The Interruption of Everything (20 page)

“Fine.”

“You need any help?” he asks.

“Nope. I’m managing okay.”

“Well, I’m going to head off to the gym.”

“Have a good workout,” I say.

“I will,” he says. But just stands there.

“What’s wrong?”

“Is this how we’re going to do this?”

“Look, Leon. Let’s not start so early in the morning, okay? I just want to make sure I have everything I need and then I want to find out if my sister’s still sober and if so, I’m going to take a long hard walk and figure out how I’m going to learn to live without you.”

“I don’t want you to learn how to do that.”

“You can’t have it both ways, Leon. And right now, it’s not even your decision. Go pick up some barbells. Sweat. Steam. And then go to your party. And tomorrow morning, I hope you take your son and his girlfriend back to the airport without flirting with her, and on Monday you can make your exodus.”

“What are you going to do while I’m gone?”

“You’ll see when you get back.”

“You will be here when I get back, I hope. Mother can’t be here alone. She needs you here.”

“Don’t worry about Arthurine. She’ll be fine.”

“I’m not worried. I’m just concerned. I won’t go if you’re not going to be here when I get back.”

“I’ll be here,” I say, mostly just to shut him up.

“Seriously. I can cancel this whole trip in a split second.”

“No, don’t do that, Leon. I
want
you to go.”

“You do?”

“The more I’ve thought about it the more I realized that this trip might be the best thing that could happen to us. We could use some time apart. It may even help us get our perspective back. You said so yourself.”

“I did, didn’t I.”

“So go to the gym. Relax. Everything always turns out for the best.”

“All right. And you’re sure you won’t change your mind about the party?”

I cut my eyes at him while pulling the fat and gristle off the first chicken part and flinging it into the sink. This is what finally gets him out the door.

It’s a little past noon. Paulette and Bunny are coming around two. Not to help me because neither of them can cook. And neither of them wants to learn. They like to watch me float around the kitchen, pulling out all the spices and gathering up all the ingredients while they run their mouths and keep me entertained. Sometimes they’ll get a bowl or a pot or pan out for me, but mostly, they just keep me company so that even though this meal will take at least three or four hours to prepare, it will probably only feel like one.

Arthurine went to a matinee with her van buddies. I want to call Joy to see how she’s holding up, but it’s too soon and I don’t want her to feel like I’m spying. But I can’t help it if I’m worried. I dial the number with chicken fat on my hands. Joy answers on the second ring. She sounds clear. Alert.

“Joy, it’s Marilyn, just calling to say hi and see how you’re doing and to let you know how much I appreciated our talk yesterday.”

“I did, too. And I’m doing good. Still taking my medication, which I plan to keep taking. It works. Lovey is the same. The garage sale is going on right now. I already sold the treadmill and that bike so I’m getting Lovey’s car back this afternoon. Does that sound good enough for you?”

“Yes, it does. Where are the kids?”

“Watching the stuff. I just came in to go to the bathroom and check on Lovey. She didn’t wanna sit out there with us.”

“Okay then. Tell the kids I said hi and kiss Lovey for me.”

“I’ll do that. Tell Spencer we’ll see him this summer. No doubt. Call tomorrow if you want to. If we ain’t here, it just means I took the kids and Lovey to the park.”

“The park?”

“They long overdue. And if I can get Lovey to sit still, we might see a movie, too.”

“Sounds good, Joy. I’m really proud of you.”

“I am, too,” she says, chuckling, and hangs up.

Spencer and Brianna stroll into the kitchen about one. “Well well well, decided to join the living, huh?” I greet them both.

“Hi, Mom,” he says, kissing me on the cheek.

“Hello Mrs. Grimes,” Brianna says and kisses me, too.

“So, how’s that wrist?”

“It’s better. It only hurts when I don’t keep it elevated or I turn too abruptly,” he says, pulling up his jeans that fall right back down to his hips.

I think he’s worn those same pants every single day since he’s been here. I’m not saying a word. “Then you might want to cut back on so much activity.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell him,” Brianna says. “But he doesn’t listen to me either.”

“I think he hears you loud and clear,” I say. She looks adorable in those hip-hugging jeans and that hot pink T-shirt that has pink rhinestones in the shape of a heart on the front. I slide the bread pudding into the oven.

“What’s that, Mom?”

“Bread pudding.”

“Are we having company over? What’s with all this food?”

I put my hands on my hips and shift my weight to one leg. “I know you know I’m making this dinner for you and Brianna and any of your friends that are still here.”

“Tonight?”

