The Highwayman (Rakes and Rogues of the Restoration Book 3) (35 page)

He plucked a pistol from Allen’s hands and laid it back on the table. “And never do this while you’re thinking about that. That’s how accidents happen. So tell me, lad. What
is
it like? Have you met a pretty dairymaid?”

“No, she’s not a dairy maid. The first time we met, we looked at each other and she smiled at me. As if we knew each other, you know? I think about her all the time.”

“You’re not smitten with a whore I hope, Allen. Stay well away from them. They practice making a fellow feel special but their heart isn’t in it, and most of them are diseased.”

“What about a ladies maid?” His face, if possible, was redder than before.

“What
about
a ladies maid?” Jack gave him a severe look. “You speak of Ara—Miss Hamilton’s girl Caroline? You met her in York?” He wasn’t surprised Arabella’s exuberant, wide-eyed maid with her chatter and her chapbooks had made an impression on Allen. What did surprise him was that the boy hadn’t said a thing about it before now. “Miss Hamilton told me the lass is a pastor’s daughter. Ladies and their maids are not for the likes of us. Stay away from her, Allen.”

“Did
she
say that? Miss Hamilton?”

“No,
I
am saying that. The girl has manners, education, and a good position. A man earns a girl like that by having the same. Go to the village free school like I keep telling you. If you are truly taken with her, make something of yourself. But I don’t see how you can be when you’ve known her for less than a month.”

“Mrs. Winslow said the minute she saw Mr. Winslow she knew he was the one, without a word passing between them.”

Jack grunted. “You can’t judge by that. She likes to take charge of things and he’s not much of a talker is he?”

“How long did it take before you knew Miss Hamilton was the one for you?”

“Wherever did you get that idea? She’s stopped here on her travels to visit Nottinghamshire and—”

“You brought her here, Jack. And she was with you at York. She’s the one Perry sent me to warn you about. I’m not stupid.”

“Then you know that she is in trouble. A man should always aid a woman in distress. I am simply helping her, just as I once helped you.”

“But you and the lady—”

“The lady and I what? Don’t meddle with things that are none of your concern, Allen.”

“But—”

“I think you’ve had enough of lessons for today. Clearly, you’re distracted. As I told you before, it’s not wise to handle weapons when your mind is on other things. Go muck out the stables and then clean the tack. After that I’m sure Winslow has something useful for you to do.”

When the boy had left, Jack gathered up the weapons with a heavy sigh.
Does everybody know?
Looking back on it, he
had
been captivated by Arabella that first night, but he was not about to tell Allen that. Of more concern, it seemed he hadn’t been as careful of her reputation as he’d wished. First Ned speaking of her as though she were his mistress and now Allen as though she was his betrothed. By bringing her to the inn to protect her he had exposed her to another kind of danger, but she had been so sweet and winsome in London he had not been able to leave her behind.

He didn’t regret bringing her with him, murderous cousins, vows of spinsterhood, and a gulf in their backgrounds as wide as the ocean notwithstanding. These last few weeks together had been the happiest of his life. They made all that went before them seem empty and gray. Though a future with her was hard to imagine, a future without her was impossible. The truth of it was, she
was
his woman now, and it was not for any other man, not even one as capable as William Butcher, to guard her. Arabella’s place was by his side. He supposed the time had come to declare it openly. He might not want a normal life, but he wanted a life with her. He hoped she felt the same.

He climbed through her window late that evening to finding her lying on the bed on her stomach, writing in her journal. Sitting down beside her, he peeked over her shoulder as he slid his hand under her green silk banyan and up her thigh.

She squirmed when he squeezed her bare bottom. “Mmmm. Stop it, Jack. You will make me spill my ink.”

He chuckled and bit back the words he was about to say, reciting from her journal instead.
“Nottingham is famous for good ale. The cellars are all dug out of the rocks and so are very cool...
Hmm... And here again it says...
I drank good ale
...You do seem to spend a great part of your journeys carousing from alehouse to wine cellar sampling the local fare.”

