The Honourable Army Doc (9 page)

Quinn nodded. ‘I’m going to collect the girls from
school and take them down to town. I don’t know what else to do. I’d love to have some time to myself, well, not myself exactly. In all honesty I’d love to just be able to go home with you, but I just don’t see how that’s going to be possible.’

His body was aching for more of Ali but for now he would have to console himself with mental images. The contrast of her red lace underwear, bright against the milk-chocolate colouring of her skin, was still vivid in his mind’s eye. The tension in her thighs as she’d wrapped her legs around him, the curve of her bottom under his hand and the sweet taste of her under his tongue, the length of her neck as she’d arched her back when she’d orgasmed and the touch of her hand were all indelibly printed on his brain, but there was no time for indulging in pleasures of the flesh. Not at the moment.

‘That’s not what I was hinting at. Not that I wouldn’t enjoy it…’ she grinned ‘…but I understand. I don’t expect you to have to find time for me too. I can wait.’

They both knew it wouldn’t be long before there would be one less person needing Quinn’s time, but what he didn’t realise was just how much would change and not all of it would be what he expected.

The first surprise, while unexpected, was at least a pleasant one. It was Saturday afternoon and Quinn was leaving the hospital with the twins when his phone rang. The number displayed was one he didn’t recognise and even though he’d left Julieanne’s bedside less than ten minutes before, his first reaction was still one
of trepidation. The lack of sleep combined with the unrelenting stress had him constantly on edge.

Rebecca, one of the school mums, was offering to have the girls for a sleepover. She apologised for the late notice but Quinn didn’t care. All he could think of was that this could be his chance to spend some time with Ali.

Did that make him a bad father? No, he decided, he needed some time for himself. Time to get his head straight and Ali helped him to do that. Ali was his constant. He convinced himself it would do the girls good to spend some time with friends, being normal kids. This was an opportunity as much for them as it was for him.

He rang Ali and offered to take her out to dinner but once she discovered that his ex-mother-in-law was using the child-free night to stay at her own recently neglected house, Ali had insisted on staying in. She told him it was a more relaxing option and a chance to have some privacy so they compromised with the idea of takeaway in front of the fire at Julieanne’s.

Quinn stretched and wrapped his arms around Ali, revelling in the sensation of her warm body tucked against him. Her curves moulded to his side, she was a perfect fit. He smiled as he remembered how nervous he’d been just a short time ago as he’d paced around the room, waiting for her to arrive. The house had been much too quiet. He didn’t think he’d ever been alone there before and it had made him feel a little jumpy.

But the minute Ali had walked through the door all his edginess had vanished as a storm of lust had surrounded
him. She was gorgeous. Her raven hair had spilled over her shoulders and her expertly applied make-up had made her grey eyes seem enormous beneath her thick, dark lashes, but as usual it had been her red lips that had promised all sorts of pleasures and set his pulse racing.

He’d offered to take her scarlet coat but she’d insisted on keeping it on until they’d been near the fire, and when she’d removed it, revealing that she’d been wearing very little underneath, he’d promptly forgotten about dinner, forgotten about everything except Ali.

He could scarcely believe their plans had come to fruition. Well, almost—they’d never actually got around to ordering dinner.

‘I suppose it’s too late to order takeaway now?’ Ali said as they listened to the hungry rumblings of Quinn’s stomach.

‘There’ll be containers in the fridge—Julieanne’s friends are keeping us well fed. I’ll heat up something in a minute, when I can drag myself away from you.’ He was in no hurry to get out of bed. No hurry to move away from Ali’s warmth. The house was quiet but now it was a peaceful quiet. Ali’s presence was all he needed to settle him into a peaceful state. And the amazing sex didn’t hurt either.

He could get used to this. Being with Ali felt right. It had since the moment he’d met her. He was a free man, sort of, and just for one night he planned to forget about responsibility and duty. Just for one night he would enjoy pretending that this was his future.

He settled himself back into the pillows and Ali
rolled slightly away from him as he moved. The light reflected off a small, pale scar just below and to the left of her belly button. It gleamed like a spot of strawberry ice cream against the milk chocolate of her skin. He’d never noticed it before.

