The Iron Knight (15 page)

Where am I?

Mist surrounded me, coiling along the ground in ragged patches, blanketing everything in white. The air was cool and damp, holding the quiet stillness of early morning. I smelled pine and cedar and heard the soft splash of water, somewhere up ahead in the fog. I didn’t recognize my surroundings, but for some reason it all seemed vaguely familiar.

With nothing else to do, I started walking.

The mist slowly cleared away, revealing a small green pond encircled by pine trees. The faint babble of ducks echoed over the stillness, and several of the green-and-brown birds glided through the water toward a pale figure standing on the bank. I stopped and drew in a quiet breath, and for a moment I couldn’t move, afraid that the scene before me would dissolve and I’d be left chasing shadows.

She wore jeans and a white shirt, and her long, pale hair was tied in a ponytail, falling softly down her back. Her body was slender, more energetic than graceful, her fingers quick as she tore bread crusts and tossed them into the water. There was a glow about her now, a flickering halo of light, swirling
with glamour and power. Against the darkness of the pond and trees, she looked bright and vivid and alive, a light burning against the shadows.

For a moment, I just watched her, tossing crumbs into the water, smiling as the ducks swarmed over them. I knew this wasn’t real; the real Meghan was back in the Iron Realm as the powerful Iron Queen. I knew this was a dream; or perhaps I had died and faded away and didn’t know it yet. But seeing her still made my heart beat crazily, made me long to pull her close and let that light consume me. If it burned until there was nothing left, would that be such a terrible fate?

She must have heard me, or sensed my presence, for she turned and her blue eyes widened. “Ash?” she whispered, and the smile that crept over her face warmed me like the sun. “What are you doing here?”

I couldn’t help but smile back. “I don’t know,” I told her, taking the hand she offered and letting her pull me close. “I think … this is a dream.” Her arms slipped around my waist, and I held her to me, closing my eyes. No burning fire, no searing light that turned me to dust, just the feel of Meghan in my arms. “Though I’d be happy if I never woke up.”

I felt her puzzled frown, and she pulled back to look at me, cocking her head. “Strange. I thought this was
my
dream.”

“Maybe it is.” I was having trouble thinking. The subtle shift of her body against mine, her hands tracing circles against my back, was driving me to distraction. “Maybe I’m not really here, and this will all disappear when you wake up, including me.” She held me tighter, and I smiled. “I wouldn’t care either way.”

Something nagged at the back of my mind, something important that I had forgotten, beating against my subconscious like birds fluttering against a windowsill. Impatiently, I shoved it back, burying it in a dark corner of my mind. Whatever it
was, I didn’t want to remember. Not now. I didn’t want to see, feel or think of anything except the girl in front of me.

As I bent to kiss her, she slipped her hand beneath my shirt, tracing soft fingers over my bare skin, and from there it was easy to forget everything.

L
ATER, WE LAY IN THE COOL
grass at the edge of the pond, Meghan leaning against a tree with my head in her lap, gazing up at the clouds. Her fingers twirled idle patterns in my hair, and I dozed contentedly, feeling no urge to move. If I had died and this was nonexistence, then so be it. If I was sleeping still, then I had no intention of waking up.

“Ash?”

“Mmm?”

“Where have you been all these months? I mean …” She hesitated, twirling a strand of my hair around her finger. “I know you can’t come into the Iron Realm, but no one has seen any sign of you, anywhere. Or Puck, for that matter. What have you two been doing?”

“I was … looking for something, I think.” I reached up and trapped her hand in mine, bringing it to my lips. “I can’t remember now.”

She freed her fingers, stroking my cheek with them. I closed my eyes and let myself drift. “You don’t think it could be important?”

“Maybe.” Truth was, I didn’t want to think about it. I was content here. Whatever lay beyond this glen, this small pocket of dreams or reality or whatever it was, I didn’t want to know about. I couldn’t remember much, but I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it involved pain. And I was tired of it. So much of my existence had been pain, or emptiness, or loss. Meghan was here. I was happy. That was all I needed to know.

Meghan tapped my forehead in a playful manner. “You do know that one of us has to wake up, don’t you?” she asked, and I grunted, not opening my eyes. “I don’t know if I’m a figment of your imagination or you’re a figment of mine, but eventually this is going to fade away.”

