The House of Vandekar (10 page)

There was a breeze and she shivered. She turned round and he saw that she was crying. The harsh floodlights made her face look hard and ashen.

‘My father died fucking a common whore. That's what sex means to me. I don't need any doctor to explain it.'

He was so shocked he let go of her and she swung away from him. She went on, gripping the balustrade, intent on self-destruction. ‘I'm not a fool, Hugo. I'm not a cheat either. Do you think I'd leave it and not do anything about it? How do you think I felt, letting you climb on top of me and feeling I wanted to rush into the bathroom and be sick? Having Fern and knowing you'd want another child. Of course I went to see someone. He called himself a nerve specialist. He said there was nothing to be done. He said my father was the cause of it. Talking about it is supposed to cure the thing, isn't it? Well, it didn't cure me. Don't give up Celia. You're entitled to her. I was just hurt and jealous for a moment back there, and I've no bloody right to be. Now I'm going back in for what's left of the party.'

And she went, leaving him alone. He didn't try to stop her or follow.

The dawn was rose and gold above the rooftops when the last of their guests drove away. Alice said, ‘Good night, Hugo,' and went upstairs. She didn't wake Lily. She tore the back fastenings to free herself from the green and silver dress and kicked it aside.

She didn't sleep; she lay and listened to the sounds of the house coming to life as the staff began putting the rooms in order. The caterers would come later and take down the tented supper room. It had been much admired, with real candles in the chandeliers and those wonderful green and white flower arrangements everywhere. Just like a flower garden, darling … The voices mocked her, the faces smiling and mouthing compliments ran like a newsreel before her closed eyes. Such a success. Such a miracle of planning. How did you ever find the time to get it all arranged? The celebrities, thick as daisies on the ground. The money, my dear … She'd heard that whispered as she passed. It must have cost an absolute fortune … But they're stinking rich anyway.

She sat up, knowing that Lily would soon be coming with her tea tray.

‘I'll have to offer him a divorce,' she said aloud. ‘We can't go on like this. It isn't fair to him.' And she managed a smile when the knock sounded, took her tea from Lily and said what a marvellous evening it had been.

She dressed and went down to find Hugo and tell him. He must have his freedom. He could have Fern too, if he liked. All she would ask for was Ashton and enough money to maintain it. But he wasn't in the house. The butler said he had left early for London. When she telephoned the bank he was engaged and didn't return her call. Or the second call she made. In the early evening his secretary called. Mr Vandekar had flown to Paris on urgent business. He would contact her from the Crillon.

Alice didn't wait. She asked for the number and was put through. He always used the same suite. They had stayed there during their honeymoon. She heard the internal phone ring twice and then a woman's voice said, ‘Hello.' Again, ‘Hello …' His business in Paris was Celia Forbes. Alice hung up.

When he came back three days later she didn't ask him for an explanation. He didn't offer one. There was no mention of a divorce, and he moved permanently into his own suite of bedroom and dressing room. Alice didn't comment. She showed him the letters from their more illustrious guests, thanking them for the great ball at Ashton. It was, as one writer expressed it, the end of an era for them all. Its bright memory would give them courage in the trial to come.

On 3 September war was declared. The sirens sounded over London within the next few minutes. It was a false alert, a presage of the phoney war, so soon to become all too real when the German armies overran Belgium and France fell in 1940.

A number of the Vandekars' friends were killed at Dunkirk. Hugo joined the Grenadier Guards and was posted to the War Office. When Alice asked what he was doing, he said it was an administrative posting and he would do his best to get out of it. Phoebe wrote worried letters from the States asking Alice to come over before Britain was invaded and to bring Fern with her. Such terrible things were happening in Europe, and if the Germans came people like the Vandekars would be specially singled out. Alice wrote back and said simply that neither she nor Fern would be in any danger. Didn't her mother know that the rich were always able to buy themselves out of trouble? The cynicism troubled Phoebe and she approached Hugo next. His reply was kindly but direct.

His wife and child were safe at Ashton, untouched by the Blitz devastating London and the ports. She had no need to worry about them and there was no question of any member of his family fleeing to America.

