The Illustrated Mum (9 page)

“Wouldn't you like to meet him, though? What would you say?”

“I'd say “What sort of a father are you, walking out on Marigold and driving her crazy?'” Star paused.

“She
is
mad.”

“She's not
mad
mad. I mean, she doesn't look loopy and she doesn't hear voices or think she's Pocahontas or Princess Diana. She's just good at making things up.”

“She's good at spending heaps of money that we haven't got. She's good at getting drunk. She's good at getting completely nutty ideas into her head. She's good at getting you to think she's Ms. Perfect MumsieWumsie.”

“Yes, but she still likes you best. Even now, when you're mean to her. She loves us both equally but you're the special one because you're Micky's child. I wish he was my dad too. She won't ever talk about mine. It's like she can't even be bothered to remember him. She hasn't even commemorated him with a tattoo.”

“Well, you can make up for it. Here.” Star picked up a pink felt-tip and wrote quickly on my forehead.

“Get off!” I looked in the mirror. I had a “D” and most of an “A” glowing on my skin. “Oh, you pig, Star! What if it doesn't wash off? Miss Hill will go bananas tomorrow.”

“Come here. All you need is a bit of spit.” Star sucked her finger and then rubbed hard at my forehead. “Is Miss Hill still picking on you?”

“I hate her. And I hate Yvonne and Kayleigh. I hate the whole class. Except for Owly … Oliver. He's OK.”

“So this Oliver's your boyfriend, right?”

“No!”

“I've got a boyfriend.”

“What?”

“It's this boy I met when we were all hanging out at McDonald's. Mark. He's sixteen.”

“Sixteen! But that's way too old for you.”

“Rubbish. He's great, Dol. Ever so good-looking, with dark hair and amazing eyes, and he's got all these great designer sports clothes. All the other girls are crazy about him but I'm the one he said hi to.”

“So you haven't actually been
out
with him?”

“Well, we've met up at McDonald's and we've been down to the recreation center.”

“But with all the others.”

“He's kissed me.”

“Really? You're kidding me, aren't you?”

“No, really. He did it when we were messing
around by the swings and most of his mates were over on the grass kicking a ball about.”

“So what was it like?”

Star paused. “I don't know. It was like a kiss.”

“Yes, but what did it
feel
like?”

“Slobbery!” said Star, and we both laughed.

“So was it him you were supposed to be meeting tonight?”

“Yep. And some of the others. Janice Taylor will be there too. She's in the year above me at school and she's ever so pretty. She's mad about Mark too. I'm scared she'll get all matey with him if I'm not around.”

Star nibbled harder at her thumb, tearing the hang-nail until it bled.

“Stop
eating
yourself. OK. You go and see Mark tonight.”

“But you're scared on your own.”

“I'll be all right.”

“Oh, great!”
Star gave me a big grin and then ran to our room to get ready. “You're sure, Dol?” she called as she changed out of her school uniform.

“Sure I'm sure,” I said. “So long as you're not gone for ages.”

“I'll be back by ten. Promise. And you can eat all my chicken salad if you want.”

I was already wishing I hadn't suggested it. I sat very still, twining my fingers together, wondering what I was
going to do. No one to talk to. No television. I could draw, I could look at pictures, I could dress up, I could play hairdresser. I didn't fancy any of these ideas.

“Dol? Don't look like that,” said Star, coming back into the living room. She was wearing one of Marigold's tops and she'd outlined her eyes with black stuff. She looked incredibly grown up, a stranger instead of my sister.

“I'm not looking like anything,” I said, and I started doodling on the back of my school sketchbook.

I drew a girl with long hair and a tight top. I outlined her eyes and circled her with stars.

“I'm off then,” said Star. She peered over my shoulder. “Is that me?”

I grunted.

“I look like I've got two black eyes,” she said. “Well. See you when I get back.
Before
ten. You'll be all right, won't you?”

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

Star ruffled my hair and then went. I heard the door slam and then the soft pad of her sneakers.

The flat seemed so quiet without her. I wondered about playing some of Marigold's old tapes. But I didn't really want to think about Marigold or I'd start worrying.

