on my hands, the lives I’d destroyed. And they were right. I could do nothing for them now. But I had been someone else then. Uncaring and soulless. A demon, like they said. But … maybe I could start again.

Grimalkin flicked an ear and began to trot away into the shadows. “Earn your soul, knight,” he called, his gray form fading into the dark. “Prove that you can learn from your mistakes. Only then can you become human.”

His words remained with me long after he was gone. I sat in that cold corner and thought about my past, the people I’d hurt, manipulated, destroyed.

Grim was right. If I died here, who would remember them? If I failed and returned home without a soul, I would continue to feel nothing for my past, no remorse, no guilt, no conscience.

Brynna’s voice, broken and filled with hate, whispered into my head.
I loved you. I loved you so much, and you killed me. I will never forgive you.

I know,
I told her memory, and finally pulled myself to my feet. My limbs screamed in protest, but I braced myself against the wall and stayed upright.
And you shouldn’t. I don’t want forgiveness.

I don’t deserve to be forgiven for my past. But I will make it right. Somehow, I will atone for those mistakes, I swear it.

I was tired, my body stiff and sore and exhausted; it took all my strength to push open the stone doors and climb the long flight of steps out of the crypt. But with every step, every jolt of pain through my bones, I felt lighter, freer somehow, the voices silenced and left back in the tomb. I could not forget them, or the crimes of my past, but I no longer wanted to die.

It was waiting for me at the top of the stairs, staff in hand, watching me behind its cowl. I felt its ancient gaze sweep through my bruised, battered body. It nodded, as if it had discovered within me something that pleased it. “The final trial is upon us, knight,” it said as I climbed the last step and stood before the Guardian. “You have survived human weakness and a conscience. One last thing remains for you to earn a soul.”

“Where are Puck and Ariella?” I asked, feeling guilty that I’d been gone for so long. They’d be worried about me by now. I hoped they didn’t think I was dead.

“They search for you,” the Guardian said simply. “But this is not their test. The trial begins now, knight. Are you ready, or not?”

I took a breath. Puck and Ariella would have to wait. I hoped they would understand, because the Guardian wasn’t giving me time to think about it. “Yes,” I replied, feeling my stomach knot. The last trial. The only thing between me and a soul. And Meghan. “I’m ready. Let’s get this over with.”

The Guardian nodded and raised its staff once more.

Rain pounded my back, and I opened my eyes.

I lay on my stomach on the hard ground, my cheek pressed against what felt like cobblestones, water soaking my hair and clothes. From my drenched state and the feel of the small, round stones pressing into my face, I must have been lying there for some time. Wincing, I pushed myself to my elbows, peering through the rain to determine where I was.

A green-and-silver garden stretched out before me, lush with vegetation and blurry through the rain. Cobblestone paths twisted around small bushes and shrubs, and larger trees hugged the edges of the high stone wall surrounding it. A few feet away, a marble fountain spilled water into a shallow basin, the sound of trickling water drowned out by the larger deluge.

Around me, the trees shimmered in the rain, thousands of leaves flashing like knives as the wind tossed their branches. At my feet, wires slithered over the ground in strange patterns and curled around tree trunks, glowing like neon signs. Lampposts, glimmering yellow in the twilight, grew right out of the ground and lined the narrow paths. I turned and saw an
enormous castle of stone, glass and steel looming above me, spires and towers stabbing at the clouds.

I blinked, trying to take it all in. I was back in the Iron Kingdom. The twisted metallic trees, the wires slithering over the ground, the castle of stone and steel—they couldn’t belong anywhere else. And the rain … my heart skipped a beat, and I turned my face to the sky. The water was clear and pure, not the acidic, flesh-eating rain that had swept through the Iron Realm before Meghan became queen.

But, if that was the case … if I was in the Iron Kingdom …

I took a deep breath, breathing in the cool, damp air, drawing it into myself and holding it there, waiting.

Nothing. No sickness, no pain. I stepped beneath a warped iron tree and placed my palm against the trunk, bracing myself out of habit. The metal was cold and wet beneath my fingers, not burning at all.

I couldn’t help the smile stretching my face as I whirled around, taking in the garden, the estate, everything. Throwing back my head, I raised my arms and howled a victory cry into the rain, hearing it echo off the castle walls. I was in the Iron Kingdom with no amulet, no protection, and I still felt nothing. Iron had no power over me, now. I was human. I had won!

A thunderous bark behind me made me spin around, as a lean, furry creature came bounding toward me out of the rain. For a moment, I thought it was a wolf. Then I saw it was a dog, a huge German shepherd with enormous paws and a thick, shaggy pelt spiked up with rain. It skidded to a stop a few feet from me and growled, lowering its muzzle and baring sharp white fangs.

I smiled and crouched down so that we were at eye level, despite the teeth flashing in my direction. “Hello, Beau,” I greeted quietly. “Nice to see you, too.”

The dog blinked, swiveling its long ears at the sound of my voice. Eyeing me suspiciously, as if it was just beginning to recognize the intruder in the garden, it gave a tentative tail wag.

“Beau!” called a voice, echoing out of the rain, making my heart jump to my throat and pound wildly. I stood as the voice drifted closer. “Where are you, boy? Chasing gremlins again?”