He came home at weekends. Celia Forbes's husband had been killed fighting a doomed rearguard action in France. It was common knowledge that Hugo was supporting her. She had joined the Ambulance Service and spent her time in London, driving through the fiery hell of night-time air-raids.

Alice stayed at Ashton and watched indifferently as Fern grew up with Nanny hovering protectively over her. The war seemed far away from the peaceful beauty of Ashton. Hugo in his uniform seemed like someone dressing up for a play. He didn't discuss his work because her questions showed that Alice wasn't really interested. People came down for odd weekends but there was little carefree gaiety. Alice joined the local WVS and rolled bandages and made smalltalk. Boredom and frustration made her short-tempered. One day she said to Hugo, ‘I can't go on sitting down here, wasting my time with all these old frumps from the village. I'm so bored I could scream. I want to go to London. I want to
do
something. Something positive to help.'

‘You're not going to London,' he said flatly. ‘You're not putting yourself in danger just because you're bored. Fern needs you.'

‘Fern doesn't know me from a bar of soap!' she retorted. ‘You don't want me up there because of Celia! It's all right for her to be a bloody heroine driving ambulances through the Blitz, but I've got to sit here doing nothing.'

‘Celia has no responsibilities. She has a reason for being a bloody heroine, as you put it. Forbes was killed, remember. She minded about that.'

‘Did she really? Good for her. I thought she might have been relieved. It's left the way clear for the two of you.' Alice lit a cigarette. ‘Not that I mind, don't think that. I said you were entitled to her, didn't I?'

‘Yes,' Hugo answered, ‘you did, and I took you at your word. I'd still give her up if you asked me to.' He turned away, not wanting her to see his face. Or to know how much she could still hurt him.

‘Oh, don't start that again,' she said. ‘I didn't mean to be bitchy. I'm just on edge. I love being at Ashton but I want to do something useful instead of just sitting here. I'm sure people criticize me for it behind my back. I'm sure they do.'

‘Well,' Hugo said after a pause, ‘if you're serious, there is something that might answer all the problems. I haven't mentioned it because I didn't think you'd welcome the idea.'

She looked at him in surprise. ‘What is it? Come on, tell me.'

‘It's been suggested that we turn the house into a convalescent home,' he said.

‘Ashton? Make it a hospital with a lot of people taking over and running my home?'

‘I thought that would be your reaction. Before you dismiss it, I have to warn you, it can be done with or without our consent. I'm going down to see someone in hospital at Horton. Why don't you come down with me, Alice? You might change your mind and we can offer Ashton without having it requisitioned anyway.'

Alice hated illness. She was healthy and strong, inclined to be impatient with anyone who wasn't. The quickest way to bore her was to mention sickness. But the hospital ward at Horton was different. Hugo's friend, a man she'd never met, was a Hurricane pilot who had broken both legs after baling out. He was cheerful and kept making jokes. But there were others. Men so badly burned they were swathed like mummies. Men in pain, semi-conscious, men hidden behind screens, and she knew what that meant without being told. Mostly RAF, Hugo said. A lot of casualties among the pilots. Bombers limping back with wounded and dying crew members aboard.

Driving back in the car she said nothing. He saw her take a handkerchief out of her bag and wipe her eyes; she couldn't help herself. He reached over and squeezed her hand. How often had he said to himself that he hated her, and yet he couldn't bear to see her cry. ‘It was pretty awful, but at least you know what's involved.'

‘They were so young,' Alice said. ‘Some of them looked such babies. I feel the most selfish, spoiled creature. Moaning about being bored. God, Hugo, what kind of a person have I turned into? What's happened to me?'

‘I don't know,' he said quietly. ‘You have changed, Alice. We both have.'

She looked at him. ‘Then I'm going to damn well unchange. We'll turn Ashton into the best damned convalescent home in England. That's going to be my contribution to this bloody awful war.'

‘Thank you,' he said. ‘I'm glad. Knowing you, you'll do exactly that.'

‘I must say,' the ward sister remarked, ‘She's amazing.' She sipped her cup of tea.

