The India Fan (27 page)

Polly had said before I left, en are funny things. There the good and the bad, the faithful sort and them that can stop running after women even if they know theye sitting on a keg of gunpowder. It choosing the right one to start with that the thing.

f there is a choice,I reminded her.

here a choice whether to or not. That where it comes in. And there some I wouldn touch with a barge pole.

I knew Fabian was one of those; but Dougal hadn been, and he was soon to be joined in matrimony with Lavinia, who might well be, as Polly had mentioned, one of those who was sitting on a keg of gunpowder. It was almost certain that that marriage would not run smoothly.

The wedding day dawned. It was a great day for the village. My father performed the ceremony. The church was decorated with flowers of all descriptions. These had been sent down from nearby nurseries, which had chosen their best blooms for the purpose. With them had come two ladies to arrange the flowers, much to the disgust of the Misses Glyn and Burrows, who had always previously dealt with the decoration of the church.

It was very impressive. Lavinia was a breathtakingly beautiful bride, Dougal a handsome bridegroom. The guests were numerous.

I sat at the back of the church. I saw Lady Harriet, resplendent in her wedding finery, and Fabian with her, extremely distinguished. I felt like a wren among peacocks.

And so Lavinia was married to Dougal.

Janine was dead. Fleur future was taken care of. I felt it was the end of an episode.

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A Perilous Journey Across the Desert

That happened two years ago. They had been two uneventful years, and life had taken on a grey monotone. Each day I rose in the morning knowing exactly what the day would bring. There was no light and shadow. The excitement was whether it would be fine for the summer fete or whether the bazaar would make more profit this year than last.

Fabian had left for India earlier than had been expected and went off soon after Lavinia wedding day.

It was absurd, but it seemed very dull without him. Why it should, when I had seen so little of him and had taken such pains to avoid him, I could not imagine. I should not regret his going. He was, as Polly would have said, a menace.

Although I had often been irritated by Lavinia, I missed her. Framling seemed different without them. I wondered whether Lady Harriet missed them and I was surprised that she had allowed both her darlings to leave her. She gave herself up to the task of ruling the village with more energy than ever. Colin Brady was quite a favourite with her, which I guessed was because he was more conventional than my father had been. He was a subservient young man: h yes, of course, Lady Harriet,hank you for telling me, Lady Harriet.I wanted to shout at him, ou don have to be quite so blatantly humble. I am sure the living will be yours in time.

There was another reason for depression. My father health was deteriorating. He became tired very easily and I had to be grateful to Colin for his care of him. Colin was to all intent and purposes playing the part of rector. It must be noticed and his reward must come.

I heard Lady Harriet say once, uch a pleasant young man! The dear rector can be a little odd, you know. All that preoccupation with dead people and those who have been dead so long. He has his own parish to think of. You think that would be enough for him.

She called at the rectory now and then, feeling it was her duty to do so. She would cast her probing eyes over me.

I knew her thoughts. She liked everything to be rounded off neatly. My father had been ailing for some time and, like Charles the Second, was an unconscionable long time a-dying. I was his unmarried daughter and there was a young man living in the rectory. The solution was obvious in Lady Harriet view, and in such circumstances those concerned should realize this and accept what was offered them.

My father had a slight stroke. It did not incapacitate him entirely, but his speech thickened a little and he lost some use of his arm and leg; he had become a semi-invalid.

I nursed him with the help of Mrs. Janson and two of the maids. I could see, though, that I was moving towards some climax.

Dr. Berryman, who had always been a good friend to us, told me he feared my father could have another stroke at any time and that could be fatal.

So I was prepared.

I used to spend a lot of time reading to him. It was what he enjoyed most and this duty certainly increased my knowledge of Greek and Roman history. Each day I woke up and wondered what it would bring, for I knew the existing state of affairs could not last.

Lady Harriet invited me to Framling to take tea with her. I sat in the drawing room while my stately hostess presided behind the lace-covered table, on which was the silver tray with silver teapot, thin bread and butter and a fruit cake.