“I told you this in Tahoe, Spencer. You guys are leaving in the morning and I haven’t sat down with you for more than ten minutes.”

“I think that’s when he was on that pain medicine,” Brianna says.

“Mom, I swear. I don’t remember your mentioning this.”

“Why, is there a problem?”

“Well, sorta, kinda.”

“Like what?”

“Well, Antoine’s cousin plays for the Warriors and he got us free floor seats for the game tonight! They’re playing the Lakers, Mom. I’ll finally get to see Kobe up close, and we have to go or he’ll kill me.”

“What time is this game?”

“Seven or seven-thirty. But we’ll probably need to leave here about six-fifteen or so because of traffic.”

“So what am I supposed to do with all this food, Spencer?”

“We’ll be back about ten-thirty or eleven. Antoine said there was a little after-party. But don’t worry. You cook it. We can guarantee it will get eaten.”

“But I wanted us to sit at the table and dine together. I was going to set the table. I haven’t even had a chance to talk to you or Brianna, Spencer.”

“Mom, look, I’m sorry. But you know what, we can talk on the phone anytime you want to. I’m just glad to see you. You know that.”

“Yeah, this makes me feel a whole lot better.”

“We’ll be back in California before you know it, Mrs. Grimes. We’re out of school the middle of May. You’ll be sick of us.”

“You’re planning to come back?”

“Spencer invited me. We might sublet an apartment together for the summer. I’ve already got an internship in San Francisco.”

“That’s great,” I say, not really caring enough about what she’s going to be doing to know any details. “What are you two about to do now?”

“Well, we’re all packed. But Brianna wants to do a little shopping and since she hasn’t seen much of the Bay Area besides Oakland, I’m giving her a tour of San Francisco and Marin County. We might not even make it back here before the game. But I’ll call you. Is that cool, Mom?”

“It’s cool.”

“Where’s Dad?”

“Beats me.”

“Well, we’re gonna dash on out of here.”

“But you haven’t even eaten breakfast.”

“We’ll stop and get something.”

“Then have fun,” I say. “I’ll see you later.”

“Love you. Oh! Wait! Mom, do you have any extra cash lying around that I could borrow?”

“Like how much?”

“If you could spare a hundred that would be great.”

“What’s wrong with your ATM card?”

“It has a serious negative balance.”

“What if I said no.”

He suddenly looks lost and confused.

“Look in my purse,” I say.

He does just that. Now he’s happy. “Thanks, Mom.”

“We’ll see you later, Mrs. Grimes.”

As soon as I hear my truck back out of that driveway I pick up every single piece of chicken one by one and drop them inside the garbage disposal. I listen to each piece grind to nothing. I do the same thing to the collard greens. After the last white stem disappears, I take handfuls of chopped-up sweet potatoes and push them down there, too. I grab both packages of scallops and prawns and the bag of mussels and march outside where I dump their contents into a trash bin one piece at a time. Then I go back inside and put every bowl, every pot, spice, and utensil back in its place of residence. When the bread pudding is done, I don’t wait long enough for it to cool, I just dig out two gigantic mounds and blow on each forkful as I gulp it down with my coffee. I’m just about to chuck the rest of it down the garbage disposal when I hear the doorbell. Unfortunately I’m in tears by the time I let Paulette and Bunny in.

“Girl, what is wrong with you?” Paulette asks.

“It’s not your husband again, is it?” Bunny asks.

I shake my head no as they follow me into the kitchen.

“I’m not cooking a damn thing,” I say.

“Why not? What happened?”

“Well, my son forgot I wanted to make dinner for him and on his last night being at home after a whole week of not seeing him he’s going to a basketball game because that’s more important than having dinner with his frigging obsolete mother. But you know what? It’s cool. It’s so very fucking cool.”

“No, it’s not, Marilyn,” Paulette says. “But slow down, baby. He’s growing up. They all do. The hard part is getting used to being on the periphery when we’re not their center anymore.”

“That’s true,” Bunny says.

“Shut up, Bunny. You don’t have any kids so you don’t even know what the hell I’m even feeling.”

“I beg to differ with you, sweetheart. My cats are just like kids.”

I’m not going to waste my time responding to her silly ass. “The thing that’s bothering me the most is that my own child doesn’t seem to appreciate how much time I was prepared to spend cooking this dinner. Which means they probably haven’t ever considered how many meals I’ve actually cooked for them. Or how many loads of clothes I’ve washed. I thought about it one year. I did over two thousand loads of clothes and cooked over five hundred meals: breakfast and dinner. I wonder if they have a clue as to how much time it takes to fold a T-shirt, a towel, a sheet. How much patience it takes to roll up nine pairs of socks, which don’t match or are too dirty to wash again. They’re ungrateful and I feel like I’ve been taken for granted big time.”

