The Impostor, A Love Story (5 page)

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Brad’s a sweetheart.”

Right then, Rita left the other car and
started making her way toward the vehicle. Dylan shook his head.
“Oh my god, no!”

“What’s wrong?” I turned around to see where
his eyes were focused.

“It’s Rita.”

“I thought you slept with her.” I had seen
them go home together a few nights before. Not that I was stalking
him or anything.

“I was drunk. She can’t take a hint.”

“When aren’t you drunk, Dylan?” a female
voice rang out.

“Shut up, Veronica, you knew I wasn’t
interested in a relationship.”

Another one of the girls in the SUV van let
out she had slept with him too. I realized I needed to leave
quickly. He was enticing, and I could see how I could get sucked
into one of his lines, but he was a creep. I started to feel
nauseous that I was so attracted to him.

I slid open the door. “I’ll let you have fun
with your harem. I’d hate to get in the way of anything.” I stepped
out of the vehicle. “Rita! Hey, there is one more seat in here next
to Dylan if you like,” I shouted.

Dylan grabbed my arm. “Please don’t go,” he
whispered, trying to get me to save him from the psychotic woman he
was trying to avoid.

“Give me a break. Sit next to you for hours?
Not interested. I don’t want to catch anything.” I walked quickly
away from the truck.

Emily rolled down her window. “Where are you
going?”

“Nicole, what’s up?” Bradley screamed from
his truck.

“I just remembered something I have to do,” I
lied.

“Get in here.” Bradley told one of the girls
in his truck to ride with Justin and asked me to get in. “You are
coming, Nicole. I’m not taking no for an answer.”

I motioned to Emily that I’d just go in
Brad’s vehicle instead, and she understood. She knew I was
interested in Dylan and that there was no way I could let myself
ever go out with him. I had already been there, done that, and had
the scars of a broken heart to prove it. I took a deep breath and
tried to forget how it felt to be so close to him.

We pulled up to the huge boat. A big deck
hovered above the water, with a balcony overlooking the deck. We
walked down to the lower level where windows looked out to the
water. Plenty of tables were scattered throughout the area, and a
small café sat in the corner. Chris and Emily settled in at a table
next to a large window.

I ran up to the deck to watch as the boat
pulled away from the pier. The gentle waves crashed against the
boat as we made our way farther from shore. It was cold, but I
didn’t want to miss a minute of it by going inside. I loved the way
the wind gently sang, relaxing me, and helping my mind escape.
Within ten minutes of departure, the waters were already unveiling
sea animals. A little girl stood with me, just as captivated to see
the otters as I was.

“Over there!” Both our faces lit up as we
pointed out the seals playing all around. I felt her trembling.
She must be a tourist who didn’t come to Alaska prepared at
all.

I had on a small sweater under my coat.
Taking off my jacket, I wrapped it around the little girl. She was
about the same age as my sweet Jessica. She made me miss my little
angel so much. I ran my fingers over the little plastic bracelet
Jess gave me before I left. I wished she was here.

“We can’t take your coat,” the woman said as
I wrapped my scarf around her daughter too.

“I’m fine. I’m used to the cold.” I wasn’t.
The moment I took off the jacket I realized how nippy it was, but
the girl was so tiny and innocent and her little face, so pink.

“Where are you all from?” I could tell they
were from the south, but couldn’t quite place the accent.

“Phoenix, Arizona. It still feels like summer
there.”

“I can only imagine.” We shared a few magical
moments with the playful otters, and then I made my way inside to
warm up a little, grabbing some hot cocoa.

I saw Emily sitting with Chris in the corner
laughing. I walked over to their table and invited myself to sit
down.

“You should have seen the otters. They were
so cute,” I interrupted. Jessica really would have loved them.

“It’s too cold out there. We will watch by
this window,” Emily began. Truth was the only thing Emily was
interested in observing was Chris—although she would never let on
she was interested. Not that I was jealous or anything, but this
was the first time since we had been in Alaska we weren’t joined at
the hip.

“Chris said he could take us horseback riding
sometime. I thought it might be fun. What do you think?”

