The Hum (2 page)

“I’m not allowed to discuss that with you, mister.” “Just tell me if she’s still alive or not.”

“Yes, she’s still alive; barely. She’s in ICU at Holy Cross Hospital in Taos, as we speak. For your sake, you better pray she pulls completely out of this. Now, you answer something for me. Why would you stab her and then try to stop the bleeding? Did you suddenly realize what you’d done and feel guilty?”

“What? You think I stabbed her? No! I was out walking when I heard her screams.” Kevin said, realizing what was going through the young EMT’s mind. “You’ll have to work that out with the police. For now, just remain calm and let me check you out for injuries.”

The look on his face made it obvious that the EMT didn’t believe him. Holding his handcuffs up for further inspection, Kevin wondered if this was some late form of retribution for his past offenses. Would he end up spending the rest of his life in prison for something he didn’t do? Surely Amanda would tell them the truth, right?

CHAPTER
1

Thinking back to his younger years, Kevin couldn’t remember too much before age of three, so that’s where his mind took off. He grew up on a small cattle farm on the outskirts of El Prado, an offshoot of Taos, in a home where you either helped take care of the animals, or you didn’t get to eat. His father was a tough man, and he expected his boys—Kevin and Wayne—to spend every minute of their free time working with him.

During the spring and summer they herded the animals all around their father’s one hundred and twenty-five acre ranch, and during the fall and winter months, they were busy harvesting straw for the animals to survive on through the winter. Between the herding and the harvesting, the boys barely had enough time for homework and school. To say they enjoyed working the ranch would be a lie, but since their dad made them help with herding the small calves when they turned five years old, it was all they really knew. Being two years older, Wayne basically disappeared after his fifth birthday, spending nearly eighteen hours a day tending to the animals. Kevin rarely saw him during the daylight hours, once he was ‘of age’.

After the first six months or so of Wayne tending the herd with his father, Kevin started to see the change it wrought upon him. He no longer wanted to spend Sunday afternoons playing, or doing any of the other fun things they used to do together. It was almost as if he resented Kevin for getting to stay in the house, while he toiled all day in the hot sun. Kevin eventually began to look forward to his fifth birthday, just so he could help taking care of the animals too.

When the time finally came for Kevin to help tend to the cattle, he instantly regretted it. He no longer got to play all day with his hot wheels and his G.I Joe’s. Now all he had to look forward to was Sunday. Even at that, Sunday’s required him to dress up and go to town to listen to some preacher rant and rave about people going to hell. He’d heard so much about hell over the years that he was scared to do anything. According to the preacher almost everything was a sin, so what was the point? They were all going to hell anyway.

The only good thing that came from his working the fields was that he was able to mend things a bit with Wayne, being on even ground and all; although their relationship was never the completely the same. Sure they worked and cut up together for a while, but Wayne always seemed distant. It was like he’d suddenly become a grown up, while Kevin was the only kid left around the farm.

Kevin actually began to enjoy going to school, because it gave him a break from his chores. It was nice to just sit back in his seat and not have to move at all. All school required of him was to write and study, both of which he found pleasure in. Compared to the alternative, he’d take those two any day.

Sitting at his desk, looking out at the other students, Kevin often wondered if any of them worked as hard as Wayne and him. Raising cattle had to be the hardest profession known to mankind, but it was also very rewarding. His dad always made sure they had nice clothes and the latest and greatest gadgets on the market, although they had little time to play with such things.

Their favorite time of the year was tax time, because according to his dad, cattle farmer’s we able to claim just about everything on their taxes. Kevin didn’t understand it, but he did know that come every February his dad took them all to town, bought them new clothes, and then took them out to eat. It was the one day that Kevin actually felt like he had a normal family, a loving brother. When everyone was busy stuffing steak and chicken down their throats, all of their differences seemed somehow irrelevant.

Over the years, things grew more distant between Kevin and Wayne. Every time they played together, it turned into a competition. Wayne always had to be in charge of everything: he picked the game, the rules, and if he didn’t win, he’d cheat and say that he did.

After Wayne locked him in a refrigerator when he was seven, Kevin decided it best to just stay away from him altogether. He didn’t enjoy playing with him anymore, so he doubted Wayne would miss him very much. Unfortunately, life on a ranch with no other kids in sight to play with made avoiding Wayne harder than Kevin thought it would be. As a result, Kevin decided to make some friends at school and eventually invited one of them over to play Sunday afternoon after church.