“Feel better now?” Paulette asks.

I throw a dish towel at her. “I could be overreacting.”

“You think?” Bunny says.

Paulette opens and closes the refrigerator and then smooths her hands across the empty countertops. The kitchen is spotless. “I thought you said you bought out the store this morning. What did you do with everything? We figured you’d have half the stuff finished by now.”

“I tossed it.”

“You tossed what?” Bunny asks.

“Everything.”

“Not all that expensive seafood?”

“I did.”

“Where exactly did you toss it?”

“Outside in the trash bin.”

“That’s just ridiculous, Marilyn. And I’m going right out there to get it. I’ll figure out a way to cook it myself.”

“Is that a bread pudding on the table?” Paulette asks.

“Yes it is.”

“I know you’re not throwing that out. Don’t even answer that. I’ll take it home if you don’t want it.”

“Take it,” I say.

“It’ll be all right, Marilyn. Just try to understand that when they grow up their friends and girlfriends become important to them. But it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care or appreciate what you do. Believe me.”

“What about your son?”

“That’s a whole different ball of wax, honey. You know what I’m saying here. Okay?”

“Yeah, well I’ll tell you guys something. This entire household is going to be in for quite a few big surprises because they’re about to start seeing what’s important to me. And they’ll probably go into shock when they realize that most of it does not include them.”

Chapter 19

A
fter I convince Paulette and Bunny that I’m not so much upset as I am disappointed and hurt and that I’m not having a nervous breakdown, they take their goodies and leave. I put my sneakers on and take that long hard walk. These hills almost kill me. When I get to Sequoia I turn down the street and search for a house that needs work. I’m not looking for Gordon. I’m looking for repairs. In fact, now would not be a good time to see him. I might throw myself at his feet or break down and confess my fears and sins and beg him to save me or something just as stupid. When I spot his place I know it’s the right one because I see the back of his car parked in the driveway. I do an immediate about-face and head back toward my house.

I’m just about to get in the shower when the phone rings. I answer it like Tiecey: “Who’s calling and what do you want?”

“Marilyn?” Gordon says.

“Oh shoot! I’m sorry. I thought you might be somebody else.”

“Are you all right?”

“Actually, I’m a little upset right now but I should not have answered the phone that way. I apologize.”

“No need to. There’s nothing wrong with expressing a little anger, especially when you’re feeling it. Is there anything I can do?”

Why did he have to ask me that? “No, but thanks.”

“I thought I saw you walking up the hill a little while ago, was that you?”

“If she was huffing and puffing then that was probably me.”

“Why didn’t you stop by?”

“I wasn’t sure which house was yours.”

“I told you, it’s the one that looks like it should be torn down.”

“Another time.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. It’s just a lot of things going on at once and I’m feeling unappreciated and it just doesn’t feel very good.”

“So what are you going to do about it?”

“I give.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’m changing my course.”

“Would your marriage be on or off this course?”

“Off.”

“Wow. And you’re absolutely sure about this?”

“I think so.”

“Well, I’m really sorry to hear this, Marilyn. On one hand. But not the other. Would you like to have dinner with me to talk about what you’re going through?”

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea right now, Gordon.”

“I didn’t mean today. And I just meant dinner.”

“Then I might take you up on it.”

“How’s Leon dealing with this?”

“It was his idea.”

“Oh. Wow. He seemed like such a cool brother.”

“Cool is putting it mildly. How about more like an ice cube.”

“Sometimes men go through some weird stuff when we’re in our forties. So whatever it is might not even be under his control.”

“I beg to differ with you. Anyway, he’s not the only one in his forties around here nor does he have a cap on being emotionally frazzled or overly sensitive. Half the time I feel like there’s live entertainment going on inside my head. Oh, never mind. I shouldn’t even be saying this.”

“I’m not going to the tabloids, Marilyn. Remember me? We used to have this honesty thing going on. I don’t want to take advantage of you because of your situation. I just know what this feels like, so you go on and get in the shower and call me when you need an ear.”

“How d’you know I was about to take a shower?”

“Because I can hear the water in the background and I can tell you’re not wet. You take care of yourself.”

I hang up. And he’s wrong about one thing. I am dripping wet.