“That would be great. I love horseback
riding. Definitely sign me up.”

I gawked out the window at a school of
dolphins jumping above the water. “Oh my gosh. Look! I’ll be back.
I’m going back to the deck.” I figured I’d leave them alone. He was
the first guy she seemed remotely interested in since her ex.

I searched the lower deck. Bradley was
surrounded by people, and I wasn’t really in the mood for small
talk, so I made my way back outside alone.

The wind stung my face, but I felt free. The
mountains shot up into the air, towering over the waters.
Spectacular. I disappeared for a moment. For a split second, I
wished I had a canvas. The way the sunlight danced on the water, I
wanted a pallet to capture its brilliance. But my painting was a
thing of the past.

I remembered the day I got the acceptance
letter from California Institute of the Arts with a full
scholarship. I could still remember the conversation as if it were
yesterday…

I was so excited. When Ronald got home, I ran
to him, knowing he would be proud of me. He always said I should
pursue my dreams. I realized, however, that was because he thought
I wouldn’t make it.

“This school is in California?” With a slight
slur, Ronald dismissed the letter and tossed it aside as if
disgusted. I could smell the whisky on his breath.

“Yes, it’s an amazing school!”

“So you applied to something in California?
What the hell, Nicole? Why would you do that?”

“We talked about me applying to these
universities, Ronald. You knew I was going to do this.”

“What will you do for money? And what about
me? Am I supposed to follow you around? Who will cook for me if you
are at school all day? You’re not going to college, especially not
in California.”

“I am going to college, Ronald. I didn’t work
this hard in school for nothing.”

“So you want to leave me? Is that what you
want?”

“I applied to other universities as well. If
I get a scholarship to one that is closer, I’ll go there
instead.”

“I don’t think you understand me, Nicole. You
are not going to school. I’m not going to wait around for you.”

“Ronald, this is something I have been
dreaming about since I was eight. You told me you understood. You
were with me when I applied.”

“Things were different then. That was before
you moved in with me. What the hell is going to art school going to
do for you? You need to work. You need to make money, not play with
a bunch of paint.”

“Ronald, this is what I want to do. I want to
teach. This program will not only help me get my stuff into
galleries, but will give me the credentials to teach. It’s what
I’ve always wanted to do.”

“There will be no more discussion.” He picked
up the letter and tore it up, throwing it in the trashcan. My heart
dropped. An empty feeling began to consume me.

I ran to the trashcan, picking out the torn
pieces and putting them in my pocket. “You can’t tell me what to
do.” Tears began pouring out of my eyes. “You can’t tell me what to
do!” I screamed back at him.

The summer after I graduated from high
school, I had moved into his apartment. He was a few years older
than me. I don’t know why I was in such a hurry to grow up. He was
my first love, but once I moved in, he began to change.

“You’re choosing some stupid paints over me?
Is that what you are saying?” His eyes began to bug out, and I
could see the veins in his neck. He ripped one of my paintings off
the wall. “This? This crap? You are going to choose this crap over
me?” He swung the painting around and smashed it against the corner
of the wall. After breaking it in half, he grabbed a knife to
finish it off.

Grabbing the ceramic hands
I sculpted off the coffee table, he turned and smashed them on the
counter. A sob escaped me, remembering the work I put into
sculpting them.
“This shit, this shit is nothing!” I just
stood there in disbelief.

“Stop it, Ronald. Stop it.” I ran to him,
trying to stop him from destroying every piece I had created.

“Get the fuck off me, bitch.” He swung at me
and I plummeted over the coffee table. Then he picked up the canvas
from the hallway, came back at me, and began beating me with the
sunset I had painted. The painting where I had captured serenity
was now used to break my ribs and batter my face.

I tried to stand up, but was beaten to the
ground. Glaring at me laying there, he picked up the whisky bottle
to strike me and make sure I learned my lesson in obedience. But he
stopped when he realized I was lying there bloody and
motionless.

I woke up in the hospital. Ronald had told
them I had fallen down the stairs again. I think they knew better.
I was lying in the hospital bed when the nurse came in.

