The Hidden Child (47 page)

Of course she’d thought about having a baby with Dan. But not now, not yet. Sometime in the far distant future. After things had calmed down, stabilized. Still, now that it had happened, it hadn’t crossed her mind even for one moment to terminate the pregnancy. The connection was already there. The invisible, fragile, and yet strong connection between her and what was not yet visible to the naked eye. She took a deep breath and exited the bathroom. By now the loud voices had moved downstairs to the hallway.

‘I’m going over to Linda’s. Why is that so fucking difficult to understand! I have my friends, you know. Or are you going to forbid me to see my friends too?’

Anna could sense that Dan was about to launch into a scathing reply, and in that moment her patience ran out. Steaming with fury, she strode out to the hall and bellowed: ‘It’s time for the two of you to SHUT UP! Do you understand? You’re both acting like children, and it’s going to STOP! RIGHT NOW!’ She held up her finger and went on before either of them could interrupt. ‘You, Dan, need to bloody well stop yelling at Belinda. You know you can’t just lock her up and throw away the key! She’s seventeen years old, and she needs to see her friends!’

Belinda’s face lit up with a delighted smile, but Anna wasn’t finished.

‘And you, young lady, need to stop behaving like a brat and start acting like a grown-up, if you want to be treated like one! I don’t want to hear any more rubbish about me and the kids living here, because we’re staying whether you like it or not, and we’d be happy to get to know you if you’d just give us a chance!’

Anna paused to catch her breath and then continued in a tone that made Dan and Belinda stand up straight like tin soldiers, out of sheer fright. ‘And just so you know, we’re not going anywhere, if that’s your plan, because your father and I are having a baby, so my children and you and your sisters are going to be connected by a half-brother or -sister. And I’d really like all of us to be friends, but I can’t do it alone. We need to help each other! In any case, the baby will be here in the spring, whether you choose to accept me or not, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to put up with all this crap until then!’ Anna burst into tears, as the other two stood frozen in place. Then Belinda started sobbing. She stared at Dan and Anna for a moment before she dashed out the front door, which closed behind her with a bang.

‘Anna, darling, was that really necessary?’ said Dan wearily. Emma and Adrian had also witnessed the confrontation and were standing in the hall, staring at them in bewilderment.

‘Oh, go to hell,’ said Anna, grabbing her jacket. For a second time the front door closed with a bang.

‘Hi, where have you been?’ Patrik met Erica at the door, giving her a kiss on the lips. Maja wanted a kiss from her too and came toddling over, holding out her arms.

‘I’ve had two very interesting conversations, I can tell you that much,’ said Erica, hanging up her jacket and going with Patrik into the living room.

‘Oh, really? About what?’ he asked. He sat down on the floor and went on with what he and Maja had been doing when they heard Erica come in. They were building the world’s tallest tower out of blocks.

‘I thought Maja was supposed to be the one learning to use building blocks,’ laughed Erica, sitting down next to them. She watched with amusement as her husband, with great concentration, attempted to place a red block on top of the tower that was now taller than Maja.

‘Shh . . .,’ said Patrik, sticking out his tongue as he steadied his hand to put the block on top of the rather rickety construction.

‘Maja, can you give Mamma the yellow block?’ Erica whispered to her daughter, pointing at a block at the very bottom. Maja’s face lit up at the thought of doing her mother a favour. She leaned down and swiftly pulled out the block, causing Patrik’s carefully stacked structure to collapse.

Patrik sat there, holding the red block in the air. ‘Thanks a lot,’ he sulked, glaring at Erica. ‘Do you have any idea what skill it takes to build a tower that tall? What a steady hand it requires?’

‘I see somebody is finally starting to understand what I’ve been saying for the past year about feeling understimulated,’ laughed Erica as she leaned forward to kiss her husband.

‘Hmmm, well, yes. I get it,’ he said, kissing her back with a flick of his tongue. Erica returned the invitation, and what had started out as a kiss developed into some light groping, which didn’t stop until Maja, with perfect aim, threw a block at her father’s head.

‘Ow!’ He put his hand to his head, and then raised his finger to warn Maja. ‘What on earth do you think you’re doing? Throwing blocks at Pappa just when he has a chance to do a little groping with Mamma?’

‘Patrik!’ Erica slapped him on the shoulder. ‘Is it really necessary to teach our daughter the word “grope” at her age?’

