The Independent Bride (27 page)

But such a natural tendency could be dangerous. It would be all too easy to start reading more into his actions, his intentions, his smiles than was really there. He was helping her because her failure could damage his career. As for his interest in her—the kisses—well, she was pretty and, with the exception of Moriah, the only single woman around. It was almost inevitable that he would show an interest in her.

She needed a distraction to help her get over Albert, time to establish her business on a firm footing so she would never again be dependent on anyone. As long as she could keep that in mind, there was no reason she couldn’t relax and enjoy Bryce’s attentions. As long as she kept her heart uninvolved, she could endure the physical attraction. His interest was born of this particular time, place, and set of circumstances. She had to keep reminding herself it wouldn’t translate to any other place.

She had been so deep in thought she hadn’t realized the music had ended and Bryce was leading her off the floor.

“You’re preoccupied tonight,” he said. “Is something wrong at the store?”

“No.” She couldn’t tell him that her thoughts had been entirely of him. “Still, there’s a lot to think about.”

He smiled, and her legs threatened to go out from under her. “There’s always a lot to think about, but it’s good to put it out of your mind every so often and think of something else entirely.”

“What should I think about? Everything causes some sort of problem.”

“Then don’t think about anything except tonight. It’s a nice party, the food is good, the company pleasant, and you’re dancing with a man who thinks you’re the most captivating woman here. That ought to give you at least a few happy thoughts.”

More like several dozen. Abby had a sinking feeling her heart wasn’t managing to say uninvolved.

“Don’t let anyone hear you say that. You have no idea the kind of rumors it could start.”

“Are you afraid of rumors?”

“I am when they’re untrue. I’ve been the victim of them before.”

“You never told me about that.”

“It’s something I’m trying to forget. I’d like some punch,” she said when they rejoined Dorrie and her husband. “I’m thirsty.”

She insisted Bryce dance with the officers’ wives. She wanted to head off any gossip about the two of them. It wouldn’t be possible to put an end to the whispers, not when she and Moriah were the only two single women at the fort, but she was determined not to give them more fuel. She also allowed herself to be led out on the floor by several enlisted men.

She turned down a marriage proposal from each of them.

“All these proposals could turn a woman’s head,” she confided to Bryce.

“You’re me most beautiful woman here tonight,” he said.

Abby hoped she wasn’t blushing. “Well, it’s time for me to go home,” she said. “I have a store to run. I can’t let Moriah do all the work just because I spent half the night dancing.”

Bryce was waiting for her when she finished thanking all the hostesses.

“You don’t have to walk me back,” she said.

“I’ve been in the saddle all day and I’m tired. Besides, you’re the only single woman present. Someone has to see you safely home.”

“You could organize a patrol from among the enlisted men,” Dome said, mischief in her smiling eyes.

“They’d probably knock Abby down in their struggles to see who got to walk next to her,” Bryce said. “She’ll be safer with me.”

Abby wasn’t sure. Six enlisted men posed no danger to her. One colonel did. An involuntary shiver ran through Abby when the night air hit her.

“Cold?” Bryce asked.

“A little.” The room had become hot from the proximity of so many bodies and the lamps it took to light the room.

“Let me put my overcoat around you.”

“Won’t you be cold?”

“The army doesn’t know how to make uniforms out of anything except wool. If I wore this over my uniform, I’d perspire.”

The overcoat was so heavy, Abby almost asked him to take it back. However, the night air had become quite cool and she appreciated the warmth.

Once her eyes became accustomed to the night, she could see everything with remarkable clarity. The moonlight had tinted the fort, surrounding plains, and mountains silver.

“Are you and your sister comfortable sleeping at the trading post?” Bryce asked.

“Why shouldn’t we be?”

“Having that much liquor in one place tempts people to break in. Your father slept with a shotgun at his bedside.”

“I have my rifle.”

“You shouldn’t have to do that. I’d feel better if you were still using my spare bedroom.”

“We trespassed on your hospitality long enough.”

“I didn’t think of it as trespassing. It was a pleasure for Pamela and me to have you.”

Abby laughed. “Is Pamela still complaining about Zeb’s cooking?”

“Yes, but that’s not what I’m talking about. We’d have enjoyed having you stay with us even if you didn’t cook. Pamela adores you. And I think you’re rather special, too.”

“I enjoyed it, too,” Abby said, determined not to let him know how much, “but the trading post is our home. There’s no reason for us to stay anywhere else.”

“Not even for your safety?”

“You’ve put a guard on us at night. How much safer can we be?”

“You’d be safer sleeping in my spare bedroom.”

Why did he keep doing this? If he just wanted someone to eat dinner with, he could come right out and ask. Moriah would probably fuss, but Abby would enjoy eating with him and Pamela a couple of times a week. She stopped in the middle of the parade ground and turned to Bryce.

“Staying in your house would only cause gossip.”

“Why?”

“Don’t pretend to be dense. You’re single. So am I. Your attention and help have caused people to wonder about our relationship. If I were to stay in your house— especially since there’s no need now—people would be certain something was going on.”

“Not with Moriah there, too.”

“Even with Moriah. They’d suppose she was encouraging me to try to entrap the most eligible man at the fort.”

“But everyone knows I’m not looking for a wife.”

“They might think I’d settle for a more informal relationship. A man’s reputation can survive something like that. A woman’s can’t” She turned back toward the trading post.

“If I find anyone questioning your reputation, even in a whisper, I’ll transfer him to the worst fort in the West.”