Just the thought of Tommy coming over to his house to play for the day gave Kevin great joy. He’d made sure to complete his chores ahead of schedule, and he’d even worked extra hard feeding the cattle in hope of getting his dad to allow Tommy over for some play time after their normal ‘if you do this, you’re going to hell’ service. Kevin was thankful his dad didn’t object to having Tommy over, even with the old man’s stipulation of ensuring the boys didn’t wake him up from his afternoon nap.

Wayne’s comments made it blatantly obvious from the start that he didn’t like the idea, but Kevin learned long ago not to listen to him. He wasn’t about to let his older brother spoil his fun, yet.

After they ate lunch, he and Tommy went out to the barn to play hide and seek. Kevin should’ve known better than to ever play the game again after the refrigerator incident, but since he didn’t plan on getting near that old thing again, he saw no harm in it.

Tommy hid first while Kevin counted, and then he went looking for him. The first iteration went smoothly, and Tommy appeared to be pretty good at the game. He picked some really choice hiding spots, and so did Kevin. During the fourth changeover, Tommy was hiding once again while Kevin went on the search. After looking for his friend for a good fifteen minutes, he finally ceded and said, “Alright Tommy, you win. I give up. Come out wherever you are.”

But Tommy still failed to come out. After walking for another thirty minutes, Kevin found Tommy curled up in a ball near the edge of the straw field, crying like a baby. Running up to him, Kevin could tell right away he’d been beaten.

“What happened, Tommy? What’s wrong?” Tommy’s face was bruised and his nose swollen.

He had tears and dirt streaks all over, and he refused to say a word.

It finally dawned on Kevin that this was likely the handiwork of his brother Wayne, so he asked him pointblank, “Did Wayne do this to you? Did he hit you?”

With fear and anguish in his eyes, Tommy quickly spoke up and said, “No, I stumbled upon a swarm of wasps. They stung me about five times on my face, before I was finally able to run out here.”

Looking at Tommy’s face again, Kevin could tell his friend was lying. The marks on his cheeks were made by knuckles, not wasps. The knuckles of a ten-year-old, Kevin thought. Suddenly a sound made its way into his ears, making Kevin wonder if Tommy was actually telling the truth about the wasps. It started out as a low rumble, but quickly grew into something that his eight-year-old mind could only describe as the sound of the diesel engine of his dad’s pickup truck.

Before he knew it, Kevin’s head started to hurt and he couldn’t shake the image of Wayne’s taunting face. Even when he closed his eyes, he could see Wayne’s smug look. He could actually hear his voice saying, “This is all your fault! You should’ve never brought him out here. I run things around here, little brother!” Sure that it was Wayne and not the wasps, Kevin said, “Tell me the truth, Tommy. Did Wayne do this? You don’t have to be afraid—I will get dad to handle this.” He could feel a new anger surging through his small body, making him want to grab Wayne by the throat and never let go.

“No, I already told you what happened! Just leave it alone, and ask your dad to drive me home, Kevin!”

“I can’t let this go, Tommy! I understand you’re afraid to tell on him, but this is wrong. I will take care of this, one way or another.”

From the back of the ambulance, Kevin took a short pause in his recollection, and wondered how different his life might’ve been if he’d simply overlooked Wayne’s aggression one more time. But the humming had started in, causing something inside of him to snap, and he simply could not allow Wayne to push him around anymore. Thinking back now, maybe he should’ve just left things alone.

After helping Tommy up from the ground, Kevin took him into the house, woke his parents, and told them the
story
about the swarm of wasps. They immediately went into doctor mode and tended to the wounds all over his face.

Looking over at Wayne seated on the couch directly across from him, Kevin took in his bloodied and bruised knuckles, visible even from across the room.

Why he didn’t just tell his mom and dad, Kevin wasn’t entirely sure. A part of him wanted to handle it himself, because he felt somehow responsible for what had happened. Even at such a young age, he believed one should handle their own problems and not have to go running to mommy and daddy all the time.

Glancing up, he saw a look of hate in Wayne’s eyes that actually took him aback for a minute. Not to be shaken, Kevin matched Wayne’s look, and whispered the words, “You’ll pay.” He still wasn’t sure what he’d do, but he knew he had to get Wayne back for hurting his new friend.

Kevin wasn’t surprised to see his brother mouth back, “Bring it”. Just seeing the hate in those brown eyes of Wayne’s still brought fear to his small frame, but he wasn’t to be put off so easily. He knew Wayne was bigger, but if he could catch him at the right time, he just might be able to give him some payback.