It looked recent. Not fresh, but recent enough not to have faded completely. He recognised it as a laparoscopy scar.

He reached out and traced it with one fingertip. He felt Ali tense under his touch.

‘What’s this from?’ he asked.

Ali had felt herself tense as Quinn’s finger had trailed across her scar. It wasn’t sore but her first instinct had been to pull away. To pretend he hadn’t just discovered it. ‘Just some gynae surgery,’ she replied, attempting to keep her tone light.

‘Nothing major, I hope?’

She knew he wouldn’t even be able to begin to imagine the story those scars told. She wondered if he could handle the truth. Should she tell him? Now would be the perfect time. But she hesitated. She wasn’t prepared for this conversation. She needed to plan it out. She needed to work out how to tell him.

There was no such thing as the perfect time. She knew that. There was no perfect time to tell him she was a damaged woman.

Quinn’s phone vibrated at that moment, jumping about on the bedside table and startling her. He had turned it to vibrate but he hadn’t turned it off. Ali hadn’t expected him to as there were too many people relying on him.

The vibrating continued. It wasn’t a message coming through. The phone was ringing.

It was half past ten at night. It wouldn’t be good news but it would distract him from their conversation and buy her some time. She reached out and picked up the phone and passed it to Quinn.

Quinn sat up in bed and Ali lay watching the rise and fall of his broad, bare chest as he spoke. She could hear half the conversation. It seemed to be something to do with the twins, which at least meant nothing had happened to Julieanne.

‘That was Rebecca,’ Quinn said as he disconnected the call. ‘Eliza can’t sleep and she wants to come home. I’ll have to go and fetch her.’

Ali knew what that meant. It meant she would have to go home too. She’d been toying with the idea of staying the night. She’d wondered whether Quinn would ask her to but now she’d never know.

She sat up and began to reach for her clothes before she remembered she’d hardly worn any. She retrieved her underwear as Quinn said, ‘I’m sorry, this isn’t how I wanted our evening to end.’

‘It’s fine,’ she replied. ‘The girls are your first responsibility. I understand.I’m not going to ask you to shirk your duty.’ She shrugged into her red coat, using the action to avoid looking at Quinn. She wasn’t fine, she was disappointed, but it was what it was and there was nothing she could do about it.

Quinn watched and waited as Ali climbed into her car and drove down the street.

Responsibility and duty, she had said. Would he never escape those two words?

He’d been a fool to think he could have a moment to himself, a moment with Ali that wasn’t interrupted. Would it ever happen? Could it ever happen?

Responsibility and duty.

The two words were constantly rearing up at him. He wasn’t about to reject either of them but it would be nice to be able to squeeze some other things into his life on a regular basis, and some quality time with Ali would be a good start.

But one thing he knew for certain. He couldn’t walk away from her.

He just hoped she would wait for him.

Quinn steeled his nerves as he approached the hospital. Every time he arrived his apprehension increased as he wondered how much Julieanne would have deteriorated since he’d seen her last, and the past few days had seen a rapid decline in her condition. There was no denying she wasn’t getting better. The problems with her balance were worsening and she couldn’t get out of bed safely or walk unaided any more. Along with the huge number of hours she was sleeping, he knew it was the beginning of the end. The only thing he didn’t know was when the end would come.

Helen was waiting for him as he arrived with the twins.

‘Julieanne is asking for you,’ she told him.

‘She’s awake?’

‘Yes.’ Helen turned to her granddaughters and held
out a hand to each of them. ‘Come, girls, we’ll go and get you an after-school snack and then I’ll bring you back to see Mum.’

Quinn pushed open the door to Julieanne’s room. The window blinds were half-closed, the lights were dim and the room was only half-lit. She was propped up on pillows and despite the amount she was sleeping she still looked tired. Her eyes were pinched and strained and her face was grey. Julieanne had been voluptuous when they’d met, now she was skin and bones. He thought she looked even thinner than she’d looked yesterday.

Quinn kissed her cheek. ‘Do you have a headache?’ he asked.

‘Constantly.’

‘Do you want me to call for pain relief?’

