Authors: Malcolm Bradbury
The lift comes quickly, and they get inside. âI do hope you're not angry with me,' says Henry, as they descend. âWhy should I be?' asks Howard. âI mean, over the Mangel question,' says Henry, âI had to vote for him, of course, on principle. It was quite clear to me, though I respect the other point of view. I suppose you voted against.' âI abstained, actually,' says Howard. âBut I know what you must have thought,' said Henry. âIf only Henry had done the sensible thing, and stayed at home, and then the vote would have gone the other way.' âNonsense,' says Howard, âif you'd stayed at home, we wouldn't have had an issue. Now there'll be trouble, and it will radicalize everyone, and we shall have a good term.' âWell, I don't think we agree on that,' says Henry. The lift doors open, and they step out into the empty foyer. The Kaakinen waterfall has been turned off for the night; many of the lights are out; the floors are being cleaned by a cleaner with a cleaner. âNo,' says Henry, âI'm like Flora. I cry for peace. My political days are good and over. I'm not sure I was ever really very far in. In any case, politics were fair, in the fifties.' âThat was why nothing got done,' says Howard, âand there is no peace.' They go out, through the glass doors, into the darkening campus. âWell, that's my point of view,' says Henry, âthough of course I do respect the other one.' âYes,' says Howard, as they stop and stand in the rain, âwell, where shall we go for our drink?' âAh,' says Henry, brightening, âthat's what I call a really serious issue. Where do you think?'
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There is a pub on campus, the Town and Gown, a modernistic place done in oiled pinewood; here students meet students, and faculty faculty, and faculty students, and students faculty, and they sit at very littered tables, in the crush, with the noise of reggae music from the jukebox loud in their ears, and discuss very open and discussable affairs, such as term papers, union politics, theses, colleagues, abortions, demonstrations, and sexual and matrimonial difficulties. But for matters of a more confidential or a more furtive kind, for caucuses, small liaisons, large conspiracies, or the resolution of serious methodological questions, it is customary to go off campus; and there are, nearby, two familiar and well-known pubs with a straightforward atmosphere and a number of convenient corners. Howard names one of these pubs; but Henry, it seems, has other ideas. âLook,' he says, âwhy don't we go to my local?' âYou have a local?' asks Howard. âWell, I always pop into the Duke of Wellington for a drink on my way home,' says Henry, âit's a good place for a serious talk.' The good place for a serious talk is down in the city; it smells of warm scampi and has a natty clientele dressed by Austin Reed and Howard has never entered it. âVery well, Henry,' says Howard, âlet's go to my car.' The rain blows over them as they enter the exposure of the car park, flapping Henry's bandages. They get in the minivan and drive off, with Henry's arm stiffly out ahead of him. As they go down the long approach road, Howard can look back, in the mirror, and see the campus behind him, a massive urban construct, lit with spots and flashes, throwing out beams and rays in the half-light, the image of an intellectual factory of high production and a twenty-four hour schedule. To each side of them, behind the wet trees, are the round porthole lights of Spengler and Toynbee, each window with its own diaphanous, indeed transparent, blind, each one in a different and pure colour, each presenting to the eye a penetrable circular blob, one found of great fascination by many citizens of Watermouth, who can walk a dog by night and see, focused in these elegant, composed circles, as in the lens of a camera, the shimmering image of a student, undressing. At the end of the drive, Howard turns the van left, on the main road, and drives them towards the town centre.
It was at 17.30 that Benita Pream's alarm clock pinged, to announce the end of the department meeting. It is just striking six, on the brass-faced grandfather clock that stands in the hall, as they enter the Duke of Wellington. âI think you'll find this a nice ambience, Howard,' says Henry, as they go into the Gaslight Room, brightly lit by electricity and done out in camp Victorian detail. âWell, well, well,' says the barmaid, who has somehow been persuaded into wearing a long Victorian dress with a lace neck, âyou've been in the wars, haven't you, Mr Beamish?' âTwo pints of bitter,' says Henry, standing at the counter, his raincoat fastened Napoleonically under his chin, his white bandaged arm sticking out stiffly below. âHave I?' âLooks as though you've been in a real punch-up,' says the barmaid, âtankards or glasses?' âTankards, I think,' says Henry. âNo, I'm fine. I just had a bit of an accident.' Behind Chloë is a large mirror; in the mirror are etched, for the solace of contemporary man, the firm, delicate lines of Paxton's building for the Crystal Palace Exhibition of 1851, upon which is imposed the reflection of the plushy room. âIt looks quite a lot of an accident to me,' says Chloë, pulling the handle, and beaming at Howard, âlucky you've got a friend here to look after you.' âOh, this is Mr Kirk,' says Henry, âyes, he's looking after me.' âThere we are, then,' says Chloë, âtwo pints, anything else?' âI think we might have a packet of cheese and onion crisps,' says Henry. âI wonder, Howard, would you be good enough to reach into my left-hand trouser pocket and get out my money? I've put it on the wrong side of me, for some reason.' âYou be careful,' says Chloë, âyou'll get your friend arrested.' âNever mind, I'll get it,' says Howard. âI protest,' says Henry, âI invited you here as my guest.' âYou get the next one,' says Howard. âShall we sit down?' asks Henry, attempting to lift up the two pint tankards from the bar in his single hand, and spilling a considerable quantity of the beer down his trousers. âLet me,' says Howard. âDo you want the evening paper tonight, Mr Beamish?' asks Chloë, as they move away from the bar. âI always read the paper here,' says Henry to Howard. âNot tonight, I think, Chloë. I've some important business to discuss.' âI see they went and hijacked another,' says Chloë, âI don't know what it's all coming to.'