With Tommy now safely back at his house, Kevin spent the remainder of the afternoon in his room plotting his revenge. He couldn’t believe he even knew what revenge was at eight, but after a full three years of putting up with Wayne’s teasing and picking at him, he was ready to make him pay. Plus, the pounding in his temples every time he got near Wayne nowadays was just too much to bear. The strange hum kept working its way into his young mind, picking up rhythm with each pounding. He began to picture ways of killing Wayne, even though it terrified him to think such thoughts. It was then that he noticed how the humming and the awful headaches would lessen in intensity—it seemed to be what was needed, required even.

Knowing Wayne was a hard sleeper, Kevin stayed awake until around midnight on Sunday the 14
th 
of October, 1977, plotting his revenge. He’d never forget that night—it was embedded in his head forever. It would be the starting point of something he would never be able to take back.

Satisfied that everyone was asleep in the house, Kevin crept through Wayne’s unlocked bedroom door. With five rolls of pennies stuffed inside one of his winter socks, he made his way over to Wayne’s bed. A mixture of fear and buried feelings of love for his brother almost forced him to turn back, but he knew it was too late when Wayne opened his eyes and saw him perched above him. Closing his own eyes, Kevin let him have.

The sound of that copper smacking into Wayne’s flesh was sickening to Kevin, but something inside warned him not to stop. He knew if he eased up, Wayne would beat him to a pulp, possibly even kill him. Before long, Kevin began to notice the pounding and the humming inside his head lighten up, replaced with a guilty excitement at what he was doing.

Five swings later, Wayne didn’t move anymore and the humming had completely subsided. Spent from his efforts, Kevin cautiously brought the sock down next to his side. He was ashamed at what he’d done; in his excitement, he must’ve tagged Wayne in the face, because a huge red welt was already forming underneath his older brother’s right eye.

Leaning in close to make sure Wayne was still breathing, Kevin almost wet his pants when his brother’s hand flew across his body from an involuntary muscle spasm. Satisfied Wayne was still breathing, Kevin crept back into his room, locked the door, and prayed that God would work things out in his favor. At the very least, he knew his dad would give him a beating, so he did his best to prepare for the worst.

Kevin didn’t sleep a wink that night, as he waited for dawn to arrive. All night long he’d wondered why Wayne hadn’t yelled out for his parents, while he was doing such an evil deed. Surely they would’ve come to his rescue.

A small part of Kevin urged him to go back and finish the job, but the little eight-year-old boy couldn’t bring himself to do such evil—at least not yet.

CHAPTER 2

When dawn arrived, Kevin heard his mom go in to wake up Wayne while he waited fearfully in his room for her to start yelling for his dad. When no yelling came, he began to wonder what was going on. As he made his way over to the door, he was met by his mom’s smiling face.

“You’re up already? This is early for you. Get dressed and come on down for breakfast.”

Before he had a chance to even ask about Wayne, she was gone. When he made it to the table, he saw Wayne with his head down trying to avoid eye contact. Studying what he could of Wayne’s face, he saw what appeared to be their mom’s make-up. It suddenly dawned on Kevin that Wayne hadn’t told on him, and he couldn’t figure out why. Not only had he not ratted him out, he’d even tried to hide the evidence of Kevin’s heinous crime.

Kevin began to wonder if his older brother was a little ashamed that he’d gotten the best of him. Satisfied with that explanation, he breathed a huge sigh of relief, and breakfast suddenly sounded like a good idea again.

After eating two fried eggs and two pieces of sausage, Kevin skipped his way out to the bus stop without even looking back for Wayne. He made it just as the bus pulled up. Sitting in his usual seat in the middle of the bus, he watched as Wayne got on and headed in his direction. Kevin said a quick prayer that he wouldn’t sit with him or start a fight on the bus, but that prayer didn’t work out in his favor.

“Move over punk! We’ve got a few things to discuss!”

Kevin’s hope that it was all over quickly dissipated. From the look in his brother’s eyes, he could tell this nightmare was just beginning.

“What’s to discuss? You beat up Tommy, and I made you pay.”

“You jumped me while I was asleep. Do you know why I didn’t tell mom and dad?”

“I don’t care why you didn’t tell. I’m through being afraid of you.” Kevin said, the words practically spewing out of his mouth, even though he knew it was all just a lie. Truthfully, he was terrified.