“It is a duty I take seriously, so I may advise and report for those who follow in my wake.”

He took her inkpot and her pen and placed them on a bed table before leaning over to nip the back of her thigh. “Allen thinks it most unfair that he should have to clean pistols while you don’t.”

She shivered as he bunched her hem in his hand, pulling it up slowly until it barely brushed the bottom curve of her buttocks. “I don’t muck stables either. What else does Allen say?”

He raised the green silk to her waist, leaving her bottom bare to his gaze and she gave a soft gasp.

“He says you have a most wondrous maid,” His soft words warmed the back of her neck and tickled the sensitive place just below her ear.

“They seem to be forming an attachment,” she managed on a ragged breath.

His fingertips brushed her lightly, caressing the curves of her backside and fondling the soft skin at the delta of buttock and thigh.

“We wouldn’t want that....It would be highly inappropriate....He also asked how long it took before I knew that I loved you.”

“What?” She rolled over on her back and sat up on her elbows. “He knows about that?”

Jack got up, sighing regretfully, and padded over to the sideboard to get them both a drink. “Apparently, we have been indiscreet. He is not the only one. I knocked Ned out cold last night after he suggested I might pass you to him when I’m done with you.”

Her eyes flashed with anger. “I will knock his stupid beribboned hat right off his big fat head!”

He tipped his head in acknowledgement. “Doubtless, that would hurt him worse than what he got from me.” He sat in an armchair across from the bed and pulled another up beside him. “Come and sit, Bella. We need to talk. It’s not as bad as that.”

“That is easy for you to say, Jack. No man’s reputation was ever harmed by such talk.” She took the chair beside him, warily accepting the drink he passed her. It was not like him to be so formal.

“Perhaps we should get married.”

Arabella managed to put her glass down without spilling it, despite her coughing. He was a passionate lover, a protective guardian, and a delightful friend. She saw in him the makings of a wonderful husband, but he had been at pains to tell her over and over why he was loath to curtail his freedom.

“That was not the reaction I was hoping for,” he said dryly. Her white face and startled look made him feel defensive and brittle. She was a lady. A countess and an heiress. Accepting him as a lover didn’t mean wished to marry.

“That is not the question I was expecting. In London you said such a thing was impossible.”

“In London you believed that, too.”

“What has changed, Jack?” She wanted to jump in his arms and hug him. She wanted to kiss his face all over and tell him, ‘Yes! Yes! Yes!’ but for both their sakes, she needed to know.

“Perhaps I am an honest thief, Bella. Perhaps I am tired of hiding. Tired of lying and pretending we are nothing more than friends. Perhaps I want to kiss you when I see you, and take you by the hand, and let all who cast their eyes on you know that you are mine.”

He leaned forward and took her hands in his. “You needn’t fear I seek your lands and fortune. I am not a poor man. Far from it. And I know what it would cost you. Your friends would cut you cold and the world you know would shun you, but you would find me an indulgent husband. One who does not seek to tame or change you, but loves you as you are. I can’t imagine life without you, Bella. You have been the best part of me since first we met.”

She placed her palm against his face. “As you have been the best part of me. You helped me discover my true self, Jack. You’ve taught me to embrace my life. You’ve brought me laughter, adventure—and love….”

“But…?”

“But there are certain things that you must promise me.”

He grinned and kissed her hand, relieved. “I would be a faithful husband. You need have no fear of that.”

“I know it. I would not marry you otherwise. But it is more complicated than that.”

“How so? It comes down to whether you love me, does it not? The rest is in the details.” His voice was wary now.

“If I marry you it means giving up the life that I have known. If you want to marry me, then you must do the same.”

“What? What do you mean by that?”

“As much as I love you, I’ll not live in fear that one day you will…‘leap into the dark,’ as you put it. I don’t want to have to visit you in prison. I don’t want to marry and still have to hide. I don’t want you robbing people. I will not marry a highwayman. Swift Nick has a pardon. He must honor it…and Gentleman Jack must retire.”