âAh, the world, the world,' says Henry vaguely, putting the packet of crisps between his teeth, âif only people could learn to live together.' âThat's right, Mr Beamish,' says Chloë, ânot what it was, is it? Except for the sex. That's improved, definitely.' âAnd the surgery,' says Henry, through clenched teeth, starting to move unsteadily across the room with his glass, âthere are real advances in surgery.' âWell,' says Chloë with a laugh, âI'm afraid you look as though you need them, Mr Beamish, tonight.' âGrand girl, Chloë,' says Henry, as they sit down in a lush plush booth across the room, overhung with an aspidistra, âthey know me here, you see.' âYes,' says Howard. âNice place,' says Henry, âthe landlord's an old military man. I suppose it's not your sort of thing really.' âNot exactly,' says Howard, âwhat did you want to talk to me about?' âOh,' says Henry, âyes. Well, Howard, I wanted to have a little word with you about last night.' âThe party,' says Howard. âYes,' says Henry, âthe party. I wonder, Howard, would you mind, I can't open this packet of crisps.' âThere we are,' says Howard. âRather a chapter of accidents for me, I'm afraid,' says Henry, âI got there late, then I got bitten, and then I broke your window. I'm extremely sorry.' âYou needn't worry,' says Howard, âthings break at parties.' âI'm afraid Myra was rather drunk too,' says Henry, ânot our evening, all round.' âPeople drink at parties, too,' says Howard, âbut was there something wrong last night?' âI wouldn't say wrong,' says Henry, âbut it's not like us, is it?' âI suppose not, Henry,' says Howard. âAnyway,' says Henry, âthe main thing I wanted to ask you is this. Would you let me pay for that window to be mended?' âYes,' says Howard. âGood,' says Henry, looking brighter, âwell, that's settled, then. The lavatories are through that door over there, if you want them.'
âHenry,' says Howard, âwhat happened to you last night?' âI had twenty-seven stitches,' says Henry, âvery nice Indian doctor. Quite good English.' âBut how did it happen that you cut yourself like that?' âAha,' says Henry, ânow there's a question. I've been thinking about that a lot. I slipped, you see, and put out my arm to save myself, and shoved it through your window. But it can't have been as simple as that.' âNo,' says Howard. âNo,' says Henry, âI think there was a piece of ice. I think someone must have had ice in his drink, and dropped it on the floor, and I stepped on it. I don't mean dropped it deliberately. I mean, I was to blame, of course. Of course I was a bit unsteady, after the dogbite.' âYou didn't mean to fall through the window?' Henry stares at Howard; he says, âNo, heavens, no. Why should I do that?' âYou do have a lot of accidents,' says Howard, âdoesn't it worry you?' âI'm a very clumsy person, Howard. I'm big and a bit top-heavy. I blame it on not playing games at school. They wouldn't let me, you know, after the beri-beri.' âYou had beri-beri?' âHaven't I told you?' asks Henry, âOh, yes. A nasty attack.' âWhere was this?' asks Howard. âHuddersfield,' says Henry. âBut, look, as a professional social psychologist, haven't you ever wondered how you got into this accident pattern?' âWell, it's not my line, really, is it?' says Henry, âI'm more a social control and delinquency man. I admit there's an inexplicable statistical frequency.' âTwo last night,' says Howard. âYes,' says Henry, âit makes you think. I suppose you're asking me if I'm drinking too much, or on drugs. The answer's no. I didn't touch drugs last night, I don't get on with them. And I didn't get much to drink, either. If you remember I got to the party very late. When I walked home from the university to drive Myra back to the party, I found she'd already gone in the car. So of course I had to walk back all the way into town again, took me more than an hour. Then the dog bit me as soon as I got there, and I was ages in the bathroom, soaking my leg in antiseptic. And then I can't have had more than two glasses of wine at the most, Howard, before I went into the guest bedroom, to change my socks, and I thought I'd open the window, and I put my arm through it. So it's not that. Have a crisp?' âNo, thank you,' says Howard.