“The baby is okay. There seems to be nothing
wrong with her. We will have to keep you overnight to make sure she
remains stable and to watch over you, but she is a miracle baby to
survive a fall like that. Your ribs are broken.”

“A baby?” I questioned, puzzled. “I’m
pregnant?”

“Yes, you are. At least twelve weeks.”

“A baby?” Ronald said with excitement. “We
are going to have a baby, honey.” He acted as if nothing had
happened. He was excited because he knew: pregnant, I couldn’t go
to college.

When Ronald left the hospital, my parents and
Emily begged me not to go home to him. I don’t know why I did. He
was the only love I knew, and we were about to have a child. I
thought things would change. I thought his cheating, his abuse, and
his drinking would stop now that we were having a baby.

When I returned home, there was no sign I had
ever painted before in my life. All my paints, all my clay was
stripped from the apartment. He would never allow me to even speak
of it again. That day, a little piece of me died.

I don’t know why I loved him so much. I
wanted it to work. He was Jess’s dad. But one evening after a
beating, I focused on my battered face in the mirror, touching the
purple bruise around my eye, and realized my daughter Jessica
shouldn’t have to see her mother like this.

I heard a splash, and it helped me escape
from my horrible memory. There were schools of dolphins jumping
into the air and performing tricks. I allowed them to help me
forget and just be present in the moment. They were so close, if I
was to jump overboard and swim, I could be in the middle of their
performance.

My cheeks stung. The wind gently splashed my
face with the mist. Goosebumps covered my arms, but I was so taken
in by the beauty of the mountains, and how graceful the dolphins
were, I bore the cold. I hung over the railing like a little kid,
excited at each discovery of marine life.

All of a sudden, a body came up behind me,
and warm hands rubbed my arms as if trying to help relieve me of my
goose bumps.

“You’re going to freeze to death out
here.”

I glanced around and saw Dylan. I couldn’t
believe he would come over to me after what I did to him with
Rita.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. Where’s your coat?” He
discovered the little four-year-old wrapped in it.

“She was cold,” I explained.

“Do you know her?”

“It doesn’t matter. She was cold.” I
dismissed the question.

“And you? Are you cold now?” He continued to
warm my arms with his hands.

“I’m fine.” I wasn’t fine. He was touching
me, and this tickly feeling wiggled its way through my body.

Dylan shook his head.

“Look,” I screamed. I was so excited to see a
killer whale burst out through the water, I forgot who I was
talking to. “Can you see them!” I gasped. I turned my body around
to view another one. “They are so amazing. Look!”

“You have seen a bunch today. You would think
you’ve never seen a whale before?”

“How could anything so powerful ever get old?
Oh my gosh! Orcas.” I laughed as if they did their performance just
for the two of us.

He stood behind as his hands slowly traveled
up and down my arms, allowing me to express my childish awe. I knew
I should have shoved him away, but the truth was it felt good. I
was freezing, and it was relieving some of the bite. It also was
nice sharing this moment with someone, even if I had to remind
myself he was with a different girl every night.

He wrapped his jacket around me and lifted my
hair out from under the collar.

So warm. “
Wait, what are you doing?” I
turned and peeked up at him.

“You are bright pink.” He began fastening the
buttons. “If you are going to stay out here, you have to wear
something.”

“What about you? I’m the one who gave my
jacket away. I didn’t do it to have you give me yours.” Oh, but it
felt so warm and the smell, mmm, the scent of his cologne filled my
nose.

“I know, but what kind of man would I be if I
left you here to freeze? I’ll be fine. Everyone else has the sense
to stay inside.” I tried to take it off to return it to him, but he
wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“This will be the last time I ask you to put
more clothes on. Trust me. That was really sweet of you to give
your coat to that little girl. I saw how her eyes lit up when you
wrapped her with it so she didn’t have to go inside. But your teeth
are chattering and the mist is getting you wet. If you get sick,
Bradley will get mad. Just wear it, especially if you are going to
be staying out here for a while.” I turned around and noticed the
sincerity in his eyes. He wiped some of the spray of cold water
from my check.