I have to get out of this house, so I drive to Sabrina’s apartment in Berkeley without bothering to call. If she’s home, she’s home. I haven’t been over here in so long I forgot how difficult parking is. Luckily, I’m not in the truck and I’m just barely able to squeeze into a tight spot. But no sooner do I put the money in the meter and walk up to her building, than I remember that they don’t even live here anymore. They moved to a bigger place right after the first of the year. Shit! Shit! Shit!

It’s much harder getting out of this parking space than it was getting in and I pray that I don’t do any damage when I tap the fender of that Yukon in front of me. I can see that it’s still smooth after I’m out. To be on the safe side, when I get to the corner I pull into a bus stop and call her. She answers. “Sabrina, this is your stupid mother calling to tell you that I was thinking of stopping by to say hi but went to your old apartment and I was wondering if you can tell me how to get to the new place.”

She’s cracking up. “Hi, Mom. Hate to break it to you, but we just moved across the street. Your son and his Southern belle just left here for the city. I heard you were making this big dinner and I wanna know why we weren’t invited?”

“I did invite you, huzzie. Don’t give me that.”

“You didn’t, Mom. I had no idea until Spencer told me.”

“Really?”

“Yep. But it’s cool. We’re coming anyway.”

“I’m not cooking now.”

“Why not?”

“Let me park this car again and I’ll be right up, okay?”

“Okay. Nevil’s at the library so you can use our spot in the lot—you can’t miss it—space AA. See you in a sec.”

I do this and press the AA button and am buzzed in. I think this used to be a school or something. Whatever it was is gone but what they put in its place has been completely restored so that it still has that prewar feeling. I can smell the incense or oils before she opens the door. Her head is wrapped like Erikah Badu’s, and she’s wearing something flowing, as usual, and of course it’s an earth tone. Her belly is getting round. I feel it when she kisses me on the cheek. “Hi, Mom. Welcome to our palatial sanctuary.”

And that it is. The apartment is huge. The ceilings are high and the windows are, too. This had to have been a school. The hardwood floors are smooth and dark. Plants are almost everywhere you turn. Everything is low to the floor: Futon. Tables. Lamps. Pillows I made. Handwoven rugs are in well-chosen places. “Sit,” she says. “Can I make you some tea?”

“No. I’m fine.”

“So why no dinner?”

“Where’s Sage?”

“At a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese for the daughter of one of my girlfriends and afterward she’s having eight three-year-olds sleep over. She’s crazy. But I’m letting her be crazy. So why no dinner, Mom?”

I collapse on the futon and feel my neck snap because it’s much lower than it looks. I’ll be glad when she buys some real furniture one day. “Spencer claims he forgot and I’m sure he told you about going to some stupid basketball game, didn’t he?”

“Yeah. But what has that got to do with anything?”

“The whole point, Sabrina, was to eat together. It was sort of my way of saying it was nice to see him, brief though it turned out to be. Even still.”

“So you didn’t cook, or what’s the deal?”

“I’m not cooking.”

“He hurt your feelings, then, huh?”

“He’s not the only one.”

“What’s Daddy done now?”

“Did he tell you he’s going to Costa Rica with Frank for four weeks?”

She sits down on two pillows and crosses her legs in that lotus position. How she can do this being three-and-a-half months pregnant, I don’t know. “Why is he going to Costa Rica and with Frank of all people?”

“Because he wants to leave me temporarily so that he can get his head together while he’s going through some kind of emotional turmoil that perhaps the young woman he’s sleeping with isn’t able to help clear up.”

“Whoa. Hold up. Stop right there, Mom. You are serious, too, I can see that. Another woman? Are you shitting me?”

“No, I’m not
shitting
you.”

“You mean he’s like having an affair?”

“I think that’s what they call them.”

“What would a young woman want with Dad?”

“I can tell you one thing she’s not getting.”

“Stop it, Mom. I don’t want to hear this.”

“Well, it’s real.”

“What is his problem?”

“I don’t know.”

“Wait a minute. Hold up here. How do you leave someone temporarily?”

“Well, he said he’s bored with his job and apparently with me, too, and he’s going down there to some kind of resort that’s also a spa and a retreat or something he said so he can rejuvenate himself and be new and improved when he gets back.”

“How do you feel about all this?”

“I might not be there when he gets back, Sabrina.”

“What? But where would you go, Mom?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“What about Grandma?”

“Arthurine is your dad’s problem. He’s trying to make her my responsibility but I’m not falling for it this time.”

“Well, maybe he just needs this time to get his head straight if he’s been stressing. It does happen, Mom.”