Abby was touched that Bryce was so concerned about her reputation, but he had to know punishing people would only make things worse.

“Thank you,” she said, “but I’m happier where I am.”

“I’m not.”

She turned to him again. “Why not? Everyone knows you intend to choose a wife from your own social circle.”

“Just because a woman will make a perfect wife doesn’t mean she’s the woman you love.”

Abby knew Bryce wasn’t in love with her—she didn’t want him to be—but her pulse quickened. He wouldn’t have mentioned love if his feelings for her weren’t very strong. She wanted him to like her—she really wanted more than liking—but she didn’t know what else she wanted. And even if she did, she didn’t know if she should reach for it. It could be dangerous to both their plans for the future.

“Don’t you want to love your wife?”

“It’s more important that a couple have the same goals, the same willingness to sacrifice to achieve them.”

“I know love can blind you to faults and shortcomings, make you see what you want to see rather than what’s really there, but I couldn’t marry a man I didn’t love. I’d rather remain alone. You’re not in love with me.

“I didn’t say I was, but just because you don’t fall in love doesn’t mean you can’t hold someone in deep affection.”

Abby turned toward the trading post. “Deep affection is for friends of the same sex. Between a man and a woman it can only cause pain.”

“Not if both hold each other in deep affection,” Bryce said.

“What are you asking of me?”

“I find you very attractive and I like you very much. I want to spend more time with you, time when you’re not in the store and I’m not dealing with my responsibilities. I want to get to know you better. I have a very difficult time standing here talking to you without touching you. Will you let me see you more?”

“Yes,” Abby said, casting caution to the winds.

“When?”

“I don’t know. I can’t neglect my work. That would be unfair to Moriah.”

“I can delegate someone to help her.”

“It would be better if I could get one of the wives to help her.”

“You won’t take a long time to do it, will you?”

“No.”

“Will you let me know as soon as you’re free?”

“Yes.”

Abby didn’t understand why she was getting more depressed with every word. She was a grown woman with the natural needs and desires of a grown woman. She was an independent businesswoman, so she had no one to answer to, no one to set up rules for her to follow. There was no reason to be upset, angry, or hurt.

So why did she want to cry?

“I’m glad I was able to get back for the party tonight,” Bryce said. “I would have hated to miss dancing with you.”

“I don’t dance that well.”

“It’s not the dance. It’s the dancer.”

They had reached the porch of the trading post. Abby was about to pull the rope that was attached to a bell in their living quarters so Moriah would unbar the door. Her sister didn’t like being in the post alone with the front door open.

Bryce reached for Abby’s hand. “Don’t go in just yet. You don’t have to worry about gossip. No one can see us.”

Abby wasn’t sure about that, but she didn’t want the evening to end just yet. She liked being with Bryce. Over the last several days she’d come to realize that only work kept him from being constantly in her thoughts. Bryce slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her close.

“Have I told you I think you’re beautiful?”

“Yes, but I never told you I think you’re handsome.”

“Do you?”

“You know you are. Every woman at the fort thinks so.

“I’m not concerned about every woman, just you.”

He pulled her so close, their lips were only inches apart. She felt the warmth of his breath on her cheek. Her body was growing too warm for the overcoat. When he slipped his other arm around her waist, the overcoat slid off her shoulders. It fell to the ground almost unnoticed as his lips met hers in a passionate kiss.

Abby thought she had gotten used to her response to Bryce’s touch, but now it seemed to be stronger than ever. Her body strained to meet him, to press itself against him, to draw warmth and strength from him. She seemed to want to burrow inside of him until she became part of him. Her arms wound around Bryce’s neck, pulled him down closer to her, binding him to her with all her strength. She rose on her tiptoes to be closer still, to return his kiss with equal fervor.

Bryce’s first kiss had been a shock and a revelation, one she’d since dreamed about many times. She’d never believed such an expression between two people could be proper, but now she didn’t care. Nothing in her life had had the power to make her feel so alive, so full of energy, so
wanted.

Though she understood in her mind why her father had never wanted his daughters to join him, she’d never been able to overcome the feeling that she was somehow inadequate, that she didn’t measure up, that she was unwanted. Albert hadn’t been able to banish that fear. But being in Bryce’s strong embrace, being kissed with nearly savage energy, made her feel she was so important this man would move heaven and earth for her.

She
needed
to feel wanted.

Bryce deepened their kiss, drawing her to him as if she belonged to him. His tongue invaded her mourn like a swaggering conqueror, vanquishing all before him as though it was his divine right. She fought to hold her own against him, yet didn’t mind being overpowered, overwhelmed, overcome. The magnitude of her defeat was at the same time a measure of the depth of his desire for her. Her weakness was at the same time her strength. The joy of her surrender was immense.

Bryce broke their kiss with such suddenness she felt all her support had been withdrawn at once, that she was plummeting through space with nothing to break her fall. She felt weak, limp in his embrace.

She wondered why neither Albert nor any of the other men she’d known had attempted to kiss her as Bryce had. She wondered why just being with Bryce had affected her more powerfully than all the times she’d spent in the company of men who said they liked her.

She wondered why Bryce could make her question her decision never to be married, never to allow herself to fall in love. She wondered why his kisses made her realize she had never loved Albert even though she’d thought she wanted to marry him. Bryce made her question everything about her relationships with men, past and present.

But all the questions were pointless; Bryce would be leaving soon.