“We’ll see about that after church next Sunday! Meet me out back of the barn, and we’ll settle this. This time I won’t be asleep.”

Seeing the way Wayne acted as if he could give him a beat down anytime he wanted, only fueled the fire inside of Kevin. He started to feel the humming inside his head again, and as the volume intensified, he replied, “I’ll be there! Now get out of my seat!”

Wayne looked him over and laughed, and then he got up and took another seat near the back of the bus. Kevin wasn’t sure but he thought he saw a bit of hesitation in Wayne’s eyes as he turned away from him. He began to wonder if he’d made a statement with the rolls of pennies. Obviously, it wasn’t a big enough statement to keep Wayne from wanting a rematch though.

The rest of the week—it had to be the longest week of his life—Kevin barely slept or ate from the fear creeping its way into his chest. He spent the majority of his free time doing pull-ups from the rafters inside the barn, as well as punching some of the bales of hay stacked throughout. He felt silly doing it, but true fear wouldn’t give him a minutes rest. He couldn’t get his mind off the upcoming fight, his nerves making it hard to focus on his homework and his weekly reading assignments.

Kevin had never been in a real fight before, and he didn’t have the slightest idea what to do. From the fights he’d seen at school, he knew the smart thing was to get in the first punch, and pray for the best. He was like the child version of Rocky training to beat the giant Dolph Lundgren, at least that’s the way he viewed his brother Wayne.

When Sunday afternoon came, his parents excused themselves for their routine nap, and he pulled on some sweats and a long shirt. He had no idea how things would end for him, but he knew the area around the barn had some pretty big rocks lying around, so he hoped his choice of clothing would help soften the blow. He was preparing for the worst, praying for the best.
If you can take a little break from sending everyone to hell, God, would you please keep Wayne from killing me?

He hadn’t seen Wayne since they’d returned from church, and as he stood, leaning against the barn, Kevin hoped with everything in him that his brother wouldn’t show. He even began to justify the older boys not showing in his own head.
Maybe he forgot all about it. Maybe he decided to let it go. Maybe he even…..

Kevin’s thoughts were cut short as Wayne rounded the corner of the barn with that same look of hate in his eyes.

“I’m surprised you even came out little brother. I thought I’d have to drag you from your room. Do you think all those pullups you’ve been doing will help you?”

His heart was beating so loud he was having trouble even talking, and the fear inside him made Kevin feel like throwing up. But something pushed him forward, nevertheless.

“I’m here,” was all Kevin managed to get out.

“I’ve been looking forward to this all week long. Are you ready for your beating?”

Managing to get his weak knees to move his body forward, Kevin got within two feet of Wayne and said, “What…What happened, Wayne? We used to be close; you used to be different. Did I do something to you?”

“I grew up! You can’t be a baby all your life, little brother! Now, that’s enough talk; let’s go!”

Putting up his fists just like he’d seen the other boys on the playground do, Kevin waited for Wayne to do the same. As soon as Wayne brought up his, Kevin paused to take in how much bigger they were than his own. Snapping out of his short trance, he quickly rushed in and planted a right hook across Wayne’s left cheek. The blow temporarily stunned the older boy, but when he came rushing in and plowed his head into Kevin’s stomach, the younger boy couldn’t help but wonder what went wrong.
I struck the
first
blow; shouldn’t someone be coming out to break up the fight now? That’s the way things always ended on the playground, right?

After getting pelted with a few lefts and rights to the head and stomach—Wayne was careful not to hit him directly in the face, because that would be hard to explain to mom and dad—Kevin somehow managed to roll Wayne off of him. Seizing the moment, he quickly jumped on top of the older boy and grabbed him in a headlock. Holding on for dear life, Kevin squeezed with every ounce of strength in his eight-year-old body.

With his muscles giving out, Kevin finally heard Wayne mutter, “I…I can’t breathe. You…You win, just let me go. Please.”

Kevin could see a sort of changing of the guard, if you will, come across his brother’s face, and he actually felt a little sad for him. Wayne finally understood that he was no longer his
baby brother
, and this new revelation brought with it a sense of angst to Kevin, for reasons unbeknownst at the time.

Squeezing a little harder for added emphasis, Kevin replied, “Only if you promise to leave me and my friends alone for good.”

“I…I promise! Now, let me go.”