âIt doesn't give way to analysis, does it?' asks Henry. âIt was funny. It didn't hurt at first, but then I realized you could die from a cut like that, so I thought I'd better yell for help. And then Flora turned up; wasn't she marvellous? Well, I suppose things like that happen at parties, as you say. We like to read something into it, that's our line, but nothing stands up. It really was just a bit of an accident.' âHenry, you weren't upset last night?' asks Howard, looking at Henry's bland face. âI was shaken by the dogbite,' says Henry, âbut not especially.' âI think I'm more worried about you than you are by yourself,' says Howard. âWell, that's very nice of you, Howard,' says Henry, âbut I shouldn't bother.' âWell, that could have been fatal,' says Howard. âYou've got plenty going on yourself to worry about,' says Henry, âfrom all I hear.' âI have known you for a long time,' says Howard, âI remember when I first met you.' âMy God, yes,' says Henry, âyes. Some boys had just knocked me down with a football. I'd told them to get off the university playing fields, because they were private property, and they flung a football at me. You picked me up.' âYou had accidents even then,' says Howard. âLook,' says Henry, âI don't like you being so worried about me. Do you think I did it on purpose?' âWhat's purpose?' asks Howard. âI think you might have had good reason to be distressed.' âWhat reason?' asks Henry. âWasn't there a reason, last night?' asks Howard. âLook,' says Henry, âI want to know just what you're getting at.' âYou don't know what I'm getting at?' âNo,' says Henry, âstop being so bloody mysterious.' âWell,' says Howard, âwhen you went home, and Myra wasn't there, did you know where she'd gone?' âOf course,' says Henry, âshe left me a note, she always leaves me a note. On the mantelpiece. She'd gone to you.' âDo you know why?' âYes,' says Henry, âit said in the note. To give Barbara a hand. She worries about how much Barbara has on her plate. We both do. Didn't she come?' âOh, yes,' says Howard. âThere we are, then,' says Henry, âwhat's all that got to do with it?'
âWe thought she was upset,' says Howard. âGrand girl, Myra,' says Henry. âShe's had a bad summer of it, actually. This book of mine has decidedly not gone well. I've had what they call writer's block. The words won't come. Of course, charisma's a difficult concept. And I'm perhaps a bit out of touch with new developments. You get that way, at our age. Lose the spark, go a bit dead. You know what I mean. Did she talk about that at all?' Howard looks at Henry's face, which has acquired a small moustache of froth from the beer, but seems free of all calculation, and says: âYes, she did.' âI'm sure it helps her to chat,' says Henry, âshe needs someone to take an interest. Not that I don't. But she's exhausted me. And to be frank I'm under the weather, rather, Howard. Not at my best. Did she say I was under the weather?' âYes,' says Howard. âI see,' says Henry. âYou had quite a talk then.' âYes,' says Howard. âOh, well,' says Henry, âis that why you wondered about me last night?' âYes,' says Howard. âDid she say anything else about me?' asks Henry. âShe said that your marriage wasn't going too well,' says Howard. âDid she?' says Henry. âWell, as I say, it's not been a good summer. And the book hasn't helped. Books make you withdrawn. But it's nothing serious.' âShe thought it was,' says Howard. âIsn't she thinking of leaving you?' âIs she?' asks Henry. âDidn't she tell you?' asks Howard. âDon't you know?' âNo,' says Henry. âIs that what she told you?' âWould it be a surprise?' asks Howard. âNot entirely,' says Henry, âMyra's unhappy, you have to understand that. I'm not entirely good with her. I don't give her all she needs from life. She gets unhappy, and telephones people. Talks to them about us. Sometimes she goes out and buys a new thing, a new Miele dishwasher or something. Because all the girls, what she calls the girls, in her set round the village are buying Miele dishwashers. Sometimes she talks of separating. Because all the girls at the uni, what she calls the uni, in her set talk about separating. It's a kind of fashionable female preoccupation. The wives all seem to be doing it. They want a lot, and we can't give it them, the kind of sex and attention they're after. I'll have to go soon. Have you got time for a quick one before we take off, Howard?'