The Horse Whisperer (7 page)

Pilgrim was lying on his side in a giant bloodstain that was spreading out through the snow under the knees of those trying to save him. This was as far as he’d got when the flood of sedative hit. His forelegs buckled and he went down on his knees. For a few moments he’d tried to fight it but by the time Logan arrived he was out for the count.

Logan had got Koopman to call Joan Dyer on his mobile and was glad the hunter wasn’t around to hear him asking her to get the owner’s permission to put the animal down. Then he’d sent Koopman running for help, knelt by the horse and got to work trying to stem the bleeding. He reached deep into the steaming chest wound, his hand groping through layers of torn softtissue till he was up to his elbow in gore. He felt around for the source of the bleeding and found it, a punctured artery, thank God a small one. He could feel it pumping
hot blood into his hand and he remembered the little clamps he had put in his pocket and scrabbled with his other hand to find one. He clipped it on and immediately felt the pumping stop. But there was still blood flowing from a hundred ruptured veins so he struggled out of his sodden parka, emptied its pockets and squeezed as much water and blood as he could from it. Then he rolled it up and stuffed it as gently as he could into the wound. He cursed out loud. What he really needed now was fluids. The bag of Plasmalyte he had brought was in his bag down by the river. He got to his feet and half ran, half fell back down there to get it.

By the time he returned, the rescue squad paramedics were there and were covering Pilgrim with blankets. One of them was holding out a phone to him.

“Mrs. Dyer for you,” he said.

“I can’t talk to her now for Christsakes,” Logan said. He knelt down and hitched the five-liter bag of Plasmalyte to Pilgrim’s neck, then gave him a shot of steroids to fight the shock. The horse’s breathing was shallow and irregular and his limbs were rapidly losing temperature and Logan yelled for more blankets to wrap around the animal’s legs after they had bandaged them to lessen the blood flow.

One of the rescue-squad people had some green drapes from an ambulance and Logan carefully extracted his blood-soaked parka from the chest wound and packed the drapes in instead. He leaned back on his heels, out of breath, and started loading a syringe with penicillin. His shirt was dark red and sodden and blood dripped from his elbows as he held the syringe up to flick the bubbles out.

“This is fucking crazy,” he said.

He injected the penicillin into Pilgrim’s neck. The horse was as good as dead. The chest wound alone was
enough to justify putting him down but that wasn’t the half of it. His nasal bone was hideously crunched in, there were clearly some broken ribs, an ugly gash over the left cannon bone and God knows how many other smaller cuts and bruises. He could also tell from the way the horse had run up the slope that there was lameness high up in the right foreleg. He should just put the poor beast out of its agony. But now he’d got this far, he was damned if he was going to give that triggerhappy little fucker of a hunter the satisfaction of knowing he was right. If the horse died of his own accord, so be it.

Koopman had the mill truck and the trailer down beside them now and Logan saw they had managed to find a canvas sling from somewhere. The rescue-squad guy still had Mrs. Dyer standing by on the phone and Logan took it from him.

“Okay, I’m yours,” he said and as he listened, he indicated to them where to put the sling. When he heard the poor woman’s tactful rendering of Annie’s message, he just smiled and shook his head.

“Terrific,” he said. “Nice to be appreciated.”

He handed the phone back and helped drag the two canvas sling straps under Pilgrim’s barrel, through what was now a sea of red slush. Everyone was standing and Logan thought they all looked funny with their matching red knees. Someone handed him a dry jacket and for the first time since he was in the river he realized how cold he was.

Koopman and the driver hitched the ends of the sling to the hoist chains and then stood back with the others as Pilgrim was slowly lifted into the air and swung like a carcass onto the trailer. Logan climbed up there with two paramedics and they manhandled the horse’s limbs so that eventually he lay as before on his side. Koopman
passed the vet’s things up to him while others spread blankets over the horse.

Logan gave another shot of steroids and took out a new bag of Plasmalyte. He suddenly felt very tired. He figured the chances of the horse being alive by the time they got to his clinic were odds on against.