Lily said, ‘She is a bit, I suppose. I've been with her for five years now, so nothing surprises me.'

‘When she said to Matron she wanted to help, we all thought she'd read to the boys, stop for a chat with some of them, that sort of thing. When Matron suggested it she fair bit her head off. “I mean
help
,” she says. “Not fool around playing Lady Bountiful.” I haven't seen many people stand up to Matron, I can tell you. But she got her way!'

‘She always does,' Lily agreed. ‘I've told her she's wearing herself out and she just tells me to shut up. There's no half measures with my lady. When she does something she does it.'

Lily was so proud of Alice. From the moment the first group of patients arrived, Alice had taken charge of the non-medical side. The RAF welfare officer decided it was easier to collaborate with this dynamic and determined woman than to fight her. And she worked without counting the hours or the cost. She wrote letters home for the men too hurt or apathetic to do it for themselves. She telephoned relatives, she arranged concerts and film shows, buying a projector and setting aside a room as a cinema. And, of course, influence secured the latest films, the concert pianist who came down to play for them, a well-known comedian who never gave his services without a fee but succumbed to her bullying and blandishments. And she volunteered to sit during the night and watch anyone who needed it. Some, having suffered psychological damage, couldn't sleep, and she would sit up talking to them or playing cards till the nurse on duty came in the morning. The men recovering from burns were her special care. No matter how hideous the scarring, Alice didn't flinch. Often, when the bandages came off, the victim would ask if she would be there. The young men blinded were always asking what she looked like. The nurses said truthfully that she was blonde and very pretty. Bit like a film star.

Hugo was proud of her too. She was usually so tired by the weekends that they would spend the days quietly in their own wing of the house. Even then she would rush down to see this boy or that to make sure he was all right. Hugo was proud of her, but nothing had changed between them. They slept apart, and their one child grew up in her nursery alone. Hugo began to spend more and more of his time with her. Fern was a sweet child, and he loved her. Docile and trusting, a little too dependent upon the old Nanny, who didn't discourage it. As soon as Fern was old enough, they should engage a nursery governess and let Nanny fade into the background. There would never be another child unless he could persuade Alice that it was cruel to deprive Fern of a sister or brother. He didn't expect her to listen. She was too absorbed in her work. All the love she had withheld from him was being lavished on the maimed and the helpless.

In the meantime he suffered and her daughter was neglected. But he was still proud of Alice, and praise for what she was doing was reaching far beyond the confines of Ashton. If she went on like this, Alice Vandekar would be a legend by the time the war ended. And there was no sign of that.

Christmas 1941. Russia had been invaded; the war in North Africa was going badly, and Hugo had finally arranged to join an active service unit. He hadn't told Alice. She was too preoccupied with making Christmas something everyone at Ashton would remember.

There was a huge tree set up in the hall, cut down on the estate. She and some of the young airmen had spent two days decorating it. There were individual presents for everyone. Luxuries like chocolates and whisky were begged from her friends, supplies of food well beyond the stringent rations. Nobody asked where they came from but everyone knew who paid. She had arranged a carol service on Christmas Eve. Hugo had ten days' leave. They gathered in the hall around the splendid tree, young men in Air Force blue, some in wheelchairs, others standing. It was a moving sight, sad and yet heartening, because there was hope and there was joy, even among those for whom life would be a travesty. Hugo looked at Alice and thought, she has created this for them. She has made this possible; by the sheer force of her own will, she's given them hope and given them joy. They'll remember her for the rest of their lives. Some of them will love her for the rest of their lives. And for them, there'll be no disillusion.

They spent Christmas Day with Fern and Nanny. There were no lavish presents, except toys for the little girl. She seemed uneasy, glancing nervously at her mother. Alice didn't seem to notice. They made an effort to be jolly, but it was forced and flat, and Hugo watched as the old woman monopolized his child. Alice seemed relieved not to be bothered. Something had to be done. The environment was bad for Fern. She needed young company, a proper family. He would have to talk to Alice about it before his leave was over. His unit was scheduled to sail for North Africa in the New Year.