Beau barked happily and turned, bounding in the direction of the voice, splashing noisily through the puddles. And then,
she
appeared under the gate arch, scanning the courtyard for the missing dog, and I stopped breathing.

Ruling a kingdom hadn’t changed her. She still wore faded jeans and a T-shirt, her pale hair long and unbound. But power glowed around her, and even through the rain, she looked real and solid and larger than life, and completely beautiful. Beau came splashing up to her, and she dropped to her knees, scratching the dog’s ears. Then Beau looked back at me, wagging his tail, and she glanced up. Our eyes met.

We both froze. I saw my name on her lips, but no sound escaped her. Beau looked back and forth between us, whined, and nudged Meghan’s hand, snapping her out of the spell. She rose and walked toward me, uncaring of the rain, until we were inches apart. My heart pounded, and I looked down into the intense sapphire eyes of the Iron Queen.

“Ash.” The word was hesitant, as if she wasn’t quite sure whether I was real or not. “You’re here. How …” She blinked, and her voice became stronger as she took a step back. “No, you can’t … you shouldn’t be here. I told you never to come back. The iron …”

I reached out and took her hand, silencing her. “It can’t hurt me,” I promised. “Not anymore.” She gazed up at me, hope and uncertainty warring in her eyes, and I softly touched her
cheek, her tears mingling with the rain. “I said I’d be back,” I told her, “and from now on, I’ll never leave your side. Nothing will keep me from you again.”

“How … ?” she whispered, but I bent down and kissed her, cutting off any protests. She gasped, and her arms slid around my waist, pulling us together. I hugged her close, wanting to feel her against my body, to prove that this was real. I was in the Iron Realm, and Meghan was in my arms. Beau barked and danced around us, and the rain poured down, drenching us completely, but we felt no urge to move for a long, long time.

W
HEN
I
AWOKE NEXT
, I was afraid to open my eyes, afraid even to move. Blackness pressed against my lids, and I kept them shut, fearful that when I opened my eyes, everything would have disappeared. I would be back at the Testing Grounds, the Guardian looming over me, its booming voice telling me I had failed. Or worse, that this was all a dream, and I had yet to complete the tests at all.

Very cautiously, I peeked through my lids, bracing myself, half expecting to see the stone walls of the castle, to feel a sudden stab of pain as my mind caught up to reality.

A white-walled room greeted me as I opened my eyes, hazy curtains drawn across a large glass window on the opposite wall. Sunlight slanted in through the crack, spilling across the carpeted floor, touching a pile of damp clothes lying in a heap next to the bed. The bed I was lying in. I blinked, memories of the previous night beginning to surface like wisps of smoke, foggy and unreal.

There was a sigh behind me, and something shifted against my back.

Carefully, afraid that this entire scene might shatter into reality, I turned. Meghan lay beside me under the covers, her
eyes closed, her pale hair spilling over her face. I took a slow, ragged breath to calm my racing heart, taking a moment just to watch her. It was real. This was real. I gently brushed her hair from her cheek and watched her stir under my fingers, opening her eyes. Her smile brightened the whole room.

“I was afraid it was a dream,” she whispered.

“You have no idea how desperately I was hoping it wasn’t.” Cupping the back of her neck, I drew her close and kissed her again. She trailed her fingers over my bare chest, and I shivered, almost frightened by how much I loved this girl. But then, I’d gone to the End of the World, endured trials no creature should ever face, for her. I would do it again if I had to.

And compared to that, the question on my mind should’ve been easy. But as Meghan pulled back to look at me, I found my mind had gone blank, and I was more nervous than I had been in all my years as a Winter prince.

The question stayed on my mind as we lingered under the covers for the rest of the morning, feeling lazy and content and reluctant to leave each other’s arms. It continued to plague me when we finally got up in the middle of the afternoon, after the servants knocked meekly on the door asking if we were all right. Meghan ordered them to bring dry clothing, and I slipped into dark jeans and a T-shirt, feeling strange and slightly awkward in human clothes. I fidgeted, still pondering how I was going to ask her. It made my stomach twist every time I thought of it.

“Hey.” Meghan’s fingers on my arm nearly made me jump out of my skin. She smiled up at me, though her eyes were puzzled. “You seem awfully nervous this morning. Is something wrong?”

Now or never, Ash.
I took a deep breath. “No,” I replied, turning to her, “nothing’s wrong, but I did want to ask you something. Come here a moment.”

Taking both her hands, I backed away to the middle of the floor, to an open space in front of the curtains. She followed, still wearing a bemused expression, and I paused a moment to gather my thoughts.

“I don’t … know how it’s done in your world,” I began, as she tilted her head at me. “I’ve seen it before … but, I’m not sure how to ask. It never really comes up in the Winter Court.”

Meghan blinked, frowning slightly. “What do you mean?”

“I know my role here,” I continued. “Whatever happens, I’m still your knight, and nothing will change that. You are queen of this realm, and I have no desire to rule. That said, I want to do this human thing right. I’ll still be at your side, fighting your enemies, standing with you no matter what comes at us. But I’m no longer satisfied with just being your knight and protector. I want something more.” I stopped and took a deep breath, then slowly released her hands, stepped back and sank to one knee. “What I’m trying to ask is … Meghan Chase, will you do me the honor of marrying me?”