It
had
been a leap of faith to ask for her hand. Certainly a leap into the unknown. He had handed her his heart. Offered her everything he had, everything he was. All he heard was her conditions…her rejection.

“You want normal? Do you think
you
are normal? You traipse about the countryside in boots and a dustcoat, oblivious to the danger, doing what you please, when you please and the devil take the hindmost. You run from your normal world at every chance you get. I accept you as you are, but you cannot accept me? You are not so innocent as I had imagined. You’ll not take a highwayman as husband, just as a lover to warm your bed.” He stood up abruptly.

“A lover and a husband are not the same,” she said calmly, fighting back her panic. She did not want to lose this man, but to truly win him she had to make him understand. “A lover is a temporary arrangement, a husband is for life. You said, not long ago, that I deserved better than a life of constant danger with a man who cheats the noose.”

He moved to lounge against the far wall, looking out the windows to the garden below. “Deserve better than me, you mean. I suppose I shouldn’t keep you from finding it. I fear I have misjudged the situation. My apologies.”

“No, Jack! That’s not at all what I meant. Surely you know I love you.”

“Just not enough to marry me.”

“I have said that I would! I only ask that you—”

“That I change into someone that suits you better. I am not sure that I can, or that I want to. I had to fight for years, Bella, just to hold on to myself.”

“No one suits me better and I don’t want you to change, but Gentleman Jack, Swift Nick, are only parts you play. Disguises you take on and off as it suits you. It is the man behind them I seek.”

“And what if I told you that you must stop your travels? That I wouldn’t want a wife who so defied convention? That I refused to spend my life worrying that you might fall from a mountain, be swallowed by a bog, or swept out to sea? That the frail Arabella Hamilton, the journal writing spinster, was just a part that
you
play?”

“I…it…” she floundered for an answer. His question had taken her completely off guard. “It is not the same, Jack.”

“Isn’t it?” He raked his fingers through his hair and let out a long sigh. To make an offer of this nature had been a momentous decision for him. A turning point in his life. One that he was anxious and unsure of. Clearly she was, too. Of course she would be. She had more to lose than her did, but he was a proud man and couldn’t help but feel stung by her hesitant response. He gave her a crooked smile.

“You have conditions. I understand. But I had hoped you would greet the offer with a little more enthusiasm. I understand your hesitation and your caveats, but I hope you can understand my disappointment right now. Perhaps we both need time to think before deciding if we want to pursue it any further. For now, I think it best if I go. Can I trust you will still be here come morning?”

Arabella looked at him, her face grave. “I will be here. You can pretend to misunderstand me, Jack, but you
will
stop one day. The hangman will get you, you’ll be shot, or there will be some other reason. You won’t be robbing coaches with spectacles and a cane.”

Her attempt at humor elicited a slight smile, but he was looking out the window and she didn’t see.

In the silence that followed, Arabella gathered her boots and dustcoat, determined to be the first to leave. She hadn’t meant to offend him, yet she couldn’t help but think,
was it too much to hope that the reason would be me?

Arabella sat on a bench in the garden, her coat wrapped tight around her, lost in thought. A mist was rising from the nearby woods and a blue and orange tinted dawn peeked through the close-packed trees. She had never felt so lost. She had no home that was safe to return to. No family waiting, and somehow things had gone awry with Jack. Last night she would have given up all that she had for him—if he would have given up the highway for her. This morning she was realizing that without him, all that she had, meant nothing at all.

Had she been wrong? Had she asked too much? His words came back to haunt her.
What if I told you that you must stop your travels? That I couldn’t accept a wife who so defied convention? That the journal writing spinster was just a part that you play?”

She would have been deeply hurt and offended. She buried her face in her hands and sighed. Offering marriage wouldn’t have been an easy decision for him. He would not have made it cavalierly. Of course he knew what would be involved.
How many times has he asked me to trust him? And he has never let me down
. She should have trusted him in this.

A twig snapped behind her and she turned around, her heart hammering––but it wasn’t him.