I rolled to my knees to face her, and she blinked as I leaned in close. “You can go if you have to,” I said, smoothing her hair behind one ear. “I’m not leaving. I’ll still be here when you come back.”

“No, Ash,” came a new voice, shattering the peaceful moment. “You cannot stay.”

Meghan and I both jerked up, spinning to face the intruder in our private world. Ariella stood a few yards away, shrouded in the mist, her face grim as she watched us.

“You were very difficult to find, Ash,” she said in a weary voice. “I almost gave up when I couldn’t find you in nightmare. I didn’t think to look for you in the dreams of another, but it makes sense that you should come here.”

“What do you want here?” Meghan rose with the regal grace of a queen, calm and unruffled. I noticed she subtly moved in front of me when facing Ariella, a familiar gesture that caught me off guard. The Iron Queen was protecting
me.
“Who are you?”

“You know me, Meghan Chase.” Ariella stepped forward, the mist parting for her, to stand before us clearly. “I am the one who was left behind, the one Ash knew before you ever came into the picture.”

Meghan didn’t move, but I saw her draw in a slow breath as the realization hit. “Ariella,” she breathed, and I winced at the churning emotions in that one quiet word. Meghan shook her head, glanced back at me. “Is this another dream, Ash? Did you bring her here?”

“No,” Ariella said before I could reply. “I am not a dream.
Not a memory. I am as real as you are, Iron Queen. Death could not quite hold me, all those years ago.”

“Enough,” I rasped, finally shaking the fog from my mind. Memory returned in a rush: the journey to find the seer, the fateful trip down the River of Dreams, the quest to earn a soul. Stepping between them, I felt the heat of both their gazes piercing me like a thousand knives. “Ari,” I said, facing her, “what are you doing here? What do you want?”

Ariella narrowed her eyes. “I’m here to bring you out of this dream,” she replied with a brief glance at Meghan. “Your body is very sick, Ash, and the curse the hobyah shaman laid on you was keeping you trapped in sleep. I don’t know how you found your way here, but it is time for you to return to us.”

Behind me, I could feel Meghan’s stare burning into my shoulder blades. “You’re … with her now?” she asked softly, not quite accusing—not yet. “How … how long have you known she was alive?”

“Not long,” Ariella answered for me. “We haven’t had much time together yet.”

“Ari!” I turned to glare at her. She gazed back, unrepentant, her silver-flecked eyes watching me sadly. In that moment, I saw the jealousy she’d never shown before, the hurt that I had chosen someone else, though she knew it had to be that way. It was perhaps the first truly ugly emotion I’d ever seen from her, and my anger dissipated completely. I had done this to her. She’d given me everything, and I had turned my back on her.

“I see,” Meghan whispered in a voice that trembled only slightly. I could feel her fading, her presence leaving the dream surrounding us. “Then … I’ll leave you two alone.”

“That is not necessary, Iron Queen.” Ariella shook her head. “There is no need. I came here to bring Ash out of his
nightmares, but this is your dream, not his. When you wake, the dream will fade, and he will return to us. I’m sorry to have intruded here.” With a slight nod to us both, she backed up a few steps into the mist, and disappeared.

Alone with the Iron Queen again, I held my breath, waiting for the explosion, for the storm of questions. But Meghan took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “Was that really her?” she asked, still not looking up. “Ariella? Is she really alive?”

I crossed the space separating us, reaching for her hand. She blinked as I took her fingers, gazing up at me in surprise. “It’s not what you think,” I told her. “Please, hear me out.”

Meghan gave me a sad smile. “No, Ash,” she whispered. “Maybe … maybe this is for the best.” And though she didn’t move, I could sense she was pulling back, letting me go.

“Meghan …”

“I’m the Iron Queen,” she said firmly. “No matter what I want, that will never change. And you’re still part of the Winter Court. Even if you could come into the Iron Realm, you would die. We can’t be together, and there’s no use in wishing for the impossible. It’s selfish of me to keep hoping.” Her voice shook on the last sentence, but she took a deep, steadying breath and looked up at me. “Perhaps … it’s time to move on, to find happiness with someone else.”