“I know. But what about me, Sabrina? Huh? Lovey’s going through something that might be hard on all of us, but chances are I’m the one who’s going to have to handle it. My mother is losing her faculties, Sabrina. Joy swears she’s on the road to recovery, but I’m not real sure she’s got it in her. I’m bored and lonely. And I’m confused. Half the time I don’t know whether I’m coming or going.”

I’m crying like a little kid, and this is when my daughter gets up and hugs me as if I am. “It’s okay, Mom. You’ve got a right to feel stressed.”

“I’m just the caretaker. The wife. The cook. The recliner Leon chills out in. I’m tired of it and yet I can’t help but admit that I’m scared to change.”

“Do it anyway, Mom. Why not? You did send in your portfolio and those applications, right?”

I nod, while drying my eyes.

“That’s a big step in the right direction. You know what you might want to try?”

“What’s that?”

“Yoga.”

“I already know the benefits of yoga, Sabrina. You don’t have to do a hard sell. When I’m ready to be calm, I’ll do it.”

“There’s also a Chinese doctor and herbalist I want you to see, and a book I want you to read. I bought it just for you.”

I sink back into this futon that seems to be more comfortable now than when I first fell into it. “Will this transform my life, too?”

“Don’t be so sarcastic, Mom. I’ll say this. In China, they don’t even have a word for menopause. Those women don’t suffer through it the way we do in Western culture.”

“Is it the rice?”

“I’ll tell you what I read. The more stress you’re under, the more symptoms you have. This is supposed to be the last great opportunity you and every woman going through this will ever have to prepare your mind, your body, and your spirit to have a long healthy life. This should be the time in your life to flourish in all kinds of ways.”

“I’m trying,” I say.

“Well, think of this time like you’re going on a long car trip across the desert and this is the only chance you’re going to have to make sure your car is tuned properly, that it’s full of gas and that you’ve gotten enough rest to drive. But if you’re stressed or pissed or unhappy, you won’t make it through the desert. If you want to get to wherever it is you think you want to go, you have to be willing to change everything you do that stops you.”

“Give me some examples.”

“You don’t exercise.”

“True.”

“You could stand to change your eating habits.”

“True.”

“You could stand to do something different with your hair.”

“I like my hair the way it is.”

“It’s boring, Mom. Go nappy.”

“Are you leaving out anything?”

“You might have to tell Daddy bye-bye. There you have it.”

I look at my beautiful, healthy, pregnant, and smart daughter. “Thank you for saying this. But tell me something, Sabrina, are you happy?”

This seems to catch her off guard. “Yes, I am. We have our ups and downs like everybody else, but for the most part, we’re on the same wavelength.”

“Then why are you the one postponing getting your degree and moving to another continent, basically to accommodate him?”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Would he do it for you?”

“I think so.”

“Then why doesn’t he?”

“Because I never asked him.”

“But I thought you were so gung ho about getting your master’s.”

“I am, but it can wait a year or two.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I’ve always wanted to see London.”

“Then why can’t you just buy a ticket and go for a vacation?”

“Mom, why is this bothering you so much all of a sudden?”

“It’s not sudden. I’ll just say it. You remind me of myself twenty-two years ago when I put getting my master’s on hold to marry your father and because I was pregnant with you. The next thing I know, here come the twins. And your daddy wanted me to stay home and be a hands-on kind of mother, which I didn’t mind doing, but fast-forward the film, Sabrina, and here I am. I don’t want this to happen to you. Looks like you’re already on your way.”

“There’s sacrifice in every relationship, Mom, and somebody’s gotta make it.”

“But why does it always have to be
us
?”

“It’s my choice. Just like you chose to raise us. I’m going to come back in two years and my husband will be able to afford to take care of his family while I…”

“Your what? I beg to differ with you, baby, but he is not your husband.”

“He feels like my husband.”

“But he isn’t.”

“Anyway, I’m going to get my master’s in education and I’m going to focus on improving literacy in our communities and I’m going to help change the way public education avoids the issue. And I’ll do it with my child in tow if I have to.”

“Two children in tow.”

“Sage is my daughter, even if I didn’t give birth to her. You probably feel the same about Aunt Joy. I’m blessed, Mom. And please don’t worry. I’m not going to give up my dreams or my plans for Nevil or any man. He’s on my side.”

I get up and head for the door. “Look, I didn’t mean to come over here and upset your world. I’m sorry.” I give her a hug.

“It’s quite all right. Let Daddy do his thing, and you start doing yours. Watch and see. Half the things that drive you crazy will cease to even move you.” She hands me the yoga brochure, gives me that doctor’s business card, and then gives me the bag with the book in it, which of course I do not open for weeks.