Julieanne shook her head, the movement making her wince slightly. ‘No. The pain relief makes me drowsy and I don’t want to sleep, not yet. I wanted to talk to you.’ Her voice was soft, her words punctuated with pauses. ‘I wanted to apologise.’

‘What on earth for?’

‘For leaving you to deal with all of this.’

Quinn sat in the chair by her bed. He hadn’t been sure what she’d wanted to speak to him about but he was pretty sure this wasn’t it. He picked up her hand, which felt cold and fragile in his palm, and he squeezed it very gently as he tried to reassure her. ‘I’m fairly sure you didn’t plan to do this.’

‘No.’ Julieanne gave him a half-smile and he knew it was all she could manage.

‘We don’t need to talk about this now if you’re tired. We can talk about it tomorrow.’

Julieanne gave the smallest shake of her head. ‘I haven’t finished. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better wife too.’

Quinn lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers gently. ‘You were as good a wife as I was husband. We both had our failings. We weren’t ready to be married with a family but I am grateful to you every day that you chose to go through with the pregnancy. Our girls are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.’

‘Better than saving lives?’

‘Lots of people can do that. But only you and I could create Beth and Eliza.’

‘I was always glad that if I had to have an unplanned pregnancy you were the father. You will look after our girls, won’t you?’

‘I promise you I will take care of them. I love them with every ounce of me.’

Julieanne smiled, a proper smile this time, but there were tears in her eyes.

‘What is it?’ he asked.

‘I used to wish you’d say those words about me. That’s why I asked for a divorce. I was hoping it would make you say you loved me. That you didn’t want to be without me. That you’d forgive me for my affairs.’

‘Oh, Jules, I did forgive you. I know you were lonely. I’m sure there are plenty of things we both wish we had done differently but beating ourselves up about it won’t change the past. We were always better friends than husband and wife, but we did make beautiful daughters
and you’ve done a fabulous job of raising them. You are a great mum and I love that about you.’

‘Thank you.’ Julieanne’s hand was still resting in his palm and now it was her turn to give his hand a gentle squeeze. ‘You’re a good man, Quinn. I want you to be happy. The girls need some happiness.’ She lay quietly for a moment and Quinn knew she was catching her breath.

‘Can I ask you something?’ she said when she’d recovered.

‘Of course.’

‘Is there anyone special in your life?’

‘Why?’

‘I thought maybe you fancied Ali.’

He’d thought they’d been so discreet but had someone seen something? Said something? ‘What gave you that idea?’

‘I’ve seen the way you look at her. I don’t think you ever looked at me like that, not even in the early days.’

‘Like what?’

‘As if she’s the reason you exist.’

‘And what about her? How does she look at me?’ He couldn’t resist asking.

‘The same way. Making sure you’re okay was the last thing on my list but it was one of the hardest. I just thought it might be nice for you to have someone special. Ali could be a good choice and the girls seem to like her,’ Julieanne said with a slight shrug. ‘Will you think about it?’

Quinn nodded. He’d already done more than think
about it. Much more. But Julieanne didn’t need to know that.

‘Can you bring the girls in now?’ she asked. ‘I want to say goodbye.’

‘Don’t you mean goodnight?’

She shook her head. ‘No, Quinn, it’s time. I’m tired. I want my family around me.’

Quinn’s heart sat like a lump of lead in his chest, weighed down not by regret but by sorrow. Not for himself but for his daughters.

He called the twins and when Helen brought them in he watched, amazed, as they didn’t hesitate to clamber up onto the bed beside Julieanne. He wanted to protest, she didn’t look strong enough to take any buffeting, but she caught his eye and he stopped. He knew she wanted this.

‘Can you take a picture? One of the three of us and one with each of the girls on their own with me?’ she asked him.

Quinn took his mobile phone from his pocket and took three pictures before handing the phone to Beth for the twins’ approval.

‘When you look at these photos I want you to remember that I love you,’ Julieanne said to the girls. ‘More than anything in the whole wide world.’

Her speech was becoming laboured and her eyelids were drooping. She needed to sleep and Quinn wanted to call the specialist. He knew she didn’t have much longer.

‘Give Mum a kiss goodnight,’ he said to the twins. He couldn’t bring himself to say goodbye.