I wanted to tell her, to explain what I was trying to do. That I was trying to earn my soul. I was going to the End of the World for her; that I would become mortal if it meant we could be together. I wanted to tell her so badly, but at the same time, I feared getting her hopes up only to have them dashed if I failed. I didn’t want her waiting for me, worrying and constantly looking to the horizon for someone who would never appear.

“You have a chance to be happy now,” Meghan went on, and her blue eyes shone with unshed tears, though she never
looked away. “Ash, this is
Ariella,
the love you’ve been missing for decades. If she’s really back, then fate has given you both another chance, and I … I’m not going to stand in your way.” A tear spilled over, running down her cheek, but she still smiled as she held my gaze. “What we had was a dream, and it was beautiful, but it was just a dream. It’s time for us to wake up.” I took a breath to argue, but she laid her fingers against my lips, silencing me. “Close your eyes.”

I didn’t want to. I wanted to stay in this dream almost as much as I wanted to find a soul, even though I knew this wasn’t real. But, almost against my will, I felt my eyes slip shut, and a moment later her lips brushed against mine, a featherlight touch that pulled my stomach inside out. “Goodbye, Ash,” she whispered. “Be happy.”

A
ND
I
AWOKE
.

I was lying on my back, staring up at a roof of branches, tiny pinpricks of light filtering through the leaves. A fire crackled somewhere to my left, and the scent of smoke drifted on the breeze, tickling the back of my throat.

“Welcome back, sleeping beauty.”

Puck’s voice filtered through the haze in my mind. Groaning, I struggled into a sitting position, rubbing my eyes. My skin felt cold and clammy, my body drained. Mostly, I felt hollow, empty, though the dull ache in my chest reminded me why I had closed off my emotions, freezing everyone out. It hurt, the knowledge that the girl I loved had let me go once more.

Ariella and the Wolf were nowhere to be seen, but Puck sat on a log in front of a small campfire, holding a fat, speared mushroom over the flames, turning it slowly. Grimalkin lay opposite him on a flat rock, his feet tucked beneath him, purring in contentment.

“‘Bout time you woke up, ice-boy,” Puck said without turning around. “I was hoping for some groaning and thrashing, but you just lay there like the dead. And you didn’t even talk in your sleep so I could torment you about it later. What fun is that?”

I struggled to my feet, pausing a moment to let the ground stop swaying. “How long was I out?” I asked, moving toward the fire.

“Hard to say.” Puck tossed me a mushroom kebab as I walked up. “I haven’t seen the sun in forever. We must be far into the Deep Wyld.”

“Where’s everyone else?”

“Wolfman is out hunting.” Puck stuffed an entire mushroom into his mouth and swallowed without seeming to chew. “I guess my humble white-truffle kebabs weren’t good enough for him. Do you know how hard it is to find these things? Furball turned up his nose as well—picky, ungrateful animals.”

Grimalkin sniffed without opening his eyes. “I do not eat fungi, Goodfellow,” he said in a lofty voice. “And if you are so enamored by these spores, feel free to chew on those spotted toadstools in that pile of elk dung.”

“Oh, well, that’s just gross.”

I swallowed the mushrooms without tasting them, my body recognizing the need for food even though my mind was far away. “Where’s Ariella?” I asked, tossing the stick back into the fire.

Puck nodded to the edge of the circle of firelight, where Ariella sat hunched on a rock, her back to us. “She walked away a few minutes before you came to,” Puck said softly, watching me with narrowed eyes. “I tried following her, but she said she wanted to be alone for a while.” I felt his gaze sharpen, cutting into me. “What did you say to her, Ash?”

I was such a mess, pulled in so many directions I felt like I would snap. I was still reeling from Meghan’s last words, from the flash of jealousy in Ariella’s eyes, from the strain of walking the line between the girl I had lost and the girl I wanted but could not have. But even though Ari had clearly been goading Meghan back in the dreamworld, I could not ignore her pain.

Disregarding Puck, I walked to where Ariella sat, her head bowed, silver hair covering her face like a shimmering curtain. As I stepped closer, she raised her head but didn’t look back at me.

“So, that was her.”

I paused. Her voice was flat, no emotion at all, no indication of what she was feeling. Unsure how to proceed, I answered simply. “Yes.”

A few heartbeats of silence. When she spoke again, I could hear her smile, but it was as bitter as the fading autumn leaves. “I can see why you love her so much.”