“We’ll call ahead,” Koopman said. “So they’ll know when to expect you.”

“Thanks.”

“All set now?”

“I guess so.”

Koopman slapped the rear end of the pickup that was hitched to the trailer and yelled for the driver to move out. It started slowly up the slope.

“Good luck,” Koopman called after them but Logan didn’t seem to hear. The young deputy looked vaguely disappointed. It was all over and everyone was going home. There was a zipping sound behind him and he turned to look. The hunter was putting his rifle back in its bag.

“Thanks for your help,” Koopman said. The hunter nodded, swung the bag over his shoulder and walked away.

   Robert woke with a jolt and for a moment thought he was in his office. The screen of his computer had gone berserk, quivering green lines racing each other across ranges of jagged peaks. Oh no, he thought, a virus. Rampaging through his files on the Dunford Securities case. Then he saw the bed with its covers neatly tented over what remained of his daughter’s leg and he remembered where he was.

He looked at his watch. It was nearly five
A.M
. The room was dark except for where the angle-lamp behind
the bed cast a cocoon of soft light over Grace’s head and her naked shoulders. Her eyes were closed and her face serene as if she didn’t mind at all the snaking coils of plastic tube that had invaded her body. There was a tube into her mouth from the respirator and another up her nose and down into her stomach through which she could be fed. More tubes looped down from the bottles and bags that hung above the bed and they met in a tangled fury at her neck, as if fighting to be first into the valve slotted into her jugular. The valve was masked by flesh-colored tape, as were the electrodes on her temples and chest and the hole they had cut above one of her young breasts to insert a fiber-optic tube into her heart.

Without a riding hat, the doctors said, the girl might well be dead. When her head hit the road, the hat had cracked but not the skull. A second scan however had found some diffused bleeding in the brain so they had drilled a tiny hole in her skull and inserted something that was now monitoring the pressure inside. The respirator, they said, would help stop the swelling in the brain. Its rhythmic whoosh, like the waves of a mechanical sea breaking on shingle, was what had lulled Robert into sleep. He had been holding her hand and it lay palm up where he had unwittingly discarded it. He took it again in both of his and felt the falsely reassuring warmth of her.

He leaned forward and gently pressed down a piece of tape that had come unstuck from one of the catheters in her arm. He looked up at the battery of machines each of whose precise purpose Robert had insisted on having them explain. Now, without having to move, he carried out a systematic check, scanned each screen, valve and fluid level to make sure nothing had happened while he slept. He knew it was all computerized and that alarms would sound at the central monitoring
desk around the corner if anything went wrong, but he had to see for himself. Satisfied now, still holding Grace’s hand, he settled back in his seat. Annie was sleeping in a little room they had provided down the corridor. She had wanted him to wake her at midnight so that she could take over the vigil but as he himself had dozed Robert thought he would let her go on sleeping.

He stared at Grace’s face and thought that amid all this brutish technology she looked like a child half her age. She had always been so healthy. Apart from having a knee stitched once when she fell off a bicycle, she hadn’t been in a hospital since she was born. Though there had been drama enough then to last a good few years.

It was an emergency caesarean section. After twelve hours of labor they had given Annie an epidural and because nothing seemed likely to happen for a while, Robert had wandered off to the cafeteria to get himself a cup of coffee and a sandwich. When he came back up to her room half an hour later all hell had broken loose. It was like the deck of a warship, people in green running all over the place, wheeling equipment around, yelling orders. While he was away, someone told him, the internal monitoring had shown the baby was in distress. Like some hero from a forties war movie, the obstetrician had swept in and declared to his troops that he was “going in.”

Robert had always imagined caesareans were peaceful affairs. No panting, shoving and screaming, just a simple cut along a plotted line and the baby lifted effortlessly out. Nothing then had prepared him for the wrestling match that followed. It was already under way when they let him in and stood him wide-eyed in a corner. Annie was under general anesthetic and he
watched these men, these total strangers, delving inside her, up to their elbows in gore, hauling it out and sloshing it in dollops into a corner. Then stretching the hole with metal clamps and grunting and heaving and twisting until one of them, the war hero, had it in his hands and the others suddenly went still and watched him lift this little thing, marbled white with womb grease, out of Annie’s gaping belly.

