Authors: Shirley Kennedy
For a fleeting moment, Evleen could have sworn she saw a tiny glitter of triumph in Lydia’s eyes, but she must have been mistaken because the older woman smiled and said,
“
You’ll do fine. You shouldn’t have a bit of trouble with the dances. They are all quite easy and you can simply learn as you go along.
”
“
Then I shall do my best,
”
Evleen said, greatly relieved.
“
I’m sure you will.
”
Lydia’s jaw tightened.
“
Remember, our family’s reputation is at stake. We cannot tolerate another of your little escapades.
”
“
Now you’ve done it,
”
said Patrick after Lydia left. He had listened silently, still perched on Evleen’s bed.
“
Yes, I’ve made her angry, haven’t I?
”
Evleen answered thoughtfully.
“
It’s my own fault, too.
”
“
You shouldn’t have been so impudent.
”
“
That’s quite perceptive of you, Patrick,
”
she answered, not happy hearing the truth from an ten-year-old. Hands on hips, she advised,
“
Well, let that be a lesson to you, my future Lord Trevlyn. It’s usually best to hold one’s tongue.
”
“
I don’t want to be Lord Trevlyn, I want to go home.
”
Surprised, she said,
“
But I thought you liked it here.
”
“
Yes, I do like it. Grandfather has been wonderful to me, but I
...”
Patrick bit his lip. He appeared to be on the verge of tears.
“
I miss Mama, and Darragh, and all of them. I want to go home.
”
Patrick’s tears started to flow as Evleen, fancy ball dress and all, knelt and took him in her arms.
“
Twill be all right, little brother,
”
she crooned as she rocked him,
“
we must not give up. Mama wants you to stay, remember? Her last letter said she’s much better. I, too, want to go home in the very worst way, but we’ll stay and see this through, won’t we?
”
Patrick nodded, wiping tears away.
“
And we won’t let the English get the better of us, will we?
”
“
No, Evleen, we won’t.
”
Patrick smiled through his tears.
“
If I stay, you must stay.
”
“
Of course.
”
She forced a bright smile.
“
And I shall marry a very rich and ever-so-titled Englishman, just as Mama said.
”
Patrick eyed her with suspicion.
“
Mama said you should never love an Englishman. You wouldn’t, would you?
”
“
Of course not. Are you daft?
”
As Patrick smiled, relieved, Evleen asked herself,
how does the child know?
Uncanny, how he sensed the doubt that had begun to cloud her thinking these past few days, and especially since Thomas’s kiss. But that was nonsense. She knew what she had to do, and she, honorable woman that she was, would do it.
* * *
“
You look pretty, Evleen,
”
said Amanda who had just entered Evleen’s bedchamber.
They were about to leave for the ball. Evleen looked down at the mud-colored gown and knew she didn’t look pretty at all. She hated this gown. Worse, Celeste, occupied with the sisters’ demands, had no extra time, so Evleen had been compelled to do her hair herself.
Adequate
could best describe her up-swept coiffeur, she thought with dismal certainty.
“
You look pretty, too,
”
she said to Amanda. And indeed, the girl looked charming in a lavender lace gown, her hair caught up in a mother-of-pearl comb.
Amanda shook her head.
“
Charlotte and Bettina say I’m too fat.
”
“
Not at all.
”
Evleen had heard with her own ears the outrageous manner in which Amanda’s sisters constantly criticized her. Truly, she wasn’t fat. She simply wasn’t as scrawny-looking as her mother and sisters. She was very pretty, in fact, and if she hadn’t been so browbeaten all her life, she could easily be popular and sought-after.
“
You’re not too fat. You’re just right, and you mustn’t let others convince you otherwise.
”
Amanda remained unconvinced.
“
I wish I could be more like you, Evleen. You are so beautiful. And you have such spirit, and you always seem so sure of yourself.
”
“
Perhaps on the surface.
”
Evleen sighed, thinking of the enmity directed at her from the elder Trevlyns.
“
Underneath I worry as much as anyone. I must be on my best behavior tonight. Heaven help me if I do anything wrong.
”
“
You won’t
.
”
Amanda regarded
her with admiring eyes. She noticed Evleen’s empty hands.
“
But where is your fan?
”
“
I don’t have a fan. It’s chilly tonight. I shall have no desire to stir up a breeze.
”
Amanda giggled.
“
Silly, you don’t carry a fan to really fan yourself. I noticed you didn’t carry one at the rout, but tonight you absolutely must have one for the ball.
”
“
Well, I don’t. I shall go without.
”
“
You can’t.
”
For once, Amanda appeared to take a firm stand.
“
The fan is a most important fashion accessory. I shall loan you one of mine and I shan’t take no for an answer.
