The Honeymoon Arrangement (19 page)

It had taken all the emotional energy she had.

And now she was supposed to just wipe her past away because Laura had decided that it was time to reconnect?
No
.

Callie felt the bed dip behind her and Finn’s warm, broad hand stroking her bare back. Within seconds she felt comforted, calmer, as if she could cope with whatever life threw at her. What was it about this man that made her feel both brave and safe at the same time?

Finn was on her side, totally in her corner, all hers. Just as she’d known he would be.

‘Angel, why the tears?’

She couldn’t not tell him. It was her turn to let him in.

Callie rolled over and rested her forearm over her eyes. ‘Something happened last night.’

‘I know. What did your mother do?’

He just
got it
, she thought on an internal sigh. He got
her
. ‘Had dinner with my father and brother and my best friend in my childhood home.’

‘And you’re mad at her? And them?’ Finn pulled her arm from her eyes before rubbing a thumb over her cheekbone. ‘I brought you aspirin and coffee; take them and we’ll talk.’

Callie groaned as she pulled herself up so that she was leaning back against the padded headboard, the sheet tucked up under her arms. She picked the tablets out of Finn’s hand and chased them down with a glass of water. He passed her a large mug of coffee, which she gratefully took.

Finn sat next to her, calm and strong, and his strength
seemed to flow into her. She could start to rely on having him around, she thought, having his calm presence in her life.

‘So, start from the beginning and tell me about Laura.’

‘It’s a long story.’

‘Nowhere else I need to be. No one else more important than you right now.’

She could see that truth in his eyes. Right now, right here, she was the most important person in his life and she loved it. Oh, dear God, if she wasn’t careful she could love him.

Callie looked at his hand, big and tanned on her thigh. She took another sip of coffee before placing it on the bedside table.
Park any thoughts about love and for ever and talk to him
, Callie told herself.
You need to talk to someone
.

Pushing her curls behind her ears, she started trying to explain. ‘I told you that I was a hell-on-wheels child. I tried anything once. And I mean anything, I had absolutely no sense of self-preservation. The highest tree, the tallest rock, the fastest bike, the biggest wave. Unfortunately I always bit off more than I could chew. The nurses and doctors at our nearest casualty department knew me by name.’

Callie drew invisible patterns on the sheet with her index finger.

‘It was after another visit to Casualty, when my dad brought me home—with a broken arm and two cracked ribs—that we found out that that Laura had left us. For good.’

Finn held her thigh and his eyes encouraged her to go on. She’d never told anyone this before, but she felt safe with Finn.

‘In my childish head I equated my being a wild child with her leaving. And, because I’m me, I thought,
What the hell? Let’s make damn sure she had a good excuse for going
. I let it rip. I was wild, Finn. Crazy. I did stupid
things, took incredible risks, put myself in danger. I went walking the streets at night, looking for trouble. I caught trains and buses into bad areas. I hitchhiked all over the place. I surfed huge waves, was a maniac on my skateboard and on my bike. Thank God that He protects the stupid.’

‘Why did you do all of that?’

‘Partly to justify her leaving
—Look how bad I am. I don’t blame you for leaving
—and also because the adrenalin high was so damn good. I think I was also challenging my father’s and brother’s love. If they didn’t walk away from me when I was so bad then they
did
love me. Crazy, huh?’

Finn stretched out beside her and rested his hand on her stomach. ‘Not so much.’

‘Anyway, the craziness got me out of my head, stopped me from feeling worthless and abandoned, and I craved it.’ Callie stared at her hands. ‘In my late teens that adrenalin high started to be more difficult to achieve and I started flirting with alcohol.’

She saw sympathy on his face, in his eyes, but not pity. She couldn’t have handled pity.

‘I got drunk and wrecked my car. I was damn lucky not to die.’

Finn swore. ‘Angel …’

‘Yeah. Well, that prompted my father and brother to tear me a new one and I was finally brought under control. I made a big deal of their authority and bossiness but secretly I loved it. I started to believe that they loved me and always would, and I promised them that I wouldn’t do anything stupid again. So I cut out all the extreme stuff except the partying and grew up, I suppose.’

Finn looked puzzled. ‘Yet that day in Livingstone you were prepared to break your promise to go bungee jumping? Oh, wait. It was a coping mechanism.’