I was worrying anyway. I kept looking all round the room, especially behind me. I kept feeling some crazy man was creeping up on me. Or some huge hairy
spider was about to crawl over my foot. I pushed my chair right against the wall and tucked my legs up but it didn't make me feel any better.

I drew someone else beside Star. Small ugly fish face with a bottle nose. I drew droplets of water rolling off this little wet drip.

Then I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. My heart started thudding. I gripped the pencil so tightly it made a groove in my hand. I waited for the knock at the door. I decided I wouldn't answer. Marigold owed lots of money to people. Some of the collectors were frightening. Or there were old boyfriends. Especially the scary one.

I was shivering now. I tried to tell myself it was all right. They could bang at the door all night but all I had to do was sit tight. They'd give up and go away eventually.

But there was no knock. I listened hard. Had I imagined footsteps? Then I heard a scuffle and a key in the lock. They had a key! Some of the boyfriends had keys! And now he was letting himself in and I was here all alone. …

The front door banged and the footsteps came down the hall. I bit hard on my fist, too scared to try to hide or run.

“Dol?” Star walked into the room and stared at me. “Dol, what's happened?”

“Oh, Star! You scared me so,” I said, leaping up and
giving her a punch‘and then a hug. “What are you doing back?”

“I got to the end of the road and then I felt a bit mean about leaving you.”

“I'm all right.”

“Oh yes, sure! You're practically wetting yourself. Come on.”

“What?”

“You come with me.”

“To meet up with your friends?”

“Yep.”

“But you said’

“And
now
I'm saying you can come. Only not in that awful old dress. Put your jeans on.”

“OK,” I said happily.

Star leant me one of her T-shirts and I tied my hair up on top of my head to try to make me look a bit older. It stuck straight up like Dipsy's aerial.

“Maybe I look better with it down,” I said. “What do you think, Star?”

“It looks fine,” she said. “Come
on
or it won't be worth going. Now don't mess about or say anything stupid, will you? Don't act weird. Just try to be normal.”

I didn't really know
how
to be normal but it didn't matter. When we got down to the town and joined up with all the crowd outside McDonald's no one was remotely interested in me. They didn't seem particularly
interested in Star either. Janice Taylor and the other girls didn't even bother to say hello. The younger boys grinned at Star and jostled around in front of each other but the older cooler guys didn't give her a glance. I sussed out which one was Mark right away but he seemed caught up in some long discussion with his mates.

Star went and stood as near him as she could. I lurked behind her. My tummy was rumbling. I wondered why nobody wanted to go inside McDonald's and start eating. I thought about the chicken salad at home.

“I'm hungry now,” I said hopefully to Star.

She was concentrating so hard on Mark I don't even think she heard me. Every time he burst out laughing she bared her teeth and gave a little copycat snort. When he flicked his long hair back Star's own head twitched. When he stuck one hand on his hip Star's skinny arm could have been his shadow.

Two of the younger boys had a silly fight. One of them barged into her. She dug him hard with her elbow and muttered something sharp.

Mark looked up. “Hey, watch out for Twinkle!”

Twinkle! I waited for Star to knock his teeth down his throat. But she softened into syrup.

“Hi, Mark,” she said, in this silly little voice.

He fluttered his fingers at her and then muttered something to his mates. They all burst out laughing.

I don't know if Star heard what he said but she
blushed. She bent her head, hiding in her hair, but she still stood there. Waiting. Eventually, when most of the mates had wandered off inside, Mark put his arm round her.

“Coming in for a bite, Twinkle?”

“Can I just have a few of your chips?”

“Don't you want your own? I'll pay.”

“It's ever so sweet of you, Mark,” she said, golden syrup practically dribbling down her chin. “Hey, tell you what. Can I have an ice cream sundae?”

“Sure.”

She went into McDonald's, her shoulder still wedged under his armpit. She didn't even give me a glance.

I kicked the skirting board of the door. What about
me
? It wasn't fair. Ice cream sundaes were
my
favorite too. Star liked chocolate but I liked butterscotch. My tongue came out of my mouth by itself, it wanted to lick an ice cream so badly.

“Who are you sticking your tongue out at, kid?” said Janice Taylor nastily.

I wagged my tongue as rudely as I could.

“Cheeky little whatsit! Who is she?” said Janice's friend.

