The Home Court Advantage (31 page)

“Uh oh what?” I asked.

“Your boy is here.” I knew immediately who he meant and I tensed up. I had unburdened myself to Bruce one night over too much wine. He assured me that telling secrets to a gay man over wine didn’t count as a confession, but rather, was just the natural order of things. One day, not long after, Adam had come into the law library and I pointed him out to Bruce, who had been very impressed. In fact, he was so impressed that I had to put my hand over his mouth before he announced it to everyone present. Nobody disputed the fact that Adam was hot.

“What’s he doing?” I asked, pretty sure I didn’t want to know.

“I don’t think you want to know,” he answered, confirming my suspicions.

“Wonderful. Just when I thought the night couldn’t get any better.” I sloshed down some more alcohol. Maybe I would be lucky enough to have a blackout.

“Now that’s interesting,” Bruce said, apparently analyzing whatever Adam was doing. I wanted to know now. I had to admit Bruce was usually on target with his observations.

“Tell me,” I said resignedly. “It’s better that I hear it. It’ll help me regain my sanity.”

“He’s chatting up a blonde.”

“What’s so interesting about that?” I asked, wondering if I had done something awful in a past life to deserve this night. The last thing I needed at this point was to watch the guy who I secretly wanted pick up some other chick.

“He looks bored. Like he’s just going through the motions. She, on the other hand, is pouring it on. She just leaned over and practically shoved her tits in his face.”

“Classy,” I said, feeling my stomach starting to roil. “I want to leave.” A month and a half ago he sat in my room when I was scared so I could fall asleep, and for a brief moment it had felt … intimate. “Don’t be an ass, Lily,” I told myself sternly. “You were female, available and alone in the same bedroom with him but you were both too tired to do anything about it. That’s all it was.”

“Not yet you don’t, sister! He needs a reminder of what a truly sexy woman, who’s worth the effort, looks like. He hasn’t seen you in a month and I want to see his reaction when he does. Come on.”

“Come on where?”

“To the dance floor, of course!”

He yanked me out of my seat and I staggered after him, although I really couldn’t tell you why I did. Bruce just had a way of compelling me to do things. The pounding music was starting to give me a pounding headache and I had a feeling that if any more lights flashed in my eyes I might go blind. I really wasn’t in the mood to shake my booty but Bruce wasn’t going to take no for an answer. We got out onto the dance floor and Bruce starting channeling his inner boy band, busting out all of his fanciest moves.

“What are you auditioning for?” I shouted at him over the music.

“One of us has to catch your boy’s attention and you’re moving like you’re in a body cast,” he shouted back, swiveling his hips like Elvis in the early days. “It’s too bad Jason was on call tonight. If he were here we could have gotten really raunchy.”

“And what happened to showing Adam a woman worth the effort? I don’t know that having a threesome under the disco ball would exactly set me apart from his current companion.”

“She’s not his companion anymore. He ditched her.”

“Are you sure that she’s not just blowing him under the table?”

“I just love your girlish charm,” he yelled back at me.

“I feel the same way about you,” I responded. Hearing that Adam had changed his mind about Ms. Titty cheered me up a little and I found myself loosening up a bit. Eventually, I got lost in the music and I let my mind drift.

“I think you have an admirer,” Bruce shouted a few minutes later.

“I have many admirers,” I joked.

“This one is a tall, dark and handsome prosecutor.” Suddenly, he backed up and practically doubled over laughing.

“Are you choking on something? Because I don’t remember any of that Heimlich shit from Girl Scouts.” He punched me in the shoulder, still laughing his ass off. “Ouch! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Come on Lil. Will you try to look like you’re having
some
fun for Christ’s sake?” he shouted/growled through his self-induced mirth. He grabbed my hand and spun me around twice. Not a great idea after three Martinis. I wound up facing the other way and when the room stopped spinning too I looked up and saw Adam reclining in a chair at a table not far from where we were, with an amused look on his face. He smiled and waved. I furrowed my brows and Bruce yanked me back around.

“Why didn’t you wave back?” he demanded with a maniacal smile. He was so intent on looking like he was having a blast that he was now dancing like a muppet.

“Because he’s laughing at me!” Bruce looked like he was having a spasm. Someone would probably call the paramedics.

“He’s not laughing at you. Well, maybe a little, but not in a mean way. More in a ‘she’s pretty adorable’ way. I’m telling you!”

“I’m not adorable,” I said, feeling unreasonably irritated. “Chipmunks are adorable. I’m empowered!”

“Since you’re so liberated I guess you don’t care that he’s seriously checking you out.”

“He is? Not that it matters.”

“How often am I wrong?” He had me there. “So after this song, we’ll walk back to our table past him. Stop and say ‘hi’ and try not to look like you’re having a colonoscopy.”

The song ended and Bruce started fanning himself like a Southern Belle and acting more effeminate than I had ever seen him act before. Ever. Good grief! This performance deserved an award. He practically skipped off the dance floor. I sighed, tried not to look nervous and walked in Adam’s direction.

“Lily, fancy meeting you here!” Adam shouted with a smile. I tried to figure out if there was an insult in there somewhere. Maybe I hadn’t heard him well enough.

“You’re not going to call me Lilith?” I asked suspiciously.

“Feeling succubus-like this evening?”

“Perhaps some other time,” I yelled back and he actually laughed.

“Hello! I’m Bruce!” Bruce said, holding his hand like he expected Adam to kiss it. He just gave it a quick shake instead. “Lily is keeping me company while my partner, Jason, is on call at the hospital where he works.”

“In case you didn’t catch that, Bruce was telling you that he’s gay and therefore we are not here together in the romantic sense. Why he thinks you would care isn’t really clear.”

Bruce scowled at me and then rolled his eyes. “Would it kill you to be a
little
nicer, Lil?” he demanded.

“What?” I sputtered, feeling appalled. “If you think that wasn’t nice you should hear the things he’s said to me!”

“Well, he didn’t say any of them tonight. I think you should apologize for being so unfriendly.” My mouth literally popped open but Bruce just continued to give me his most reproving look. I sighed.

“I’m sorry I was unfriendly,” I shouted. I mentioned how Bruce could compel me to do things, right? Sometimes I wondered if he had mind-control powers.

“I accept your apology,” Adam answered, looking like he was trying not to laugh. I wondered if the busses were still running so I could throw myself under one. Bruce took his cell out of his pocket and read a text message.

“Oh shit! Jason got called in and I have his keys. I have to run. Maybe one of the girls can take you home, Lil. Or better yet, let me call you a cab.”

“It’s okay. I can call one.”

“I’ll take you home,” Adam cut in. I looked at him in shock. Bruce looked at him with glee and beat it out of there so fast he practically left a dust cloud in his path. He was gone before he could say “beep beep.” I guess that Adam was taking me home. Oh God.

The Judge

The Honorable Louis Channing

The Attorney for
The Defense

Gabrielle Ginsberg, Esq.

The Attorney for
The Commonwealth

Braden Pierce, Esq.

The Defendants

Lance Jennings
A/K/A The Pecker

Mary Catherine McLaughlin
A/K/A Sister Badass

Tammy Sue Luchinsky
A/K/A The Lonely Lady