‘I needed to escape from myself. When she phoned I
didn’t want to deal with all the old feelings that bubbled to the surface and I reverted to what worked. Sex with you or …’ she pulled a face ‘… something else to make the adrenalin pump.’

Finn smiled. ‘That’s a hell of a backhanded compliment, Cal, but I’ll take it.’

Callie couldn’t smile—not just yet. ‘God, it all sounds so stupid.’ She pulled a face. ‘It makes sense in my head.’

Finn’s thumb stroked her knee. ‘I’m not judging you, angel.’

Callie went on to explain how hurt she’d felt by her family having dinner with her mother and her need for distraction—which had prompted the party in the bar.

Finn took a sip of her coffee before asking, ‘And you really don’t want to see your mum? Meet her? Get an explanation?’

Callie shrugged. ‘Do you think I should?’ she asked.

His opinion was important to her; she respected and trusted it. And him. She trusted
him
. Dear God, she really did.

‘I can’t decide that for you, Cal. I can give you another perspective on it, but I would never presume to tell you what to do. First tell me why you’re so against meeting her.’

Callie placed her hand on his and stared down at their linked hands. ‘I haven’t seen or heard from her in over twenty years. What’s there to say? She missed out on every important day of my life and now she wants to make contact. Where was she when I needed a mother? Hotfooting it around the world! She chose to leave. I’m choosing not to acknowledge her return.’ Callie lifted worried eyes to his. ‘Am I wrong, Finn? Should I be able to just forgive her?’

‘Again, no judging.’ Finn lifted her hand and placed a kiss on her knuckles. ‘Cal, my father is a shocking father and I have no freaking clue where he is. I worry about him, and sometimes I wish I could just talk to him, know that
he’s okay and find out why he made the choices he did. I’m not saying that I’d accept or forgive those choices—I’d just like to understand why he made them. And my two real parents are dead. I’d do anything to spend some more time with
them
.’

Finn spoke quietly but his voice was full of conviction and Callie listened carefully, soaking in his words.

‘The other thing to consider is what if Laura chooses to stay in Cape Town? If she becomes part of your brother’s life again? What then?’

Callie looked horrified. ‘Oh, God, I never considered that possibility. I’m so close to Seb and Rowan … I would have to see her at family functions …’ Callie closed her eyes. ‘It would be horrible if we couldn’t speak to one another. Oh, God, maybe I should just meet her.’

‘Take a breath, honey. It’s just something to consider. Cross one bridge at a time,’ Finn told her, squeezing her hand to reassure her. ‘You don’t need to make any rash decisions—you just need to think it all through. You need to try and separate your emotions from your decision.’

‘I don’t know if I can.’

Finn kissed her bare shoulder. ‘I believe in you. I believe that you can move mountains if you want to. You are one of the strongest women I have ever met.’ He smiled into her skin. ‘Crazy as a loon, but strong as hell.’

At his words Callie fell a little deeper, a little harder. This man might be exactly what she needed.

‘How is your head?’

‘Better.’ Callie lifted her hand to her head and nodded. ‘Yeah, definitely better.’ She also felt lighter, because Finn had just listened without judgement. Acceptance, Callie thought. It was such a rare and beautiful thing.

‘You hungry?’

‘Starving!’ Callie replied.

‘Room Service? Or do you want to brave the hordes downstairs?’ Finn asked.

Callie winced. ‘Room Service, please.’

Finn nodded, his dimple flashing. He leaned back, his hands spread out on the covers, and cocked his head at her. ‘So … how hungry are you really? Can breakfast wait?’

Callie tipped her head at his playful expression. ‘Why?’

‘I just thought that maybe you needed a rush of adrenalin? Please say yes.’

Callie’s smile made her eyes crinkle and she placed a hand over them. ‘Oh, God, I’m
so
going to regret telling you that.’

Finn placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed her onto her back. ‘That wasn’t a no. I didn’t hear a no, so I’m going to take that as a yes.’

Callie sighed theatrically as she linked her hands around his neck and pulled his mouth down to hers. ‘If you must …’

B
USH AND BEACH
, Callie thought, digging her toes into the white sands of the Mozambique coastline. This was, hands-down, the best holiday of her life. And five days at the exceptionally luxurious, remote Manta Ray Lodge, on the Bazaruto Archipelago, was the best way to end their trip.