‘If she wants a little brother or sister, she’ll just have to put up with the sight of her mother and father groping,’ he said, and Erica saw that he had that gleam in his eye.

She stood up. ‘I think we’ll wait for a while with the little brother or sister. But I guess we could get in some practice tonight . . .’ She winked and went out to the kitchen. They had finally managed to resume that part of their life together. It was unbelievable what a negative effect the arrival of a baby could have on a couple’s sex life, but after a rather lean year in that respect, things had begun to improve. Although after spending a whole year at home, she couldn’t yet imagine doing anything about a sibling for Maja. She felt as if she needed to settle into being a grownup again before she could contemplate a return to the world of babies.

‘So what were these interesting conversations you had today?’ asked Patrik, following her out to the kitchen.

Erica told him about her two excursions to Uddevalla and what she’d found out.

‘But you don’t recognize those names?’ asked Patrik, frowning after she told him what Herman had said.

‘Well, that’s the strange thing. I can’t remember ever hearing them before, and yet there’s something . . . I don’t know. Paul Heckel and Friedrich Hück. Somehow they sound familiar.’

‘So you and Kjell Ringholm are going to join forces to track down this . . . Hans Olavsen?’ Patrik looked sceptical, and Erica could tell what he was getting at.

‘Okay, I know it’s a long shot. I have no idea what role Hans might have played, but something tells me it’s important. And even if this has nothing to do with the murders, he seems to have meant something to my mother, and that was how I got started on all this in the first place. I wanted to find out more about her.’

‘Well, just be careful.’ Patrik put a saucepan of water on the stove. ‘Would you like some tea, by the way?’

‘Yes please.’ Erica sat down at the kitchen table. ‘What do you mean “be careful”?’

‘According to what I’ve heard, Kjell is a very slick journalist, so just watch out that he doesn’t exploit you.’

‘I don’t see how he could. The worst that could happen is that he might take the information I dig up and not give me any in return. And I’m willing to take that risk. But I actually don’t think he’d do something like that. We agreed that I would talk to Axel Frankel about the Norwegian and also check whether he’s listed in any official Swedish records. And Kjell is going to talk to his father. Although he wasn’t exactly thrilled about the prospect.’

‘No, those two don’t seem to get along very well,’ said Patrik, pouring boiling water into two cups, each supplied with a teabag. ‘I’ve read a number of articles that Kjell wrote where he really let his father have it.’

‘Sounds like it’ll be an interesting conversation, then,’ said Erica, taking the cup that Patrik handed her. She looked at him as she sipped the hot tea. They could hear Maja prattling with some imaginary playmate out in the living room. She was probably talking to the doll, which she’d refused to let out of her sight the past few days.

‘How does it feel not to be part of the work they’re doing at the station right now?’ she asked.

‘I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t difficult. But I realize what an opportunity this is to stay home with Maja, and my job will still be there when I go back. That’s not to say that I hope there will be more murder investigations, but, well . . . you know what I mean.’

‘And how is Karin doing?’ asked Erica, trying to keep her tone of voice as neutral as possible.

Patrik paused a second before answering. Then he said, ‘I don’t know. She seems so . . . sad. I don’t think things have turned out the way she imagined, and now she’s stuck in a situation that . . . no, I don’t really know. I feel a little sorry for her.’

‘Does she regret leaving you?’ asked Erica, and then waited tensely for his reply. They hadn’t ever talked about his marriage to Karin, and the few times that she had asked about it, he had given her curt, one-word answers.

‘No, I don’t think so. Or rather . . . I don’t know. I think she regrets doing what she did, and that I caught them in the act the way I did.’ He gave a bitter laugh as he pictured the scene he’d put out of his mind for so long. ‘But I don’t know . . . I realize now that she did what she did largely because the two of us just weren’t getting along.’

‘But do you think she’s forgotten about that?’ asked Erica. ‘Sometimes we have a tendency to only remember the good stuff.’

‘True, but I think she does remember how things really were. Of course she does,’ said Patrik, although he sounded a bit doubtful. Eager to drop the subject, he asked: ‘So what’s on the agenda for tomorrow?’

Erica knew exactly what he was up to, but she let it go. ‘I was thinking of having a little chat with Axel. And I’ll make a few calls to the civil registry and tax authorities, see if I can dig up anything about Hans.’