He fancied himself as a comic too, this man, and said casually over his shoulder to Robert: “Better luck next time. It’s a girl.” Robert could have killed him. But after they had quickly wiped her clean and checked that she had the right number of fingers and toes, they handed her to him, wrapped in a white blanket and he forgot his anger and held her in his arms. Then he laid her on Annie’s pillow so that when she woke up Grace was the first thing she saw.

Better luck next time. There had never been a next time. Both of them had wanted another child but Annie had miscarried four times, the last time dangerously, well into the pregnancy. They were told it was unwise to go on trying but they didn’t need telling. For with each loss the pain multiplied exponentially and in the end neither felt able to face it again. After the last one, four years ago, Annie said she wanted to be sterilized. He could tell it was because she wanted to punish herself and he had begged her not to. In the end, reluctantly, she’d relented and had a coil fitted instead, making a grim joke that with luck it might have the same effect anyway.

It was at precisely this time that Annie was offered and, to Robert’s amazement, accepted her first editorship. Then, as he watched her channel her anger and disappointment into her new role, he realized she’d taken it either to distract or, again, to punish herself.
Perhaps both. But he wasn’t in the least surprised when she made such a brilliant success of it that almost every major magazine in the country started trying to poach her.

Their joint failure to produce another child was a sorrow he and Annie never now discussed. But it had seeped silently into every crevice of their relationship.

It had been there, unspoken, this afternoon when Annie arrived at the hospital and he had so stupidly broken down and wept. He knew Annie felt he blamed her for being unable to give him another child. Maybe she had reacted so harshly to his tears because somehow she could see in them a trace of that blame. Maybe she was right. For this fragile child, lying here maimed by a surgeon’s knife, was all they had. How rash, how mean of Annie to have spawried but one. Did he really think that? Surely not. But how then could he speak the thought so freely to himself?

Robert had always felt that he loved his wife more than she would ever love him. That she did love him he had no doubt. Their marriage, compared with many he had observed, was good. Both mentally and physically they still seemed able to give each other pleasure. But barely a day had gone by in all these years when Robert hadn’t counted himself lucky to have held on to her. Why someone so vibrant should want to be with a man like him, he never ceased to wonder.

Not that Robert underestimated himself. Objectively (and objectivity he considered, objectively, to be one of his strengths) he was one of the most gifted lawyers he knew. He was also a good father, a good friend to those few close friends he had and, despite all those lawyer gags you heard nowadays, he was a genuinely moral man. But though he would never have thought himself dull, he knew he lacked Annie’s sparkle. No, not her
sparkle, her spark. Which is what had always excited him about her, from that very first night in Africa when he opened his door and saw her standing there with her bags.

He was six years older than she was but it had often felt much more. And what with all the glamorous, powerful people she met, Robert thought it nothing less than a minor miracle that she should be content with him. More than that, he was sure—or as sure as a thinking man could be about such matters—that she had never been unfaithful to him.

Since the spring however, when Annie had taken on this new job, things had become strained. The office bloodletting had made her irritable and more than usually critical. Grace too, and even Elsa, had noticed the change and watched themselves when Annie was around. Elsa looked relieved nowadays when it was he rather than Annie who got home first from the office. She would quickly hand over messages, show him what she had cooked for dinner and then hurry off before Annie arrived.

Robert now felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see his wife standing beside him, as though summoned by his thoughts. There were dark rings under her eyes. He took her hand and pressed it to his cheek.

“Did you sleep?” he asked.

“Like a baby. You were going to wake me.”

“I fell asleep too.”

She smiled and looked down at Grace. “No change.”

He shook his head. They had spoken softly as if for fear of waking the girl. For a while they both watched her, Annie’s hand still on his shoulder, the whoosh of the respirator measuring the silence between them all. Then Annie shivered and took her hand away. She
wrapped her woolen jacket tightly around her, folding her arms.