Callie sat up on her elbows and watched Finn walk out of the gentle surf, heading towards her after snorkelling above the reef just behind the breakers. He loved the sea, she realised. From scuba-diving to deep-sea fishing, to snorkelling, to kite-surfing—he wanted to do it all. She could easily see why he was so good at his job as a travel writer. He threw himself into every experience he was offered, wringing every drop of pleasure he could from the situation.

He was so gorgeous, she thought, watching as he walked up the beach to where she was lying on a towel in the sand. Tall, ripped, in peak physical condition. Hair pushed off his face and red board shorts clinging to those strong thighs. So drool-worthy.

She knew that body intimately—knew every toned muscle, every scar, the fact that one of his little toes was crooked. She knew that scraping her nails across his abs made him shiver and that he hated her blowing in his ear. She knew that he didn’t have a favourite sexual position, that he liked to mix it up, and that he loved oral sex. That
he could kiss her for hours without taking it further, that he always slept on his stomach, and that he needed to run or do a workout and have at least two cups of coffee in the morning before he could string a sentence together.

She knew he was loyal and responsible and that he loved his stepbrothers, and that he was mentally and physically tough. She also knew that she was on the very slippery slope to falling in love—if she wasn’t there already. He was what she hadn’t known she was looking for.

And he didn’t want her—not like that. It wasn’t part of the arrangement … the deal.
No hearts and flowers
, she’d said. How often had she said that? Along with
Don’t let me be seduced, This is short-term, This is going to end
.

Use, abuse and toss
.

She’d broken every rule they’d laid out from the beginning. She’d been so arrogant, thinking that she could control herself, control the situation, control her response to him. Life was rolling on the floor, laughing its ass off at her.

Even though she knew they couldn’t be anything more she wanted to dream about a future with him. But there wasn’t one—couldn’t be one. Their jobs kept them both buzzing around the world, and she didn’t need a man complicating her life—especially now. She had a mother who, after being absent for most of her life, was doing a very good job of that all by herself.

Was she just being seduced by the holiday? The romance of their surroundings? This wasn’t real life. Real life had bills and work and family and jobs to complicate the situation. There was a reason holiday romances never worked out.

There wasn’t any future for them.
Was there?

Callie lifted her head as Finn approached her and sighed when his lips brushed hers in a gesture that felt so natural,
so right.
Holiday romance
, she reminded herself,
not going to last
.

‘I saw a scorpion fish and a small manta ray.’

‘Cool …’ Callie murmured as he dropped onto the hot sand next to her.

Finn looked around, catching the eye of a hovering waiter who walked over to them. Finn ordered a beer and Callie ordered a bottle of water.

‘This is the life,’ Finn stated, reaching for his sunglasses, which he’d left on top of her beach bag. He slipped them on and leaned back on his elbows, stretching like a cat in the sun.

Those sleek muscles rippled under tanned skin and Callie couldn’t believe that her libido was buzzing again. She swallowed the urge to suggest they head back to their private, practically-in-the-sea chalet, just fifty metres away from them, so that she could worship that body. Instead she half turned, stretched out, and rested the back of her head on Finn’s thigh.

‘Talk to me.’

Above his wraparound shades a dark eyebrow lifted. ‘Okay. About what?’

Callie sat up, put her back to the sea and faced him. ‘Do you ever think of Liz? Do you miss her?’ she asked, eyes down, wiggling in the sand.

‘We were together for five years, Cal … so, yeah. I do.’ Finn replied, his voice low. ‘I was supposed to be sharing all this with her.’

Damn, that was a knife to her heart. ‘I know. I’m sorry.’

‘I’m not.’

Callie’s head shot up and she met his rueful eyes. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘She was right to call it quits. We’d stopped loving each other. Our marriage would never have lasted.’ Finn pushed his hand through his hair, his eyes still on the sea. ‘Getting
married seemed like a good idea at the time. We’d talked about it and we’d been together for a long time. When she fell pregnant it seemed like the next step to take—a natural progression,’ Finn explained. ‘Then she lost the baby, and our last reason to be together was removed.’