‘Wait a minute, don’t you have a book to write too?’ Patrik laughed, although he still sounded nervous.

‘There’s plenty of time for that, especially since I’ve already done most of the research. And I’m going to have a hard time concentrating on my book until I get this out of my system, so just let me . . .’

‘Okay, okay,’ said Patrik, holding up his hands. ‘You’re a big girl, and you know how to organize your time. Maja and I will take care of our own schedule, and you can take care of yours.’ He got up, kissing Erica on the top of the head as he walked past.

‘I’ve got to go and build a new masterpiece. I was thinking of a model of the Taj Mahal, built to scale.’

Erica shook her head, laughing. Sometimes she wondered if the man she’d married was completely sane. Probably not, she decided.

Anna spotted her from some distance away. A short, solitary figure at the far end of the floating docks. She hadn’t intended to go looking for her. But as soon as she came down the slope of Galärbacken and saw Belinda, she knew that she would have to go out and talk to the girl.

Belinda didn’t hear her approach. She was sitting on the dock, smoking, a packet of Gula Blend and a book of matches next to her.

‘Hi,’ said Anna.

Belinda flinched. She glanced at the cigarette in her hand and for a second seemed to consider hiding it somehow, but then she defiantly stuck it in her mouth and inhaled deeply.

‘Could I have one?’ asked Anna, sitting down next to Belinda.

‘You smoke?’ asked Belinda in surprise, but she handed over the pack.

‘I used to. For five years. But my . . . former husband . . . He didn’t like it.’ That was a slight understatement. One time, in the beginning, when Lucas found her smoking a cigarette in secret, he’d put it out on the crook of her arm. She still had a faint scar from that incident.

‘You won’t tell Pappa, will you?’ said Belinda sullenly, waving her cigarette. But then she added a subdued: ‘Please?’

‘If you won’t tell on me, I won’t tell on you,’ said Anna, closing her eyes as she took the first drag.

‘Should you really be smoking? I mean because of the . . . baby?’ said Belinda, suddenly sounding like an indignant old lady.

Anna laughed. ‘This is going to be the first and last cigarette I smoke while I’m pregnant. I promise.’

They sat in silence for a while, blowing smoke rings out over the water. The summer heat had vanished completely, replaced by a raw September chill. But at least there was no wind, and the calm, glittering surface of the water stretched out before them. The harbour looked deserted, with only a few boats in the marina – not like in the summer when they were lined up several rows deep.

‘It’s not easy, is it?’ said Anna, looking at the water.

‘What?’ asked Belinda, sounding surly and still uncertain what attitude to adopt.

‘Being a kid. Although you’re almost grown-up now.’

‘You don’t know anything about it,’ replied Belinda, tossing a pebble into the water.

‘No, you’re right, I was born the age that I am now,’ laughed Anna, giving Belinda a poke in the side to show she was teasing. She was rewarded with a tiny smile that disappeared instantly. Anna didn’t say anything else. She wanted to allow Belinda to determine the pace of their conversation. Neither of them spoke for several minutes until, out of the corner of her eye, Anna noticed Belinda cautiously peering at her.

‘Do you feel really sick?’

Anna nodded. ‘Like a seasick polecat.’

‘Why would a polecat get seasick?’ asked Belinda, giggling.

‘Why not? Can you prove that a polecat never gets seasick? If so, I’d like to see the evidence. Because that’s exactly how I feel. Like a seasick polecat.’

‘Oh, you’re just pulling my leg,’ said Belinda, but she couldn’t help laughing.

‘Joking aside, I feel really fat.’

‘Mamma felt like shit when she was pregnant with Lisen. I was old enough then to remember it. She was . . . Oh, sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t talk about when Mamma and Pappa . . .’ She fell silent, embarrassed. She reached for another cigarette and cupped her hands around it to light up.

‘You know, you’re more than welcome to talk about your mother. Whenever you like. I have no problem with the fact that Dan had a life before he met me – he had the three of you in that life, after all. With your mother. Honestly, you needn’t feel like you’re betraying your father just because you love your mother. And I promise that I won’t be offended if you talk about Pernilla. Not at all.’ Anna placed her hand over Belinda’s hand lying on the dock. At first Belinda seemed about to pull away, but then she left her hand where it was. After a few seconds Anna took her hand away, and she too reached for another cigarette. She was going to have to have two cancer-sticks during this pregnancy. But then she would stop. Cold turkey.