Releasing his grip, Kevin let Wayne fall to the ground. For the next few minutes, Wayne clutched his throat, gasping for breath. Without a word, Kevin turned and walked back to his bedroom. Glancing back occasionally, he saw Wayne finally make it back up onto his knees. His face was beet red with tear streaked cheeks and many still dripping off his chin. He looked a mess, and Kevin imagined he looked even worse.

Things changed for a while around the farm for the Black brother’s after their big fight. Even though Kevin had been on the receiving end of many of his older brother’s blows, he’d also earned some respect from Wayne. His big brother had ceded to the death grip he had on his head and neck, and that gave the older boy cause for alarm. Still, the reprieve was only temporary. Wayne kept it all bottled inside until about two months later, when he saw an opportunity and seized upon it.

Staring out from the top of the hill overlooking the farm, Kevin was unaware that Wayne was even in the area. The hill descended sharply about five hundred feet, and actually provided an incredible sleigh ride during the winter months—one of the reasons Kevin loved the place so much. It also offered an incredible view of the farm and everything surrounding it. Kevin was known to spend hours up there just taking in the scenery, which is most likely where Wayne had gotten the idea to shove him over in the first place.

By the time Kevin heard Wayne sneak up behind it, it was already too late. He was in mid-turn when Wayne rammed into him, sending him palmal over the hill. He rolled headfirst about fifty times by his estimate, before finally slamming into a large oak tree on the left side of the hill. The pain in his arm was intense, the sound of breaking bones and the feeling of one of the lower hanging branches slamming into his right side nauseating. The impact quickly knocked him out cold.

When Kevin came to, he was lying in his own bed with his mom by his side. Through blurred vision he spied his broken arm in a cast, and his head hurt like the dickens.

“What…what happened? Where…where am I?” Kevin managed to ask, through dry, chapped lips.

“It’s alright, baby. You fell down that hill behind the farm, and broke your arm. No matter how many times I warned you to be careful back there, you wouldn’t listen. You just loved that view too much to stay away.”

“Who found me?” Kevin asked, realization finally

dawning as to what really happened.

“Wayne came running, saying something about you rolling down the hill. Your dad loaded you up on the four-wheeler, brought you back here to the house, and then we took you to the doctor.”

Kevin couldn’t believe Wayne would stoop to such depths as to shove him over the hill. Over the past few years, he’d prayed on numerous occasions for their little tiff to finally be over, and he was just beginning to think it was. Now, he knew otherwise. Wayne had just been biding his time, looking for the perfect opportunity for payback.

During the next few months of healing, Kevin kept a wary eye out for his brother. He knew this was just the beginning of their little dance.

Breaking Kevin’s arm by sending him rolling down the hill didn’t completely ease the anger in Wayne’s heart for his younger brother. Sure, he left him alone for a few months, but soon after his arm healed, Wayne was back to giving the same dirty looks and making his little smart aleck remarks every chance he got.

Life was beyond uncomfortable for Kevin around the farm, and he didn’t know what to do, who to turn to. He knew he couldn’t tell his parents, because his dad thought the world of Wayne. It was no secret that Wayne was the harder worker and the stronger of the two. He even knew how to drive the old tractor that Kevin could never seem to get the hang of. Kevin had already tried avoiding his older brother altogether, but even that didn’t work. What would it take to stop Wayne’s madness?

Kill him
, Kevin heard inside his head. The humming was back again, and this time he had to run to bathroom to stop the nose bleed that accompanied it. Looking in the mirror, he no longer saw the young, innocent eyes of a child; anger had taken away that innocence, his brother had stolen it from him. His small frame began to tremble with fear, as he entertained the idea of killing Wayne.

Not knowing any other way to deal with his situation, Kevin decided to confront Wayne once again. He waited until their free day on Sunday during their parent’s normal nap hiatus. As he made his way to his brother’s room, his heart was thumping loudly once again, and he prayed things would somehow work out in his favor.

Tapping lightly on the closed door, he said, “Wayne, it’s me. Can I come in?”

“No, you can’t! You can stay in your own room, and out of mine!”

Ignoring his brother’s words, he entered anyway. “All of this has to stop, Wayne. I’m not sure why things have gone this far, but this is way out of control. I’m sorry for hitting you with the pennies. Can’t we act like normal brother’s that actually care for each other?”

“But I don’t care about you,
little brother
”. Once again Wayne’s words were covered in anger and hate, and Kevin quickly saw things going south.

“What did I do to you that was so bad, Wayne? What?”

“You were born! I never wanted a little brother, anyhow! Why don’t you just disappear? You should run away, and never return!”