A parlourmaid took the cup containing the tea that Lady Harriet had poured for me. While the maid remained, conversation was guarded, but I knew it was not simply to take tea that I had been summoned.

She talked of Lavinia and how much she was enjoying India.

he social life there must be very exciting,she went on. here are so many people from the Company out there. I believe the natives are so grateful to us. And so they should be. Ingratitude is something I cannot tolerate. The Earl is well and the dear young people are blissfully happy together especially after the birth of little Louise. Dear me. Imagine Lavinia a mother!

I smiled grimly to myself. Lavinia had been a mother far longer than Lady Harriet realized.

She talked of little Louise and how she at least would have to come home sometime. It would be a little while yet, but children couldn live in India all their childhood.

I sat listening and agreeing as docilely as Colin Brady might have done.

When we had finished tea and the tray was removed Lady Harriet said, am a little anxious about the state of affairs at the rectory.

I raised my eyebrows slightly as though to question why.

She smiled at me benignly. have always kept an eye on you, my dear, ever since your mother died. It was so sad. A child left like that. And your father I am very fond of him, but his head is in the clouds just a little. Most men find it difficult to care for a child but he particularly so. So I have watched over you.

I had not noticed the attention and was rather glad that I had notut, of course, I did not really believe in it.

our father is very frail, my dear.

am afraid so,I said.

here comes a time when facts have to be faced however painful. Your father health is failing. It is time Mr. Brady took over entirely. He is an excellent young man and has my full support. He entertains very warm feelings towards you. If you and he married, it would be a relief to me and such a happy solution to the problems that will inevitably face you. As the rector daughter you know our ways

I felt indignant at the manner in which my future was being disposed of.

I said with a certain hauteur, ady Harriet, I have no wish to marry.I wanted to add, nd I shall certainly not do so because it is a relief to you.

She smiled indulgently, as though at a wayward child.

ou see, my dear, your father is no longer young. You are of an age to marry. I have spoken of the matter to Mr. Brady.

I could imagine it, and his responses, es, Lady Harriet, if you think I should marry Drusilla, I shall certainly do so.

I felt angry and roused up all the stubbornness in my nature.

ady Harriet,I began, but I was saved from giving vent to my anger, which would probably have meant that I should be exiled from Framling forever, by a commotion outside the room.

I heard someone say, o no, Lady Harriet is in there.

Lady Harriet rose and swept to the door. She flung it open and started back, for standing there was a wild figure whom I recognized at once. Her hair hung down her back in some disarray; she was wearing a loose nightgown and her feet were bare.

hat does this mean?demanded Lady Harriet.

The woman I had known as Ayesha came hurrying forward, and my memory went back to the first time I had seen Miss Lucille, who had talked to me about the peacock-feather fan.

would speak to her,she cried wildly. he is here. Ah She was looking at me, stumbling towards me. Ayesha held her back.

iss Lucille come to your room. It is better so.I remembered the sing-song voice which had impressed me all those years ago.

Miss Lucille said, want to talk to her There is something I must say.

Lady Harriet said briskly, ake Miss Lucille back to her bedroom. How could this have happened? I have ordered that she should be kept to her own apartments, which is so necessary for her health.

I had risen and the poor demented woman stared at me. Then she smiled rather tenderly. want I want she began.

Ayesha murmured, es, yes later on We shall see. We shall see

Ayesha took her gently by the hand and led her away; as she went she turned her head and looked at me helplessly.

Lady Harriet was extremely put out.

She said, cannot think what happened. She is far from well. I do everything I can to care for her, and that they should have let her come down

Clearly the scene had shaken her as well as myself. Her thoughts had strayed from me and my affairs. What was happening at Framling was of far more consequence.

ell, my dear,she said, dismissing me, ou will think about it and you will see what is best.

I was glad to get away and went thoughtfully home.

It was a real problem facing me, and though I would do anything rather than accept Lady Harriet solution, I had to admit that the future looked rather bleak.