”
Without another word, Amanda left and shortly returned with a satin-lined fan box made of finely polished wood, filled with fans.
“
Take your pick, although I think the lace-and-ivory is the perfect match.
”
“
If I must, I must, but it still seems silly.
”
With reluctance, Evleen selected the small, lace-and-ivory fan.
“
They’d be laughing their heads off in County Clare if they saw me waving this around.
”
“
You don’t just wave it, you must learn the language of the fan,
”
said Amanda, ignoring Evleen’s complaint.
“
If you carry it in the left hand, thus, that means ‘desirous of an acquaintance.’ If you carry it in the right hand, that means—
”
“
Never mind,
”
Evleen interrupted with a smile.
“
I shall do my own speaking tonight, and not through a fan. Carrying it will be more than enough.
”
She tugged at one of the long white gloves she was wearing and grimaced.
“
I’m not accustomed to these. Must I wear them all evening?
”
“
Of course you must.
”
Amanda giggled again.
“
There’s also a language of the gloves. If you bite the tips that means, ‘I wish to be rid of you very soon.’ If you drop both of them, that means—
”
“
I don’t want to hear it,
”
Evleen replied, laughing even harder.
“
Suffice to say, I’ll wear the silly things, but I won’t be speaking through my fan or my gloves.
”
Amanda’s expression grew solemn.
“
Evleen, I...
”
It seemed as if she wanted to say something but couldn’t get the words out. Evleen asked,
“
What is it, Amanda?
”
The girl started to blush.
“
I want more than anything to be just like you.
”
Evleen was taken aback.
“
I?
”
she asked, pointing at herself
.
“
I am not exactly your mother’s ideal of female perfection.
”
“
I don’t care what mother thinks
.
I admire you because you don’t simper. You’re strong and independent, and you think for yourself.
”
She sighed.
“
I would give anything to be like you.
”
“
Then be like me,
”
said Evleen.
“
How?
”
“
Well, it’s very easy. You hold your head high, keep your shoulders back, and do what you think is right, not what other people want you to do.
”
“
I shall try.
”
“
Good. That’s all there is to it.
”
Evleen was proud of herself for sounding so completely confident. Underneath, all she could hope for was that her insecurity didn’t show, not only to Amanda, but later tonight, to
“
all those people who count
”
at Lady Claremont’s ball. Would Lord Thomas be there? She should
not
be thinking about him, but, all the same, she was.
* * *
The ball was well underway when Evleen and the Trevlyns stepped into Lady Claremont’s ballroom. At first, Evleen felt overwhelmed. Never had she seen so many tiers of lighted candles flickering on crystal chandeliers, heard such stirring music, seen so many people so elegantly attired. In truth,
“
everybody who was anybody
”
was here, just as Lydia predicted.
May I not commit any gaffes tonight
, Evleen sternly resolved as she stood with the Trevlyns, near a row of chaperones. Her conduct would be so impeccable Lydia Trevlyn would find not one little thing to complain about. At least she wouldn’t have to worry about knowing the dances. In the ugly dress she was wearing, there was little chance any man would ask her to dance.
“
Don’t forget your fan,
”
Amanda whispered from behind her own fan.
Evleen held her fan clutched to her side. She considered placing it in front of her mouth as Amanda had done, but it was just too silly. She left it where it was.
Montague appeared and gave them both a warm greeting. Evleen knew she shouldn’t ask but couldn’t resist.
“
And where is your brother tonight, Lord Eddington?
”
“
My brother has left for Tanglewood Hall, his estate near Abingdon.
”
Her heart sank. She knew she should not be disappointed, but she was.
“
You will have to make do with me,
”
said Montague with a supercilious smirk.
“
Would you care to dance?
”
Not really
. Not with this vain, overdressed fop, but what could she say? It was beyond her that he was actually Thomas’s brother, the two were so different in so many ways. But this was the night she must be flawlessly correct, no matter what. She gave him her most gracious smile.
“
I would be delighted.
”
He led her onto the dance floor, but when the music began, she froze in dismay.
A waltz!
As her thoughts churned, Montague placed one hand on the back of her waist, while with the other, he held her arm straight out. He stepped forward to begin the dance, but she, not knowing which way to step, stood rigid, feeling at once both awkward and gauche. Panic swept through her as she looked around at all the graceful dancers floating by.
No use
. She would disgrace herself if she even made an attempt at the unfamiliar steps. Only one thing could she do, no matter how humiliating.
“
I... I am terribly sorry, Lord Eddington, but I don’t know how to waltz.
”
“
Would you care to try?
”
he asked.
“
I should wager one twirl around the floor and you’ll catch on.
”
“
I think not,
”
she replied, knowing it would take more than one of Montague’s twirls for her not to make a fool of herself.
“
Please, may we leave the floor?
”