“She's that Star's little sister. She hangs around outside our school half the time.”

“Right! And Star's the one with all the hair?” She nodded toward Star and Mark, who were up at the counter.

“I don't know what Mark sees in her,” said Janice. “She makes me sick the way she simpers at him all the time. Why does he want to hang out with a kid like that?”

The friend whispered in her ear and they both giggled.

I stuck my tongue out at them again, wagged it madly.

“They'll cart you off to a loony bin if you don't watch out,” said Janice.

She put her arm round her friend and they walked off together. I shut my tongue away. The words “loony bin” banged in my brain. I bit my tongue hard to distract myself.

“What are you doing?” Star whispered. She hooked me into McDonald's and sat me down at a table in the corner. She put her ice cream sundae in front of me.

“It's yours,” she said. “I'm over there with Mark, right?”

She ran back and snuggled up close to him. She didn't have anything to eat for herself. I stared down at the sundae. She'd ordered a butterscotch one too.

I licked it with my sore tongue, savoring every spoonful. I knew Star must be as hungry as me. Every now and then Mark offered her a chip, but he made her beg for them like a little dog. She did it very cutely, head on one side, little pants, hands curled in the air like paws, but it still made my skin crawl.

It was worse afterward. Mark and Star went off down the alleyway at the back of the drugstore. I had to hang around staring at shampoos and specs for ages. I was still hungry and my tongue was throbbing. It was so tiring standing still I eventually slid down the glass and sat on the stone pavement, though the cold came straight through my jeans. It was like sitting on a vast tub of ice cream.

I was shivering when Star came back at last.

“Get up, Dol. You'll get a chill sitting on the pavement.”

“Where's Mark?”

“He's gone off to meet up with some more of his mates. What do you think of him, eh? Isn't he fantastic?”

“No.”

“Yes he is! He's the most gorgeous-looking boy in the whole town. Everyone wants to go out with him. Janice Taylor is hopping mad.”

“What did you do with him?”

“What do you think?” said Star. She saw my face. “It's OK, Dol. Honest. We just snog.”

I hated that word. It sounded slimey and piglike. Mark and Star grew snouts and pink piggy flesh and horrible curly tails. I pictured them rootling around each other and felt sick.

“Dol?” Star put her arm round me.

“Get off.”

“What's up with you?”

“I don't like the way you are with that Mark.”

“You're just jealous.”

“I am not! And it's not just with Mark, it's all of that lot. You seem so different.”

“It just because I'm older now.”

“You're still not old enough to have that Mark slob-bering all over you. I'll tell Marigold.”

Star laughed. “So what's
she
going to do about it? I'm sure she got up to much more when she was my age.”

“Do you think she'll come back tonight? She did promise.”

“She promises all the time.”

It looked like that night was another broken promise. We got home before ten. We ate our chicken salads. Then we got ready for bed. I liked Star much more when she'd scrubbed all her makeup off and was wearing her old teddy bear nightie. She was in such a good mood she made all the teddies talk to me in different growly voices.

“Remember I had a teddy once? A big yellow one with a tartan jacket,” I said, rubbing my silk scarf over my nose. “I wish I still had him.”

“I'll get you another one for Christmas.”

“No, I don't really want another one. I wish I still had Teddy Jock. And all the other stuff. The old picture books and my Barbie doll with all the special outfits.”

“Oh, I loved
my
Barbie. But you cut all their hair. I was ultra-annoyed but then I kind of liked it and I made her little black biker boots out of modeling clay, remember?”

“Yes, but we haven't
got
them. I want them all now. I want …” I gestured round our room helplessly.

It was the best room we'd ever had and I loved it. We didn't have any proper curtains or a carpet but Marigold had bought a giant pot of deep blue emulsion and we'd painted the walls and the ceiling and then Marigold had turned the walls into an ocean and painted whales and sharks and a coral reef with mermaids and a whole school of dolphins diving up and down. The ceiling was the sky and Marigold had clung to a stepladder all one day and half the night painting the stars of the Milky Way, Sirius and the Pleiades and the Great Bear and the Little Bear and the big bright North Star but biggest and brightest of all she'd painted the five points of the star symbol on her chest above her heart.