Two days later Colin Brady asked me to marry him.

I did a good deal of walking. I should have liked to ride, but I had no horse of my own, and although Fabian had long ago given me access to the Framling stables, in view of my inability to fall in with Lady Harriet views, I did not feel I could make use of the offer.

I had come home after a walk and was taking a shortcut across the churchyard when I saw Colin coming out of the church.

h, Drusilla,he said. did want to have a word with you.

I guessed what was coming.

I looked at him steadily. He was by no means ill favoured. His face shone with virtue; he was the sort of man who would walk in the paths of righteousness all his life; he would make no enemies, except those who were envious of his virtues; he would bring comfort to the sick and ailing; he would introduce a touch of laboured humour, and many a young woman would be eager to spend a lifetime caring for him. Marriage with him was as much as an impecunious parson daughter could hope for.

I don know what I did hope for, but I did feel that I ought to face the world alone rather than with someone who had been more or less ordered to marry me, and whom I had been advised to accept because it was the best thing for me.

ello, Colin,I said. usy as usual, I see.

arish affairs. They can be demanding. The rector was looking less well, I thought, this morning.He shook his head.

es,I answered. am afraid he is very weak.

He cleared his throat. t seems to me a good idea if you and I well, in view of everything it seems a good solution

Again that irritation arose in me. I did not want marriage to be a solution.

ell,he went on, ou know this place. And I I have grown to love it and to love you, too, Drusilla.

think,I told him, ou have been talking to Lady Harriet. Perhaps I should say she has been talking to you. One doesn exactly talk to Lady Harriet. One listens.

He gave a little titter and coughed.

hat I was really going to say was that you and I could get married.

nd you mean you could take over the rectory.

ell, I think it would be a successful answer to all our problems.

feel one should not undertake marriage as an answer to problems, don you?

He looked puzzled. He said, ady Harriet has intimated

h, I know what she intimated, but I wouldn want to marry just because it is convenient.

t is not only that He took my hand and looked earnestly at me. am very fond of you, you know.

like you, too, Colin. I am sure you will make an excellent job of it all when you take over completely. Well, you really have done that already. As for myself, I am not sure that I want to marry yet.

y dear girl, you mustn think like that. Everything will be all right, I do assure you. I do not want to hurry you. If we could be engaged.

o, Colin. Not yet.

know you have a great deal on your mind. You are worried about your father. Perhaps I have spoken too soon. Lady Harriet

I wanted to scream at him, ady Harriet is not going to govern my life if she governs yours.

ady Harriet,I said calmly, ikes to arrange people lives. Please try to understand, Colin, that I want to manage my own.

He laughed. he is a very forceful lady but kind at heart, I think, and eager for your welfare. I have spoken too soon. I know you are very anxious about your father. We will speak together later.

I let it go at that, but I wanted to shout at him, l never marry you.

That seemed unkind. He was gentle and goodhearted. I shouldn let him see how angry I was because he had made himself a tool of Lady Harriet. Perhaps he was wise. He had his way to make in the world and he knew he could not afford to ignore those such as Lady Harriet when they crossed his path, for they could be instrumental in making or breaking his career.

I went to the paddock a good deal. It was in Framling land, but rarely used. I found a certain peace there. I could see the west wing, that which housed Miss Lucille. I thought a great deal about that strange encounter of ours all those years ago. She had remembered, and when she came down to the drawing room where I was having tea with Lady Harriet, she had come to see me.

I brooded on the past and tried to look into the future. It was growing of some concern to me. My father was getting more and more frail. He looked forward to that period of the afternoon when I would read to him for a couple of hours, for his greatest affliction was his failing eyesight, which robbed him of his contact with the world of books. When he dozed off while I was reading I knew he was very weak indeed, for he so much looked forward to these sessions. I would let the book lie in my lap and look at his face, peaceful in repose. I would imagine his coming here with my mother and the hopes they had had and how they had planned for me. And then she had died, leaving him alone, and he had given himself to his books. How different it would have been had she lived!